lost in mental haze
I think I'm a loser because my brain lacks perspicacity. Other people's brains recognize connections and dimensions in reality that I am oblivious to. From my point of view, what they do seems very strange. When we listen to a composition, for example, they will feel it and understand it more deeply and quickly.
Their intelligence makes life better for them at the most fundamental level of simply making sense of it and assessing events, feelings, perceptions, and so on.
I cannot let go of the feeling that I am in a disjointed, forlorn, delusional state of existence in which nothing I experience is "right" or "real", leaving me in a fractured, self-conscious state where it is as if I am watching life through a monitor. This is the only way to explain why I'm such a loser and why the behaviors I mimic do not reproduce the successes others have. An internal, imperceptible but still confounding variable. Something fundamental must be missing from me, like being unable to hear music in the right way or if there was a kind of mental colorblindness that left me unable to properly discern life. It has been this way for over 5 years. Whenever I try it feels forced and artificial, like a rigidly programmed computer following a set of instructions instead of an organic being who is growing and changing to understand something new
Their intelligence makes life better for them at the most fundamental level of simply making sense of it and assessing events, feelings, perceptions, and so on.
I cannot let go of the feeling that I am in a disjointed, forlorn, delusional state of existence in which nothing I experience is "right" or "real", leaving me in a fractured, self-conscious state where it is as if I am watching life through a monitor. This is the only way to explain why I'm such a loser and why the behaviors I mimic do not reproduce the successes others have. An internal, imperceptible but still confounding variable. Something fundamental must be missing from me, like being unable to hear music in the right way or if there was a kind of mental colorblindness that left me unable to properly discern life. It has been this way for over 5 years. Whenever I try it feels forced and artificial, like a rigidly programmed computer following a set of instructions instead of an organic being who is growing and changing to understand something new
