But how do I overcome being gay? Firstly, to clarify, I'm not a full blown homosexual, I wouldn't really say I'm "attracted to men", and secondly, I'm not just going to "accept" this thing about myself so don't even think about telling me to just "accept it" please.

I firstly, just feel gay, I feel like a week somewhat timid homosexual. Am I really? I don't really think so, but that's how I am.
Secondly, I have debased myself with homosexual behavior before, I've watched gay porn and cucked porn and all sorts of shit, and worse. Never done anything with another person, thank God.
I've thought before that this has fundamentally done harm to my manhood. How could I even call myself a man when I am like this. It's sick, as far as I'm concerned.

What I know I can do firstly, is obviously make efforts to repent of this and put an end to it, no more homosexual activity. What I am looking for advice on however, is how I can make myself a man, and not be debased an defiled. Maybe what I already know to do is what it takes, but in general I need to be more of a man and it has been a long time since I've felt a desire to be masculine or be more of a man. I don't want to be a homoseuxal, I don't want to be weak, and internally timmid and soft like one, which I definitely feel. Afteral no normal well adjusted heterosexual male subject ones self to thoughts or fantasies of sexual submission to a male, I don't think.

also if any amount of this is confusing or sounds contradictory, I want to clarify, I've watched porn for about 9 years, ever since I was 11. I used to only ever watch heterosexual porn, and did so for years, never thinking, or feeling anything to the contrary, outside of perhaps a fixation on the pleasure of the females in what I was watching. It went to things like futa, femboys and all of that at one point and got gayer as time went on. I don't think I'm "just gay", I beleive this stuff to be a byproduct of the porn I was consuming and I beleive it's had an effect on my psyche, somewhat simalar to the effect of the trauma of being raped, I don't think it's all natural, if at all natural.

I swear to God by the way, that I am not shitposting. I think the image I chose set a comedic and unserious tone to my thread, especially in conjunction with the somewhat retarded seeming nature of what I said, removing it's seriousness. Please bare with me.

>>33250840 (OP)
Bumping cuz I got the same problem
So far I've been treating this shit by reading romance-y doujins and fapping to monster girls for the whole "love me for who I am" schmuck and wholesome stuff

Bumping before sleep.

lol

>>33250840 (OP)
parasite cleanse. quit pornography.

>>33253325
I wouldn't even know where to begin with a parasite clense, I hear you have to be careful with that stuff, and that you need to do the regimen properly so as to not attack them and leave them alive, causing any parasites to burrow into tissue, worsening things and cuasing tumors or something. I can look into it, I wouldn't even know the first thing about that. I don't know much about the human body, so I wouldn't be confident messing with things like that.

Quitting porn is obvious. I'll be stearing far away from that crap.

Oh, and probably worth adding I had no father figure in my latter half of my teenage years.

>>33250840 (OP)
Just don't do gay stuff.

Like... How hard can it be?

Alright OPes I'll throw you a bone
https://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/33222375/#33222879

Secondly, you are bi(?)/sexual, aromantic (but this one can be turned on by the *one* human, the *one angelic*, maybe we call that demi sexual pansexual or whatever stupid names, but maybe this is just *purity* *devotion* the way it ought to be, select within reason and carefully however and do not expend yourself for trash), sexually fluid being. With the power of being a sex god, you can horny and cum to *anything*. Summon that shit at will. Like a (male) porn star on set, shooting helluva films per day, controlling the erection and when to spurt, ez game ez life

Thirdly, you have a big male complex. Le toxic masculinity, whatever ya wanna call it. You think ur emasculated and effeminate and this has leaked into your sexuality too, now you wanna get raped by alpha chad and surrender urself to the big cock master man

Most women don't even deserve love
Most men don't either
It's all smokes n mirrors fun n games
Tho in my experience, the more one tends towards the male archetype, the more worthy of love they are (females with a kinda masculinity in them, or males with a gentle masculinity). Because what is a man? A paragon of sacrifice, in some sense. A shut up and bear the burden on your back. A kinda Jesus Christ-like thing. A quiet yet determined thing that will never give up in the face of adversity

I guess the 1st step is to stop consuming a particular narrative spun up by your head, the paradigm you've created from very limited world experience, very limited data. These imaginary characters and exaggerated archetypes you've elevated and put yourself up against. Start testing your hypotheses but in real life, see if it's actually right or not, gather the data, update your beliefs upon new data, shift your path to maximise your gains n fulfilment. Maybe you will find da missions worthy of your full dedication within your lifetime.

>>33250840 (OP)
>I'm not just going to "accept" this thing about myself so don't even think about telling me to just "accept it" please.
Realistically, the only two options are to either accept it and plap bussy going forward, or suppressing it and dealing with your subliminal urges some way.
The third way that you are currently on and that is really the worst is inventing some fucky headcanon about how you're totally not gay or bi at all despite dreaming of mustache blowjobs, which is just a bad deal all around.
You'll be too busy lying to yourself to ever get anything done, and you will attract some really weird people because being uneasy with yourself is a certain way to end up in bad company.

>>33256945
>>33256729
Thanks for the replies. I will get to adressing them tommorrow because it's late and my brain isn't at peak performance, but I'm bumping the thread here for now.

>>33250840 (OP)
>I'm not just going to "accept" this thing about myself so don't even think about telling me to just "accept it" please.
Nigga you gay, wtf is the point if refusing to accept it? You're just denying reality, you ARE a gay faggot. You always will be. It isn't the end of your life. There've been gays throughout history who were absolute chads like Leonardo DaVinci, Pim Fortuyn, Roy Cohn, Oscar Wilde. Gary Cooper, the strong silent type, he was fucking gay

>>33250840 (OP)
You're overthinking it fruitcake

>>33256729
The linked post is helpful.
Regarding your first paragraph, I guess I will just have to figure this out through experience. I'm iffy on identifying with any of these labels and I really don't know if, or beleive these things are fundamental to me, that they are necesarry to be acted upon. I only called myself gay because of my actions which really can't be reconciled with "heterosexuality" outside of a discontinuation of the behavior. I don't disbeleive that I can be of a state that's not gay. I also don't really know what premises about sexuality are really even true, I think there are certain conceptions that I find rather questionable, about, say, homosexuality. To some degree, time will tell, but I don't really want to act on this, I certainly don't feel that I need to. I'm unsure of it, in fact I'm convinced of the opposite till I'm given any reason to think otherwise.
>Thirdly, you have a big male complex. Le toxic masculinity, whatever ya wanna call it. You think ur emasculated and effeminate and this has leaked into your sexuality too, now you wanna get raped by alpha chad and surrender urself to the big cock master man
I think I see what you are saying, but I'm not quite sure I understand it. Could you elaborate on this?
>>33256729
>I guess the 1st step is to stop consuming a particular narrative spun up by your head, the paradigm you've created from very limited world experience, very limited data. These imaginary characters and exaggerated archetypes you've elevated and put yourself up against. Start testing your hypotheses but in real life, see if it's actually right or not, gather the data, update your beliefs upon new data, shift your path to maximise your gains n fulfilment. Maybe you will find da missions worthy of your full dedication within your lifetime.
Maybe. I don't think that approach can really hurt. Time will tell I guess. I will have to reflect on it. I'm not quite in the train of thought I was when I made my-

>>33259285
-OP post. I just know that the things I've done, once again, haven't been that of a normal well adjusted heterosexual male.
I could very well be overthinking this and placing a bad kind of significance on it, overcomplicating it. One things for certain, I will do what I can, God willing, to refrain from said activities. I don't think they are "good", I don't think I ought to do them.
>>33258153
Probably.
>>33258143
lol. Sort of inadvertantly addressed this in the post I'm following up. It's really just about whether it's something that should be considering of significance. To put it more simply, am I a normal, heterosexual guy, like any other heterosexual guy, who's just gone down some weird path or is there some significant divide? I'm thinking the former is closer to the truth, and that the ladder is kind of nonsensical. When I made the OP post I just felt like the "the raped" meme, like I'm at odds with myself and my condition. I guess I will leave it at that, because as I go further it feels like I'm being nonsensical, and that my words will become meaningless as opposed to having logos to them.

I'm a little bit confused, so please forgive me for that.

>>33259351
Is your attraction to women the same, or as strong as your attraction to men? Like how does that work for you?

>>33259479
I don't feel a particularly strong pull to be honest. Over the years I've come to, be it as a result of porn or something else, lose a desire for women, like I don't want a gf anymore. I used to, I used to like the thought of a relationship with a female but that's not really the case anymore. Maybe after a long enough period of not looking at porn I will feel it again, I don't know. I am definitely desensitized from porn, which surely has a more than 0% impact on this. In the past though, I didn't ever feel any kind of attraction to men, but I did for women. I think the homosexuality is possibly a byproduct of porn. This Anon's charicterization is fairly accurate >>33256729
This kind of feels like getting into the weeds though. https://youtu.be/Bq63tz6T8uE&t=114

Don't rape any kids

>>33260642
I'm not THAT kind of faggot.