I'm 35 and still a virgin due to growing up with a family exlusively consisting of BPD women, which gave me a heavy aversion towards all sorts of realtionships with women.
S A few years of therapy later I got that sortted out. A while back I met a hot girl at the bus station after going back from a night out, and we're going to meet up next weekend.

While I don't think being a virgin in and of itself is that big of an issue, it will inevitably raise the question of why that is. "It didn't happen for me" is not convincing at my age and will just cause suspsicion that I may be a psycho with some unresolved issues.

Now I can't really explain the reason without launching into an hour long IRL blogpost telling half my life story, which is just gonna kill the mood and no one wants to listen to that anyways while getting it on.
So I'm a bit puzzled as to how to go about this. Just aconchise and relatable reason easily explainable in one or two sentences. Would
>My BPD family fucked me up, but its all okay now
Do the trick? I have my doubts.

Hi my pp never go in vagina

Ok, i be gentle no clingy

:)

>>33257118 (OP)
at 35 you can't blame your upbringing anymore bro

>>33257156
Then what else? I don't look ugly, I''m not a sperg, not antisocial or overly shy, and almost immediately after getting a grip on this shit I ask a girl out for the first time since forever.
The only other explanation would be some magical demonic curse or being chemically castrated, and I'm pretty sure its neither.

>>33257118 (OP)
If she is in love with you your answer won't matter as long as your answer is short and true.

t. someone who had his first real gf at 31.

>>33257162
I can blame your bpd female relatives on your failure with women up to I guess 25 at max, at that point you're the architect of your life and if you got paralized and didn't advance it was on you bro.
we all get dealt some shit in our upbringing, some shit larger than other but imagine if we all dwelled on it up to 35 years old
assuming you die in your 70s it's half of your life gone already.

>>33257256
At that point suicide starts to look apetizing.

>>33257118 (OP)
>How to explain that I never had sex
>I'm 35 and still a virgin due to growing up with a family exlusively consisting of BPD women, which gave me a heavy aversion towards all sorts of realtionships with women. A few years of therapy later I got that sortted out.
Sounds like you explained it pretty well to me just now, why can't you just say that?

Why are there so many fucking millennial virgins in here
Just make a general atp

>>33257256
>at that point you're the architect of your life and if you got paralized and didn't advance it was on you bro.

Yeah I'm not denying that I got stuck in that shit far too long. But now it as it is.
>>33257272
Just when I'm about to get potentially laid with a hot girl? And even if not, what works one time also works a second time, so shes not the last. I'm over wanting to kill myself.

>>33257273
Good point. Thought it may sound a little bit extremely crazy.
>>33257292
Because we copped all the Boomers offloading their psychologcal issues onto us with full force.
Just pop on over to r9k or something and you'll quickly find ou that all those permaseething incels had BPD or narc mothers or other mentally ill females in their family , no exceptions. That entire "scene" is just a leftover of the last generation freely unleashing its plethora of personality disorders. Coupled with peopel who would rather seethe forever than go to therapy.

Dude, nobody except yourself and thirteen year olds care. If someone cares about you they will accept you

>>33257162
You just need someone patient and understanding. Does not having that experience ultimately matter if you're planning on starting something together anyway? No two people like the same exact things sexually, so they're figuring out how to do things with you as a specific person too

>>33257118 (OP)
The woman in that picture has a really nice body but her nipples look like flapjacks. Her nudes are on r/capbarista

>>33257481
True enough I guess. Caring for someone takes a bit of time though, no idea whether you get to taht point within one or two dates.

>>33257491
>if you're planning on starting something together anyway
I barely know her at this point, and no matetr what I'm certainly not getting toegether with the first chick I had sex with. Never mind jumping from virginity into a committed relationship and skipping the part where you meet people and actually find out how everything works and gaining a sense taht you will always find someone else if things don't work out. Sounds like a top tier recipe to end up with the next BPD bitch.

>>33257118 (OP)
don't explain anything, "I don't kiss and tell' is what I say if ever asked

>>33257586
Won't that be painfully transparent?
I'm kind of unsure just how noticeable a lack of experience actually is.

>>33257118 (OP)
>Would "My BPD family fucked me up, but its all okay now" do the trick?
First off, not something you say early on in a relationship it makes you look mental, which to be fair you are, but still don't do it early
Second, you're such an annoying perpetual victim
I can't imagine letting childhood trauma short of brutal bloody rape affect you this much into your 30's
What the fuck were you doing mentally in your 20's? No introspection? No reflection? Just putting it off?
>but it's all okay now
It clearly isn't and you have too much of an ego to do the correct thing to fix yourself

You're not mentioning your mental conditions/diagnoses for a reason I'm guessing, if you even got them because you're seriously off

>>33257581
If someone cares this much about you being a virgin then why would you give a fuck about them. It doesn't take some sort of deep understanding if another person, just takes a non retard to be okay with such a basic fact about you.

>>33257594
Not something to worry about at all.
Explaining yourself and telling your life story is beta and insecure.
Here's a protip, lock eyes and grin like you just won the lottery, this is something I noticed comes naturally when I'm asked something and not going to answer literally.

>"So anon, how long have you been single."
?*meets her eyes and an effortless smile slowly spreads over my face*
>"I don't kiss and tell"
>playful banter continues

>>33257118 (OP)
Just gonna preface this by saying I'm also a 35 year old virgin.
Don't tell her. Don't tell anyone. Read up on how to please a woman, erogenous zones and all that shit. There are plenty of guys out there that suck at sex despite not being virgins, she'll never be able to tell you're a virgin unless you do something retarded like trying to stick your dick in the back of her knee. It's the same reason you don't ask a chick her body count, no one is gonna like the answer and it's gonna kill the mood. All that said, if you do tell her and she's still cool about it, she might be a keeper or understanding but... with that comes the risk of losing your chance to finally get laid so... I personally wouldn't risk it, not unless you're mostly sure she would be cool with it (which you probably aren't if you're posting this here) and you wanna marry her.

>>33257702
>I'm also a 35 year old virgin.
Same, and I concurr. Nobody as asked me if I'm a virgin since I was a teenager. It hasn't happened mainly because I always lived with my overbearing parents and lack of pivacy at home.

>>33257118 (OP)
when in doubt, be honest. /thread

Why do you feel the need to provide the whole context?

It's a date, not matrimony. If she wants to hear your life story later, you can tell it to her later. Focus on asking her about herself, wait for her to ask you return questions or chip in with info about yourself it becomes relevant.

Just focus on having a nice date, and if you're lucky have sex if the opportunity comes up. If you're worried about performance, there's a couple of super simple cheats about sex that make the rest of it easier.

1. Learn where the clit is, look up a couple of vidyas of how to get it right.
2. Realise that every woman likes something a little different. Start with the basics of clit stimulation, kissing, fondling, and PIV then after a little bit of that start to mix it up a little. Play with her nipples, try some light (LIGHT) neck biting, ask if she likes to be choked (squeeze, don't brace). Better yet, try things and listen for a positive response (moans, stimming, her grabbing your arms/hair), etc.

You're treating a first date like it's a job interview. It's not. Just try to make sure you both have fun.

If it doesn't go well: ah well, shit happens. The really important thing is that you tried and put yourself out there, and that's a step further than you were before.

>>33257118 (OP)
"I am saving myself for the right person" type shit.
It will probably also weed out the hoes.

>>33257118 (OP)
Why does the subject have to come up?

>How to explain that
Why the fuck do you feel the need to explain yourself that much?
She's likely not going to ask, and if she does a simple "idk, I never cared about it so it never happened" will suffice for a while
If you end up developing a relationship with this person later on, THEN you can provide more details, but not like you have worded it ITT, it will be such a turn off, soften it up
If a relationship develops and you feel the need to elaborate, say they were all terrible, cruel, unstable, unpleasant rather than "they're all BPD bitches"

>>33257273
>>33257652
>>33257824
>>33258070
all women lose some respect if they find out you're old virgin. never admit it

>>33257118 (OP)
"I was saving myself for you"

>>33257118 (OP)
Hey bro. I'm turning 35 this year and haven't ever had a girl either.

I can't really give you any advice, except; lie your ass off to anybody who asks about it forever. It only causes you damage to be honest. Make up a story of you working far away from where you are now and having gone through a bad breakup - people will ask less questions if you admit to being responsible for it, too. The less people who know the truth the better

Pre-selection is definitely real, and I think it gets worse the older you get. I can only say from personal experience that I must be fundamentally hideous, and annoying, because even at my best I really just was never good enough for anybody. I also don't have any trouble at all socially but have had some snide sideways remarks over the years for seeming arrogant when I genuinely stopped caring a long time ago.

I gave up YEARs ago, but I wish you the best - I hope you finally get lucky.

One love, fellow virgin.

>>33258719
it doesn't have to be the first thing that leaves your mouth, but no, i can't recommend lying. it's IMMORAL.

>>33259627
Bro. Being honest in a deeply dishonest world is about the worst advice you can give anybody. 99.99% of folks out there would rather slit your throat than face 1% of their own bullshit.

>>33259647
genuinely unhappy mindset. by lying to others, you are lying to youself. learn to trust the world (and maybe god, lol)

>>33259732
Ho ho ho. Touche. Well, as an exercise in your unbending trust and honesty, why don't you give us your full name, address, phone number, bank account, credit card number, atm pin and social security numbers? What could go wrong? Just let go and let God. Live laugh love and all that. Hugs and kisses.

>>33259817
all i'm advocating for is not lying, i'm not advocating for telling the truth all the time. and of course there can be too much trust in the world, but there is, as i think you'll concede, a happy medium

>>33257118 (OP)
Just explain why if you are asked why. You don't need to make a big story about it either. It's that simple

If i'm ever asked, i'll just simply say i'm a diagnosed autist that didn't get out to meet women so it never happened. I don't need to go into detail. Also, you don't owe them an explanation unless they are your gf

>>33259926
>all i'm advocating for is not lying, i'm not advocating for telling the truth all the time.
Not him, but aren't those contradictory statements?

>>33257118 (OP)
You have three options

>Download tinder and work on your dates
>Hire a sex worker
>Be okay about being a virgin

>>33259948
You ever have a straight man suck your dick? You complete me. Taking words right out of my mouth. Soul mate right here. I wanna hold hands and walk on the beach with you.

>>33259948
no. for example, if i asked you for your phone number, to tell the truth would be to tell me your number, to tell a lie could be to tell me a fake number. to say something like "i'm not giving you my number" (or to otherwise avoid the question) would be neither telling the truth nor telling a lie (with respect to the original question).

>>33258719
>All women
Speaking in absolutes when discussing human behavior is misleading, dishonest even.
>never admit it
I think he should, if he feels comfortable to do so, while also being aware that his words can have an undesirable effect on others.
And well, he's 35, if this bother him but does not in response, we can only conclude his misfortune is self-imposed

>>33259968
Well, then your suggestion is avoidance, which is ok I guess, it's all on OP to decide. I don't agree though, since he appears to be avoidant by nature due to his upbringing.

>>33257118 (OP)
Simple answer for a simple question...
>I've never done this before. I'll need you to help me. Tell me if I'm not doing this right.
Everybody has to learn how to do things. Intimacy is about trust and affection.

>>33257118 (OP)
>How to explain I never had sex
Don't. If you're really that awkward she will know or at least suspect it and she'll either be fine with it or she wont. Would you want a woman telling you how many people she's slept with? She doesn't want to hear about all the people you haven't slept with. If she really pushes and it can't be ignored don't give her a bunch of excuses. Just say you never really bothered putting yourself out there or something. Blaming everyone else will just make you look like an incel (the angry kind not the literal definition of it)

Protip, learn how to eat pussy. Watch lesbian porn but the real stuff, trust me you'll learn. If you can make her cum with that you won't feel so bad about cumming too fast or struggling to stay hard. Maybe you'll have perfect performance but I you'll have performance anxiety the first few times.

You don't even have to mention that virgin shit faggot. When you get to the end zone, just act like you've been there before.
>Why did you do the big cummies so quick Anon?
>"Haha sorry it's been a while" goes back to watching tv.
See. Easy. You're thinking too much.

>>33259975
yes all. unless you're a monk the "is there something wrong with him" question will pop up in their mind at some point. it's instinctual.

what is it like to date a woman who is this hot

>>33257256
>I can blame your bpd female relatives on your failure with women up to I guess 25 at max
then you are clueless. apply this logic to literally any other personal issue and you will see how misguided this view is. after a horribly abusive upbringing, my sister was outwardly doing very well at 23 and now at 25 she is probably just about ready for a psychiatric hospital. because bad trauma early on in life has a huge knock-on effect on literally everything that comes after, and it also chips at you over time. in many cases, people will use their coping mechanisms to manage the trauma until it explodes in their 30s, 40s, maybe even 50s. bruce jenner transitioned at fucking 65.

>>33257256
>muh 25 brain development
Pop r*ddit science

>>33257256
killing yourself over not having sex is retarded as fuck

>>33265651
woops meant for >>33257272

>>33265602
At least when people say that kind of shut you already know they're a fucking moron and you can just ignore them from there on out

>>33257118 (OP)
Why would you tell a stranger your past like that? I would keep it a secret unless the relationship goes deeper. Just get it over with, try not to bust too fast, and if things don't work out you won't be a virgin for the next one. Watch some instructional porn/sex ed videos beforehand, and if it's tricky, just say it's been awhile since you were abroad or at work or something. Also if it helps, try to get your hands on celias, or if your state has them, get a honeypack and take a very low does (too much and your dick will feel like metal and the sex won't feel that good on your end.) It helps take the nerves off.

>>33257118 (OP)
Lie 'til you make it brother. That's how ya do it.

>>33257273
>umm it's my moms' fault I'm a virgin
WHY WOULD YOU EVER TELL A WOMAN THIS WTF it screams I got issues

>>33257118 (OP)
Don't overshare or tell her why unless it's brought up. Be honest about being a virgin obviously, but just keep it surface level or say "well sex was something i never really thought about."

>>33257118 (OP)
>Being a virgin is a bad thing
What? Said who? Society? The one you never cared about? Why care what they think now all of a sudden? If everyone sells their bodies or gives them up to each other without a second thought nowadays, those people have only ever experienced transient love. If virginity is a virtue to you, then it's also a virtue of your significant other and it's only a matter of finding her.

I went through the same thing—I didn’t start dating until I was 30 due to a situation similar to yours. It didn’t really matter, though, since I’d had a casual hookups before dating my first gf.

I never felt the need to over-explain myself. I just told my first girlfriend that I hadn’t fallen in love before and had spent most of my 20s focused on my career. And honestly, if I ever feel self-conscious about it, I’ll just shift some of those early 30s experiences to my 20s. Nothing really matters that much.

At the end of the day, you’ve got to be comfortable with who you are—but that doesn’t mean you have to be overly honest about everything.

>>33257118 (OP)
>How to explain that I never had sex
"Explain" presumes you attach emotional weight to it.
Shit your pants, stutter, cry, trip over yourself and beg for mercy.
When you're done, stop caring about it and answer as honestly as answering what your postcode is.
>a family exlusively consisting of BPD women, which gave me a heavy aversion towards all sorts of realtionships with women.
You chose to keep the trauma instead of change it, therefore you prefer having it.
>"It didn't happen for me" is not convincing at my age and will just cause suspsicion that I may be a psycho with some unresolved issues.
Principal among them is that you refuse to simply say that you have unresolved issues. Which would answer the question in the most productive manner, but force you to admit that you've been yourself your entire life, and the life you live is based on who you consistently choose to live as.

resisting the urge to ask who this absolute plap pig is

say you got molested

>>33265950
>33267815
>33261431
You are completely correct. I wanted to do this to avoid haveing the pressure to pretend I'm some hyperchad, but who cares. I was struggling with this question so much because my gut feeling tells me this really is not the business of some woman I'm at most just getting to know, and has no place in a light hearted meetup.
I won't lie if it comes up, and if I turn out being so bad that it can't be overlooked I can still mention it. But really its just gonna kill the flow otherwise.

>>33262191
This anon gets it.
Until my mid twenties I was still in "its gonna happen eventually/ I'm just a late bloomer" mode until I reached an age where its really fucky. Then I forced myself to pursue women though everything in me screamed not to do taht, and almost went legit crazy as a result. Took me years from atht to figure it out and kinda get the whole thing sorted.

Coping by being a massive coomer to the point where my dick was dead anyways didn't help.

>>33267782
>At the end of the day, you’ve got to be comfortable with who you are—but that doesn’t mean you have to be overly honest about everything.

Thats true. I think I fell into the trap of having to explicitely say everything to become comfortable with it.

>>33261769
>unless you're a monk the "is there something wrong with him" question will pop up in their mind at some point
hence the need for a convincing explanation. If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't mind a girl being a virgin in and of itself, but I'd like to know whether she has figured out whatever issues got her to that point, so they don't end up in my lap.

im not even horny and op pic is beautiful
damn

>>33257118 (OP)
Just lie and say you've been in a dry spell

>>33257256
>at that point you're the architect of your life
Not every gets the eureka moment of freedom at the same time retard

>>33257118 (OP)
I'd honestly just keep it vague, like saying "I had a troubled upbringing that I had to prioritize to overcome." Something in that vein, but less ESL lol. Try to twist it around to make it sound like you overcame something like a big, strong, mentally-sound man.

>>33257118 (OP)
just never tell her you're a virgin
whatever you do don't tell any girl you're a virgin

in order to have a successful relationship at least

and no, there's no girl that won't care
unless they themselves are virgin and messed up in the head very badly (fat, ugly, etc.,

>>33257118 (OP)
If possible, lay it on her after a few dates and after you've already had sex so she knows you're a competent individual (you really gotta perform in the bedroom in whatever way you can that first time)

>>33258926
>instantly wet

>>33261789
They know they are hot so they are kind of unbearable but they really know how to ride dick

>>33257118 (OP)
do not tell her you will be bad at sex and she will leave you unless she loves you or something
i lost mine at 36 because I'm a shut-in.

Why would this even be a topic of conversation?
When is this going to come up? Just don't mention it.