So we were at a girl's home after drinking, except for another guy and a girl we were pretty sober. Long story short nothing happened. But let's say there was a room for something to happen. So the other guy said something why she wouldn't want to go to us she said she would like to move to Spain or Asia and then I followed up with why Spain, obviously a shitty fucking move coz now I realize she had sweatpants with Japanese or Chinese text. I kid you not she turned her back on me as we were all laying on a couch.
:|
I'm still learning anons but I have a feeling that my brain picks up the wrong cue's when it comes to social situations. How tf do I train myself to ask people what they like to talk about? She might have been in a bad mood that evening as she ignored me a couple times before for no apparent reason. But I do seem to ask a bit straight forward and personal questions.
Truth be told I see that I project a LOT when I ask people something and also I ask people what I would like they asked me which is of course pretty shitty.

FYI. good looking, tall, good enough physique.

>>33258837 (OP)
>she ignored me a couple times before for no apparent reason. But I do seem to ask a bit straight forward and personal questions.
I mean I wasn't there I don't know what happened for real but if anything it sounds like you just shoot off interview or questionnaire-style questions that borders on an interrogation.

Or at least that's what I used to do, so maybe I'm projecting my past cringe onto your current situation. But lord knows I wasn't the only one in my group of loser friends who did that at first in our cringe high school days, and I've seen it time and time again.

Could just be that she was just interested in the other guy, whoever he may be, nothing personal against you. Maybe he was rizzing her up all night long. When you end up in group situations like that where it's big enough that people can pair up but also small enough that you can't just hang out with other rejectos, someone's gonna be the odd one out. Real grade school "okay everyone pair up for this in-class assignment with your favorite best friend quick quick" bullshit.

But that's the way the cookie crumbles, nothing gained but nothing lost really.

As a rule of thumb I always go
>ask about where they're from, ask/comment about what's cool there and what they do for fun
>ask about school/work
>always go "oh wow that must be so difficult!"
>try to milk it for a while with vague comments like "I thought about trying that/going there one day"
>ask about anything obvious yet personal like tattoos whatever graphic t-shirt of a band or movie or anime they might be wearing
>always try to relate to whatever they might be saying/talking about, even if it's something I never heard or saw I chip in with "oh what's that like?"

really you just gotta put on a Oscar-worthy performance as the guy who pretends to really be genuinely interested in whatever they have to say. Even if they're talking about nursing and sports and katy perry or whatever you might not care about

>>33258837 (OP)
>after drinking,
Try socializing sober

>she ignored me a couple times before for no apparent reason

Perhaps because she was sober. It is difficult for drunks to realize how very obnoxious they can be

>>33258837 (OP)
don't dwell on your failures, learn from them
your assumptions as to why that conversation failed are as valid as any, we can't really know what was going through her mind
you're right you gotta focus more on the rest instead of yourself while talking to people, asking them questions with the hope you're going to be asked the same all the time makes you seem desperate but also not interesting to talk to, try to do this a lot less (don't remove it completely as everyone does this from time to time)
other than that it's good that you're putting yourself out there anon, keep trying.

You learn by trying anon, and don't get into the cycle of trying to please people or act like a chameleon to chase social acceptance. It's a hollow pursuit that might earn you fairweather friends who don't actually know or accept you, but why would you want that? Accept yourself, and worry about the people who do too rather than the majority who won't. You'll never be everyone's cup of tea, and those who try or are have no real personality or identity of their own because they're addicted to validation in order to feel worthwhile. You're doing fine. Things might have been awkward, and maybe the fact that you were nervous or thinking too much about what to say caused it to be, but the problem isn't that you need to learn how to speak to them, it's that you need to learn to speak and express yourself without having to try, or worrying about saying the wrong thing. Nobody can love or accept you if you can't do the same for yourself, and if you don't allow yourself to be that person to show them. You're not being intentionally hurtful, rude, creepy, and you know the difference. If you're acting within your conscience then you can't say anything wrong. Lighten up and stop feeling pressure over it. You can't "make" anyone like you, only a false version of you; be you, and let them make that decision for themselves. You're absolutely right, the more you try the worse it is, so stop trying so fucking hard, just say whatever you want.

One practical tip: people like to talk about themselves. If nothing else, you could just ask her "why those places, what did you like about them?"

>>33258837 (OP)
>she said she would like to move to Spain or Asia and then I followed up with why Spain, obviously a shitty fucking move
this isn't a social miscalibration, this is just being an asshole

This wasn't the first time we met but we haven't talked since and that was one or two months ago.
>>33258890
I've definitely been there with interview questions and I do cringe at that but I don't know these were more about showing interest like Did you want to study abroad etc. with a little bit of background behind the questions so they weren't entirely out of the blue. And yeah I was enthusiastic I was in her home so there where things to talk about and she was genuinely an interesting person.
>interested in the other guy
meh not at all although he was socially more skilled but he was bro even though that was the first time I met him. The kinda important thing was she has been seeing someone for the past month but... we found out when we where already in her home and the situation and the way she acted that night didn't say that the guy is her priority. (She wanted to go to a club but I persuaded her to not go and then she wanted to go home and damn I thought it was useless to try to do something with that but I haven't even realized and we were walking to her home)
But yeah either way I don't know she kinda didn't like me. The way I persuaded her to not go to the club was that I told her a rather personal story and I think it did resonate with her but at the same time I think she became more distant after that. And yeah I was not the best at communication but it's hard when the other person doesn't show any interest.
>>33258894
>Try socializing sober
I don't think I was even drunk, no hangover or anything I just stopped giving a fuck what people thought after a few shots. I wasn't an asshole but the second-guessing and anxiety were gone.
>>33259011
>>33258910
Thanks guys.
>>33259021
Why I just asked what she found interesting? about the place but yeah I kinda see your point.
I seem to also ask unintentionally loaded questions. Like my question may have came off as "I don't see anything interesting about that place"

Thanks reply-bros

>>33258837 (OP)
>but suppose this and that
I won't read hypotheticals on an advice board.