My wife and I have sex every two months or so.

Been together 7 years married 6, she's a really good person, stay at home mom, raises our two kids that 4 and 5 and theyre fine, we're pretty well off, we are both the same weight as when we met and I am not balding or greying, we do not argue or struggle, ive talk to her so, so much about this and she constantly insists she is really happy, loves me, is attracted to me, is not depressed, she says she couldnt wish for anything different, we go on date nights every week, have fun, go on vacations, have friends, she's not having an affair because we have cameras in the house, I go through her phone and she doesn't have a car (I work hybrid too) and my parents help her with the kids several times a week and on weekends and vacations

So her only answer when I bring up why we don't have sex more often is just a vague "I dont know, im sorry but I dont know" and thats all she'll say about it in any way. We used to have a ton of hot sex even when the kids were born, this current issue started like two years ago and I ask how to get that back and she just says she doesn't know, wishes she knew but doesn't know. Its all just "I dont know"

She's sweet and affectionate and a good mom so idk how mad I should even be at this. Is this normal? I think I want more sex but not at the risk of the good marriage and family we have. What do you guys think? I'm not unhappy either but.. something feels weird about being married and not having sex more often

tldr
if she doesn't want more babies, she isn't going to want more sex

>>33277868
Wtf do married guys do after all the kids are born?

>>33277878
Most transition into a workhorse/ATM. It doesn't have to be that way, but unfortunately it often is.

>>33277859 (OP)
I feel you, OP.
Women have different libidos and it also tends to lower with age, or so I hear.
I heard a couple counsellor say that the way couples complete each other sentences and read each other's minds is "deeply sexual" too, but I found his argument very unconvincing and a cope. What we mean by sex is getting our dicks wet.
If you love and are loyal to this woman, then sex outside marriage is out of the question. I guess you'll just have to wait until your libido subsides also.

>>33277859 (OP)
Tell her you're not getting laid enough.
Start working out more and get ripped.
Make tons of money.
Read some Rollo Tomassi and get game.
Go hang out with other girls and take pictures.
Competition anxiety drives women crazy.

>>33278008
Soon to be trying for baby
How do I not lose myself? Right now we're great, but I suspect she might go zero sex the moment we have a baby, and fuck if I want that. I'm unhinged, I'll go to escorts the next day and she knows I need sex, but I'd rather not desu

>>33273493
>>>33277859 (OP)
Man, between this and
>>>33273493
you LARPers are making
>I'm married and [bullshit fake story]
more common than blackpill shit
the married LARP demoralization threads are outnumbering the incell blackpill loser demoralization threads

Its because you work from home. Woman lose attraction to men who work at home (known fact)

>>33277859 (OP)
Sounds pretty fake, but just in case.
have her see a doctor.
have her get therapy.
And explain that having sex doesn't require that she be panting in anticipation, just that she like oyu enough to care.
Too many women are taught by the culture that she has to be dripping wet first, which is BS

>>33278297
source: your ass

>>33277878
They drink

>>33277859 (OP)
>>33278305
People change. It’s really common within a long term relationship that at some point sex drives will become mismatched. Her sex drive is probably just dropping off. Completely normal

>>33277859 (OP)
No romance. You don't show the same kind of grab ass passion for her that you did before, the same courting rituals that make her feel desired and wanted.

>>33278430
At any given time less than 7% of marriages where both parnters are under the age of 67 have a dead bedroom and it is usually because of illness, many young kids, or such and is almost always less than 18 months long.
If it persists more than 18 months-
See a doctor
Get therapy
and AGAIN
a change in libido =/= less sex if you are both committed to making ti work and are adult enough to udnerstand that it is something you do for each other.

>>33278444
Those surveys are all bullshit. They don’t sample normal people. They are always always sampling consumers of adult products. So obviously the responses are going to be skewed

>>33278456
>The GSS and NSFG are consumer surveys
lol
read a fucking book

>>33278456
Statistics end up largely skewed for self reported data as is, that and sample pools

be direct that you want sex and the lack of it is bothering you. maybe if she understands what this means to you she'll be willing to compromise. consider therapy as well. many wait till the marriage is dead to try therapy (so ive heard).

>>33278403

>Correct

>>33278172
As far as her being pregnant, loss of libido is normal. Remember what the point of sex is - reproduction. Once the woman is impregnated, her hormones naturally start shifting. There is now no biological reason for her to be fucked. It gets worse the longer the pregnancy goes on. And after having a kid, her vagina gets blown out, she's exhausted, and stressed having to take care of the baby. There's also post-partum depression.

So you're looking at less sex no matter what. You'll just have to deal with it somehow. She should recover eventually, but it'll take some time. Now, if she really loves you, she will still make effort to get you off. But she won't really enjoy it herself.

If you ask, there's a chance she will let you sleep with a side hoe, but this will make things worse with most women. Up to you to risk it. But you shouldn't cheat no matter what. You'll either harm yourself with guilt, or she'll find out and it'll blow up your marriage. If other people find out, it'll harm your reputation and then she'll find out eventually. And you can catch an STD or have an unwanted pregnancy. Just don't do that.

>>33278622
my best friend said his wife and him used to have a extremely active sex life prior to his son being born. He was saying not that long ago to me that his wife and him have only had twice in the past 3 years since the birth of his son. He said he talked about it with her and she just has 0 interest in sex now. They spoke to her OBGYN and they said it’s not uncommon for a woman to lose sexual desire after birth. It’s different for everyone because of the extreme hormonal changes before during and after. For some women then become very horny but for others they don’t care to have sex anymore.

>>33278172
>>33278622
Just commit to understand her, her emotions, her hormonal fluctuations, etc. Maintain communication, constantly assure her you're together and you won't do anything she doesn't want you to do, but that she also has to try to work with you to meet your needs. You're a team, you're always honest with each other and do whatever you can for each other. This will make her happy and willing to work with you and make you happy. It's a give and take. Once this "us" dynamic breaks down, the marriage/relationship is doomed.

>>33278638
Right, it is common. Most important thing is to maintain communication, mutual admiration, assure her you care how she feels. If she feels like you care, then she will care and try to meet your needs even if she doesn't feel like it. If she tries but can't do it, be understanding. Don't let your lust override your genuine care for her, don't get frustrated or angry. This will ensure a faster recovery to genuine desire. Feelings of shame, unworthiness, feeling like she's let you down or angered you, feeling like she's broken, all of these things will make her shut down even more. Reassure her you love her and none of that is true and you appreciate her efforts.

>>33277859 (OP)
What do you to turn her on?

Do you touch her, flirt with her, kiss her, and play with her hair, stroke her thigh and so on? Or do you just nag?

If you actually TRY and get nothing, then you're toast. If all you do is nag, then there is hope.

You need to turn her on, you can't just expect her to want it because you asked after you've both been at work and spent the evening with kids/cleaning/doing laundry and other boring dry shit.

>>33278297
Lol probably half true at least. A man sitting round doing fuck all is not attractive

>>33278638
Stress and hardship kill libido. It’s not surprising caring for an infant would nuke your sex life.

>>33278728
It’s not an infant 3 years in

>>33277859 (OP)
Is she on birth control? After 35 or so if she's taking that consistently and hasn't tried alternatives it will really crush her libido. Doubly so if it's paired with any SSRIs are anti-anxiety medications.
She needs to try switching prescriptions for birth control, going off it entirely, or seeing if any alternatives for the psych meds don't involve as many side effects.

>>33278622
What a ridiculous suggestion. If my dad was sleeping around and my mom gave him permission, I would disown them both and would only ever return to make their last years miserable in the retirement home. That invariably will be the outcome in your stupid suggestion and would be worse than outright cheating which can occur from weakness. Asking the wife and then going about and fucking another woman required deliberate intent and full consent of two wills, indicating nothing but complete wickedness on part of both parties and would manifest life long hatred from your offspring with no chance of forgiveness for either of you should they find out. Faulty premise too, women can give birth more than just once retard.

>>33278853
based af, get that degen neo lib redditor fag

>>33278853
You're operating from the premise that your parents would tell you the intimate details of their sex lives from before or shortly after you were born. Not sure why you're imagining such an unlikely/undesirable situation or getting so upset imagining it. My parents never told me about their sex lives and I never asked because I don't want to know. Your extreme reaction exposes that you have some kind of deep insecurity about this. Disowning both your parents because your mom let your dad sleep with someone else is a bizarre reaction, most people wouldn't react like this. They would most likely just feel embarrassed to hear about it and that's it.

Anyway, like I said, this won't work for most women and it's a risk, I would advise against it, just saying it's an option.

>>33277859 (OP)
You should insist to have deeper conversations about sex with your wife, and try to both figure out the root of the issue. I heard from other married couples, that foreplay becomes a bigger part of sex... Maybe slow foreplay is the way to get your wife to rehorny herself idk. Focus on massaging her, making her feel special, ask her what she wants to explore and if you're ok with it, really try to do it.

I'm not married though so I don't really know, just some thoughts. You probably already tried most of what I wrote.

>>33277878
Personally, I still have sex with my wife 3-4 times a week, more when we're on vacation.
Why do you ask?

>>33278172
How do oyu know zero about women?
Women have to PHYSICALLY recover from pregnancy for a least 2-3 weeks, junior, and then they are tired and need rest so you'll have to drop to 1-3 times a week for a while.
Put on your big boy pants and wait a hile.

>>33277859 (OP)
You get a BJ every Thursday or your wife is shit. Everyone knows that. Yeah, besides that, just quit fucking and do your own thing. That is how marriage usually goes.

>>33278297
This is a legit answer and something to look into. You're basically available all day and cohabiting a space with her so your constant presence makes her less excited when she sees you. If you worked a normal job there would be anticipation when you got home, you might exchange sexy texts or say "I can't wait to see you," etc.

>>33278728
This is so laughable. If anything, most people have sex to blow off steam during periods of high stress. I wish everyone would just admit that women are biologically hardwired to stop wanting sex and you can't fix it.

>>33279131
Nta but I can’t get boners during high stress

Sounds like there is a lack of trust and she doesn't have any privacy or freedom. I guess she is feeling trapped being stuck at home with you all the time, doesn't mean she wants to cheat but it can feel suffocating. Do you guys have your own friends or hobbies?

>>33279120
>I have never kissed a girl
FTFY

>>33277859 (OP)
seduce her

>>33277859 (OP)
Simple.
She married you to be a mother, not a wife.

>>33277859 (OP)
Well you see...there's this thing.. it's called foreplay...and a little passion... setting the mood...hmmm, giving her a good bath maybe...hmm maybe slowly touching her up and making her comfortable and relaxed. be romantic, be creative, she sounds like she does a lot

>>33282303
i hate how you redditors always find some way to blame the dude, "oh he's not seducing her he needs to start 16 hours before with breakfast in bed and then take her shopping at home goods and then dinner by the lake then a message then a bath then slow caressing then slow kissing and hold her and tell her she's beautiful and make sure she trusts you and feels secure and and and" and blahblah all just to get 30 minutes of starfishing, fuck all the way off with that shit

when people first get together she'll blow him as soon as he walks through the door, why does this need to change? muh hormones much feefees? men have to deal with doing shit despite hormones all the time, women should be expected to as well

>>33277878
Kids get older = less work for both parents.
I got a vasectomy, go lifting 2x a week, and fuck my lady.
She goes to the gym too, and that squats make tight pussy. And a nice round ass, perfect view for doggy.
—> life goes on, make the best out of it.

>>33282543
>hate how you redditors always find some way to blame the dude, "oh he's not seducing her he needs to start 16 hours before with breakfast in bed and then take her shopping at home goods and then dinner by the lake then a message then a bath then slow caressing then slow kissing and hold her and tell her she's beautiful and make sure she trusts you and feels secure and and and" and blahblah all just to get 30 minutes of starfishing, fuck all the way off with that shit

It's because women are glorified children, anon. It's not a big secret, but it is kept secret anyway because we don't want women to feel hurt because they are easily hurt. Because they're women.

As men we regulate their emotions for them. They can't do that for themselves. That's why it always expected for the man to set her emotional landscape up for her. Because she can't do that for herself. Women can't seem to separate their own identity from their emotions. It's just not in them. So they outsource emotional regulation to their man.

And yes I know it's a pain in the ass. But the alternative is even worse. The alternative is if you don't pick up the emotional phone and regulate her feelings, she will call some place else. She will let other things do it for her. Like listening to Instagram influencers. Or stupid ideological anti-family think-tanks who make it their whole mission to appeal to women's sensibilities so as to convince them to fuck their own lives up.

That's the price of manhood. You wanna be the leader, you get to be the leader. But if you refuse to lead, someone else will be happy to do it instead. And they'll lead your woman over a ditch.

>>33283203
If your wife is tradwife and didn't fall for any psyop then you lucked in.
Enjoy

>>33277859 (OP)
Lack of masculinity. Start fucking her, not "asking", pretty please with sugar on top. No subtle hints, don't take no for an answer unless it's FIRM no.

>>33283203
Wife ballooned after marriage, and had miscarriage because of being fat.
Now she look like pic related, and blame me for not being attracted to her

>>33283405
Have you considered, you know...?

>>33283405
>t. low T

>>33283300
sure dude bet you do that all the time. absolutely no one enjoys sex with an unenthusiastic person

>>33283496
You are the unenthusiastic one if you're not taking the lead as a man.

>>33283436
>>33283453
>Low T
Only "LOW T" men find this abominations fuckable.
Because if you really HIGH T, you'd fuck real women, not agenderless blob of fat.

>>33283529
you don't think guys try to initiate? grabbing, kissing, groping, comments, tone, massaging, all the while she has a scowl on her face and is avoiding eye contact, but you think you're chad so you drag her to bed but her body language is closed, you try going slow but shes dry af, etc etc so what, you have to pull out the lube? it's a miserable experience you goddamn virgin, sex only works if both parties reciprocate enthusiasm

>>33283677
Kill yourself. Meaningless life.

>>33277868
Do women know condoms exist?

>>33280392
Lol, lmao. Don't worry about where your girlfriend is pal, I'm taking good care of her for you.

>>33283973
>Do women know condoms exist?
most women hate condoms

>>33283964
whats your problem?

>>33283964
>random projection that has nothing to do with the post

>>33277859 (OP)
Ask for more bjs at least once a week,
Also pat her head when she is sucking your cock good, and praise her like good girl she is.

Op your wife is animal you are animal she needs reminder that your cock is not only to please her she needs connect with it by remebering it taste the texture the smell.
The more it is igrained the more she will become sexual towards you because in daily life your cock will become her core memory.

Also light spanking might ignite her a bit, smack that ass at least once a day.

>>33277859 (OP)
I've said it in every other "why doesn't my marriage have sex anymore" thread and I'll say it again in every other thread to come.

Marriage is where sex ends.

Anyone who gets married expecting sexy sex to be sexening for the rest of their sex lives is an absolute fool, and a coomer.

>>33284066
>Ask for more bjs at least once a week,
Yeah married women LOVE when sex is turned into an annoying weekly chore

>>33284075
>Women
>Will whore out themselves for no love daily
>Won't even do something for her married man she supposedly loves once a week

>>33284092
>you OWE me sex, it is in our MARRIAGE CONTRACT you will fulfill my weekly SEX QUOTA and be recipient when I INITIATE THE SEX PROTOCOLS

yeah man true love and poetic romance there

>>33284108
>you OWE me sex, it is in our MARRIAGE CONTRACT you will fulfill my weekly SEX QUOTA and be recipient when I INITIATE THE SEX PROTOCOLS

Yeah? Men in a relationship basically do everything and offer everything , is it really that weird to want to get a little something in return? Same woman will then probably cheat on him behind his back and then blame him when it gets out.

>>33284138
>Men in a relationship basically do everything and offer everything
maybe if you're muslim

in the 1940s

If you marry some dumb blonde (brown?) trophy wife who just sits around spending your money, never listening to you, and can't even cook or clean, that's your problem.

But most relationships are more or less 50/50.

and like I said, when you marry someone you're basically saying " I love you so much that it transcends physical love"

because sooner rather than later, you won't want to have sex either because the two of yous will be a couple of wrinkled dusty farting 70 year olds with terrible arthritis.

>>33279103
Oral sex is degenerate

>>33278853
Imagine being so involved in your parent's love life. Creep. My parents are unhappily married for many years and the last thing I want to know is how and with whom they had sex or cheated or anything. That's just too close for comfort. I would only have an opinion about how the both of them act towards me and not towards each other as that is none of my business.

>>33284444
Virgin detected

>>33277878
Mistress
SeekingArrangement

>>33277859 (OP)
>My wife and I have sex every two months or so.
maybe you do, but she totally has sex more often

>>33284444
How’s that matter? Not fucking your husband is degenerate also. Marriage is about compromise, sometimes anyway, like every Thursday.

>>33286315
>even your immediate family isn't your business
The absolute state of postmodern "global citizens"

>>33277859 (OP)
No drugs no medication? How old is she?
Maybe she needs hrt treatment.

>>33277868
Get a vasectomy. I did.

>>33277859 (OP)
OP, the problem with this is there has to be give and take in any relationship.

When my wife doesn't want sex, she really tries to get in the mood for me. I'll feel her back, stroke her hair, do things that usually work. If it goes nowhere, that's fine. But eventually it usually works.

She needs to think of your needs as well. If she's not willing to try, you have to get to the bottom of it. I mean, it's likely because you have kids and she just doesn't prioritize it anymore. But it's still worth trying.

>>33277859 (OP)
She doesn't find you attractive anymore and isn't willing to do anything to keep you happy. It's not a big thing to ask, but you shouldn't have to ask, she should want to be with you, but she doesn't. That's not an issue. Stop asking and start working on yourself. If she sees that something in you again, she'll initiate again. If not, you'll stay in a sexless marriage for the rest of your life. I wouldn't abandon a woman over this, but tell her you do have needs, and it is a need, not a want. You don't become emotionally neglectful, so she shouldn't become physically neglectful. That being said, it's better if she wants it as much as you, so try for that first, and be prepared for her to tell you that she's not happy once the kids get older.

>>33288263
cuck

>>33277878
Hopefully he beats them for fun!

>>33288089
I don't know about you but I had to listen to my parents fighting and involving me in their shit ever so often for close to 20 years. I am sick and tired of it. I don't feel responsible for the inter-personal relationship issues of two old people (be they my parents or not). Yes, I do not think that it is my business. It should not be. Unloading this shit on your children is unfair. So, if you think you are entitled to listen to all that crap and make it your problem you can of course do that. I would not do that again.

>>33278020
>Women have different libidos and it also tends to lower with age, or so I hear.
This is fucking cope, don't listen to this shit. I was with my ex for six years and the sex was frequent and grew more frequent when I worked out. You let yourself go and have no boundaries, so she's grown frigid or she's cheating on you. Tell her if the sex doesn't become a frequent occurrence, you'll divorce her. I'd never tolerate that shit, but because you let yourself go, she believes she doesn't have to put out.

>>33288301
>That being said, it's better if she wants it as much as you, so try for that first, and be prepared for her to tell you that she's not happy once the kids get older.
This, get your parachute ready and store some resources away for a quick divorce. Put you shit in trusts and put your properties in your family's name or mothers name. You're primed for an unlubed divorce raping.

>>33290117
You deserved it, Anon.
All the arguing, all the fights, those were all your fault, did you know that?

>>33277859 (OP)
OP i shit you not all these problems could be solved with rape
it is THE fetish for women

>>33277878
You become the tax serf you were always destined to be. Arbeit Macht Frei.

>>33277859 (OP)
you gotta kiss more often and integrate more sensuality in an otherwise mundane life - light touches here and there, (honest) compliments, etc.. This builds the mood without creating expectations.
Also quality > quantity.
>Captcha: Kisser

>>33279131
>I wish everyone would just admit that women are biologically hardwired to stop wanting sex and you can't fix it.
Nigga, that is a load of horseshit. I'm with a woman who has 3 kids from a previous relationship and unable to have more. She is a very sexual and loyal partner, and if we can figure it out, wants more children with me using surrogacy. She has baby fever often which encourages her sex drive and so on.

>>33291124
Does she have a tubal? They can just pull the eggs and do fertilization with hers if so

>>33291130
She has her eggs so we'll be looking to have our own genetic children and to provide much younger siblings to her current kids, who have taken to me as a step-dad by two of them calling me dad.

>>33277859 (OP)
>Its all just "I dont know"
This is a huge problem. Her not putting out and also not being willing to talk about it isn't fair to you. You need to talk to her and make it clear that you're unhappy and if she keeps being unwilling to work on this or even discuss it you're going to divorce her. She might have a good reason for acting this way. It might have nothing to do with you and might be fixable but you're not going to get anywhere unless she opens up. She owes you that much.

>>33277859 (OP)
is swimsuit succubus still around?

>>33277859 (OP)
wrong approach with women. if you want more sex, you don't ask for it, it's like asking someone who isn't that hungry to be more hungry: doesn't work that way.

you want more sex, you go create conditions that make it more likely. start working out every other day and get jacked, literally sweep her off her feet, you're like 9 months of work away from being there. roll a digital d20 and flip a coin every morning, every time it's 20 and heads, go buy your girl flowers. clean the bathroom unprompted. cook her some beef stew. go land the promotion. hell, fucking lie and tell her you bought two tickets to vegas for this weekend, then if she's excited buy the tickets and take that bitch to Penn and Teller and get some sushi.

most men who aren't getting laid enough, stopped dating their women, then wonder why they're having less sex. you can't have it both ways.

>>33277868
this. if she ain't swooning, she ain't goonin' (to you)

>>33278297
also this, or if this isn't possible either make yourself scarce or make yourself busy, eg lock the office door and make her knock if she wants to chat or see you. you're in the work dimension making you both some money, it's invite only and you leave it for lunch maybe and that's it

>>33277859 (OP)
I'll be honest, and I don't usually have this answer when it comes to dead bedrooms, but IF she is being a good mother and loyal wife I'd suck it the fuck up. Do what you can to spice it up and get things going again. At the end of the day she gave you 2 children and is staying at home to take care of them like a good wife. That's a lot more than most zoomer women will ever do for anyone.
Maybe get her in the mood to have another kid?
Gettting a hooker or cheating is not worth blowing up your family for, especially since you have children that need an intact household. Your duty is to them now, above all else. Above yourself and your sexual needs.

Also, despite the fact that LTR blackpillers would have you believe women's libido NEVER slows down for a man they are attracted to, thats just not true. This shit happens to basically all marriages. Maybe when the kids are a bit more grown and independent you can bring it up again.

>>33296954
simp

>>33277859 (OP)
if you want sex with her you have to want it. and by that i mean you have to make her swoon and feel like a teenage girl again. she loves you but she does not LUST after you. you need to do stuff to make her want you but in a way that's spontaneous. asking her what she wants is not gonna work because it's a major turn off. women want you to do stuff for them without having to tell you otherwise it doesn't make them feel wanted and more like something you do out of obligation. simple things like helping her clean the dishes (but do it where she's between your arms so it activates the primal part of her brain that makes her feel safe). buying her flowers or writing her a love letter. a gift idea that you based off of something random she told you in passing. and most important of all, get lean and jacked. women LOVE muscles (just not the steroid junky kind or cancer patient levels of bodyfat) don't listen to the internet retards that says they don't

>>33277878
get a girlfriend

>>33296954
giga cringe

>>33297519
Making yourself higher base-rate fuckable isn't simping.

>>33298153
If "being based" got you to this, of what use was avoiding being cringe?