I am 35 now and I wanted to have a family etc but I don't think I am going to make it. I am a autistic male and my earlier years were a bit tough for me. My parents were killed. Then I lost the house I inherited and was living in to a natural disaster. I can honestly say my life hasn't been the same since those days. That happened from the age of 20-30 for me. My life didn't start feeling better until I was 30 actually. Now I just feel like I am stuck playing catch up. Everyone else is here and they are fully grown adults and here I am struggling with mundane things. Can barely date without having a breakdown because I am an anxiety ridden mess. Not sure what I could have done different. The years between 20-30 really crippled me. I am glad I am better now but I feel like those years dealt such a grievous wound to me that I am not sure how to recover. What can I do? Do you think its actually too late for me or is recovery possible? I honestly just want to live a life worth living and right now my life feels like I am surviving but not living if that makes sense. Or living but not thriving.

>>33290949 (OP)
>an barely date without having a breakdown because I am an anxiety ridden mess.
Intentionally match with/find girls in IRL that you have like no attraction to and go on some practice dates with them.

no one's getting hurt or exploited, you just go on one or two dates and be all "so what do you do for fun? haha that's crazy" and after a date or two just tell them that they're great but it's them it's you you're not ready to be dating etc etc etc.

>>33290990
I understand what you mean but I adhere to a pretty strict code for personal honor and things like that. I can't do that and not feel bad. If I match with someone I don't like on purpose, that feels bad. If I match with someone I do like at first and then find that I don't like them, then thats different. I would like to get more experience with dating but I feel that I shouldn't have to deliberately possibly harm someones feelings to do that.

>>33291004
Online dating is bust, full of leftover women, others are looking to upgrade from their current cuck, others are fishing for Chad, full of single moms and tatted up roasties. Yeah online dating is a no go, you may find some normal women occasionally but they will be to plain/boring/average like most women.

>>33291004
>I adhere to a pretty strict code for personal honor and things like that.
You're not a samurai.

and like I said there's 0 harm there, you're just going to the movies or to a dinner with a girl and showing her a good time on Friday night where otherwise the two of you would probably be sat at home.

>harm someones feelings

I think that's moreso something you're worried about yourself. No one is getting emotionally crippled because a first date didn't turn out to be a lifelong commitment and marriage and fairy tale ending. The dating process is 90% figuring out who is and isn't right for you, it's finding yourself in other people.

and hell the opposite might happen where you go on a throwaway date with someone you have next to no interest in and turns out that you two really get along great.

It shouldn't be someone you have like 0 interest in and are actually repulsed by them and are mad at just because of who they are, I'm just saying that you're not a nervous wreck on dates when you're going on dates with chicks you don't feel like you have to impress.

>>33291015
>Online dating is bust, full of leftover women, others are looking to upgrade from their current cuck, others are fishing for Chad, full of single moms and tatted up roasties.
what's the incel logic that these women only exist online and not in the real world?

>>33290949 (OP)
You're not "catching up", you're not racing anyone anon. There is no competition, you're not even on the same track as anyone else. Comparing yourself to others is pointless, no two paths are the same. The grass isn't greener. Everyone has their own story to tell, and no matter what their exterior image shows, you don't have any idea what their lives actually look like on the inside. Everyone envies what they don't have. Everyone hides the scars and only shows their merits. There are no charmed or easy lives, just lives, the same as yours. You're not behind anyone, you're exactly where you need to be, and you have no idea what's ahead of you. Nobody does.

>Not sure what I could have done different.

If things could have been different they would have been. Different doesn't mean better, either. You could have never struggled in your entire life, just breezed through effortlessly, got exactly what you wanted when you wanted it, but then you wouldn't have learned anything, wouldn't have had challenges that helped form your character. You wouldn't be you, and that's the root of the issue here. It's not that you dislike how your life went, or your circumstances now, it's that you don't like you.

Listen anon. You're doing fine. I know it feels like you're just surviving now, not thriving, I know that feeling exactly, but you're doing your best, you've always done your best, and you're still here. You have every day of the rest of your life to choose what you want from it. Life isn't about a fat wallet, expensive things, even a wife and kids. It's about experiences. We take nothing with us when we go, even the people we love; they stay behind too. What makes a life worth living is doing what you want with it, and appreciating what you get to have right now. It's all temporary, even legacy. There is no pressure, just wake up every day and choose what you want from it. The only wrong answer is someone else's, living by another's terms and measure.

>>33291044
I understand. Thanks for the advice. I needed it. I think the hardest thing for me right now is identifying exactly what I want from my life. Somewhere along the way I forgot how to even ask myself "What makes me happy?"

>>33291286
Try to think less "big picture" and just ask what you want today, or this week. Having an ultimate goal is fine, but the problem is: you might never reach it. You might get 90% of the way there, learn more about it, about yourself, and decide it isn't where you want to go anyway. That's fine, because you still went somewhere, still learned something, and that's what actually has value. We can't control outcomes. You could choose exactly what you want, do everything correctly to get it, and still not get to have it. That doesn't mean you wasted your time, on the contrary, even if you never get what you're after you got experiences, skills, lessons, and those are the things that truly cannot be taken from you. You could build a home, and it could be taken by a storm the next day. You could build a fortune and lose it all. What you still have is the knowledge to build, the experience of building, and the will to build again. What makes you happy isn't a question that can be asked and summarily answered, it's a process of discovery, and every experience you have, every win and every loss, every failure, every success, puts a piece of the puzzle together for you to realize it. It doesn't matter what you do, just keep doing, anything, and you will find it. Some go to their graves never knowing because they don't even ask, they just follow the lines others draw for them, only to realize far too late that they should have chosen their own paths. If you can understand now that nothing is pre-ordained, that there is no recipe for success but the one that you decide for yourself, you're already ahead of the game. All you really have to do is be honest with yourself. There's nothing you're "supposed to do"; do a great many different things, fail a lot, learn, and take the pieces you find happiness or meaning in to build the happiness yourself, in whatever shape it takes. You don't realize it, but you're doing that right now.

>>33290949 (OP)
You're not competing with anyone else, and if you're a nice enough dude, you can get very far with a smile. You should go to therapy for your anxiety, but you can make it. I know men who have started families even later. The only reason I don't want to wait is because I don't want to die while my kids are still maturing. I want them to be well and established first.

>>33291031
https://www.bitchute.com/video/WNImoZsWsPra/

https://www.bitchute.com/video/nkevrkxtZAcQ/

https://www.bitchute.com/video/vvFtn1BT4uT7/

https://www.bitchute.com/video/rpHbOWV5AxQs/

https://www.bitchute.com/video/VaozL4W0daYP/

>>33291480
Yeah I wish I knew more about how to combat my anxiety. I don't even know what I would tell a therapist. The things that cause me anxiety sort of sap my will to do things. For example, some friends will invite me to go to a concert. I sort of like concerts if I like the band but I hate the driving and I hate crowds. So naturally this means I never go to concerts. Its such a hard struggle for me because if I hate too many things about a given event, then I don't want to force myself to go because then I really won't have fun. This bleeds over into dating for me too because women tend to expect the man to have the plan obviously and I am definitely NOT "the man with the plan". I do my best but my best is usually shitty because I am not good at it.

>>33291489
Wow a fucking average guy posts his mugshot picture and doesn’t get drowned in messages on tinder who would’ve thought

>>33290949 (OP)
My dad used to be a single men living in a apartment, in just a couple years he got a house alongside me and my brother at his early 40's. Life can have drastic changes when you least expect, for better or worse.

>>33291571
The thing about therapy is that you have to tell the truth, and not only that, but medication might be in order. One of my Soldiers struggles with anxiety after he got pretty badly abused at his prior station. It takes work, but I've seen it be done. You're not going to have it easy, and you're not going to fix it quick, but you will, over time, get much better.