Outside of 4chan this would obviously be a cry for help, but here I just wanna get perspectives outside of my head and outside of a hugbox. I know full well what I'm getting into by posting this here, and I know what to expect. If most of the replies are what I expect, I'll have my answer.

Long story short: dysfunctional family, narcissistic mother, heavily sheltered, became a socially retarded asshole who's terminally online, made a complete fool of myself online, sparked drama and controversy with a million views worth of attention, hated by most of the people who know me both publicly and personally, no exceptional future worth looking forward to, ruined any chance of doing the one thing I wanted to do with my life, lost all passion for said thing, loser/degenerate in every sense of the word, bought a gun with ammo, ready and willing to end it all. Do you agree that I should? If not, what else is there to do?

>>33292757 (OP)
It's not too late to fix things. Sounds like you're struggling with very deep shame. If you inherited narcissism, your ego can wreak havoc on you, which seems to be the case. Seem really hard on yourself.

>>33292757 (OP)
No, anon. It's not too late. I'm in my mid 30s. I'm alone, and I'm alone because I fucked up the one relationship that was worth it due to my selfishness. I am a fucking loser with noting going for me living in a trailer park filled with anime figures and hug pillows. I have nothing, and nobody but me gives a fuck about me. Don't kill yourself. You aren't done yet. Learn to live with what is going on and stop trying to end your suffering. Let is strengthen you. Let it form you and you will see that you will come out better. I'm a shitty person, anon. I really am one of the worst people, but even I want to live. What makes you think that you should die? Who are you to decide that?

>>33292757 (OP)
the most liberating and scariest thing about life is we can change, but only if we choose to, the choice is just hard, but when we don't choose, the choice will be made for us

>>33292757 (OP)
You have one shot at life, and owe it to yourself to give it your all.

>>33292757 (OP)
Main thing is: do you wanna change or not? I mean, you already know all your issues, so I guess you already know what to fix/work on. I think getting out of the internet and getting a job, literally anywhere, is already a good start. I think internet/being alone, when you're on extremes, in some cases, kinda lead us to feel like the world is something different than what it really is.
Like, I'll give you an example: the height thing. Over and over I see some anons crying over being short and so on... one thing I observe is that 95% are terminally online, which means they're being a victim of a social media algorithm that tells height is everything. Know what I mean? It's easy to get into a loop on internet, hence why isolation tends to be very harmful in today's world.
Get out for a bit, start working/saving money... perhaps you can try travelling somewhere to see some nature or some shit. The world is out there, not inside your pc. Give it a shot, Anon. I mean, you're on the verge of ending it all, so why not? You can either look at things as a "whole", facing everything that comes, or face one by one, which is easier and the smartest thing to do. Just become less of a weirdo.

>>33293046
what if every single time you genuinely tried to be productive or vulnerable or try something new for DECADES was met with rejection and mockery what are you even supposed to do

>>33292757 (OP)
I try to look at it philosophically, I can't really justify suicide from a philosophical perspective. We're all already dead anyway, the one thing we're sure of is that one day we will die and all our suffering and all our joy will be over, and nothing we felt or experienced will matter anymore. You don't need to seek out death because you already have it. Suicide is a completely pointless act, you don't need to kill yourself for your suffering to end.

But even though our death is certain, our life isn't. You cannot possibly know yet that the remaining life that is ahead of you isn't worth living. Maybe there are amazing things ahead of you. Maybe it's just endless suffering, that your inevitable death will erase anyway. Death is certain, so why not explore the uncertain while you still can and while it still matters?

>>33293072

>Maybe there are amazing things ahead of you. Maybe it's just endless suffering, that your inevitable death will erase anyway

I like this. Most threads on /adv/ and i dare to say the entirety of 4chan are made by the OPs in hope of immediate enlightment. Truth is most threads end with the original OP having the exact same doubts he started with or even more

>>33292757 (OP)
Even before making the thread you visualized the replies and YOUR answer. Like most things in life it all rests in your hands as long as the clock is still ticking and life makes an irremediable choice for you. There's no trick or punchline right now you have nothing but the thoughts you opened this thread with. Make something with those