Is there a way to stop being lonely in your 30s? My only friend is busy with his own family, and I've never had a gf. I mostly work from home, so try to spend time with others by volunteering and joining hiking groups, but the loneliness still feels devastating.

>>33319852 (OP)
You're doing it

>>33319852 (OP)
Do more of the same but also build on it. If, say, you enjoy a hiking day, contact someone who was there and suggest doing something else together.

>>33319852 (OP)
The paradox is thinking that other people are the solution to your loneliness. You're always alone, anon. We have connections with others, but we're only ever with ourselves, and the solution to loneliness is to be happy and comfortable in your own company. That's different than being a bitter hermit, you still leave room for others, but you're not needy for them, you're happy to spend time by yourself doing what you enjoy. If you approach relationships from this place of desperation, seeking them to fill this hole in you, or wanting someone else to fulfill your needs, it's going to lead to problems, unequal or unhealthy relationships, and in the end you'll still feel alone. Make a peaceful home within yourself that you can invite others into, rather than walking alleyways like a stray cat looking to be let in to their homes. That makes you much more easy to form a relationship with others. Do things because you genuinely want to and enjoy them, rather than using them as subterfuge to gain something or someone. Having a healthy relationship with yourself is the foundation of having them with others.

>>33319852 (OP)
There’s this little country called Thailand

>>33319852 (OP)
Get weirder. You need outcasts in your life who haven't ossified into their routine. Get into art and music spaces.

>>33319852 (OP)
Try online dating, it will only get worse. Your thirties are for starting and building up a family.
>Never had a gf
This is irrelevant, everyone is unique and talking about ex's is a taboo for a reason.

>>33319923
Not him but this is so difficult. Ive lost all ambition and interest in hobbies because of the interpersonal losses I've incurred. Having friends and lovers helps motivate other aspects of your life. Being alone is miserable.

>>33319923
>The paradox is thinking that other people are the solution to your loneliness.
t. Has friends, family, and people that care about him.

>>33319852 (OP)
>My only friend is busy with his own family, and I've never had a gf.
hey crazy idea but maybe you should do try doing that as well

>>33319945
ladyboys of a questionable age will not cure his loneliness

>>33320069
Exactly

>>33320079
This is why you don't listen to advice from normalfags.

>>33320114
I wonder why you're alone when you "other" everyone else who tries to connect with you. Truly a mystery.

>>33319852 (OP)
You're making the right moves, anon, but learn to be alone without being lonely. You have the need for someone to validate you, but you're a dude in his 30s with what I assume is a good career and hobbies. You should be happy to spend time around yourself. I know I'm a stranger on the internet, but I do think you're awesome, anon, and I would be your friend.

>>33319923
Thanks anon, this is really helpful.
>the solution to loneliness is to be happy and comfortable in your own company.
How do I get started with this?

>>33320076
>hey crazy idea but maybe you should do try doing that as well
I have a hard time figuring out how to connect with others.

>>33320058
It's hard to deal with the emotions and it's hard to build a solid, trusting, fulfilling relationship with yourself when you've been neglectful of that person for so long, but living life at the whims of others, relying upon their participation, approval, their showing up for you? That's really hard, and make no mistake, people will disappoint you. Your most trusted, loyal friend is gonna fuck up, let you down, and you're going to have to forgive them. Having a real home within yourself to come back to will keep those things from breaking you, and if you build that home solidly, you can weather any storm. Don't be a refugee when the tides come in, become strong enough to weather them right where you are.
>>33320069
It's never been a constant thing. I've had people, and I've had no-one. I've let people in, and I've shut them out. I've trusted and been betrayed and learned to forgive. I've learned that the way wasn't to become a hard shelled creature who puts up walls for fear of betrayal or disappointment, nor is it best or practical to lean on others and place my wellbeing at their feet. I've been lonely and I've been alone, and know that those are completely different things. Being lonely is having unmet needs that you neglect to give yourself, a failure to enjoy your own company, and a disregard of yourself as a person. Being alone is a choice you can make at any time and still be at peace, because you trust yourself, love yourself, and know your value. Others may come along, but it isn't because you need them, it's because you want them there for what value they add to your life and your path, not what role they fill or wounds they mend for you.
>>33320239
The way to get started is to know yourself better, and, if it applies to you, to stop hating that person, or disregarding their needs and desires. It's building your self-trust, making meaning without relying upon externalities. You learn you, then you love you, then others can too. Who are you?

>>33320163
>dude in his 30s with what I assume is a good career and hobbies

>>33320128
I don't other anyone at all.
>>33320393
>It's never been a constant thing. I've had people, and I've had no-one.
So you've had people to connect to in the first place.

There is nothing to be gained from interacting with normals.

>>33320404
>you've ever talked to another human being in your life? Wow normie, I was born to a computer in a basement and haven't even seen sunlight before, get on my level

Get over yourself anon, you don't have access to a secret hidden level of loneliness nobody else has experienced. No, I had practically nobody until adulthood, then had some, then lost some, then found some again. If your attitude towards any advice that doesn't perfectly mirror your experience is to discard it as useless, and you think that only test-tube babies raised by robots could ever understand how you feel, then stay lonely, you clearly want to be that way.

>>33319852 (OP)
I just stay busy and text people about stuff

>>33320448
>You just WANT to be lonely because you aren't swallowing my platitudes
I continue to be vindicated.

>>33320490
No you WANT to be lonely because you identify with it, it's your personality, and you choose to remain entrenched in it thinking the only solution, the only way you'll ever feel worth in your life, is if some martyr comes in and tells you makes you feel that way. You think it's someone else's responsibility to change you on some level, and that the reason why it hasn't happened yet is because you're some inherently unlovable cretin, or that people are cruel and transactional, so you have to alter yourself or trick them in some way into seeing you as worthwhile. You choose suffering and helplessness because actually learning to confront yourself and accept yourself is hard, and the idea that you're entirely in control and responsible terrifies you. Somehow you want someone else to want to love you, yet you don't even think you're worth love yourself. Far be it of me to force you out of the hole you keep digging to hide yourself in, stay in there as long as you like, but you can leave any time, nobody is putting you in there, and nobody is going to drag you out when you seem to be comfortable there. You're not vindicated, you're resigned to helplessness.

You're fucked dude.

>>33320559
People are transactional. Why else would they bother spending time around someone if nothing was gained from the interaction? Normalfags have social capital because of a variety of factors. The bottom 1% that is often found on this website isn't. This is the truth. BEEEING yourself and ACCCEEEEPTING yourself does jack shit. I've had more social success putting up fronts than acting like myself.

>>33320655
And here is your problem. Once you recognize this mindset as the source of much of your problems, you'll be able to heal from it. If you treat all people as potential snakes, thinking love is earned and not created, and that the only way to be loved is to manipulate others into accepting a false version of yourself to cover up the deep and obvious self-loathing you ooze, then obviously you're going to be and remain lonely. If that's how you think, and you refuse to believe anything contrary to the dogma you've created for yourself, then there's no advice to give you anon. Enjoy the bed you're making, don't complain about having to lie in it.

>>33320905
>Once you recognize this mindset as the source of much of your problems, you'll be able to heal from it.
I used to think otherwise and that never got me anywhere. Like I said, platitudes all around.

>>33320927
Think otherwise? You don't love yourself anon. You don't even think you're deserving of love, why would anyone else? So long as that's the narrative you're writing for yourself, that's what your reality will be. If you only believe in transactional love and refuse to be yourself because you fear rejection, then nobody will be able to even know you, much less love you. Between rejection for honesty or false acceptance by a lie, I'd choose the former. I'd recommend therapy but you'd probably write it off as "gaslighting yourself" and refuse to even try, much less listen to what they have to say to you. You're your own worst enemy, anon. You're not lonely because others ignore you, or can't accept you, it's because you hate yourself. Why do you hate you, anon?

>>33319985
This is correct.
I'm 34, met my 19yo gf in a niche art community.

>>33321215
wife*

>>33321194
Self righteous fagots like you are honestly the fucking worst. You come here claiming to have any sort of empathy and understanding and then when people tell you the world they live in and how the vauge dribble you spit has already been tried a million times by them to no avail you just laugh. You don't actually understand or want to understand anyone because you aren't here to help but to stroke your own ego and get off to other people suffering while they fall for your basic bitch and false lies.

>>33321250
I couldn't have said it better myself.

>>33321250
trvke

>>33321194
nta, i'm with the other anon - you're full of shit

>>33321250
He's not telling anyone the "world he lives in", he's claiming helplessness and has deluded himself, like you, into unrealistic and unhealthy patterns of thinking. I do understand because I've been him, like I said, you people just don't want to face reality and remain coddled in the warmth of your misery, only regurgitating red pill bullshit that helps nobody and destroys any chance of happiness or growth. You don't "see things clearly", you don't know "the hard truth nobody wants to admit", you're just a bitter edgelord who refuses to take responsibility for your circumstances and wants to blame the world for your problems. He hasn't "tried it a million times", he hasn't put earnest effort towards any positive growth or mindset change because, like you, he crumbles the moment shit doesn't go his way, and the advice doesn't magically fix his whole life in a week of half-assed effort. Compared to the inane, maladaptive, manipulative bullshit that usually gets spewed here, I'm one of the only ones actually trying to help. People like you are crabs in a bucket, telling them shit that keeps them miserable with you.

>>33321406
You're so right anon, it's somebody else's responsibility to fix your life for you, and if some selfless martyr doesn't plug their nose so they can stand the smell of you and mother you back to health, you'll never, ever get better. It's literally impossible to ever have a happy, fulfilling life unless someone is there to pull you out of the hole of self-hate and defeatism you dig for yourself. Might as well never try anything, or learn to be completely fake and lie about your life so that others will be tricked into interacting with you, that will surely lead to real connection and acceptance.

>>33323957
>>33323988
>MUH BOOTSTRAPS
die boomer scum

>>33324601
>bootstraps
It's called "growing up" anon. You'll learn that someday, hopefully before your 50th virginity anniversary

>>33324616
>just take responsibility for being low genetic material bro
>You're a lame bro? Just rise up and walk dude

>>33324659
>MUH GENETICS
Very convenient excuse for not trying anon, but it's not a pass to whine about it. If you just want a self-defeating echo chamber go cry in the mirror, come back when you want advice not pity.

>>33324682
>Excuse
If it affects your abilities in life, how is that an excuse?

>>33324687
Everybody's hand is dealt to them anon. Nobody chooses where and what they come from, but everybody, even you, gets to choose what they want to do with what they have. You're breathing air and shitposting online, your top 10 biggest problems don't involve starving to death, dying of dehydration, getting bombed out of your village, or getting eaten by a predator. You have it pretty good, and just like you appreciate nothing and carry a bad attitude about shit you can't control, even if you had everything you imagine you want, you'd still find something to be unhappy about and cry over. Women with small tits get implants, women with big tits get reductions, men with the wife, kids and picketfence have midlife crises, people with low paying jobs want a high paying job, and people with high paying jobs wish their life was simpler. Happiness doesn't come from what you have but what you appreciate and the outlook you choose to have about it. It's a choice, and whether you had good genetics or not, girlfriend or not, money and muscles and a big fat dick or not, you can still choose to be miserable and come up with some lame, bullshit justification to make it feel right, just like you are now. With that attitude, you may as well never try, because you'll never be happy regardless.

>>33319852 (OP)
i play multiplayer games, text people, and i started watching shows again to feel like people are in the room with me

>>33324714
>mostly work from home
if you're still there op, can i ask what job it is? i'm desperate for a remote-ish job where i don't have to compete with the whole world

>>33324709
Hey, you know what, you're right! I may be a loser, but I'm a loser with food and water. How wonderful. I guess I'll just choose to not be a loser anymore. Just like Jesus said, "Rise and Walk" to the lame, I'll just get up and stop being a loser. I'll get smarter, taller, more handsome, less socially crippled with the snap of my fingers.

>>33324742
"Loser" is what you're deciding that you are, that's your own label, that's how you feel about you, and so it's both your prerogative and responsibility to change it if you want to. Yes, you can choose not to be a loser, so the real question is why you wake up every day deciding that's what you are. Likely because you hate yourself and project that self-image onto the world, thinking that the only way to not be a loser is to be lucky, that choices don't matter, and that your worth is externally derived rather than individually determined. You choose to believe that narrative, and lash out when others suggest otherwise, that life is what you make of it, that shallow, ephemeral, meaningless things aren't where happiness is found, that you're not helpless, you're hurt and envious. Everyone has problems, and there are people who have less than you that are more grateful, that have found purpose, love, happiness in whatever forms they can, to whatever ability they have. If your excuse for being bitter and hopeless is "genetics", you're going to need something better than that to lean on. If your measure of your own worth is comparison-based, compare yourself to those who have less and worse yet still manage to value their lives. What's the difference? Their attitude, that's it, and attitude is a choice. Choose a better one.

>>33320239
>>I have a hard time figuring out how to connect with others.
A lot of people do. That's why dating apps/events exist.
Well-adjusted people don't need artificial dating pools. They connect with friends and acquaintances organically.
Dating events are basically saying "I'm socially retarded but don't want to die alone, please pretend you love me so we can get married and have kids"

>>33325067
>"Loser" is what you're deciding that you are
There are objective standards in reality that determine if a person is a loser or not. You can ignore them at your own peril but they still affect your life.

>>33325701
There aren't, everyone has completely different conceptions of what makes a loser, you've just overdosed on redpill nonsense and underdosed on anything that's actually healthy for your mind, like spending time outdoors, or going to therapy. Nobody is going to beat down your door to rescue you from your choice to be miserable, and if you believe you're inherently hopeless then that will be your reality whether it's true or not. We're always doing whatever we want, and this is how you want to be, so enjoy.

>>33325737
>There aren't
Would you treat a 50 year old neet living in their parent's basement the same as a millionare with a successful business, good social circle, great wife, and three houses?

>>33324709
Thank you honestly for all the advice you've written in this thread, OP wont appreciate it, but I will. Its nice to see some good shit on this shitty board once in a while.

>>33325757
If they have the same qualities and traits like treating others with courtesy and respect? Yes, they're equal people and their circumstances are irrelevant to me, it's not like the millionaire is going to give me money or a house, it doesn't matter.
>>33325800
Thank you anon, I'll continue trying to offer a voice of reason whether anyone listens or not.

>>33326013
>If they have the same qualities and traits like treating others with courtesy and respect?
So objective standards do exist for things like character but not for success? Make up your mind.

>>33326033
No, my personal standards exist for what I value or dislike in a person, and everyone has their own, which is why it's subjective. If you had all the money in the world, people would look down on you for being greedy and selfish, if you had no money someone would look down on you for being broke. You can't win with everyone no matter what you try, have, or do, so instead of trying to curate yourself to please others and meet their standards, or lament what you wish you had but don't, be a real person and stop worrying about the approval of others. If you're secure, confident and happy with yourself, nobody else's say matters.

>>33326079
Pathetic thinking. "Everyone's a winner if they think that they are."

>>33319923
You can be happy and comfortable with your own company, but still feel lonely. Humans have a fundamental need to connect with others.

>>33319852 (OP)
Nobody cares about anything anymore.
Nobody wants to get together anymore.
Nobody does anything without getting paid anymore.
Nobody wants to do anything anymore.

https://youtu.be/kVaolNKt2zw
https://youtu.be/1d925iMSuLY

Where do we go from here?

>>33319852 (OP)
>My only friend is busy with his own family, and I've never had a gf
Why didn't you ask your friend to have his wife introduce you to women?

>>33333670
>Why didn't you ask your friend to have his wife introduce you to women?
She doesn't have any friends.

>>33326999
This is why I can't stand fuckers like that. It's complete gaslighting of reality. They live in magical Therapy Land where everyone is great and capable and wonderful! There are no losers in life! Bad things can never happen!

>toxic positivity, the thread

>>33319852 (OP)
Just ask people to do stuff with you however can seem interesting and socially acceptable. Perhaps host things. Slowly you will build a network. It can even snowball after a point. Also if you are busy it is more difficult to feel lonely.

>truth nuke that makes doomer faggots seethe the thread

>>33319852 (OP)
Not sure OP I feel the same as you. I just don't connect with anyone on a personal level. Keeping busy makes the loneliness go away so I’m going to start just planning every weekend with activities. Hiking, biking, running, dining, traveling, just doing whatever I can. I’m not sure if this helps but just wanted to let you know I’m around your age and lonely

>>33319852 (OP)
I've been friendless since 12 and am a khv so I'm almost totally desensitized to loneliness currently in my late 30s. I'm also a workoholic so maybe find something to autistically dedicate yourself to

>>33341997
>I'm also a workoholic so maybe find something to autistically dedicate yourself to
Not OP but I wish I could become a workoholic. The problem is that I'm too incompetent to do so.

>>33320490
Jesus, no wonder no one wants to be your friend

>>33324659
Work to overcome it, defeatist subhuman faggot.

>>33324601
nta, but if this is truly boomer scum posting, what is the opposite that is implied? Everything is fucked and the world owes you but wont pay up? I want to understand.

>bioleninism and spiteful mutants: the thread

>>33319852 (OP)
Get a bf

>>33320905
>Once you recognize this mindset as the source of much of your problem

>can't socialize
>change perspective
>assume they are all snakes
>actually profit

>YoU wHeRe AsSuMiNg SnAkeS AlL aLoNg!

I don't know anon, your assertion doesn't match up with the timeline.

>>33321250
Fucking based
Preach
I'd help you lynch the ego stroker

>>33324616
>legitimately trying to rationalize bootstraps
Unironically kill yourself

>>33344757
>Everything is fucked and YOUR PARENTS owe you but wont pay up?
Unironically this. It's the nature of time.
Parents bring participants into the world in a grey area with no possibility of consent. Children are supposed to outlast the parents. The parents set the child up for success. The way a child treats thier parent is a literal reflection of their whole relationship. If times are good then a child can help the parent. But even good relationships don't mean jack shit when times are bad.

If the parents sabotage thier children with shit genetics, or a lifetime of debt, or destroying thier birth right or just shit luck, yeah it's the parents fault. You even still acknowledge its the parents fault when it's black and while like fucking vegetable babies or double chromosomes and expect the parents eternal slavery caring for the poor kid they crippled, but think it doesn't extend to autist and unsocialized castoffs, out of some misplaced self-improvement ideology.

Boomers literaly cashed in thier kids and grandkids etc future for a few more months of "hedonism". It's publicly documented how much money was literaly just given to them by the federal government.
Are you even trying?

>>33319923
>The paradox is thinking that other people are the solution to your loneliness.
You are a fucking retard and I'm not going to read more of your wall of test.

Of course people are the cure for loneliness. Having a girl that loves you, a family and a good group of friends to share things makes you feel accomplished, because we are social creatures.

My God this is the stupidest thing I've read in 4chan this whole year. You should be proud. Fucking retard. Shame on you.

>>33319923
>rather than walking alleyways like a stray cat looking to be let in to their homes
God, this is exactly how I felt when approaching romantic relationships. I literally compared myself to a stray cat I used to feed. Good advice anon, thank you.

>>33319923
what happens when you enjoy being alone and a girl wants to date you and gets mad that you enjoy being alone instead of wanting to be with her all the time?

>>33320393
>Being lonely is having unmet needs that you neglect to give yourself, a failure to enjoy your own company, and a disregard of yourself as a person. Being alone is a choice you can make at any time and still be at peace, because you trust yourself, love yourself, and know your value. Others may come along, but it isn't because you need them, it's because you want them there for what value they add to your life and your path, not what role they fill or wounds they mend for you.

Literal wisdom

>>33324709
>Happiness doesn't come from what you have but what you appreciate and the outlook you choose to have about it. It's a choice.

Sorry for just dickriding itt at this point, I’m just highlighting my favorite part. It’s genuinely once in a blue moon someone is on here that has positive and genuine advice. And mindset truly does make the difference, especially in dire or difficult circumstances. Suffering is a well, and anons have to climb out of it. It’s hard, and deeply so if they feel isolated or neglected, the way many do. Your advice is probably gonna fall on some deaf ears anon, but I’m glad I was on today to read it. Thanks.

>>33324709
First you say the cure to lonelyness is accept being alone. Then you say you have control over everything. Then you say you need people and that life is already predelt and you have no control over it.

So like which is it?

>>33319852 (OP)
Not really. If you don't have it by that time you are fucked and if you lose it your not getting it back. The only advice is to just go out more and try to talk to people which I know sounds shallow and vauge as hell.

Sometimes I go on eventbite and meetup.com to see if there is anything interesting but that's the most I can offer and I haven't had any success with either.

>>33319923
What an unbelievable retarded take.
Normal people have literally never been alone for a moment in their lives. Loneliness is not an emotion experienced by well adjusted people except for a couple weeks when they move to college at 18 or when they get dementia and sent to a retirement home.

>>33319923
What if I don't actually enjoy doing anything? If I didn't do things to gain something from people, I'd just lay in bed and die of heart atrophy.

>>33345692
Yea this guy is right. Normal people don't experience loneliness. Maybe for a couple days but they’re constantly socializing or doing mundane normy shit like a run club, dungeons and dragons, funko pop club idk. Yea you can survive being a loaner, but you’re like those fish that live in pitch black bottom of the ocean and have adapted to survive in darkness Nobody likes those fish.