In answer to a very common question on /adv/ the basics of small talk

This is NOT Game, NOT PUA wankery, NOT memorizing scripts, NOT 'evolutionary psychology', just the concepts of natural dialog.
It is NOT only about approaching pretty girls only to get a date
This IS about developing both
>the concepts and skills of conversation
and
>comfort with speaking with strangers.
Over time this will lead to you developing the confidence, skills, and social circles that will make your life better and, over time, get you a GF or BF.
You do this by starting small
>being comfortable with simple exchanges with strangers
up to
>learning to sustain a conversation over time
to
>making a friend
to
>maintaining a circle of friends
and so on.

This thread is for the very first steps of this journey and for people to ask questions, give advice, and so on.

The basics of conversation.
>https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=how+to+make+small+talk&view=detail&mid=6ADCB726A268BAB43A8E6ADCB726A268BAB43A8E&FORM=VIRE

>https://www.forbes.com/sites/christinapark/2015/03/30/an-introverts-guide-to-small-talk-eight-painless-tips/?sh=2dae6e09574a

>https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/how-to-make-small-talks

>https://preply.com/en/blog/small-talk-questions-to-make-conversation-easier/

>https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=how+to+do+small+talk&docid=608051586035101294&mid=C2DE2978035736B97D7CC2DE2978035736B97D7C&view=detail&FORM=VIRE

>>33352279 (OP)
I enjoy the spirit of this thread. I never struggled with small talk myself but I am glad there's resources out there for those that do. Because I know lots of autist neet types who suck at small talk. They actually got lots of cool shit to say, since they live in their own heads for so long. Equipping those lads with neat guides on how to small talk is a good service, OP. Cheers for the thread.

>>33352306
Thank you

>how are you?

in my Java class i sat next to a pretty girl and across the table are two other dudes who were her dormmates. We're all nerds but I'm the only one whose Aspie. Any way she didn't she didn't show up for a class one morning and I was a little bummed, I like talking to her. The next time she showed up and halfway through class, in preparation for the test we were all going over what the previous lessons had been and I brought up the memoization stuff from that day and she said she didn't think we went over that.
>well that's just because you didn't show up that day
>I did too, I always go to class
>Don't know what to tell you, you would have remembered it in that case
>Have you been keeping track of what days I do or didn't show up?

I had nothing to say at that point, I didn't go out of my way to do it but yes I could remember exactly the days she didn't show up because the chance to chat with her or not was what I looked forward to

I was just flustered for about 10 or 15 seconds and sensing my weakness one of the other guys jumped in with
>He comes to every class, of course he'd know, you'd do well to do the same

Anyway it got the focus off of me and I was grateful for the flak. But what should I actually have done or said there? Women aren't oblivious, she can probably tell how I feel, but I couldn't think of anything to say that didn't make me look like a tryhard (remembering everything) or a weird creep (knowing when she was there by what days we talked or not)

>>33352489
Anyway that was that for a while until the end of semester. We have one hour lab obligations each week for that class but there are like 8 different sessions you could sign up for. Mostly Indian and Chinese guys so when I went to mine I was immediately shocked to see her mop of blonde hair. I nodded at her and got to work, figuring we would have time to talk if I got everything done in half an hour. But when I did, she was already gone. I shrugged and exited the building and had on my Bluetooth headphones so I wouldn't have to hear all the loud people on campus

In a weird moment I was not expecting she caught up to me... I don't want to accuse her of anything but I think she was waiting for me, maybe? I wished her a nice weekend and she said I was sweet and looking back she probably wanted to talk more but I had my headphones in and we just kept walking. I didn't pay attention to her or think it was weird at that time but when I had to change my path to go to my parking garage she did a weird face. Like I'm tall and she's short so I didn't directly see her but she got in the corner of my peripheral vision and mugged kinda until I looked at her and smiled (I will catch her sometimes looking at my face because I don't emote sometimes, I think she is used to guys always laughing and stuff at her without much effort and I'm not like that)

Anyways I kind of get the feeling she is frustrated by my lack of engagement even though she is trying to be warm and I don't know what to do at all. I never want to simp or oneitis and when these moments come up I have zero idea whatsoever on how to just be the chill and confident guy that would get to kiss and date her. Please help me

>>33352489
>>33352495
Hey anon, I'm an older married man, non-aspie/autist. I'll lend you my observation:

>Have you been keeping track of what days I do or didn't show up?

This is a good sign. It's understandable why it shocked you or felt out of nowhere, like an accusation, and It's easy to see why you'd worry about appearing weird or not. But you gotta remember, she is a girl. Girls 'speak through the flower.' This means whatever intention you think they are saying at face value is incorrect. They have a second and true intention underneath.

Anyway, what she was really asking under those words was "Have you been interested in me?".

Your gut feeling is correct. She has now noticed that you have feelings. She knows.

It's why she ran up to you to catch up with you to initiate conversation more directly. She wants you to build on the emotional revelation, and wants to confirm what she already suspects, that you like her.

You can do this without being too direct or too aloof. Simply ask her out for lunch or coffee or anywhere nice. That will confirm everything to her. And it will keep her engaged and interested.

As an aspie, you probably want her to directly and bluntly tell you everything. She won't. So don't take that as a sign she doesn't like you. Take it as a sign she is female lol. Females are always passive. Always hiding their intent behind gestures or words. Her actions tell the story. Her actions so far shows she is hoping you are interested. So make that known with actions in return by taking her out somewhere.

>>33352489
>>Have you been keeping track of what days I do or didn't show up?
"You sit right next to me, it's pretty easy to notice when you're not there."
TBF, she sounds like a moron.

>>33352489
A few things here:
>she sounds weirdly defensive about it
>she sounds like maybe a chronic liar
Keep an eye on her behavior, it's a red flag.
Also,
>yes, she probably knows you like her, women usually know, thus could've been a deliberate attempt to make you uncomfortable
>your friends are real friends for jumping in and defending you
Keep those guys around, anon. They seem like great dudes and possibly lifelong friends. Those are the sort of guys you want in your life. What happened may not seem like much, but plenty of guys would throw you under the bus or make fun of you to impress her. It sounds like it's worth investing in those relationships. With the girl, maybe not so much. Don't get sucked in by her beauty.

>>33352279 (OP)
Small talk makes me wanna gouge my eyes out.

>>33352684
Learn how to enjoy life and deal with your ADHD/autism.

>>33352687
I don't have either.

>>33352691
No? Whatchu got? You aren't a normalfag if you don't like small talk.

>>33352807
Nta but I'm not an autist either. I am 99.9% sure nobody likes small talk. There's only those who hate it, and those who are indifferent to it. Nobody actively enjoys it. Because it's trivial, shallow, just a social chore to be done to get to larger or deeper social bonds. Or to simply kill silence or dead air. To say you enjoy small talk and like it makes about as much sense as saying you enjoy opening doors or windows. It's unremarkable.

I don't have any problems talking to people if there is a reason for the conversation, but I hate small talk.
My mind just never comes up with anything to say.
I'm also not that interested in people, and that might be a big part of the problem.

>>33352876
>I'm also not that interested in people, and that might be a big part of the problem.
If you’re a male, this is normal. Males are more interested in ideas, things, concepts, objects. Women are the ones who are more interested in people. Gossip, drama, celebrities, personalities, or things about people: biographies, documentaries, shit like horoscopes or anything to do with identity.

We live in a gynocentric culture, so men are expected to behave like women now for some gay reason. You can see it in schools. Teachers and curriculum or ‘pro-educational’ shit on billboards, classroom walls, shit that enforces being people-orientated, people-pleasing, and people-minded. No surprise that teachers are a female dominated role. Over 70% of teachers are women.

>everything men do is for pussy
There are so many people on the on self improvement train the past two decades it's unreal, and I'm not talking about gym because many of them don't even hit the gym but instead do other activities, I'm talking about making money, being social, doing activities, hobbies, just keeping busy in general and making their life as interesting as possible to attract pussy. They are doing all that for pussy, constantly chasing a better looking pussy, younger, fresher, etc. until eventually they find one they are satisfied with so they can fertilize it but even then many of them continue to chase pussy on the side. Some of these boomers are 70+ and still chase pussy, that's right many divorced boomers have girlfriends, just look at that tremendous Eastwood faggot who found a new pussy at 70 or 80 and married for the 6th time. Not to mention famous chads like Julio Iglesias who had thousands of pussies throughout his life.
All that self-improvement, customs, social mores, hobbies cultural events and other activities people do is to attract pussy so they can breed the next generation of goyim cattle and feel desired, loved and appreciated by their pussy and progeny.

>>33353120
>not me though. I have risen above my biology

>what's your story
do people actually say this in conversations? feels like something a completely obnoxious and unhinged person would ask.

>>33352684
I never understood that. Small talk is so easy I never even think about it. I can’t imagine being bad at it or anxious about it.

>>33353243
>for man
Just tryin’a make it day by day, you know what I mean chief?
>for woman
Wouldn’t you like to know! How about I buy you a drink and I’ll tell you.

Ok I read and watched the theory. Now how do I practice?

>>33353243
Sometimes, usually lighthearted