I'm gonna ask her out tomorrow. I hope she says yes

Men are not vanishing, they are retreating. From relationships, from institutional demands, from collective obligation. Not by cowardice, nor nihilism, nor weakness - but by sacred refusal to collude with a world that has hollowed out the feminine into parody, and severed eros from its mythic root.
This retreat is not a conscious movement toward soul, for most men have not heard of soul. It is not a deliberate descent into myth, for most don't remember the myths. And yet it happens. Everywhere.
Men retreat not in search of the feminine within but in search of refuge. They turn away from real relationships, work, education, not because they hate women, but because the outer feminine devoid of beauty, of function, of soul has become unrecognizable. And if given a choice between emptiness and the parody, they choose emptiness. They choose nothing rather than violate what remains of their inner integrity.
But it is there, in the void, that the great possibility stirs.
Even if they do not name her, do not know her, have never met her, still within that emptiness, the anima awaits.
She does not need to be reimagined, reengineered, or "updated". She does not ask to be made familiar to the modern psyche. She need only be seen. Once. As she is. In the dark. Without distortion. Without irony. Without demand.

This act of remembering is enough.

Because where culture collapses, myth re-emerges. And where men descend into the silence beneath language, soul prepares its next eruption. The anima was never meant to be found in daylight; she is born in shadow, dwells in dream, and speaks first through absence.
So let it be said: true virtue is born in darkness.
And when men meet her there not as escape, not as fantasy, but as a reawakening they will return. Not as obedient citizens of a broken world, but as bearers of the fire: visionaries, warriors, poets, and builders, not of new systems but of meaningful life.

This is not disappearance, it's gestation.

>>33355976
Good luck

>>33356290
What

I almost cannot imagine my evening without drinking. Its manageable throught the day but it stars to become noticeable right after the work at 5 pm.

Today, I'm re-starting my journey towards recovering from porn addiction.
To the anon from the last thread, if you're reading this... thank you.

My mom is so hard to be around. I was visiting her yesterday with my boyfriend and she was rude to me and made fun of me. I wanted to show her something and was like omg mom you gotta see these and she went "OMG ANON WHAT" like two times in a really sarcastic voice. Then she sees the paint sets and gets super interested like I knew she would so her mocking me was weird. She will mock me for standing up too fast or random shit like that. She picked on me later for something too and when I went "hey" she just turned away getting something out of the cupboard making shut up noises
My dad made fun of me for calling it fourth of July morning after staying over the other day. I was like I'm happy to have the tradition of biscuits and gravy after the party on 4th of July morning like when I was small. He's like it's the fifth now like I didn't just misspeak. I just smiled and said ok! And kept enjoying the morning. He refused to eat the breakfast I made
My parents low-key just dislike me and I've made peace with it

>>33356408
Fox and grapes

Why the fuck do women only like you when they sense your pulling away. They do all the flirty stuff around me try to catch my eye ect and then once i acknowledge there existense by reciprocating they disappear. Then I ignore them because i sense they are not interested and the cycle repeats. What are these gay ass mind games. Just straight egotism makes me want to die.

>>33355850 (OP)
Nothing makes me happier than a woman's affection. Nothing. No amount of manosphere rhetoric or stoic teachings can undo the fact that I feel like an incomplete half that becomes one as soon as I feel a woman's embrace. If that makes me a simp, then so be it.

I hate the fucking wait 2 minutes captcha shit. I really loathe it. Whatever.

Nothing I do is ever right, and everything is too hard.

>>33357023
It's even more painful when you've had it and you lose it

>>33356290
Whats your thoughts on the anima in troons?

New manager made me take a couch that had been in someone else's house for a month and deliver it as brand new product.
The customer noticed and I had to lie and say "yeah I saw those scuffs on the bottom when I opened it this morning. But it really won't be an issue. It's under the couch!" It was the only way to not have to do even more, unpaid work, because this entire thing is pure commission.

I do not know how to address it with him, because it's already been vocalized that this practice is highly fucking shady and nobody in the store wants to do it. What's worse, this wasn't even his customer. His argument is always "I don't think it'll be a problem!" as if it justifies the total derailment of everyone's day. As if it justifies fucking lying to your customers. This was a $2000 couch.

>>33357023
You still don't love yourself. Sad

>>33356598
>failed again
Yep, I'm gonna need some medication. Xanax isn't gonna do it.

>>33355850 (OP)
I'm not a fool, I just love that you're dead inside
I'm not a fool, I'm just lifeless too...

How do I not go back to my crazy ex for her insane sluttiness for me?

>>33357247
Imagine an ugly face on her head.

>>33357254
I think I'm just desperate for her pussy. Not sure if it's worth the stress though

My bootyhole is really itchy but when I scratch it in the shower after washing with soap it doesn't go away, it's really getting on my nerves

>>33357269
You hung up over pussy? Get different pussy, simple solution.

>>33357269
just get a really good onahole and lube it up very well and fuck it till you feel you no longer need to want to have sexo with your exgf

>>33357065
That's part of the appeal, bro. Better to feel heartache than to feel nothing at all.

>>33357128
Perhaps, but I doubt anyone really does. I firmly believe pretty much every guy who says they don't need women are always just one blowjob away from becoming turbosimps. You can definitely survive without them, but I'm not convinced you can thrive.

Crosspost:
Most of the things I'm into are old, and I think I know how to ride the line between being myself and sounding out of touch to an awkward degree to people I care about, but sometimes I wonder if I sound odd to everyone all the time instead of when I catch myself saying odd things.
>>33356769
>My mom is so hard to be around. I was visiting her yesterday with my boyfriend
well maybe if you weren't a fag then she'd like you more

>>33357290
Sex with her was some of the craziest I ever had though. She was truly a chaotic freak in bed

>>33357316
Get more pussy. It all starts to get the same after a while.

Woke up unable to sleep at 4:30 and spent two hours rereading our old messages
Probably unhealthy to do while she's distancing, like artificially reinforcing a connection that isnt there any longer
But I felt fucking crazy like I had made it all up in my head or imagined it all one sided and delusionally
But that's not how it was, it was real and reciprocal
The changeup just made me feel a little crazy
I think I can remind myself of that and start to move on now

>>33357322
Probably but he's more likely to pass on an std

>>33357355
You're doing fine, bro. Women are oceans, they're erratic and in constant flux. Just because the seas are now stormy does not mean your day in the sun never happened. We men are the mountains they're constanly crashing up against; don't let her waves erode your soul.

>at a four way stop, stop first then go straight
>the other car honks at me even though they were also going straight the direction where I came from
>get fucking infuriated
>turn around and follow them until they need to make a turn
>beep at them when they get the first chance to then drive away
Lol

tips for overcoming childhood csa as an adult?

>>33357546
Intensive trauma therapy with a good therapist

>>33357570
Can I just become an alcoholic? Kidding. Yeah, I need to talk to someone.

Do you really find that to be arousing? Is your head filled with cum instead of cerebrospinal fluid? Why the fuck would you even share that on the first place? Do you even know how an everyday, real woman looks?

Can't fucking write an expression of interest. I know they won't even fucking read it because they need ft staff and would take anyone they can, but my autist brain can't accept listing all the things I've done and call it a day.

I watched some episodes of the kids puppet show Sooty on YouTube today and almost cried twice. The first time it was during an episode where after arguing at home all day they all went outside and played in the rain, splashing in puddles and running around water wheels. Not sure what it was that got to me, maybe the carefree nature of it all or the sense that everything was going to be okay for them? These days whenever it rains I'm immediately anxious about water ingress. The second time was during a counting song aimed at three year olds, which had the lyric "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, I'm so glad that I'm alive" in the chorus. There was a time in my life where I didn't have to aggressively lie to myself every hour to have some semblance of hope for the future. Wasn't there? Fuck, I don't remember.

Why do parents always jump to threatening? You'd think the fact that someone you've known all their suddenly changes in behavior would be a warning sign, but no, apparently they're both blind to it. Every summer since I was a teenager I've looked for worked--you're not old enough, check the website, sorry not hiring, now that I'm actually of age no-one is hiring. I can be honest, lie and say what they want to hear, it doesn't change the fact that they won't give me the time of day. As for school, I would love to go back, it would be a huge relief to have something to overthink about that isn't my pathetic existence. But there a million things preventing me from doing do. First things first, I need a new laptop. I know that this one is less than two years old but it's literally on death's door. You got mad me for calling it junk but I couldn't think of any other to word it. It has literally never left the house or been dropped from standing height yet it's covered in cracks; it wouldn't survive on campus. I didn't mean to hide it from you I was just waiting to tell you I needed a new one until it was birthday. Fast forward months later and I the replacement you promised is nowhere to be found. Even though this one technically still works it's literally on deaths door--every day I wake up thinking today is the day when the beat up, chipped, and cracked charging port will stop working, everyday I'm thankful I still can use it for a little bit longer. If you think I can go back with a laptop like this you're insane. If this thing stops work mid-semester what am I going to do? I'll end up back at square one with having to get my grades waived and dropping out again. I can't buy one myself because I can;t get a job and have no money. Threatening me only makes the urge to grab the kitchen knifes and slit/stab myself a little stronger. You both thinking I'm living the dream but the truth is I'm living a nightmare; I barely enjoy my hobbies

This is my first relationship, we've been together for more than half a year. Often she doesn't reply for days and ignores my messages, barely reciprocates affection, and it's almost impossible to communicate with her, and whenever I try to bring up how it hurts me she either shuts down and ignores me further or calls my needs too demanding. Recently it got especially bad for me so I've tried having a call with her to discuss this one more time and she didn't even try to engage at all, so we just chatted about random shit while I was dying inside. Afterwards I tried writing a few unrelated messages and she hasn't responded since, it's been more than two days now. I literally don't have the strength to carry this anymore. Every single fucking time, even though I'm the one who hurts from this behavior, I have to be the one that tries fixing it cause she won't even try lifitng a finger. I think of some solution that would work for us both and gently propose it, and basically plead for some kind of change. It's degrading. If she doesn't wanna write anything now, then I'll just let the relationship get extinguished. Fuck, even if she does write something, it's almost definitely not changing my mind at this point. It's over.
It's absolutely soul crushing to look back on this relationship. Was almost constantly feeling like I'm a huge burden for wanting the most basic of communication and warmth when it's supposed to be the norm. The worst feeling is that I always showed up and was there for her, and I was always understanding and tried giving her space when she told me that it's difficult for her and that she's wired differently or whatever. But I can't take it anymore. Relationships just shouldn't feel like this. I feel very defeated. It feels like any understanding I extended at my own cost was never reciprocated or even appreciated. Fuck this shit.

>>33357877
Standard anxious attachment / avoidant attachment clash
Possibly also some codependency
You should probably get therapy for it or at least read into it online with intention and do self-reflection on the dynamics and how you can do better with them

>>33357922
Is it not reasonable to feel like shit over a relationship like this? Is it not just called "being tired of being neglected?" Am I really supposed to be ok with this behavior? It's not like I ask her to be online 24/7 and reply the second I send a message, fuck no, I just want the most basic of reciprocation. How am I meant to feel ok in a relationship where love needs to be assumed since it's almost never shown? If I go to therapy and I'm told to just deal with this kinda behavior then I'm fucking killing myself because I will know this world is devoid of love. I feel like the only thing I could do better is to leave earlier.

>>33357986
I'm not saying her behavior is fine I'm giving you the framework for why it is how it is plus how your reaction and feelings about it may be influenced, not necessarily incorrect or overblown
Setting boundaries would be a big part of therapy and the boundary that you need more communication or it's not going to work for you is a big common one. The anxiously attached and codependent often get stuck being unable to set that boundary out of fear

I am really freaked out and stressed out right now

Nobody in this whole world has my back. Nobody. I'm completely and utterly alone.

Please help me anons

>>33358026
Well, it's time to pull up your big kid pants. Never a better time to learn how to get comfortable with yourself and learn to cope than when you're literally forced to.

>>33357999
Alright, that's fair, I got the wrong message from your reply. Thank you anon. I tried setting that boundary one time too many, I think I had too much faith in it working out eventually.

>>33358036
I dont want to cope
I want to hide in a closet
I hate the world and I cant trust it not to hurt me

Women are fucking retarded. Why are men dumb enough to legally bind themselves to them?

>>33358026
I‘m sorry anon, truly I am. There is nothing more terrifying than feeling all alone.

>>33358047
You're not going to have any better time hiding away in your little nest of anguish that you've made now than you will in the future when it's still there to exist ambiently around you.
Catch yourself now and find a conduit for your grief and anxiety. Get yourself out of your bed, your chair, your places of comfort and go seek the outside. Walk. Get off of your ass and look at something that doesn't remind you of the misery. You're just enforcing a habit of avoiding everything, and making it worse for yourself.
>>33358053
Because sometimes you love us, and sometimes we love you. Sometimes that even happens at the same time and the both of you become so overwhelmed with happiness that you decide that they are the person you want to spend every adventure with, most of your meals with, and can tolerate them without actually killing them even after spending all this time together.

>>33357546
For me, it was a single act, by an adult pedophile when I was very little. The worst part of it isn't the experience for me, although that was terrifying. The worst part was the way my parents dealt with it. The aftermath of it was awful because it was swept under the carpet and I didn't know how to process that as a kid except to think I deserved it, I brought it on, etc. It normalized it and you can imagine the suffering that caused me.

Also, to know that such an evil, selfish person exists is tough to take. I did countless hours of therapy, I guess it helped somewhat. The pedophile died, my parents never cared but I think it's good to compare the event with worse events... so I don't dwell on it. Substance abuse is common in survivors. I've had my fair share.. I'm a binge alcoholic (when the pain gets too much... not from this but from life in general).

I don't know what life would've been had that not happened. I think I would've had more self-respect. That was lost at a very young age, along with my innocence.

I'm sat here at work fighting off yet another breakdown from the pain of losing you. I know I hurt you and you have every right to be mad at me but I did tell you if you left my life completely I'd be a mess. I just hope our paths cross again some day and I can see your smile again.

I think part of the reason my dad emotionally/sexually absued me for so many years was because I was shit at sports. Since we were young, he was adamant about my brother and I being great at sports like he was. My brother was great at multiple sports while I was a timid, overweight, uncoordinated spaz. Therefore, my brother was off limits, while I was already useless in his eyes. He couldn't risk damaging my brother's body or mind, thus putting his other goals at risk. There was nothing to risk when it came to abusing me since I had no value in his eyes. Sometimes when im really low, I think about tackling him to the ground and screaming at him 'why did you do this to me, you bastard, you bastard, you bastard', but it's all pointless.

Debating driving an hour to have sex with a fat chick tonight. She's in town on vacation

Going to a thing tonight. My ex might be there. Been in a mild state of panic about it all day.

My parents both constantly hammer in how childish I am and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m 20 and since I left school I’ve went straight to work, learn to drive, pay my rent to live at home and offer to help where I can. Maybe it’s because I don’t have any aspirations/life goals, like my younger brother wants to go to uni and is very determined, maybe it’s because I still like anime/games, maybe because I have no real friends and don’t go out or maybe it’s because I’m still playful with my family but I’m just happy to be around them because they’re my only friends. But they’re always making fun of me for it, speaking about it behind my back to my siblings and when I ask why so I can stop acting childish they get mad. I try not to be a pussy but it’s getting me down a bit because nobody wants to be a retard everyone looks down on as a child. What’s the point if I’m always going to be viewed as a kid? I’ve tried but no matter what I do it seems I’m always below normal mature people.

Showed my face in an online convo with a new friend who's pretty cute and now they probably think I'm ugly and ughhhhhhhhhh I should shoot myself....

>>33358187
If they're constantly calling you childish and refusing to explain then who's really being childish? It sounds like you got a good heart, don't let them wear you down. You are not required to have everything figured out by 20, try things, give it time, you'll find something you wanna keep doing in life.

Sometimes I get giddy when I see the opportunity to engage in self-destructive behavior.

I dont give a shit about your rat children, I want to kill you

There's someone who I stopped contacting online nearly a decade ago. Despite us being out of contact, and her blocking me and deleting much of her social media presumably to keep me from following her, and despite me trying to stop, I still on occasion look for/through her social media for pictures of her. I have tried repeatedly to stop forever but keep doing it again every few months or so.

What the fuck is wrong with me, and how can I stop myself?

If anybody has any advice/insight I am in desperate need. I hate myself for this so much.

>>33358349
lovely

I lost 220 lbs and am roughly 25 lbs away from goal weight
Lost and regained 5 lbs in the last two months when I'd normally have lost 12-16 in that time
I'm afraid of this drop in willpower
I'm afraid of going back to how I was, it's so fucking common in extreme weight loss
The difference is old anxieties came back really fucking strong and I caved and went back to alcohol to self-soothe, because it really works
But it comes at a price
I'm in therapy now to try to work through my dumb shit in a healthy way and not fall back into obesity hell
But I'm scared
Because I spent nearly my entire life being unable to care, it's familiar, it's an old mental rut, and I can feel the comforting pull of it

I think the fundamental issue is while I was making fast progress I had high confidence that I would be able to turn the rest of my life around. But recently as I'm closer to goal weight and don't feel that much better about myself I'm not so sure about that anymore. I've dug myself into such a deep hole throughout those decades of apathy. Rationally I know I can make it if I never stop trying and always keep momentum and progress going, but the feeling is sabotaging me

>>33358374

Should I message a toxic ex if it means I'll have something to fuck tonight?

>>33358471
Probably not

>>33358366
Anyone?

I rejected the friend request of a girl who ghosted me months ago. I'm curious, why would she add me again after all this time? Anyone here know how women think?

>>33358484
Self control. Have it and jerk off instead.

Don't know what to do
It's about how fucking lonely I feel.
My childhood and teenage years didn't help, but I wasn't thinking about getting together with someone, and the few chances I thought I had went away pretty quickly. I lived as a good kid but not worth looking at.
As an adult I suddenly felt the urge to change my ways and I embarrassed myself with someone there. The embarrassment was long distanced, but that still kept me away from trying again for quite a bit.
I met someone I really wanted to be with, and that was just a dream. That never work and we were just really good buddies for a long period of time, then we parted ways.
It's been always me having a good reputation, but always being alone. People looking up to me because I helped them, but whenever there was a hint of me not doing so, they went away, that was my only trait. With no friends, no skills and no charisma it's been always an impossibility.
At some point I gave up and, while there's been 2 occasions I thought someone was interested, they were brief and unsubstantial and I was already too insecure to try anything. Some years later I thought I got over this. Then I got a new job, surrounded by women, and it has been killing me.
Last year some girl showed up at work, she got my number, complimented me and I tried to hit it off. Needless to say, she's not talking to me anymore. Not content with how quickly I fucked that one up, I became more jaded, and every day I feel like I'm more of a disgusting person. Last week a coworker of mine mentioned a singles event she organizes every year and that even made me feel shittier.
All I do now is just wander around with a shitty cheap DLSR camera, take pictures and upload them to instagram. Only thing that comforts my pathetic ass is that every picture I upload there is always checked by the one girl I loved the most. Probably why I do it.

>>33358489
Lost an orbiter or her guy of pursuit at the time ran off with another gash.

>>33358484
just wait for it to go away. read the part in Swann's Way where he smokes the cigarette or something

>>33358266
Thanks anon.

>>33356290
posted it again award

>>33358491
>>33358502
How much of a piece of shit am I for this?

>>33358521
Depends on context and every answer deserves nuance.

After making fun of indians here 24/7, I feel like a piece of shit now that I met some nice indians. Makes me want to undo all of the posts I made here but oh well.

>>33358534
What context is missing?

>>33358521
Thats not being a piece of shit it's having attachment issues and unresolved mental shit you have to work out
Unfortunately the right answer is often just "go to therapy"

>>33358547
But what about the adverse affects me doing this must have had on this person? I'm pretty sure they privated and deleted most of their social media because I kept looking.

Umbrella girl, now I only see you on Fridays.
I see you were in a better mood. Now mine is worse. I think there's no balance here. I wish for rain next Friday. That way it will be balanced. We both will be at a decent mood.

>>33358104
>There was nothing to risk when it came to abusing me since I had no value in his eyes. Sometimes when im really low, I think about tackling him to the ground and screaming at him 'why did you do this to me, you bastard, you bastard, you bastard', but it's all pointless.

Your father was/is a disgusting pedophile, you did ABSOLUTELY nothing to deserve it. CSA survivors always blame themselves. I acted it out on other kids, then wanted to kill myself for that - felt deep shame but YOU WERE A KID. I was a kid. You're not to blame. Say this to yourself every single time you remember your messed up past. I'm sorry that the person who was supposed to love and protect you betrayed you in such an awful way. If you have contact with him now, stay away and tell him exactly why. Put up a sign in front of his house too or contact the police! I wish I had done that before the pedophile, who messed me up, died. I was too weak then.

>>33355850 (OP)

>>33356290

I just wrote this all out and the thread got deleted..

so I will write it here. It suits you too, anon:

>>33358143
What do you mean?

The way that women are judged for being fat, too masculine looking, no hips, hip dips, their labia, their features, their short purple hair, their height, etc etc?

The perfect models will have 100 superficial
males chase her. Obviously.

Ugly men here only care about looks. I see it all the time. Too bad, I don't feel sorry for you. You're ugly, the girl you're chasing is not. It's all about looks to you but for her to care about looks? How dare she. All those guys chasing her are perverts, are disgusting ugly pigs like you that watch porn and have no real hobbies, boring af, ugly, what's to like? I hope that helps

>>33358542
they're just pictures anon, haven't you heard those anime ckiches of nerds selling racy pics? think of it like that

>>33355850 (OP)
I'm probably gonna get doxxed from some dude's exposé video

>>33358800
What is he exposing?

>>33358773
>frantic woman typing nonsense
Mid women give me the -ick. Ugly women I just feel sorry for them for maybe one second then look away but mid women give me the ick, especially when they open their mouth about some inane bullshit nobody cares about.

>>33358803
paraphile mastodon instances

>>33358800
How do you know that he's releasing it?

>>33358829
Why are you on those?

I fucking hate tomatoes, nothing worse than getting waterboarded just because I wanted to eat a burger or sub.

>>33358815
That isn't all mid women, but it is women who have an attitude. Men can act the same way. In my opinion, just let all the people with attitudes destroy themselves since they're a lost cause who convinced everyone not to help them with their problems. You, me, and everyone has tried with them. It's a hole they grouchingly dug that they growl at people for not letting them continue.

I ate an entire stick of butter (along with two english muffins and some shredded cheese) for dinner. It's my only meal of the day as I only eat once per day. Because I have fear of getting diabetes and fat I've been vomiting up my dinner for the past few day. My throat feels weird so the fear of diabetes is stronger. I set a timer for an hour and thirty minutes and depending on how i feel ill probably make myself vomit again.

I'm really lonely and disgusting and dumb and it's kind of over

>>33358912
if you don't eat healthy you'll get cancer, eat more kid

when i move a lot i smell my balls because it smells like my underwear and i havent showered in a week

>>33358940
what's your stonk like, how is your stonk

>>33358074
Thank you, anon. I'm still scared but I won't let it rule me.

I just wish the world was a nicer place. I tried to pray to god, even though I don't believe in him, and I started crying because I couldn't believe that there would be a god this cruel.

>>33358942
what? I'm just saying i can smell my balls and im a pretty tall guy so they must be extra oily down there

>>33358959
What's it like? Mac and cheese? Grease trap? The transition between Illinois and Indiana?

>>33358875
cause everyone on the instances is worried
>>33358882
because I'm a freak

>>33358972
Is it /d/ content?

>>33358966
smells a lot like pee, and sweat, I do masturbate a lot and just cum in my underwear (I don't clean it up, it just sort of gets absorbed or scraped off over time) so that could be influencing the smell desu

>>33358986
your laundry bruh

>>33358986
haha ew hope your doing aight

>>33358995
i don't do the laundry since my dad's gf insists, I know how because my mom taught me but I'm never given the chance and my dad's gf takes forever
>>33358996
you can't really tell I don't shower because i just reapply deodorant

>>33358972
Is there a thread/screenshots/whatever for this exposing? I'm curious.

>>33358986
i kept noticing i smelt like my underwear during church though, i hope my dad's side-gf doesn't notice i smell like cum

>>33355976
How'd it go?

>>33358999
I used to think I could get away with being stinky because I didn't really work around people but then one time someone said something smelt like jizz and my showering habits took a huge 180

>>33358982
The worse version of that. I'm trying to fix myself so I stop seeking out this shit but I end up there again and again

>>33359008
holy shit :(

>>33359004
the channel that'll be posting it is gone_fishinq if anyone wants to watch my life potentially fall apart

>>33359018
it happens

>>33359026
i learned

>>33359026
yeah, I think I'm gonna go wash my balls now :(

>>33359023
What did you do to get doxxed (potentially)? Do you have an account that can be traced back to you IRL?

i was today years old when i found out i smell like cum

>>33359058
ive got nudes on there

>>33359066
Why? How can those be traced to you?

>>33359084
cause i have the right.... body type to appeal to my fellow users

i just worry that people who see the video will be pissed off enough about what i do to hunt me down. either that, or someone i know will see them and realize it's me

I finally gave in and tried chatgpt
It's actually fucking helping
I am confirmed smoothbrain

Or rather I think it's helping self-soothe
Idk if I'll follow any of this advice or just thinking about it calms my ruminating
Is that bad? Inaction is bad
But not feeling like shit 24/7 while still doing nothing is better at least
It's 5:30 and I haven't even started drinking yet today. That's an improvement

>>33359095
I don't know how people can recognize you unless you have some discernible feature on your body or you show something easily recognizable about you (like your face or specific clothing you wear).

>>33359108
I might just be paranoid then, I tried to have bland backgrounds and I use a vpn so I may be alright

stop stealing my 4chan pass i paid for with my wagecuck dollars faggotnigger

>>33359115
The uh younger feminine type?

>>33359141
in other words, they're a faggot

>>33359141
Yeah

>>33359156
im literally a girl

>>33359163
YWNBAW

>>33359169
?????

>>33358912
update
>>33358933
at this point what doesn't give you cancer

>>33359180
???????????????????

>>33359249
>at this point what doesn't give you cancer
my love nigguh <3

I am going to start trying to not eat Mondays-Thursadays to trigger autophagy and see what happens

>>33359252
im not a tranny

I am going to start not eating Mondays-Thursadays to trigger autophagy and see what happens

I am going to start not eating Mondays-Thursdays to trigger autophagy and see what happens

>>33357546
First of all, stay away from /b/ or stay away from 4chan as a whole if you'd like. Second of all, write anything. Third of all, get professional help.

i hate how difficult it is to delete posts on this stupid fucking website. i just want to fix a typo.

I'm angry at myself for being so asocial my entire life

I've been sick for almost two months now. I'm just sleeping all day, I can barely eat, I can't exercise. I've completely abandoned my thesis. My stomach is killing me and I should probably get checked for anemia too.

>>33355850 (OP)

I'm sick of "triggering" myself into spirals by seeking out triggering content. It's so hard to get away from, it feels like I *need* to do it for some fucking reason even if it's useless. I love minimizing my sexual assault because I wasn't raped as a kid so clearly I'm an attention seeking crybaby for it. Every step in the right direction to healing I take, I run a few meters back. I can't deal with this situation without professional help and it's so fucking hard to get. I ignore the effect it's had on me to keep shit talking myself over and over. No matter the violent rape fantasies. No matter the suicide ideation or thoughts of heaven. No matter my shakiness and crying when reminded about it. No matter how isolated I feel. It's not enough for people. I'm whining and blowing it out of proportion to them. I want to die.

>>33358077

So sorry if I shouldn't have said this, but I relate. The reaction of indifference I got after coming out about a repressed memory of an assault seriously fucked me over. It's hell on earth. It helps me to comfort others about their own trauma, to give them what I craved so fucking bad for. But it hurts. I hate how people treat us, they can never be normal about it.

>>33359571

Adding on, the adults cared but I couldn't land therapy of any kind, still can't. Middle schoolers are evil

>>33359007
She said yes and then proceeded to stand me up, so I'm feeling pretty low right now

I love him so much!

>>33356290
It's really just that in history a section of men did not really mate. It largely comes down to income and whether or not you can support a family. If you can not do that you are having a lot more trouble with women.

women mostly want men to be breadwinners that can frustrate other people into submission. In this way they feel protected and do not have to worry about financial security. That's the game.

Love does not happen to a lot of people. A lot of relationships appear to be civil arrangements.

>>33359582
What makes them evil is ironically the reflection society has. We get told that if you know your books right you'll make, but the middle schoolers point out the flaws that we ponder on as adults. For example: knowing how to walk down the street at night, knowing that orange juice you got passed to is sketchy, and most notably knowing your music teacher offering you for after school lessons is very horrifying. The left brain is important but you got to be well rounded with the right brain that'll help you survive in the real world. Besides getting a 4.0 GPA at Harvard, how are you going to protect your kids?

You know, no.
I shouldn't have given a shit if she was still with him.
I would have dated a "hoe", big deal.
Yeah you know what's better than dating a hoe, being permanently alone until you're sick of living.
She left him anyways and now she's with someone else. And she's been with that someone else for an equally long amount of time. Oh but she's not a hoe now because it wasn't me.

finally found the img I've been looking for but reverse searching isn't finding me the artist

gosh darn it to heck

>>33359797
You were brave and women are fickle

Think I could get a job at cs_office?

I am ruined.

>>33359916
Join the club. No refreshments, just hell.

>>33359918
No, like

>Make a thread requesting help for a potentially problematic image
>Everyone tells me to kill myself
>Delete thread because I'm scared to get doxxed for how awful my img was
How can I grow a pair and go along with it?

You know I feel pretty good about things right now.

Love and peace for everyone.

I feel like love is real but I won't ever find it.

>>33359858
She wasn't the one bro

Let it go

Focus on your own shit for a while and become a better man. Watch what you think and say about yourself and others. Have boundaries and don't chase anyone.

>>33355850 (OP)
I should've given up on her after the first three dates. I feel like a simp for continuing to chase and not trusting my gut. She didn't give a shit. The sex was good, but my self respect is worth more and I really need to work on that.

>>33359894
I don't feel very brave, but thank you. I won't be trying that again, at least not with her

dude the fucking pope

what the fuck

>>33360011
I'm literally just here
I just am
I don't fucking do anything
I don't want to be here
I don't want to am
I don't want it

>>33355850 (OP)
I really, really hate data gathering LLM-teaching bot-spy-net webservices!! **WOW** Thanks, I needed that.

>>33360021
Wouldn't post any of it here if I didn't want a reply, but know damn well that I won't ever hear anything that I would like to hear. So I am to endlessly complain to no one until the motor no longer runs. None of it works. None of it makes sense. None of it matters. No one could possibly care, or are wrong to do so. Only ever subtle downward punches as I'm shuffled through stupid fucking institutions where I quite frankly would rather be than out here trying to make it work. Fucking pointless. Not a soul who ought to empathize with this fucking idiocy. Just want out. Only a few people who wouldn't be okay with that, would rather just continue playing codewords and hurting each other. Just garbage. Don't like any of it.

>>33360073
Hornswoggle

IF THE MESSAGE WERE TO EVER REACH YOU, AND I DON'T CARE IF IT DOES OR NOT

ROT IN YOUR FUCKING CELL FOREVER
DIE ALONE AND AFRAID

>>33360087
YOU FIND LIFE IS PAIN
YOU TAKE SOMEONE ELSE'S AWAY INSTEAD OF YOURS
LIGHT WILL NEVER FIND YOU
YOU ARE DEAD ALREADY
THIS WAS YOUR CHOICE
FUCKING CHOKE ON IT

>>33360100
DROWNING FOREVER
GASPING FOR AIR
ONLY EVER SWALLOWING MORE BILE

>>33359836

Maybe I'm just lacking sleep and I'm retarded but I can hardly understand what this is trying to say

Happiness: 3.5/10
My real life is not going to begin is it?

>>33360151
It's happening right now

I had horrible anxiety spirals and meltdowns 3 times today
But also I didnt drink and I stuck to the calorie deficit and I accomplished some small short term goals
I'm gonna get better despite the bullshit

>drinks, smokes, takes drugs, goes partying
>shitton of hookups and ex boyfriends
>sold pics of herself to old men before 18
>proud of her "accomplishments"
wtf... wtf?? how do I avoid women like this? she looked normal before we started talking

Trauma therapy is breaking me so hard and the realizations are so crushing that I'm trying to fall in love with my abuser again. It's easier to pretend she loved me than to admit she abused me. I need to believe she loves me.

>>33360352
idk try church

I don't know whether my female intuition was right or not, but I strongly think you were one of the people in Calix's post last summer... Just guessing though... I've already assumed that..

>>33360153
That's what I was afraid of

Most will misinterpret popular works because the truth is they don't want to know the truth and if you made it more obvious they would have never even consoomed it in the first place

>>33355850 (OP)
I've held off masturbating to porn for about 3 weeks because I realized it was affecting my relationship with my new gf. So I've been only jacking it to pics of her when she's not around for sex.

But yesterday I got so super horny seeing these college chicks in booty shorts and bikini tops on my drive home that I just parked in a random lot and started jacking it to amateur college porn. It felt great in the moment but I felt like absolute fucking trash after I came. These 3 weeks have probably been the longest I haven't watched porn in decades and like I didn't think I was addicted but I can't even tell you how shit I felt after watching it. Porn truly is poison for the mind.

Call

At this point, if I see a girl on a dating app put in her profile that she likes K-Pop or Korea in general, I swipe right regardless of how much I like her. I just don’t understand the oshi katsu culture, and the K-Pop fans take that shit to the extreme.
Now I kind of understand why women avoid men who are super into video games.

and repeat with me "force me to be the bottom" "trying to teach him(my ex-bf) some maths"
im busy (with new targets)"im hurt(for manipulating not successful?)" "trying to get rid of you" "guilt tripping"
lol those memories never faints

Grok just mentioned that only 14% of men in America are 5'7" or shorter. This explains a lot of how invisible I've been in adulthood. Frankly, I seem to be a below average subhuman in terms of everything besides IQ and self-discipline. The sorrow I feel isn't caused by just one factor. I fell short in young adulthood in my species' hierarchy. Makes sense. It is surprising women ever showed any interest in me at all as an adult considering this.

There's nothing more soul crushing for a man than being questioned by a fucking woman his entire life--even his mother.

That fucking bitch should have been beaten.

>>33360484
Don't do this to yourself, it's whatever. It's fine. Don't overthink it. There are all sorts of people everywhere. All sorts of people desire all sorts of different people. Don't worry too much. There's someone somewhere.

>>33360504
The defeatist blackpill stuff is all really self-fulfilling prophecy. It's about as sound as phrenology. There's no point in falling for that rhetoric. You can acknowledge disadvantages, but some people like those, too. It's not that big of deal. There are all sorts of people everywhere.

>>33360486
>be pathetic faggot
>mom tells you to get it together
>be mad at mom
classic

>>33360504
I won't meet them unless online dating culture changes. I crunched the numbers. A person like me only has about one thousand girls in the whole world that they would think are perfect and could love them back. It's okay. I won't end my life over it. I didn't want to be alone in darkness forever, but Nobody is here with me. Nobody was with me before I was born too. You anons too in a parasocial kind of way. Thanks for responding. Sorry to be weird.

>>33360543
Crunched what numbers from where? Whose Numbers Are They Anyways?

I think I want to see that new Xeno movie. What a ridiculous concept... I mean... what kind of girl could love an ugly monster with strange eyes.

>>33360551
Censuses. There approximations, I'm probably off by up to 40% one way or another.

I love suffering

>>33360563
I don't particularly like it unless it's like self-inflicted and for fun.

>>33360558
They're*
fuck
some nigh-genius

>>33360569
That's the best kind, do it enough, and it won't feel the same when it happens due to external factors.

I will write a novel in six different languages. I will shut up now. Sorry to be annoying. Enjoy your anonymous forum, nons.

I want to

>>33355850 (OP)
Amber,

I don't know what spell you broke off of me but from here I will leave you alone, I won't try to contact you again, and I'll try my best to take my rose tinted glasses off. I know now the girl I loved is truly gone.

I think I'll still wonder what happened to her though, I can make my guesses, I can say it was my failings in money, failings in my career, failing to not shut down the things you said to me sooner, maybe what Brock said was true, that you contorted yourself so much mentally you became bitter and wicked, maybe you were always planning on jumping away from me after realising how much longer it'd take for me to see you - with how much I saw those cogs turn and turn in your head I'll never truly know

In another life I can dream of what could have been, marrying that girl, at that time, when we had such love in our hearts - I would have loved nothing more - but - it's time for me to finally put the childish things away

Accepted a casual job offer two weeks ago and I'm still undergoing the onboarding process.
Sent everything they asked for ASAP but I'm not even sure they got it. Sent some emails following up with the whole thing, but all that person can do is to resend my documents from their end since it's a different department handling the onboarding.
My contract said I would start on 1st July and it's halfway through July already. I know I'm not supposed to take that literally, and things can get a bit slow at this time of the year, but getting no updates at all stresses me the fuck out. I hope it isn't one of those cases where they just forgot about me.

I have not been able to get through the day without napping lately and it scares me.

I only want

>>33355850 (OP)
I noticed that I have started to form Chud lines on my face. Is it over or can it be aesthetic?

>>33360994
nap fine

>>33361128
actually I am dead wrong
https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/is-your-daily-nap-doing-more-harm-than-good
or maybe it's more complicated
idk
I think naps are neat
I like to sleep

is it normal to bleed from your penis when you masturbate? like when I pull up and down my penis starts to bleed a little, it could be my eczema but I've had bad scabs on it for a while (not on the head though, just the body of the penis)

>>33359827
>everything men do is for pussy
There are so many people on the on self improvement train the past two decades it's unreal, and I'm not talking about gym because many of them don't even hit the gym but instead do other activities, I'm talking about making money, being social, doing activities, hobbies, just keeping busy in general and making their life as interesting as possible to attract pussy. They are doing all that for pussy, constantly chasing a better looking pussy, younger, fresher, etc. until eventually they find one they are satisfied with so they can fertilize it but even then many of them continue to chase pussy on the side. Some of these boomers are 70+ and still chase pussy, that's right many divorced boomers have girlfriends, just look at that tremendous Eastwood faggot who found a new pussy at 70 or 80 and married for the 6th time. Not to mention famous chads like Julio Iglesias who had thousands of pussies throughout his life.
All that self-improvement, customs, social mores, hobbies, cultural events and other activities people do is to attract pussy so they can breed the next generation of goyim cattle and feel desired, loved and appreciated by their pussy and progeny.

>>33361138
you just fell for bait anon

real depressing when you speedrun trying to get yourself and your place somewhat in an acceptable state but you know exactly that people will think damn you live like this anyways, if only they knew how bad things really are lol

IM COOOOMING

>>33361137
Use lubrication: industrial, vaginal, oral...

>>33355850 (OP)
I wish women liked me

my heart‘s crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

>>33361613
Looking at each moment as the past
I’m left wondering which one
Will be the last

I wish you namefags would kill yourselves already. How boring is your life that you end up sitting in these threads ALL FUCKING DAY? Go the fuck outside you fucking losers!

>>33361105
You're aging who cares

I wonder if I could be normal and healthy in a relationship with a person who actually loves me and wants me as much as as I do them, or is there something about me that is just not ever enough for people
Maybe I keep seeking out this pattern because of trauma
But that would be fucking stupid because there is no huge trauma moment it was just like a lack of validation early on
How fucking stupid it is to ruin your life over that
I need to get back in control

Every single time the obsessive niggers that are my ex and my partner keep arguing at first sight instead of actually being civil. It boils my damn blood to the point that I physically break things when I'm alone and I have to scream out my repressed anger to myself because I hate having to threaten people to keep them in line. I try so hard to fix what bonds exist but its like neither of them care outside of wanting to get an edge over the other. The only thing atleast we all have in common with is that we're all mentally ill

Its not ever enough that they can't stop to shut the fuck up or avoid eachother, no they always need to drag me in to their chimpouts and I have to pay the price. Now I have to deal with a cracked phone because of stupid relationships

I had to be hospitalized once because of a psychotic breakdown resulting in the same drama. I could fucking kill myself or kill someone right now and they'll still be retarded niggers who never know when to stop

I want to leave town, leave my girlfriend who can't stand me and all her friends she shit talks me to behind, but I'm financially crippled and couldn't leave my other cats behind but know I won't be able to take them.

So I'm trying to coast through the days but every day gets harder and I'm rapidly entertaining the thought of suicide to get it over with.

No I'm not crying for help, just stating the facts.

>>33361829
Why do you think she can't stand you?

>>33360087
>>33360100
>>33360116
I have faith in my moon. We are meant to be and everything is happening perfectly now.

>>33361935
She has told me how much she resents me. She has told me how much she hates white people, men, and straight people, specifically any time I do anything she deems wrong.

>>33361989
Pack your shit. She's batshit and insufferable.

>>33361996
>I'm financially crippled and couldn't leave my other cats behind but know I won't be able to take them
I sincerely can not leave all my cats behind after losing my eldest to cancer just recently.

What’s the thought process behind crashing out in public

>>33362048
There isn't one you just get too overwhelmed to hold it in and lose control

>>33361654
My life is boring. How boring is yours that you care what I do? Also you think having a boring life is terribly embarrassing and mockable meaning it's worse if your life is boring while I actually kind of like having a boring life.

Damn
Next time I'm gonna try to connect with someone who shares 0 interests
Because everything I like I can't use to escape now and just want to share with her but can't

No, I can’t say no to that

>>33362123
why not?

>>33362152
I like you too much :3

I think that was her mom, but I think I left a pretty lame impression. Oh well. And if I see her at my work I don't know what I'll do. Maybe it's just a funny coincidence.

>>33362152
>>33362175
So do you guys have a voyeurism fetish? Where you're posting part of your messages in private and the rest on here? A cucking fetish, where you're doing it in front of an ex that doesn't know? Or cheating and trying to be discreet in the shittiest way?

>>33362190
just avoidant to the point where anything but anonymity makes me lose myself

>>33362208
Being avoidant is your excuse? Wtf is going on?

Day 14... I miss you immensely and I wish I could see you again.

>>33362215
it‘s not an excuse, prolonged closeness is only doable for sane people anon

>>33362228
Is this some kind of LDR gone bad?

>>33356290
goddammit. I was gonna drop by to say something but the fucking petersonians beat me to the punch and already have psychoanalysed me and explained to me how i think and do what i do without even meeting me talking to me or be aware of my existance.

irony will be completely lost when i decide that fuck it, dont give a fuck anymore.

>>33362233
mhm

>>33362243
So what happened? Did you guys meet?

>>33362246
no, we never met irl

>>33362252
Why not? Why did it end? Why all the hot and cold?

>>33362220
Me in 10 days
She's not coming back this time I can tell

>>33362215
Same fagging as your waifu lmao

>>33362283
Shh. I'm waiting for replies to solve the mystery

>>33362257
well, for one, we live half a world apart
and we can both be pretty intense and a hand full, so it goes from wanting to merge to ripping each other to pieces over and over and it was simply too exhausting to try and stay close

>>33362292
So why didn't you make the move to live closer?

>>33362300
it would not end well

>>33362305
What was the trigger point to start making you act this way towards one another?

i fucking hate it when my nerves spike when thinking about making calls on the phone. i do it all the time, i can handle it, so why do i always dread it?!

>>33362308
we both have a tendency to be perfectionistic and put a lot of pressure on ourselves, but having that closeness and wanting to get even closer increased the pressure we felt to try and make hast to overcome our flaws and it was simply too much

>>33362327
But why all of this if you never even met in person?

>>33362334
why not?

>>33362341
Because there's nothing there to solidify a connection.
How are you even sure the other person isn't involved with others on the side?

>>33362350
we spent months being on the phone with each other basically every waking minute
he knows me better and understands me more than anyone in this world ever has

>>33362271
Yeah, they aren't coming back for me either I think. It feels horrible.

>>33362361
My point still stands about being involved with others on the side

>>33362373
no, we were always very honest with each other about everything

>>33362379
Were you? It's very easy to reconcile that someone is being honest when you've built them up in your head to be a certain way. It takes years of being around a person in their daily life to see what kind of monster they really can become. And lying will go under the radar.

>>33362387
yes, I was
we did not hide what monsters we can be from each other, and neither of us had any interest in not being honest because we had no reason for wanting a connection built on lies

>>33362393
I really think you should look deeper than that. If you can't verify anything with your physical form, maybe you should reserve your trust.

>>33362401
I understand your skepticism but we trust each other and thats enough

>>33362361
Whether it's you or a reflection
It's good to see our truth acknowledged
The feeling is here, that craving, attraction, love
Energized, sparking
Don't be afraid of our fire
Let's focus on one step at a time with each other
I stayed for you for years
There are falsehoods that will resolve and provide relief revealing our truth unblemished
You are safe with me
Home
Accepted
Seen
I love you mm

>>33362408
uuh

You

I spent so much time depressed over you and you didn't even look at me when you walked by.

owarida

hate women

Yes
The in between is over
We are now beginning again

I wonder what the deal with you is? You talk me up like I’m the most special and amazing person on the entire planet, then you just abruptly stop talking to me altogether without warning like I don’t exist.
In retrospect I enjoyed it at the time but I don’t want that kind of love again I think. I prefer it when people don’t overestimate me and then leave me like yesterday’s leftovers.
Don’t get me wrong I believe that you were sincere. I just don’t want to experience that kind of intensity if it can be taken away so easily. Going from being borderline worshipped to nothing at all again is just not nice

>>33359018
fun fact: (lack of) personal hygiene is at the very top of a long but surprisingly rapid downward spiral. I'f you've been on it but didn't follow it through it becomes quite clear fhat starts it in hindsight: when people grow up being told that nobody cares about them or what they do you tend to assume no-one pays attention. except people care quite a bit, when it's something negative.

>>33362408
Who’s MM

I trust you. No more doubt. No fear.

I have faith in you as you have faith in me.

I won't leave you

I've proven that

I am not forcing you

I recognize you

I want you to be you

With that it's your choice to choose me

I know you heard me.

I'm giving you space to process

I will reconnect or you will after

>>33362537
>>33362560
You good nigga

>>33362537
>>33362560
She will get back to you in 6 months and shell be all like
>sowwy uwu anyway

As the years go by I think I find myself less and less capable of being in love. What would I even do if a bitch loved me? I’ve been masking my true self to fit in for so long now that I can’t remember where the real me starts and the fake me ends. I don’t even think I know how to be myself anymore.
I wish someone who could actually COMMIT to me and not just marvel at me in passing and then just disappear would come into my life. I need to learn how to let someone in.

I've been in love with my friend's older brother since childhood but to him I'm nothing more than an extension of his sister

>>33362611
I could've written this about myself

>>33362647
I think it’s a pretty universal lonely guy experience. No women have ever loved me and I wouldn’t know what to do if one ever does decide to give me a chance.

>>33362645
Kek

>>33362427
(You)

>>33362452
I didn't know I did desu

i fell in love with a gypsy once

in the course of a couple conversations she was able to ascertain the kind of girl i like and then pretended to be that girl for months, but it was all a lie and once she had her hooks in me she revealed her true self

but Jesus gave me the strength to leave her

don't fall for female lies anon, Jesus has your back

>>33363105
Well, you did and realizing that I'm just that invisible and forgettable is the worst part.

>>33362837
Now I know what the brother zone feels like

>>33363216
I get tunnel vision walking in public sometimes, especially down long hallways and isles. It's like an anxiety thing and it's very annoying. My bad.

>>33363240
>the bro zone
bro

>>33362485
>>33362494
IT'S OVER.

>>33363262
No. It isn't.
The distance is going away
The silent is going away
Everything is being remembered and felt
We are just beginning again

>>33356290
Grim

>>33363259

I'm in love with her. I can't help it. I can't deny it anymore. I think about her all the time. Whenever I'm not around her, I wish I was. I love her laugh. I love her eyes. I want to know her better. She's going to move away soon and the thought of her being gone breaks my heart. I never crush like this on anyone ever.

But I cant do anything because I'd be betraying my friend by admitting any of this. I don't think he'd ever forgive me. He liked her first, and even if it never went anywhere, i still feel like i'd be stepping on his toes. I can't risk losing a friend like him. The only winning move is not to play, it seems.

>inb4 simp faggot oneitis
I know, that's why I'm venting this here.

>>33363302
>tfw no bro (gf)

>>33363262
The inbetween is over
You felt my spark
We are beginning again

Haven’t posted here in a few months.
Turned my life around. Literally decided to stop being depressed after a decade of it. Got sober and got a sponsor. Therapy paid off.
Let myself have friends. Let myself see them regularly.
Let myself do my hobbies. Went to a party sober last week.

Feel excited about everything all of the time. New lease on life. Whatever.
Worried picrel is gonna happen because I feel *so* fucking good and optimistic. excited to live. It’s not all perfect but FUCK!!!!! It’s better than nothing.

>>33363252
...Post your initials.

>>33363417
>data miner moment
just accept that the odds are against us knowing each other. but i will say that i'm a guy.

>>33363417
>>33363428
This is like watching two retards talk to each other at the psych ward

https://youtu.be/nvO9VK-C3_o?si=1a1WGK4IQxUVh9dD

>>33363454
What do you think this general is?

>>33363428
>but i will say that i'm a guy
You are not who I'm referring to, then.

>>33363454
/adv/ is /r9k/-lite.

>>33363481
Sad!

I think I found a chick who has a fat guy fetish and I'm scared

I know my ex is bitching and complaining about going out of town for her sister’s birthday but she has no one to text about how heckin AWFULLL it is since we broke up so fuck you cunt lol, enjoy seething in silence. I still love you tho

how do u deal with avoidant people. is the only solution to leave?

>>33363545
I would either confront them over it and/or leave. But I'm also social retard

>>33363545
No. The solution is to figure out how to be patient while requesting that they meet you in the middle.

https://youtu.be/YwFoynZEWLY?si=ZocCA353DVDMpaWl

Those days where I have to take a swig of whiskey and hype myself up for 30 minutes to check the mailbox

>>33363622
I don't go outside if I see my neighbors out.

i had a chance to get pulled over by a really cute sheriff lady but i chickened out because i was too high

I'm madly in love with my boyfriend

>>33361289
the thing is, when some women like you and you're merely friendly with them, other women who you actually like will hate you for it

Going to try and stop watching porn for a week.
I workout 5 times a week and wonder if that's the reason why my drive is so high. It doesn't really interfere with my daily life, but I would find myself doing it 2+ times a day since forever.
I'm not sure what aspect of my life this is going to help, but I will reward myself with something at the end of a week.

Your boss is my uncle. I don't know why, but I felt like I needed to remind you.

Just got 3 notifications rapidly in a row and was sure it was her but it wasn't
That was always her pattern, never any other shit I receive
Need to forget all the patterns because they don't apply anymore, still don't think she's coming back I just got a false surge

>>33363545
Aren't avoidant people the ones who leave? So you'd be reframing their leaving as your choice as a cope
But then again them leaving is already a cope

I want to drink again but I've been doing it twice a week already

>Decide to google my grandparents names so that I can confirm my grandmother's full name.
>Go over obituary listing.
>Oh, that's weird.. She would have been 52 when my mother was born.
>lightbulb.jpg

My bitch aunt who treated my mother like garbage and kicked her out of the family home the moment my grandparents died (she was 17) is actually my grandmother. Dumb slut got pregnant out of wedlock at like 18 and my grandparents raised my mother as their own child.

I have no idea if my mother ever knew - She has multiple diagnoses of BPD, narcissistic personality disorder, manic depression, etc. She's always been an angry bitch who makes up stories and convinces herself that they're true. I feel like this explains a lot about her and makes her life story all the sadder, but it absolutely doesn't change anything for me and I'll continue to stay no-contact until I hear she's finally dead.

I hate having empathy for someone who I refuse to waste any more of my own time/wellbeing on.

>>33364170
A tiny, cruel part of me wants to unblock her for long enough to send her a "haha did you know that you're adopted?" message in the hopes that it'll tip her over the edge to finally kill herself.
>she was profoundly abusive towards me, in case i didn't cover that

Trying to focus on other shit but it's bad today fucking goddamn why am I so fucked in the head about getting ghosted I wasn't even dating her

Should i go back to my shrink.

Second appointment. I dont wanna go back i said a bunch of embarrassing shit.

I straight up wanna kill myself bros, nothing's ever gonna get better

>>33364236
Fuck it keep going its what ive been doing now i make money and have friends (that im voluntarily flakey with at this point) but still want to kill myself

Turns out I'm actually average male height for earth and taller than like 35% of American men, but I am very short for a white guy.

I failed God again. I can't figure out what to do with my life so I keep putting shit off and self-sabotaging. Just this week I ordered takeout every day, drank, fapped, and just loathed around my basement. I'm getting older and my family is still putting up with my dumbass, they even said that the family feels incomplete without me. I just want to be erased from this world, I grow more pathetic by the day.

I moved far away from my home and all my friends and I feel so fucking lonely. I haven't been here long enough to make deep connections and I am having such a hard time rn that gets made a lot worse by having no one to talk to.

No girlfriend. Can't take care of a dog. Can't even take care of myself. I'm in my own little prison and running out of things to do. Therapy is worthless. Drugs are worthless. The only thing that makes me happy is weed and I try not to overdo it with that because I realize it's just a short lived bandaid. Literally fucked by my mental issues

>>33364235
The embarrassing shit is actually the most important shit. If you go back you're gonna do really well in therapy probably. A lot of people never get to that first vulnerability

Please let me kill myself. I don't want to live. I don't. Why do I have to keep living? I want love. It's impossible. So just let me die. Let me end it. Haven't I suffered enough at this point?
Why do I have to live all the way to my 30s just to be a fucking loser while I watch as she's happy with her new love? Why can't I just end this early

I'm fucking begging you. I'm rock bottom. I can't take any of this anymore. I'm broken okay? I'm empty and broken so you all win it's fine I fucking deserve it so let me die already

You hate me anyway you talk behind my back and you cut bcsuse mmof me you fucking hate me i'm nothing i needt o die
No one else cares but my family I'm fucking sorryz I want them to.be happy but I can't rucking My takes any of this I can't I cantNi cant

And my crush she doesn't gi e a fuck either i'm nothing to her and shed move on within a day ir she realized that I died
My friends would move on wiyhin days
My twitter followers wouldn't even realize and if they did it'd be nothing more than just a sad ocassion to them
I'm decaying and rottjng I'm fuck i'm g sorry fir everything i did

There's no meaning to any ofbit not to any of the suffering it's alll worthless ive been ntohing but an obstacle
a background character

You seemd so happy with him
So much happier than you ever were with me
So much more open a dn kind
Ive never wanted to kill myself more than that moment

Why do we have to play this game? You're just making me numb. I leave the ball in your court because any attempt I make in excess just makes me look desperate. I know you're in as much pain as I am so I ask why you're keeping this up? Just be real with me and talk about what's really on your mind already. Quit testing me to see if I really care because it's tearing us apart. I can't tolerate this any longer. I won't be humiliated just for your sake and I am prepared to cut these ties. I hope you understand that I can't let you walk away with my dignity and leave me with absolutely nothing. I know that's what you want but it's not going to happen. If the roles were reverse I would never do that to you. You would have no problem because you just can't seem to be satisfied with how much you mean to me. It's fucked up and I should just let you go. For the both of us but more importantly to save my own skin. Fuck you for being so fucked in the head.

I'm theost pathetic fucking pice of shit to walk this earth

You know how, like, AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH?

>>33364654
>>33364662
Are you drunk, love? What's on your mind?

>>33364765
I just wabf to fucking die i miss her i miss when she loved me abd whrn i felt happy and when I had something tof fucking live for
now I have nothing I'm empty and she was never happy with me anyway i learned that today she's much happier with him
no one will ever love me

>>33364772
I see. I think your only options are to accept it and move on, or stay hung up on her and stagnate. It's a big world anon, find a woman who appreciates you.

Goddammit I thought the feelings were done for the night
Did so much fucking journaling and dbt skills and trying to introspect and reframe shit and still had 3 full on breakdowns
Normally I'd be buzzed now and distracted not feeling but I'm really trying to stop of I'm going to become an alcoholic fast

fuckin hate this world

>It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for my penis to enter a vagina.

>>33365324
I need OnStar
to find the clit
I need OnStar to find the clit

I wish I had a pet that loved me
I wish I knew you
I wish none of this was real
I wish I hadn't

>>33365037
Monumental crashout after that post
The trauma processing finally broke through
I have not sobbed and convulsed and screamed like that ever in my life
Feels fucking weird, man
It's ugly but I guess that means progress as long as I keep going and dont get stuck

>>33365525
Hadn't what?

>>33365561
Many things

>>33365568
Sometimes it feels like I wasn't even awake. I wasn't even a real person. I just moved and did, and am likely to do some other dumb shit again.

>>33365574
The illusion of something greater within a vessel, when in truth the vessel thinks, speaks, acts itself, is the totality.

>>33358815
>>33358885

I guarantee you give all women the ick, samefag, namefag, I can smell you from here, sticky, dirty pervert. I bet you frantically jacked off at least once today to porn. Pathetic sub-human, off yourself, you're fucking useless.

Hi.

Were you celebrating their karma? Maybe that's what you're talking about. Maybe I'm wrong. We both know the way this will turn out and it's not the way they think it will.

I'm tired, sad and everything is getting old. Magical thinking? I really don't care what you think. Lack of faith. Are you afraid you will die soon? I will die? Is this why you're being human...

I know, of course I know. I won't tolerable any abuse in my life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iYrYUNyHy4

>>33355850 (OP)
I ruined one of my only real long lasting friendships over some random e-girl. It's so embarrassing. Part of me is tempted to apologize to him but then part of me thinks it's better to just leave it in the past and move on.

>>33364462
If you do music stuff at all we should collaborate, we talk similar

I want to respond to you, but I'm scared so I'd rather not.
I'm sorry for ghosting you. I'm sorry for being a coward.
Please just forget about me. You deserve so much better.

I don’t even know where this rebellious streak comes from,the more he refuses to speak, the more I want to force it out of him.
This has nothing to do with "deserving" or not,I just want to hear your real thoughts, say anything, I won’t judge.You’ve already" messed things up "anyway, so why not lay all your cards on the table?
People like you are kind of interesting… Tell me, what’s really going on in your head?

anyway email me at (my old disc tag)@gmail anytime u want to talk it up

Fight the future!

>>33355850 (OP)
Even though my new gf and I both have the same body count of 6, she is pretty shit at blowjobs and sex, and honestly I'm glad

We had sex last week and she started crying saying that she didn't know she was capable of climaxing through penetration until then

But she seriously sucks. Her handjob fucking hurt so fucking bad, it was like she was tryna pull it off lmao.

Anyway that means I'll be the first to fuck her good and that i can teach her how to pleasure me properly

>>33366666
>66666
>6
cursed

>>33366848
sex is for marriage

it's an empty, vain, pleasure seeking gesture of mutual mutilation between two individuals otherwise

>>33366046
Stop. Youre causing so much unnecessary pain
Explain and apologize, dont do that to a person

>>33366046

If that's what you want so be it, idc. You don't sound like a mature, responsible grown up but rather a cruel manipulator. Possibly a psychopath.