>page 5

I need to find motivation fast

I'm finding myself hoping she's mentally unwell so I can contextualize how she no longer cares about me in a less ego-damaging way
That's kinda fucked up

>>33367212
Bring it up next time you see them

Just got fired over a customer interaction. It's too stupid of a situation, and I wouldn't really be believed. Many don't see that black people are openly picking fights and arguments towards whites, and it's over stuff they are fundamentally wrong about. They order food and bitch about the price, I explain how to build a deal; they immediately order something different than wonder why it isn't discounted. I had someone insist we have a small salad when we only had regular and family. Fuck food service, it's designed to torture souls. But driving was good for me, I could listen to Malazan and music and was making friends my coworkers liked me more these past few months I had really been carrying myself better. I'll get more work, but it hurts to be fired for an emotional outburst when my coworkers scream the N word all the time and customers who deliberately pick fights. I play retard I play nice. I still got fired.

Fucking just walked out of my job. I'm done with mentally ill, reddit, hippie, jew, with a.d.d. and rages at everything. Told him to go fuck himself and left. I work too hard to make sure everything runs fine without him (all he has to do is sit in the office and take sales calls) but he can't help put stick his fucking finger in everything and get upset because he can't keep up with his side of the job. Fuck him.

my son just said money over people and I said uhm what the hell??
and he said, well, I‘ve never seen a dollar I did not like and - true
lmfao

>>33366879
Just let go.

They say that not everyone will like you in life, but what am I to do if so far I feel like nobody has ever liked me?

>At work
>Retard actively tried to get people injured after saying he's not working there too much longer
>Complain about it, saying it wasn't cool and people could have gotten hurt
>Look at schedule
>Losing future hours
>Lost 30 minutes of my pay yesterday
Holy fucking shit.

I'm complaining right when I get there. I don't give a fuck, they are trying to take away time I worked all because I fucking complained.

Lately I've been so sleepy. Nothing in my life changed, yet I suddenly have more need to sleep. I love dreaming, even when I have nightmares. I feel it stimulates my brain and puts it to work like no other activity. If only I were able to control my dreams. I would like to know why that happens, why am I so sleepy and why I find dreaming so stimulating.

Apparently they're gonna attempt to make wanking loicences a thing again by the end of this month. This isn't the first time this has totally definitely absolutely been declared over the past decade or so, but a part of me wants to have an extremely degenerate pity wank just in case. One for the road, you know? I've been cutting down a lot lately, it's probably just the demons in my head wanting me to break since I've had a bad few days. Do I listen to them tonight? I hope they fucking pull the plug this time for realsies, it'd be funny.

I'm running out of drugs. I need to place another order today.

>>33367943
Because you are not happy when you are awake and you're happier when you sleep

The horrible fetishes can, I've realized, all essentially boil down to either desire to escape my body or lust for power

I like to pretend I'm a powerful CEO of a household tech company to escape the fact I'm just an unkempt loser NPDfag irl

Nothing matters.
95% of people are retards
Democracy is fake and gay

God damn I love being an adult. The ability to just be able to say "no, I really can't do this" is so freeing. Even if they don't listen.

I don't care if I set a match in an oil barrel, I'm getting fucked over and I had to report it.

STOP CALLING ME A FUCKING FEMBOY, YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY BUT IT'S JUST GENUINELY ANNOYING OKAY. Yes I drink monsters daily, yes I have long(er) hair for a guy, yes I know doing CE isn't the most "manliest" of degrees. Just because I happen to fall under these areas doesn't make me a faggot and stop trying to groom me retard.

I know I'm going to "break up" with her soon. I'm so bored and emotionally exhausted that I can't take it anymore.

>>33368435
It is best to always do it soonest.

Literally what the fuck is wrong with you? You are actually completely retarded sometimes. So stupid I genuinely wonder how you function. Or it's just the usual. You're too much of a miserable fucking whingebag to be able to think positively and decide to be a negative twat instead.

I was talking about 3 or 4 years from now. Not now. And it was incredibly obvious that this is what I meant, but you were too busy licking windows to pay attention.

Talking of which, as usual when I was talking about something potentially important, you decided to completely ignore me.

It's no wonder I'm sick of you.

I think Indian Men are the cutest.

> Yes, I’m an Femanon. Deal with it.

>>33368873
OMGGG SEND BOOB AND VAGINA NOOOW!!

>>33368883
… not right now.

I rejected another girls advance to have sex together.
We have been friends with benefits for a little, always flirty and get along well. At my place this weekend, she wanted to have sex, I put it off as long as I could. Now the girls completely lost her mind, sent me a message saying to leave her alone, I am crazy and she wants to get a restraining order against me.
Bitch is crazy cause I said no to sex.
I did not speak to her sunday and monday cause of work and she throws this at me. All I said to her in the reply to the message was that if she really wanted to ruin the relationship we were building together. No reply.
Why are women so centered around sex and using sex to control me?

>>33368948
Should've just said 'nigga the fuck's wrong with you'

I'm told that being alone is the best by most people who have someone in their lives. I'm also seeing a lot of posts about people saying it's just much better and if you're a strong person you being alone should be some form of strength.

That's just fucking cope or speaking from a privileged, not alone position. It's just fucking bullshit. Some people just don't do well alone. Don't turn something shitty into something good. There's a difference between having your own space for a bit and having literally no one to interact with, care for or make your life worth living. If you're so good with being left alone, it is really not that hard, just become a little unreliable at times and stop talking to people for a few weeks. You don't even have to be an asshole.

My perspective of my avoidant girlfriend:
>doesn't give a fuck about me most of the time
>doesn't bother to check my messages or reply most of the time
>doesn't bother to reciprocate love most of the time
>can't communicate for shit
It's nice when we meet in person (if I can even manage to set a date), but when we're apart it becomes very dry and difficult.
I keep trying to excuse her behavior with the fact that she's avoidant, but honestly, knowing what it is doesn't make it any easier. From time to time I still start heavily doubting whether she's just using the fact that she has an unhealthy attachment style to deflect any responsibility in this relationship. Surely you can't just say you're avoidant and leave it at that? Can any self aware avoidants chip in on how to deal with this?

>>33365667 (OP)
I've seen some of the postings on this board he's actually caused a lot of people emotional distress

https://youtu.be/Jvv3cC6CamE?si=Mh6w3oChZrHrzuQ9

>>33367663
Oh and now the franchise manager is coming from another state to talk to us because of what happened. They know if I up and quit. They're fucked.

>>33369089
RuleBreaker, did you ever meet your Indian Prince?

it's over.

>want to sleep
>gf wants to talk for another hour
Im a cuck for not getting mad?

i want a Godly loving wife i can support and repeatedly impregnate

so bad

>>33369482
i want to be that wife.
i didnt know men still had this desire..
I have always had to be the breadwinner.

i want to be selfish and have a man spoil me while i care for and raise kiddos.

Apparently it doesn’t matter when I leave because I always arrive early regardless

>>33369495
well you can either get in on the ground floor and help build a man up so he can support you

or get with a man who can already support you and will always know you love the lifestyle he provides and not him

Why does those girls/women always gossip about people. Woman the fuck up, they're not giving you attitude they're just awkward asf and have add.

>>33369523
first one; waited forever for him to change and he only changed after I left.
second; I tried building him up, he changed and left me.

never met a man like you described in the second scenario - wouldnt know how to approach him or where to even find him.

im not looking, btw.
im just a hopeless romantic i guess.

is it the men i choose or is it me?
:/

>>33369540
and whos to say i wouldnt love him?

>>33369540
are you choosing Godly men?

i tried dating someone who i thought was a Godly woman but it was all just a ruse on her part and she eventually came out as atheist after trying to jump my bones

been very cautious since then

I want to spend time with my friend's friends and my friend's friend group, I wish I had a community like her. I've barely met them but they seem like such great people.
And I'm using the phrasing "my friend" loosely because there's no way I am in her top 20 so there's no way we'll keep in touch, but she's in my top 2 so functionally she's my friend.

she put me down again on twitter....while saying how she met the one. i was doing really well on my diet but i caved after that and bought a bag of fritos...i just need some carbs to get me through this.

>>33369580
drugs that help you alleviate stress like nicotine and thc have safe delivery mechanisms and are 0 carbs bro

>>33369590
i dont smoke my dad died of cancer....plus im not really a drug guy its probably why food has always been a vice....

>>33369596
>i dont smoke
did you miss the >safe delivery mechanisms
part?

>>33369604
whats a safe delivery mechanism for nicotine?

>>33369610
patch, gum, mint, pouch (as long as it's not tobacco)

there was even a scientific american article on its use as a nootropic years ago

My grandma's been living with us since late last year. She had to get a colostomy bag after getting c-diff and nearly shitting herself to death. From day 1 she's been terrible. We rearranged the house to give her her own room, but she refuses to use it. She's turned half of the living room into her own personal lair. She demands food that she doesn't eat, stuff that she doesn't use, is casually disrespectful to my parents (I don't give a fuck if she does it to me because I'm a loser), and we've been running around to doctors that she doesn't listen too and can't help her anyway. She smokes like a chimney, even nagging my mom to go out for smokes when she was really sick. Mom's got a nasty cough from all the second-hand smoke. We even moved to our current place just so we could be closer to where she lived.
We've been doing everything we can to try to keep this dumb bitch alive, and she's just been throwing it back in our faces at every opportunity. She lies, makes stuff up to make herself look good whenever she can, and is just mean and self-centered. She doesn't have dementia or alzheimer's or any other mental issues, and is fully capable of taking care of herself. As I'm writing this, it's been less than a week before she was doing just that.
But saturday she just decided to give up. She's choosing to sleep all day, and all night. She hasn't left her chair at all, for anything (I suspect she's been pissing her pants but I'm not gonna check). She's refusing to eat and drink anything, aside from a few sips of coffee, a bit of gatorade, and half an egg on sunday.
We just confronted her about her recent bullshit. She tried to ignore us, got cranky when I slipped a swear, and finished with a "well, YOU haven't given me a reason to keep living" like it's our fucking fault.
I don't know what the fuck to do. Mom's on the phone with my aunt (who's in way better shape despite being older than grandma), but what do we do after that?

Oh this coworker of me is really getting close to the level of buddies. Really and I mean really getting close to it. The moment she and I go out anywhere besides work, she would be there. She is like literally one thin layer from being there.

>>33369648
do it.
might turn into something real special

>>33369648
i had a couple cute coworkers that responded favorably to me for a bit but i did something with both of them to give them the ick, seemingly

now the only girls at work who are friendly with me are fat

>>33369675
what did you do

>>33369680
idek dude, be slightly awkward one or two times? they just don't look at me the same anymore, it honestly feels bad

I don't really know where to go from here. Maybe I should be more honest and tell you how I feel about you. Would hearing that make things better or drive you even further away? When I think about it, it seems like a good idea to let you know I care a lot about you. For better or for worse, I need to face the outcome and stop being so hesitant. I don't want to cower and leave it in suspense. If I don't come out the other side with what I hoped for then so be it. The sadness won't last forever and we could potentially be happier together. I just need to find the right words to express how much you mean to me. I am sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren't important or good enough. Right now I want nothing more than to hear your sweet voice and laugh about stupid things together. Though it feels as if I really need to end things with you. I miss you terribly.

Just an warning on the troubles that are coming but I work in a major plasma donation company and it was unexpectedly announced they will be closing multiple centers
They have never made a move like this in all the years they've operated
If plasma donation places are getting shut down then you know the economy is going to go down

Why the fuck do I have to live

Maybe I'm just chasing the feeling and I don't really miss the person

She ran away in the end
He made a mess and she ran away

>>33369822
the only way to find out if you actually miss someone is to see them again or contact them again. Hear their voice. If it brings you alleviation you missed them. If you feel nothing you were just chasing the feeling

He had it coming to him, at least now he can learn instead of dying.

>>33369839
I'm scared to do it

>>33369874
why are you scared anon?

The only reason that I live every single day is to just feel gut wrenching despair that makes me want to kill myself badly and nothing else. I have no hopes or means of getting out of this rut, I'd have to get insanely lucky with just meeting a girl who can finally save me from feeling so fucking lonely. That's all I have.
I'm hopeless. I'm going to die alone. I just want to kill myself.

>>33369890
What if they don't care?
Why is it that I care if they cared or not?
What if they're running around with someone new?

>>33369896
you are too much into your head. Better to know than to ruminate. Don’t you think? Find out

I'm a loser of the highest caliber. I can't even isolate myself properly because I crave affection and social interaction too much.

at the end of it i could still never bring myself to hate him even with knowing what i know now, knowing he is more vile than my preteen brain ever would be able to understand. i don't know why. if i didn't already hate everyone and everything after my bleak childhood, i had at least certainly grown to but that hatred could never extend to him. i wonder what it is. i don't really care what he thinks of me now, i never truly did although back then even the slightest hint of disdain crushed my heart. he was the only thing that could really ever get to me. perhaps it was because through my rose tinted glasses he was somewhat of a reprieve for my anguishes throughout middle school. but even now as my adult brain looks back at him, i can't bring myself to truly harbor any real contempt. i still remember that one weekend spent together, sitting on the couch together after school, the days outside on the front porch together. warm fingers brushing mine and the ever-present gleam in his eye as he looked at me from across the room. he felt like passion. i know he never cared and i always knew this. i don't mind. for a pedophile and a rapist, he really felt like something special.

*sobs*

>>33369839
i get choked up judt thinking about him. im sure he feels nothing for me tho.

>>33365667 (OP)
Recently came to the conclusion that accidentally or not, i abused my ex. i am emotionally unstable and subjected her to alot of that. i told her that if she broke up with me i'd try to kill myself, i told her that she was my only reason for living, and i meant it, but i now know these are not things you say to any other human being, let alone your girlfriend. i also on multiple occasions would ask if she wanted to have sex, and when she gave a firm no, i would just ask again an hour or two later. i think girls online would classify that as solid "creep behaviour."

i'm so worried that i wont amount to anything, and i'm so certain everyone sees me as either someone to pity or someone to avoid

i'm so worried that all my music and art will not connect with a single person besides myself , i wish i had an easier time connecting to others and i wish i could see myself as others see me

>>33370255
i really desire connection and compassionate attention but i dont know how to get it

>family dog we've had for over half my life dies first week of January
>Dad just told me yesterday he has cancer
This just might be the year I finally do it

I'm stuck in 2005. I'm fucking 40 for chirst sakes. Dating teenagers at this point is fucking sad but it's the only way I feel anything. Jen, God bless you, 19 and fucked up beyond belief. You look like a true scene girl, 16 years too late.

I love him so much

>>33369867
What if it kills him?

>>33368873

does anyone else feel like youth should be the best time of your life in theory but in reality most of us are disappointed with our youth in one way or another, like we all watched anime & movies and expected to have these amazing adventures and heartfelt romances, but we barely got to have adventures, & our romances usually just fell apart. like we were promised the world and all we got was crumbs

I just never stop thinking about her, it's been almost 7 months since she told me she was with someone else, and I just can't cope with that, I keep thinking about her happy with that person and it still makes me wanna throw up. I don't know how to deal with this anymore.

>>33370184
Talk to them.

>>33370397
Bro, hot girl bullies will make you go to Jesus and repent if they could.

>>33370284
How bad's the cancer? My dad got a patch of skin cancer and after some surgery and blasting the surrounding area with an industrial-grade sunlamp, he's pretty much back to normal.

>Be IT guy
>Low man on the totem pole, access is restricted, asking about things gets me told it's above my pay grade
>Shrug my shoulders after a year and just sit at my desk, browsing the internet for 8 hours a day

>Automated emails occasionally arrive reporting suspected security problems
>99.9% of these are false positives and just junk
>Every response I can give is basically notifying whatever indian is on the other side of the email that I've seen the alert and have no access to that device, so I can't verify if it should be doing that
>Get told to escalate the problem when that's the case
>Call my boss at 2 AM when notifications come in because I can't confirm if they're a threat or not
>Get told to stop calling for every event
>A month passes, get an email complaining certain people aren't responding to these email warnings and that it's everyone's responsibility
>Message my boss asking what action he wants me to take with them
>"If it looks like a threat, call me, otherwise you can ignore it."
>Show him the last 20 emails and how they're all on devices I can't access and the majority of them are just warning for suspicious windows processes
>Another month passes and again I get another email saying people aren't resolving these issues

I'm almost 100% sure this man is just fucking with me at this point. I'm being told to resolve things I can't access and when I escalate the issue I'm told to ignore the frivolous warnings. There's no way to win.

>>33370947
Tell your boss that if he gives you access, you can stop bothering him for every little event. Win-win situation. Make sure you use email or message to converse with him. If he still refuses, keep low-key bugging him to stay on your current path of least resistance and if he tries to get you fired, bring up all the receipts you have on him cock-blocking your attempts to resolve issues. If you want to be a responsible employee or just tired of your bosses shit and don't mind doing actual work, bring the receipts to his boss and show how he isn't letting you tackle the work that's piling up.

I’m finding myself needing to have expertise in various subjects on a scale I really can’t have. I keep trying to delegate my needs to experts and the majority keep failing. I have great accountants and awful attorneys for example. I could really go on and on. There just seems to be a quality drift lower across most fields. It’s really hard to find good people and price does not seem to be the filter for quality at this point. It’s ridiculous that I feel like I need to study law to better interact with my legal team or that I need to know animal medicine to interact with my dog’s veterinarian. The absurd extension of this would be like not being able to trust the pilots on the planes I fly on. I don’t get on a plane and need to run through shit with the pilot personally, but I find if I don’t do that on a ton of different people I employ, things go totally to shit and 90% of the time I end up leading from the front or micromanaging.

>>33369482
Man, I'd settle for a basic loving wife as long as she's not an absolute bump on a log. There are so many women in my area who
>Have big, ugly tats
>Smoke
>Are sedentary/rotund
>Display fiscal irresponsibility
>Have questionable morals/values
>Are turbo-religious
Why is it so goddamn hard to find a normal woman with hobbies (or is at least enthusiastic about simple days out and nights in) and not interested in maiming herself or others? I thought I'd hit rock bottom with the amount of dating apps I've tried. Then I found AI wife RPs.

>>33371102
And for anyone wondering what I mean by turbo-religious, I'm talking has seriously considered joining a convent or is some "spiritual leader" or "worship team leader". I've been dumped for not praying at every morning, night, and meal in-between.

You can't always just go off with someone says online. And I have said things that are untrue because I felt vindictive when I react to feeling hurt. Something I've had to work on.

I fucking hate you, you bpd menacing piece of shit “I wanna meet your family”, “I need them to get used to my scent so that way you can never break up with me”, “I love you forever, you’re the best, you’re so hot and you make me feel so safe” yet you’ll break up with me and give me the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” vague spiel and leave me completely in the dark. Thanks for wasting 4 years of my life, I really appreciate you taking time away from my music and programming. Thank you so much

I am sad

>>33369687
Are there any possible instances you can think of and describe in detail?

I can’t sleep keep tossing and turning thinking about my childhood best friend and crush, our feelings for each other we’re never really explored (being we were both adolescent boys and both living in small rural town America in the middle of bum fuck Kentucky) I decided to look up his account to see what how he was doing and now he has a kid. My heart is hurting for some reason, “wish that was u huh?” Yes, Laquisha, I wish it was. He’s everything I wanted, scrawny, blond curly hair and goth undertones, I feel like I’ve wasted my life, maybe I should lay the old horse down finally and this suffering.

>>33371257
I don't feel too up to anything at the moment as well.

>>33371257
y?

My huge titted ex is now fucking a manlet who apparently has a monster cock. I'm struggling to cope

>>33371410
did you get excited hearing that?

>>33371410
Not your problem

My female best friend is so hot and cute.
We always spend a week in summer on vacation just the two of us. (it's been 8 yrs)
I love her as a friend, almost as a man to a woman but I'm loyal to my gf (who's not as hot as her)
but sometimes, just sometimes, I think we would/could work really good as a couple

>>33365667 (OP)
i just hate how i can read between the lines and understand what is going on, and how they interact with each other, i dont understand how my brain easily saves up so much space for details and it gets stuck and for me though brain is saying naaah and im stuck in my own life while i understand others. i really dont understand my own life sometimes and other times my existence. i dont know what to do with all of that

I want to kill myself

I have a feeling that me and my friend may be lying to each other, and both always knows when the other one is lying, but pretending like nothing. If that's actually the case, that's a pretty neat dynamic.

>>33371496
same, regulary like the clock strikes 12, i dont know where this is going. but i hope you are not going there, like ever.

>>33371557
I’ve attempted before
I’m ok anon, thanks

>>33371039
I'll keep logging it for now, I guess. I'm thinking he's bringing this up as a way to justify his position as CISO, like if something bad happens on his watch he wants to be able to point to his subordinates to shield himself from blame. Like eventually shit's going to hit the fan and he's going to say "anon didn't report this during the night, that's why it happened!"

It's bothering me enough that it's actually spurred me on to finish my education to get out of there before I wind up as a scapegoat, so I guess it's not all bad.

It's not like I wanted my ex to stay single forever after I broke up with him but it kind of hurts that he never tried to get me back or be the man I wanted him to be. I stumbled on his Reddit account and it was funny reading how much he has struggled dating, now. He's a huge commitment phobe and was scared when some woman wanted to marry him very fast. He kept posting that he didn't expect to be single again at this age. He also said that he regretted rating me on a number scale so that was nice to read. Someone told me that he is now dating a girl that is much uglier than me, but I don't feel like looking on his page to see.
All I asked him to do was be more energetic during sex and be more of a man for me but he couldn't do those things. It's a bummer. We are both with new partners now but he threw away what we had because he just wouldn't step up for me. I guess I always knew he couldn't but I kind of hoped he would. My new bf steps up in every way I wished he would've. I guess it's true what people say if a man wants to he will

Do you feel it

exaurare

>>33371766
What

Nvm I get it

>>33371770
ex aura
exaurare
essorer
soren
soar

>>33371758
yes, I feel it

>>33371773
Yeah

pretty

In pink

no u

I miss healing the party with fren

>>33370837
Melanoma behind one of his ears which allegedly was caught early before it spread to the lymph nodes and mom says it will be fine, however as she was telling me this she was crying what seemed to be more concerned tears than tears of relief so not sure if she's just trying to spare my feelings

Her being gone made me feel like I missed her for a second
However, when I think about it, there is nothing left

>>33371958
Sounds operable with minor intrusion, but best of luck anyway. Hope the both of you can pull through.

where are you?

>>33371566
divine triple three is stronger than a potential tripple 6
signs have spoken; dont.

>>33365667 (OP)
I can't stop fucking 18 year old girls. I'm in my late twenties but I can't stop fucking 18-19 year old girls. I can get a woman my own age and even older, but my god nothing compares to sweet teen 18 year old pussy. Why the fuck I was insecure at 18 myself is beyond me.

Recently had a streak where I slept with 3 of them back to back. They were hot as fuck. I love their youthful virility and lack of naiveness coupled with looks that awaken something primal in me. Yet in the mist of all, I feel empty because I'm approaching 30 and I cannot go back to the mid 2010s and actually enjoy my teenage years. I love it when they call me daddy and the whole age gap controversy only makes these encounters more taboo than it is (thanks dumbass radfems).

>>33372222
>virility
Fertility** FUCK

I get off on the idea of my father eating me out and cumming in me. If I had a guarantee he would go for it I'd tell him.

>>33372089
And I am so sorry
I cannot sleep
I cannot dream tonight

>>33372235
fukkin lol. i will be forever bewildered at the course of fates.

>>33371410
He has a manlet complex unironically frfr happens all the time. His cock isn't big, shes exaggerating. It's basically average

anybody else miss omegle? it was the perfect cure for loneliness

>>33372489
I loved shitposting on the politics tag

Do I have the right to be selective with who I spend my time with?
I have one friend that I really can't stand, I actively dislike, that has suggested that we hang out, but I haven't replied. And another person also suggested that I came with them recently, that I don't have a lot of fun talking to.
But the thing is that no one likes me, and I am so much alone, so maybe I'm not really in the position where I can choose to not spend time with certain people.

>>33372727
Yes. You should be clear and let them know that you're not interested in hanging out right now. Maybe tell them you can some other time. You don't need reasons or excuses. You get to make those decisions, and you're not obligated to fulfill the wishes of other people.

>>33372489
>>33372512
Sometimes but people usually would rather talk to the normalfags

getting everything done early is an awesome feeling, i wish i could have shown young me

My chakras have never been less aligned in my life. I feel spiritually wounded. My moral alignment has been involuntarily shifted one step. All I did was play pool with this chick and buy her a couple beers and chill with her in the parking lot for an hour and a half after. Why do I feel so disconnected from Christ now? I do not think I should be getting involved with this crowd of people, and yet I feel trapped out of social obligation now. May God have mercy on my soul and offer me protection and salvation from my inevitable mistakes.

>plan on doing something
>someone reminds before I was going to do it
>now the implication is that I forgot or was too lazy to do it unless someone had reminded me
This bothers me too much

All the good looking women who would make great wives and mothers are taken in high school and college the latest. Whatever remains is taken shortly after they enter the workforce. There exist very few good looking (7 and above) women that are single and have a good heart, are modest, raised in a decent family, soft spoken and pretty. The window of opportunity when they are single is very very narrow. These are the 2% of women, the highest stock of females this wonderful creation can offer. If you don't frequent their circles or the events they attend you have no chance of meeting them. Women also don't go anywhere alone, so whatever hobbies women have or events they attend it is done with their husband or boyfriend and if they are single with their groups of friends.

tldr; there simply aren't enough single good looking young white women to go around for everybody, they are rare and exist mostly in very niche places where men without social circles (loners) can't get in to

>>33372089
I slept to escape

Most humans are slaves at best, and animals at worst. In fact, few humans are even sentient. Literally nothing going on upstairs but instinct and biological impulses. The only reason to talk to other people either in real life or online is the forlorn hope that one encounters one of the few other actual humans in the world. I used to think it was maybe one-in-ten that were sentient, but as life goes on I feel I was too optimistic.

>>33372089
In hell where you abandoned me

I don't like feeling vulnerable or being seen in a vulnerable way. It makes me feel weak and I hate getting upset in front of other people because it possibly could come off looking like I'm emotionally manipulating them. I'm not going to be emotionally numbing myself out any time soon, but fuck I hate doing this. I hate fighting my own pride over something stupid just to keep from the chance that I'm making other people feel like it's being used against them. I just want emotional control so that I can engage like a normal human being.

I party fouled at a bar I’d never been in before last night and it’s a locals joint and now I can never show my face there again

You told me explicitly that one day you’d drop me like a hot potato and stop talking to me out of the blue and never do it again.
But I was still surprised when it happened to me.

got soft rejected by a girl I really liked and I gotta say it didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would. hasn't happened in a long time. I was fretting over it so much that I feel like I'm back to normal now that it's reach some kind of finality.

I want to hire a prostitute or just generally attractive girl to hold onto with a blindfold on so I'm not physically or emotionally attached to her, so I can just stay wrapped in her arms and then kiss her all over and fuck her, and when I cum after she just stays with me until I fall asleep, and then the next day she can tell me exactly what to physically work on to be more attractive and what parts of my body she liked. I feel like having a baseline would be emotionally reassuring as to what direction to go for self-improvement after being without intimacy for over a decade and a half.

>>33371893
Try to contact them again.

>>33365667 (OP)
Quitting porn has had an immensely positive impact on my brain and on my relationship with my girlfriend.

I used to go to bed anxious and have an OCD meltdown about her having sex with other men (even though I have a higher body count), and quitting the porn has really helped my brain normalize sex and relationships. I only masturbate to pics of her now and it's even made me feel much more affectionate to her.

The chemicals in my brain tell me I love her. I don't want to, because it hurts. I feel dumb around her. It's been a long time I felt like this.

How do you get over deeply connecting with a person vulnerably, emotionally, and attraction-wise, and then they just suddenly leave with no explanation?
I feel like the fact that the relationship wasnt ever defined makes it harder, it's like a lot of hopes and what-ifs never cleared up but they seemed so promising. It's exacerbating trauma points I didnt realize were dormant in me and making me blow up the importance of it more than it needs to be probably. I think I needed to heal some shit more before getting involved with someone. But that's probably a retroactive cope

thank you president trump for spending all of your damn time arguing with liberals on social media

I can't stop automatically converting my time zone to hers and thinking about what part of her day she's in now
It doesnt matter anymore
How long is this going to take

>>33374003
thats sad

i hope i'm not right about this

but i'm probably right

>>33374033
?

>>33374084
it's too dark to type out without more confirmation but soafb...

didnt get the job...it was going to jump start my debt elimination now i got to look for a weekend job...

>>33373947
surely there must have been a reason they left

>>33374003
how far is she away? why not just reignite contact and move near eachother. Why suffer like that?

>>33374003
Same

>>33374120
Yeah I know
But it's a ghosting so all I can do is ruminate on it. I've got several likely ideas of varying levels of ego-damage. But supposedly it's better to sit with the emotion it all caused rather than trying to intellectualize and guess the reasons otherwise you get caught and don't solve anything emotionally within you about it.

>>33365667 (OP)
i remember holding their hand and feeling so happy. fuck i wish we were together right now.

>>33374167
why not ask them

>>33374099
Why not verify with them instead of working around to find information

There's somebody playing games with this thread...

>>33374242
What do you mean by this

>gf threatens to leave me if I dont get a job
Meanwhile im bad at socializing, have no energy, no real skills and studying something useless. It just feels hopeless

>>33374249
What company am I talking to!?

So this coworker
Most mornings she's more enthusiastic about greeting me than the rest
When she's talking to another coworker about something in the middle of some conversations she looks at me and makes a comment about what she's talking about like "am I right anon?"
She's chill and cheerful unlike most people there including me sometimes
Today I was helping someone else fix something and she made a random comment "what would we do without him around" referring to me, in jest I assume

I remember we'd watch one or more movies every day, I remember holding them close to me, I remember talking about all the exciting things we were going to do...

>>33374323
It was fun while it lasted but the time for that is over now
The only thing left to do is move forward in spite of the pain; or stand still and self-immolate

>>33374333
I pick self-immolation. I have no motivation, and everything else in my life is in shambles.

>>33365667 (OP)
Asked a girl out at a place I go frequently for coffee, and gave her a sweatshirt from my gym and she is literally telling the whole place I’m a freak.

She makes other people make the coffee when I go in now, and most recently yelled “holy shit holy shit holy shit” when I walked in and went to the back angry.

She asked where I had been after a few days of not getting coffee, and I said we should hang some time at the end of the conversation, then I got her a sweatshirt as a gift.

This seemed like a really tame innocent way of asking her out, so now I just feel like an unlovable freak because my presence disgusts someone that much.

>>33374360
I don't understand this sentiment you are clearly motivated to self-immolate. Why? Do you value comfort?

There HAS to be some form of motivation for you to even share this on 4chan, maybe you are seeking input from anons

>>33374410
>gave her a sweatshirt from my gym
Its kinda strange gift

>>33374450
Delusional hopes, and pain relief. Nothing more. Only anon whose input would matter is an anon who wouldn't bother replying.

>>33374458
Yeah I admit giving a gift in general is weird that I didn’t really think about.

That being said, is it really enough to make a public spectacle about?

She didn’t even tell me no directly, but I could feel it from the extremely weird vibe, so I immediately left her alone afterward and didn’t go for a few days.

It’s not like I’m going there to see her, I go to the chain for coffee no matter where I’m at, I just want to keep getting coffee without feeling like I’m stalking someone.

>>33374471
>Shares struggles over the internet, a place fundamentally designed to share information
>Only anon whose input would matter is an anon who wouldn't bother replying

I hope you get well soon, anon. I can see that there is something in you that is telling you to keep going.

FUCKING ENDLESS NOISE

I can't fucking stand it. Constant stomping across the floor, stomping and running up and down the stairs, slamming of doors, a fucking dog barking, music playing, all of this shit happens all day long and it's nearly 1am and I still keep hearing fucking noise now a fucking baby is crying. Even if I fall asleep my bf starts snoring so I get mad because I can't even fall asleep despite being exhausted then he gets mad at me for being woken up OH GEE NOT SLEEPING FUCKING SUCKS DOESN'T IT And he has no empathy at all. Then of course every fucking morning he wakes me up with endless noise. And if I need the bathroom fucking hogs it, makes a mess, takes the stinkiest shit ever, and goes on to make more messes everywhere. I go to ask the dog bitch to mind other people but she just fucking ignores the door while I hear her yelling at the dog. I try to tell the stompers to fucking stop and my bf again says I can't even address the noise. It's all a fucking joke. I resent him a lot now. He is also an idiot and I'm getting tired of it.

It's all so tiresome lads. I hate doing nothing, but I'm too tired to do something.

>>33374524
>I can see that there is something in you that is telling you to keep going.
More delusional waiting hoping they reach out

>>33374520
>is it really enough to make a public spectacle about?
No. Idk whys she so butthurt about it.

>>33374555
Who's to say self-immolution ISN'T delusional? It seems to me that you dismiss your optimism as emotional yet your pessimistic side tellin you to self immolate is somehow rational?

>>33374572
There is only one thing I hope that's possible, the odds of that happening are so remote they may as well be delusional is all I am saying. It's what's keeping me hanging in there as remote as it is.

>>33374302
She probably appreciates and likes you

>>33367558
Why are you working in food service? Go be a carpenter, any work in the trades. Food service is a waste of time. Find some 54 year old divorced tweaker named Keith who drives a van with wood paneling and say, "teach me to be an electrician, Sensai." Put 3 years into a trade as an apprentice, earn double the wage of a kitchen cuck, then go start hustling your own bids for real money.

>>33369482
You need to find a community. Go to a church with young people, even if you don't believe in the faith. Host parties. Join a club. Fuck, bro, work at a restaurant with young people and try to be that dude who invites the crew to party. Do whatever you can to get away from the internet and interact with actual human beings your age. That's how you meet women. It isn't natural to meet on a dating app. The app subverts the way women think about men, warps their fucking brains. people need to circle around each other like dogs and sniff buttholes in a low-pressure situation.
My brother in Christ, you will find what you're looking for in community. We need that shit. There's a whole generation of loyal mids out there who want exactly what you want to give.

>>33372975
Stop "planning on doing it".

Just do it.

I jerked off to mare pussy high out of my mind last night and had an explosive orgasm.

I got diagnosed with OCD and after denying it, holy shit it's like the past 20 years of my life just clicked into place

>>33370102
feeling compassion or empathy for someone who hurt you like that— it’s a painful feeling. It’s good that you shared it. Hope it helps you let it go.

>>33373260
Maybe you deserve to be vulnerable? Maybe your soul needs it. Maybe someone won’t turn away from that need.

I haven't had irl friends in over a year and I don't really have online friends so to talk to people I just join random discord servers troll for attention for a couple hours leave then repeat everyday.

When she told me my cock was her favorite part of me I should have married her.

>>33373545
That’s a good idea if fren and I didn’t have opposite schedules

I'm supposed to graduating university in a few months but I'm so terrified of what's ahead that I've been sabotaging myself at every step. For my entire life I've been pressured to be this brilliant successful person and I can't handle it anymore

I'm so tired of working. My job isn't hard, I actually enjoy it to a degree, but like, man. Day in, day out.
I do more work than some guy that got a promotion, because they promote on seniority. Like, what's the point of going the extra mile in that situation?

I think once I get my promotion, I'll start looking somewhere new and use it as leverage.

I've buried a good friend today. He was 6 months younger than me. Stupid fucking asthma killed him.
I'm pulling a night shift, already hungover, with enough caffeine in my system to kill a horse, and I have a job interview in a few hours.
If it works out, I'm leaving my lousy security job for a manufacturing one that pays at least 1.5x my current salary, and there'll be no night shifts anymore.
As long as I don't pass out or shit myself, I suppose.

so what do you do when exercise doesn't help you feel better after people screech how much it helps?

>>33374936
No one is unable to contact someone 24/7 though, just wait for a day they are free or leave a message.

Idk i still dont really care for having friends, just wish i had one real person to shoot the shit with over Discord while we play a game.

>>33369316
Huh?

Feels like a rumination spiral type of night again
Need to try to stop the full breakdown because that shit was insane last time
It's starting to get really tiring having to do this day after day
Fucking acting like I had some horrible ptsd event happen to me when I'm just trying to finally deal with feeling like I can't have love exacerbated by my first real opportunity slipping away messily and confusingly
Bitchmade mind

>pick up drinking while in relationship
>relationship ends
>continue to drink
>heartbroken drinking more
>get dui lose license/job
>drink more

I spent a good 2 years drinking everyday and have been sober 10 months. Parents still say shit like “one day at a time” or “this is going to be a battle you have to fight for the rest of your life”. I swear they heard this shit in a movie and finally have the right time to say it.

t. I have no desire to drink they don’t believe me and treat me like a child.

I'm gonna have a burrito tomorrow

She looks like she's doing pretty well, and she's also way out of my league. I'm still thinking of hitting her up. We haven't spoken so long... I don't even think we were close enough for a reunion to mean anything.

She smelled nice. . .

>>33375491
them pheromones got you bro?

>>33371102
As if on cue!
>Get a like today
>It's a blm/lgbwhatever supporting, cannabis consuming, tatted landwhale from SoCal.
What part of "Conservative eagle scout, not interested in drugs, tats, lgbt" do these people not understand?

>ex gf and her then current bf break up about a month ago
>removed everything related him from her social media
>she made a tiktok about smiling from texts from a (presumably new) guy

I get it now.

Ever since I turned 25, I keep thinking am I too old for all my hobbies like gaming, building model kits, watching anime, etc. Then I remember all this shit is made by and enjoyed by people my age or older.

Is it weird that I agree with equal rights between men and women (I'm not arguing for pro-abortion though) but I'm very adamant that women aren't funny? Just, I've yet to meet a woman who can make me laugh besides my mother. Their jokes are mainly, "oh my hecklin goodness I have a pussy, a FUCKING PUSSSSSSSSSSY, feel free to laugh."

>>33375101
Damn that sucks anon

>>33370102
Tense accusatory reconciliatory reunion leading into a big s*X happen wen? ?

All the evidence/files/images/videos
Have been sent to the police.
Your gas lighting days ARE OVER

See you all in court SOON!!

>>33375774
It’s known

Why do this zoomerettes always cause drama. Idgi grow the fuck up and that older lady too

>Be me
>Got off late at work as usual
>Rode the bus home
>Crackhead talking to someone
>Says something that reminds me of my coworkers
>Coworkers were figuratively dick riding me today
>We are all men btw no homo
>I pretend like I wasn't bothered by their unflattering faggotry but I deep down inside I was.
>Start to smirk as I think about my work day
>Notice the crackhead staring back at me like he wants to kill me or some shit.
>After a while when he noticed I wasn't looking at him he stopped
Out of all the cretins in this cursed world, drug addicts have to be the worst of all.
While most of the worlds cretins are hidden in the depths of the internet away from site and mind these crackzombies are out and about loitering ready to snap at a moments notice like an insect that reacts off of external stimulus.
We should start throwing all drunks and drug addicts in woodchippers.
Anyone caught with any liquir or drugs should be executed on site.
These feral rabid animals have no right to exist in a civil human society.
Realized this would not be good as a standalone post

Might get an electric unicycle and try to minmaxx doordash

>>33375853
Drugs are fun
Stfu NERD!!

>>33375862
Woodchipper NOW!

I'm so horny all the time they should shoot me in the head

There are few worse feelings than competing with fellow orbiters for the attention of the same shitty girl. We all know in our hearts that she's not worth the stress; but our self-esteem is too low for us to act with dignity.

>>33375904
Why orbit girls? I used to orbit a guy, it's basically masochism. Your own fault

>>33375904
>>33375946
Yeah just walk up touching on her all soft spoken like James Bond
Nigga

>>33375946
Because once in a while I get laid. It's not much, but enough to keep me locked into this cycle of self-abuse.

>>33375949
>Walk up to her like Bond
>In reality
https://youtu.be/xas1vkW4A08?feature=shared

I'm working night shifts at this warehouse. The money is good so I prefer to get paid more for nights than do the same work during days but after a year of this, my sleeping patterns just randomly get fucked up every now and again and it fucks up a month straight for me at a time.

I randomly can't sleep, then only sleep 2 hours at a time before work, wake up tired, go to work and can barely stand, then go home, can't sleep, stay up in bed, eventually fall asleep for 4 hours, randomly wake up and can't go back to sleep despite being tired. Then that builds up and I end up missing days out of work and I just stay in bed for 12 hours straight. Then I get shit from my parents for it so I stay in bed even longer because I don't want to deal with anything. Then I go back to work, and its the weekend and I end up spending the weekends trying to "reset" my sleeping patterns so I end up not doing anything that weekend and just focusing on that, then its back to work again and I feel like I never have a chance to rest or do something besides work or trying to fix my sleeping patterns in order to not be tired at work. Then things go well for like 2-3 weeks and its randomly happening again.

I'm just so fucking sick of always working and worrying about my sleeping habits or my inability to sleep and being tired at work. I never enjoy any weekends because I've this to worry about, I miss days of work to sleep whenever it happens but that only puts me at risk of being fired and I can't afford to lose this job because I won't get a better one. I'm just so fucking depressed over my life revolving around work and sleep, can't even relax on the weekends or get any rest while I am asleep. How long before I lose my job and things will go from bad to worse? its only been 1 year too, wtf are the next decades of my life going to look like? fuck man, this is depressing as fuck...

>>33375956
We aren't like that we are human beings, if you are soft on her and touch her the right kind of way she will accept you as her protector and then definitely fuck you eventually

>>33375970
>human beings
May I present you foreign woman in India videos as well?

>>33375974
Do you live there?

>>33375978
The point is Several men for one woman is a disaster waiting to happen

Should I triple text them tomorrow? It'll have been a week since they ghosted after like two months of talking nearly every day. Tried to no-pressure reintroduce contact 4 days ago by posting a shared interest thing and making a comment about it that they'd normally reply to positively, but it stayed ignored

It's just like
Two months of a lot of connection and getting to know each other, to be dropped with no explanation is crazy to me
It's not like we had a commitment but I thought we had built up something real, whatever it would've been called

If I do message them it's gonna be real - explaining my feelings a little (nothing sappy), saying the change has been hard, I care about them, hope theyre doing well, I'm here if/when they wanna talk again. They were going through some big changes when they stopped talking so life turmoil may be at play and is why I'm trying to keep a gentle tone.
But idk if despite that I'm doing too much for someone who is giving me nothing atm. I've never been ghosted before so Idk what I'm doing. 3rd try would definitely be the last and feel more like closure at least, having acknowledged it to them on my end rather than just offering something to react to like the last text.
I'm honestly more expecting to stay ghosted, I'm just trying to see if subconsciously this is more a desperate reconnection attempt or like partially that but more something that'll make me feel better about the permanent closure if that's what it is. I think if I leave it off not having said anything I'll have more regret

>>33375982
That's why you Lift weights and eat chicken
Eat more chicken than a man ever seen

Man what the fuck do I do? My roommate is probably gonna end up dumping his gf but she pays a third of the rent. What the fuck is gonna happen if she just up and leaves after the breakup? Fuck fuck fuck, I worked three fucking jobs just for this to happen??? Fuuuuck!!!!

>>33375984
Not worth it since the ball is in her court and she dropped it man

>>33375989
Bro no amount of lifting will ever turn you into Batman. You are not tanking bullets, and knife swipes and you most certainly are not doing 1 v 20

As I sink lower and lower, it is now that she decides to stop talking to me because she's busy with life. She didn't even reply to my last text, so what am I supposed to do? Text her every single day in the off chance I catch her when she's free? No one would ever do that just to talk to me, so why do I have to?

This struggle you are dealing with is internal and not a true reflection of who I am, but who you a fiction you are creating to decide yourself to escape accountability of your own feelings towards me.

I miss you and the memories we made so much. Flashes of your smile come to me at random points and I have to choke back tears knowing it's my fault for hurting you and ruining the best thing that happened to me. I hope you can forgive me some day because this pain is eating away at my very soul.

>>33375969
I'm not one for abusing medicine, but if you need a hard reset, cold medicine will knock you out. It's also important to not switch up your routine just for the weekend. It sucks because you lose a good chunk of the weekend day and spend the night alone, but it's better than trying to switch to days for just two days before switching back.
t. work 6pm to 6am

I have some advice for you.
Know that you stand alone in this cursed world.
You can trust no one.
No one will help you witn the way you feel. They will only tippy toe around the sinking question bests you
The truth is they all having a hole in them too.
A crippling flaw.
That is why you shall stand alone for there is none in this world that can help you

>>33375997
>>33375984
The more I reflect on it the more I realize I'm mostly trying to preserve the way they made me feel like I could be lovable and chosen - healing old wounds - instead of out of unmarred drive to reconnect or get closure. I still want that, but I don't think it's the driving thing. I'm ruminating there when I need to be healing my shit internally. If they were coming back on their own fully owning it it would be a different story, and I'd still have to choose whether I was stable enough to let that instability in. That's still a fantasy though.
Not going to message
Really want to, but know better now

>>33365667 (OP)

either im killing myself or this ed will

>>33376187
tell them

I would like to spend a lot of money on a cool jacket, even though it's not wise.

People will literally hate you for just standing there feeling good with yourself.

>>33376187
I miss you too but i hope you die
(I know you’re not him im projecting)

God it feels fucking amazing getting attention from high school girls as a 26 year old man. Not gonna do anything with it but damn is it a nice ego boost. Meanwhile my first love who fucked with my head for years is walled lmao

>>33369011
Who?

>>33369555
>woman
Friends don't put friends on hierarchy

They're all the same.

Sounds like you have met an acquaintance that you use in some way for your benefit

>>33376267
Wrong.

Jesus Christ can help anyone

>>33376496
i wish people would stop lying and confusing others. jesus can and will hurt.

>>33376509
To fear the Lord is to hate evil

>>33372240
i cannot dream tonight
i need somebody and always
this sick, strange darkness
comes creeping on, so haunting every time

I finally understand the
>you must be happy alone and focus on your own improvement, first

Became more selective with my time, uninstalling brainrot apps, stopping porn/masturbation, my desire for reading useful things skyrocketed and wasting time went way down. Hanging out with friends? Only if its something I plan or want to do. Working out 7 days a week at a more chill pace instead of pushing hard 3x/week only. Actually cooking healthy things for myself. Salad for lunch every day. I make my own crutons.

Somehow all this resulted in me getting a job at a company I would've been too intimidated to even apply for 6 months ago. The funny thing is you can't even apply for them, they must invite you, and they did invite me. I was able to speak confidently about my knowledge, experience and skill. Starting next month.

About to kill another dog. I'm stuck in this fucking apartment I didn't choose to be in. This lady keeps her dog on the balcony, never takes it out, and it barks at everything. The bitch is there all day too letting it go off. I go to the door to ask nicely (they get once chance with niceness but most don't respond so you end up threatening them). She doesn't fucking open the door but I can hear the fucking dog barking and her yelling at it. Guess she can't face consequences. So since the balcony is not far from mine I'm gonna kill it. I don't care I hate these creatures and the crazy idiots who have them. Poisoned meat for you bitch. Gonna egg her fucking place too. I'm leaving this place soon and it's not even mine, not registered here, so good fucking luck. Cannot wait for it to fucking die painfully. Shit I should just throw a fire bomb there to make sure she dies too but I get the sense that is too much work.

Ya just got a cum it out

>>33376513
sounds like the lord is both?

I think I'm just going to quit therapy. Not only can I not afford it but I honesty feel like it's just made my life worse. All the suggestions she's given me are things I've already done a million times before to no success or require me to have time and money to do. All of my sessions seem to just continue to reinforce how absolutely fucked I am and how there is no hope for me to recover. Therapy really is for the rich who have no problems.

Men are not vanishing, they are retreating. From relationships, from institutional demands, from collective obligation. Not by cowardice, nor nihilism, nor weakness - but by sacred refusal to collude with a world that has hollowed out the feminine into parody, and severed eros from its mythic root.
This retreat is not a conscious movement toward soul, for most men have not heard of soul. It is not a deliberate descent into myth, for most don't remember the myths. And yet it happens. Everywhere.
Men retreat not in search of the feminine within but in search of refuge. They turn away from real relationships, work, education, not because they hate women, but because the outer feminine devoid of beauty, of function, of soul has become unrecognizable. And if given a choice between emptiness and the parody, they choose emptiness. They choose nothing rather than violate what remains of their inner integrity.
But it is there, in the void, that the great possibility stirs.
Even if they do not name her, do not know her, have never met her, still within that emptiness, the anima awaits.
She does not need to be reimagined, reengineered, or "updated". She does not ask to be made familiar to the modern psyche. She need only be seen. Once. As she is. In the dark. Without distortion. Without irony. Without demand.

This act of remembering is enough.

Because where culture collapses, myth re-emerges. And where men descend into the silence beneath language, soul prepares its next eruption. The anima was never meant to be found in daylight; she is born in shadow, dwells in dream, and speaks first through absence.
So let it be said: true virtue is born in darkness.
And when men meet her there not as escape, not as fantasy, but as a reawakening they will return. Not as obedient citizens of a broken world, but as bearers of the fire: visionaries, warriors, poets, and builders, not of new systems but of meaningful life.

This is not disappearance, it's gestation.

They're shutting down sites and I'm tied to a shitty production team that does not know how to manage
We're fucking cooked

>>33374615
Today I was on a little break and as she was coming back with her coffee cup she kept just looking at me directly, her eyes looked kind of tired
I had to kinda look away after a bit

i wish i could give up my life's opportunities to someone who doesnt want to kys

I don't know how to keep going.
After a lengthy investigation and moving across the country to get away from my rapist, I discover they've moved to the area. I'm trying to get the council to help me move but there's no support and I just can't do it anymore.

I'm just a young man alright I'm still learning

>>33375969
Bro melatonin gummies for sleeping see if it works for you, doesn't hurt to try I say.

>>33375992
Oh man and it a two bedroom???

>>33376706
Different psychologist, it should have been a guy tbqh. Women psychologist dont fully help out men

>>33376617
Why not adopt the dog. Why are you sociopath

>>33376001
Nobody is asking you to literally fight twenty dudes dumbass. Having the muscles is just an implication, she will come to you and most other dudes will back off

girls are so hot dude

>>33368425
Just remember, everyone calling you that is a homosexual whether or not they realize it.

>>33368873
Sorry to hear about your mental illness

I’m only now realizing how bad that girl was for me. I’m balls deep into another relationship and I STILL keep spiraling down into deep depressions multiple times a week and not knowing why I keep coming back around to these stupid incel talking points and thoughts. She managed to make me feel completely unwanted even when we had sex without saying a word. Constantly silent on everything but work drama. I felt so lonely around her. Even after a year, and butt naked in her house multiple times the vibe felt like if I even open the refrigerator without permission she’s calling the cops. Her attitude was way off and I’m ashamed that I let it go on for so long. Now I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go through dating again. Isnt dating supposed to be fun? I kept thinking, but that wasn’t, it never was.

>>33376957
>t.picrel

im just a sad piece of shit, things will never be good for me

>>33376988
She sounds based. Stacy keeping her fuck boy in line. Don't touch my snapples scrote

>>33376990
i'm closer to redcorn than joseph

except i wouldn't knowingly bang someone else's wife like some filthy savage

>>33376988
Imma tell you this man to man.
Ditch that woman she's not good for you.
If she makes you feel unloved and lonely then it's not worth the psychological strain to stay with her.
Relationships these days are so shallow because people don't understand how to treat each other right.
You're only goal in dating should be to find a partner that values you and understands how to treat you with respect.

I'm leaving my wife in the next few weeks. Knowing that I've already made the decision but have to wait to tell her is tearing me up inside, but it's the right thing to do.

>>33377027
Doesn't change the fact that I read it in Joseph's voice

>>33377073
Why are you waiting?

>>33377081
Being considerate and responsible. She's using my car to get back and forth from work (I work from home), but she's quitting her job. I also take care of her dog all day, and if I left early nobody would be here for him.

>>33377128
Shouldn't you tell her before she quits? Don't sabotage her, that's fucked.

>>33377135
She's quitting this job to get a job with her family business. Her salary will be quadrupled. If I stayed, I'd have a position too (they're buying the company and putting family into all the main roles). I'm walking away from life-changing money to get out of this marriage. She'll be fine, financially, forever.

>>33376897
Mfw it is

>>33377149
Going to be honest here, you sound like a little bitch. Why are you even leaving?

>>33377169
He's got his own battles to fight, man. Sometimes people can't fix all their problems by throwing money at it

>>33377022
You sound cringe and a bitter jaded misandrist that's probably in a relationship, many such cases, sad.

>Talking to a coworker of mine
>He looks visibly nervous and worried
>Ask him what's wrong
>He says he might be getting fired for inappropriate workplace behavior
>Try to ask him what he did but he won't say

>One of the other guys in the department tells me
>Apparently a bunch of the crew were standing around and someone brushed up against someone else's butt and everyone starting jokingly accusing him of touching another guy's butt
>Everyone had a good laugh and one of the guys pinched another guy's butt for real, and everyone thought it was pretty funny
>Worried coworker decides to one up everyone, grabs a huge chunk of his supervisor's ass and squeezes
>Apparently he did it so hard his hand actually disappeared into the guy's ass, like I'm talking vicegrip strength ass grabbing
>Supervisor freaks the fuck out and shoves him against the wall, threatens to report him
>Mind you, he had just been laughing about the whole thing 30 seconds ago
>Guy still can't sleep thinking he's going to lose his job over this
>I can't stop laughing because he's going to get called into HR and have to explain he's getting fired for grabbing another man's ass

>>33377169
9 years together. I don't love her, don't find her attractive, and don't want to have kids with her. If I stayed, I'd have money and more opportunities but I'd end up cheating on her, hating myself, growing resentful, etc. This is the right time to do it.

>>33365667 (OP)
For the past several years I have only gotten fatter and fatter. I recently got laid off from a job that I took for granted. I thought I could just make more money doing something else putting in more effort. 100 job applications later, I understand that that is not the case. I still live in my friends house.. we share bills and costs but I still would like to have my own space someday just for me and my wife. There are things I have that I should be grateful for but I just can't get around the fact that no one wants to give me an opportunity.

Even though I do have skills that are valuable and could make someone a lot of money. I am entitled. I do feel a sense of entitlement, at least to a job where I get paid as much as I use to get paid. ($16 per hour) but there are too many immigrants, too much competition or maybe I'm not doing a good enough job not to be filtered by ATS or whatever AI they are using to filter applicants.

I have always known it was important to network with people so that you can find a job, but now it feels like you need to network with people just to get a regular job. You have to make people like you just so you can get a basic opportunity, where you won't make enough money to save it or progress on basic goals in life or to pursue greater responsibility.

I have thought about picking a trade and going with it, but it would hurt my savings account which I've been trying to preserve for years. I share it with my wife, we both put money into it in the hopes that one day we might be able to buy a starter home.. but it feels like that will never happen. We can't have kids while we live with my friend, that's not a viable option for us or him, and there's no space for them here.

My wife and I have been fighting more recently, due to this stress of unemployment. She's upset that I don't take initiative and wait for her to ask me to do certain things instead of taking initiative and doing them without her asking.

>>33377049
We’ve been apart for longer than we were together at this point but I’ve just realized that I’d been suppressing the reason I’ve felt the way I have since.

I wanna become skinny so bad I'm impatient as hell. Went for black coffee today and it tasted horrible, but it's a small price to pay for weightloss I guess

>>33376957
girls *are* hot man

and guys too, i guess.

>>33377297
cont

She tells me that she's overwhelmed, that I'm stressing her out by not taking initiative to do certain chores around the house. Even though there are chores I do without her ever asking me to do them. She's also upset that I won't go to the gym, even though she's morbidly obese. She always says that she's doing a lot and then I watch her stuff her face with the most unhealthy fucking food. She looks like a hypocrite to me. The other night she wanted to come up with a plan to get us healthier.. but all I can think about is how no one wants to give me a job.

I get rejected every time. I read another rejection email this morning, I'm not valuable, even though I have valuable skills, nothing is really set up in a way for me to show employers that I have them, or to show them that I would be a good employee. At my last job I was so loyal, dedicated and productive that I became the assistant manager. I worked on trying to solve problems for the business and I tried my best to help us get out of the dire circumstances we were facing.

(too much competition on our street, small business retail problems, etc etc)

Anyways, it just feels like everything is fucking pointless. I am a hard worker, I am trustworthy, I have good ideas and I apply myself to any difficult or challenging situation when it comes to my job. I work on figuring it out and I take accountability for things. I am on time, I try to produce value and be a valuable employee.

None of that fucking matters though, no one fucking cares, if you don't know the person who controls whether you get the job or not they will always pick someone they know over you, even if it's a public job posting. I have secretarial training, but they don't hire men for those jobs! I have experience in insurance, warehouses, in limited management positions.

That's not valuable though. Just makes you feel worthless.

i feel tied and submerged yet i just know i am meant for moving. and i could never really tell what and how and i could not tap into myself so i was looking for others that would help me out to get rid of that ice that surrounds me. but they never recognized me. i really dont know what to do, since it just repeats itself.

>>33377286
>nd her attractive, and don't want to have kids with her. If I stayed, I'd have money and more o
This is going to sound fucked up, but could you ride it out for a year to get some startup capital? It'd be kind of a shitty thing to do, but it's logically sound.

>>33377314
Get ready to poop a lot.

>>33377340
I've thought about it so much, but I think I'd really fucking hate myself if I did that. Right now I can get out and say "See, I really mean it. I don't even want to stick around for the money."

>>33377378
That's fair. You lose a part of yourself doing stuff like that. Better to break it off now then, but before you do, are you absolutely positively certain there's nothing that can be done to work things out? Did you ever find her attractive and she gained weight or something? Just grew apart and have different values?

ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod

>>33377323
>and guys too, i guess.

>>33377395
She was a drop-dead gorgeous cheerleader gym bunny when we first started dating. Got married, she got depressed, on medication, put on 100 pounds, and has stayed the same weight for 7 years. Hasn't done anything about it, even though I've encouraged her subtly for years. She also gave up on anything sexy/fun in the bedroom after the first year.

I have a crush on my husband's friend. I (F) also want to physically and spiritually become said friend

>>33377496
and this is why I don't like becoming friends with married men

Porn is just digital vouyerism

>>33376293
She has me blocked on everything atm

>>33377474
Were her physical traits the only thing you were attracted to? Have you talked to her directly about this before blowing everything up?

I've come to realize that I do not like the guy who is above me at work. There's so much I don't like about him. I don't come out of any of our conversations any better he's the type who has to be right all the time and can't take being wrong, it's really pathetic. If he left the job or was fired I wouldn't be bothered at all.

>>33376327
Frfr or they think you have attitude. Fucking zoomerettes, millennials, boomers grow the fuck up

>>33377496
It's fun to get the wives revved up... because I know you see those subtle things I do, the things you can't stop thinking about... things I do on purpose, for you...

I love watching you swirl on those boundaries... thoughts racing... but you know that's how I am with all the ladies. And, you remember all those different times when your husband and I revealed I was coaching him when you two were dating, and that I helped with his proposal, and that I tightened his tie at the wedding... so you know there's no point to cross that boundary with me, because I'd lift you up off your feet, and carry you right back.

i am so so alone, i feel pathetic even writing this. i was never very outgoing, but wow, how did this happen? i've been crying all day, punching my thighs. i shouldn't be like this at 20!!!! i am not a depressed teen anymore, but why do i still feel the same?
the person i've been in love with doesn't care about me anymore and it's all my fault. he acts so cold towards me, it's my fault. i wish i could get hit by a car so my family doesn't have to deal with the social consequences of suicide. i just want to leave

>>33377787
Brother, I stayed with her for SEVEN years after that. I was originally attracted to her for her looks and the fact that she was a fucking nerd. We watched Star Trek and SG1 together, played MtG and board games. She was perfect. But I figured out pretty quickly that she was hiding some undiagnosed autism/aspergers thing, that she just adopted whatever personality she needed to get with me. And the only reason I proposed was because we had been doing LSD every few days for like 2 months and I thought it'd be crazy to drive to Vegas and elope.

Now she barely gives a fuck about anything I'm interested in and just wants to watch brainrot YouTube shorts, have kids, and eat garbage all day. We can't travel because of her pets, we can't hike/camp because she hates physical activity. She has no passions, no love for anything other than staying indoors and judging people. She spends hours talking shit about each of my friends and expecting me to join in. She HATES meeting new people because they throw her out of her comfort zone.

I could go on. I needed to get this shit off my chest forreal evidently

>>33377865
This sounds shitty, but you're 20. Your life can change so dramatically every few years that you could be a radically different person by 25. Just keep going, and let the awful things you're going through just become part of the movie of your life. Keep watching, you gotta see what happens next.

>>33377865
this guy's right >>33377966
at 20 i was unemployed college dropout and my friends left me behind
at 21 i joined the military and got in my first serious relationship and made some friends
at 27 i left the military and became unemployed again leaving everything behind, but had money saved
at 29 i got my dream job and moved to a new city and met new people
at 31 i became a lead and had a strong social life and hobbies
at 32 i bought a home
at 34 i married my now-wife
at 36 i had my first of two kids

but at 20 i was unemployed college dropout with no friends
and i had no idea what as to come

If I was a whore I would be loved. If only I was a teenage whore egirl like the one who stole my boyfriend. I hate being a boring ugly catholic virgin who is 24. I hate my parents restricting my online life so I am more trapped and lonely. I hate how people who say they will never cheat on me and leave me do exactly that even if it was just my first relationship. I am damaged goods now due to him. Plus I am old at 24 instead of being a beautiful child like Ibuki.

A while ago, I ghosted a woman who started messaging me 2 months ago, she was into me, we had a lot of similar interests, shared the same political views etc. But I was (still am) in a relationship and my girlfriend found out. I ultimately did not want to give up on my relationship with her. It was just a nice feeling knowing that other women find me attractive and interesting
The woman I ghosted sent me message with a different account, saying that she doesn't know what she did wrong but she still thinks about me and wishes me all the best
Not gonna write to you personally, but I have nothing against you, please go find someone who lives closer and be happy

getting ghosted sucks no matter what, but it especially stings when it was someone who matched your energy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vfr6JuImsX4

I'm going back to the gym today but I'm always embarrassed by lifting bitch weight. Especially if I see someone who recognizes me and sees that I've made 0 progress since last time. Shameful.

I'm making shit loaf of money but I don't feel anything.
I rather spend the days doing outdoors shit than doing my job.

Also when I started working was when I lost my gf (still kinda shaky about breaking up or not)

I would rather be poor and find real love than whatever the fuck i have now

I had enough of their bullshit and I won’t ever let things go back to the way they were. Never. And that’s ok.

I'm fucked up.
It turns out I needed certain course credits to be able to finish this year-long course, which involves going to high schools to teach.
But the professor of a course I absolutely need set an exam date after the deadline I have to catch up on my course credits. So it's over.
Now I have to talk to my teachers to interrupt my visits to the high school (which they say is a pain in the ass), so I'll look bad in their eyes and I'll have to come back next year.
But the worst part is having to tell my mom this.
She didn't know about this situation and didn't want her to know because she puts a lot of pressure on me about how I'm a procrastinator with these exams.
And she's right, but I didn't want to feel her pressure these months and was confident that I would make it.
Now I have to tell her that I'll be another year behind because I didn't take an exam for a subject I took years ago.
How do I do this?
I don't want her to see me as a liar or someone who doesn't take this seriously. I swear I do.
Obviously, I procrastinated, but it's not like I give a shit.
I was busy with other courses in past years, and I finished faster than other classmates: most of the ones I know are further behind than me.
It was going to take me another year to finish college anyway.
Technically, I didn't fall behind, but I wasted time.
There's no money here btw, the university is public, but it's true that I still live with parents and they pay shit while I go to college.

>finally find a girl whom I think is cute, easy to talk to, matches my random weird shit and all
>she's nearly flat and vegetarian
>I eat everything and fucking love boobs
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Oh well, can't win em all, I'll take it anyway.

>>33378435
Tag me in bro

I wish I knew why I got aroused by the weirdest shit, you know, besides the autism

I want to look like a kid. I want to be small and fragile. I want to look sickly and have people be worried for me.

>>33365667 (OP)
i have way too much urge to change things, myself, everything, but unable where to start and with whom. i feel dumb for trying and isolated to feel momentum. what can i do?

>>33378476
What would understanding it do for you?

>>33378514
Make me stop wondering

>>33378435
Retard. This has to be bait
This is exactly what a normie would say

>>33378503
Write a list out of all the things you would like to achieve next to a letter. Write out the options that you have right now to begin change, each having the letters from your achievement goals list along with a separate table that has the pros and cons for each. Determine what looks best

I really need to stop reading ragebait at work, only pensioners and retards follow that shit and I live with one of those already. But when you're in the cubicle working all day you need something easy to dip into with infinite "content", something that doesn't require much comprehension beyond other-tribe-bad and be-angry-be-outraged. I'm only human, not someone who can simultaneously study productive subjects and work, that's not how retention works. Political news is actually the peak of consumerism if you think about it. Hang on, I'm the retard!

Played a gig where the audience was full of young parents, their kids and the grandparents. The parents were all roughly my age, which made me feel
pretty lonely. Some day, some day. Maybe.

Part of me wonders if I answered the last call my ex sent what would have happened?
Would it have erased all the bullshit she did to me?
Would she have run back to my arms?
Was she just bored and looking to make small talk?

She's gone now. Fate will never bring us back together.
Maybe we'll see each other in a store years from now and not even realize it.

This guy is too fucking funny. LMAO.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xQ5wdilf4Y
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4YYlfdpPzw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLdgC8IM1Ek

Feels like there is no reason to live at my age. Anything I'll do I'll barely have time to enjoy. If I get good at something like piano, I'll be an old man, and nobody will care while teenagers get famous for switching between three notes.

I feel like throwing up.

>>33377421
im not gay !!

I never even liked you, I don't know how narc you are to think I...

I wish some of my friends were just more casual and chill when we hang out. It always has to be some petty serious bullshit and I’m tired of being lectured about random various topics that melt my brain because I already know them or don’t care. I’m hanging out with you, for YOU, not some deep lore on a subject(which can be fun! Just not all the time!) or pompous take, not some constant weird diss at one of my favorite things, I just want to hear your laugh, ideas, relaxing thoughts, and talk with you.

It’s gotten so bad recently that I’ve had to just turn my phone off to ignore their messages for however long I need because it’s so much negative egotistical bullshit.

Is there a better way I can go about this? I truly do love my friends, but I cannot stand being lectured to all the time bc it hurts my brain when I wanna just relax with them

i don't want to date anyone that got an mrna covid vaccine

It's fucking over for me. My parents never wanted me to be alive, they want to kill me, I am the reason why they split up. I'm a fucking miserable mistake that only makes things worse and deserves to die for the wages of my ways.

>>33379218
I wish I was someone else besides me, I know that everyone in my family hates me and wants to burn me at a stake.

>>33379224
Maybe if never have been born then everyone lives could've been better. Just a wasteful sack of useless shit groveling on a site that'll archive this in a couple days.

>>33379224
>wants to burn me at a stake
are you sure? that sort of thing hasn't been fashionable for a while...

>>33379227
Maybe I should kill myself, I'm sure people would actively avoid trying to go to a funeral for worthless scum like me. Maybe I could free up some resources for someone else.

>>33379232
I wish I wasn't born actually to never have experienced life at all. Imagine how much better people would've been if they never knew me.

>>33379165
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hd3oqvnDKQk

>>33379232
it's going to be ok

>>33379237
It's clearly obvious my father doesn't care about me. Ever since my older sister died my younger sister gets all of the attention now. He's never been excited about me before or said I love you. What about me? I fucking skipped a grade and graduated high school at fucking 16. I'm about to get my bachelors at 19. Why aren't you happy for me? Don't you want a successful son? Are my achievements worthless to you? Am I worthless to you? Do you wish I died instead of my older sister? Did you only want daughters? I don't understand.

>>33379250
Look at me, I'm bitching about my issues on an anonymous site, no wonder he never cared for me and I should stop caring too.

>>33379238
it's like, even if they got bad doses that were almost entirely inactive after facilities stopped storing the vaccines properly and none of the shots hit a vein, they complied with the obvious bs and were probably mad at people that didn't meaning they're going to comply with the next bs and be upset with me when i don't, so why even try and build a relationship

It's over I guess. I should take my time to grieve. This empty feeling will take some getting used to. It should pass eventually but in the mean time I need to get away and isolate myself.

my one and only friend is a women because you can't ever be open around men (I am not trying to have sex with her either, she is my genuine friend)

she plays with legos and sends funny memes to me and listens to me and I listen to her, with the guys it just isn't like that

i feel like if you're "sorry if i lead you on" you knew what you were doing

Why God? They know not what they do, and I do, and it’s so heavy. How do I let you fill me when I am filled with rage? As surely as I love my enemy, I cannot lie. It is hard.

>>33365667 (OP)
>open up article online
>obviously written by CHATGPT
Every fucking time.

I hate what generative AI has done.

i think i goofed guys, she wanted me to take control and that kinda weirded me out at this point so i didn't and now it's radio silence

Goddamn, she really doesn't fucking care about me anymore
Why
We built up so much connection
Like we cared about each other for real
Attraction, flirting, vulnerability, common interests, what was wrong with me all of the sudden

>>33379810
People are a reflection of themselves, not you.

My male fantasy is being able to comfortably drift off to sleep whilst watching something familiar and boring. It's never happened to me, I don't know how people do it. I don't sleep, I wait.

I think I may be empathy burnt out from work (CPS) or maybe I'm just tired of 'friends' using me as an emotional punching bag that my first reaction is now to tell them to kill themselves. So fucking tired of grown arse adults coming to me to whinge about shit and then when I give them my sympathy I'm told I'm a horrible person for treating them like one of my abuse cases, but if I give them resources to help them I also get called a horrible person. So fuck 'em. Neck yourself. Stay with that woman who scratches you and throws shit at you. Don't go and get tested for STIs because he'll stop buying you fancy bags, have fun with your new rash or whatever IDGAF. Honestly getting to the point of selling everything and moving to a different state, transferring internally to another office is pretty straight forward. But I do have some actual good friends here, and tmy coworkers are a nice mix of actual good plenty to easily ignored not actively detrimental losers, I'd be rolling the dice on whatever the new interstate lot would be like.

>>33380072
The toughest part of social work that zaps your positivity is when kids are removed from a bad situation where reunification 100% isn't gonna happen but they want to go back because it's all they know. Gotta fight extra hard for them but it's mostly thankless.

>>33380109
It's rough. All you can do is try and make things are right or as painless as possible. The system can be stupid as fuck, there's only so much I can wiggle or delay with hopes of giving the kid(s) some breathing room or a better option may become available. I don't regret going into this work, but I'm going to leave it in a few years for something not as intense, probably head back into general disability and social support, or OOSH. Unfortunately right now my country (Australia) is having a fucking meltdown about men in work involving minors including some childcare places banning men from working there, so I may have to plain stop working with children directly without it being my own choice.