how do i fix this thing where i can't be attracted to men who act desperate/simp-y at all because my type is my old crush who was the opposite of desperate around women? how do i change my type?

99% of the time he kind of ignored me and almost never made eye contact, but he also once randomly said i look attractive (after which he always ignored me again, and at some point a bit later moved far away, so i haven't seen him in a long time). at some point i realized he had essentially become my "type", and this still seems to be the case.

also he wasn't an ultra chad or anything imo. i think i just get obsessed with specific people easily. he was 5'8", around 30 y/o and really really skinny.

>>33373169 (OP)
why do you need to fix that? men who act like that aren't men. at the same time your type shouldn't be men who don't give a shit about you.

>>33373197
This lol
There's a middle ground between a desperate simp and an antisocial autist like your crush. Did you two even kiss? I'm amazed that you like him, because even the most prudish women are put off when I don't act like a horndog with them. Most women want a guy who's assertive, pushy and interested, but not desperate.

>>33373169 (OP)
I won't read obviously made-up nonsense threads.

>>33373197
maybe i should've been more clear, i mean that i easily interpret almost any show of interest from a man as "simp-y" because of this lol.

my brain got used to the idea that a man is attractive to me when he most of the time ignores me (because he doesn't need a feel to chase women). in a way the way that crush acted around me just made me feel safe, like i didn't need to feel on guard that he's going to "try" something (even though at the same time i wanted that).
i don't want to sound narcissistic but i'm used to men acting sort of slimey around me, like acting overly nice and then always asking me out. it's hard to explain but i just don't like that, simply put. my crush acted like the literal opposite of that, and it's so rare that i got infatuated with him. he was gentlemanly and kept a respectable distance basically.
>>33373363
nope, i'm a sperg around men and i tend to act aloof around guys i find attractive (avoiding eye contact and avoiding talking with them). he seemed very confident to me, like he can easily make a room of people laugh, but maybe he's similar around women. so nothing ever happened. i'm not even sure if he actually found me desirable and not just ok-looking since he was drunk when he once made that comment that insinuated that i'm attractive.

>>33373450
>i easily interpret almost any show of interest from a man as "simp-y" because of this
Ok that makes more sense.

I think he manipulated you into liking him. Like you said, he wasn't an ultra chad or anything, 5'8", around 30 y/o and really skinny. This is a tactic some smart men use to get women to like them. And it works all the time but the problem with these men is they never EVER make the first move, probably because, like >>33373363
said he was an antisocial autist. More often than not these men are super insecure and want the women to make the first move.

> in a way the way that crush acted around me just made me feel safe, like i didn't need to feel on guard that he's going to "try" something (even though at the same time i wanted that).

I know it feels like he was a breath of fresh air, and it's a good thing that he made you feel safe. But that's his whole thing. Basically you met a "I'm not like other guys" type of man. But he is, he is exactly like other guys, because all guys, deep down, are the same. So are women.

These men are usually egocentric and don't care about consequences. Such as skewing someone's perception of a "good man" and embedding themselves in your memory. They are smart predators.

I'm 100% sure he liked you, and he regrets not taking the relationship to the next level, just like he has with other women he's done this to.

>>33373744
i mean i didn't know him personally that well so your theory could be correct. but he very much seemed like a good person in my opinion.
he seemed like kind of a degenerate in many ways (which gave me those famous i can save him feels), but he also apparently has a pet bunny that he has because his ex left and didn't take her bunny with her, and he really likes the bunny (i heard this from other people, he never spoke about it once). people who like animals aren't always good people but it raises the likelihood of you being a good person. and in general he was a nice person as well. bit of a silent strong type since even though he had good social skills and was pretty charismatic, he didn't talk that much most of the time. i heard a lot of things about him from other people but nobody ever had anything bad to say about him or anything that could be a sign that he's a shitty person. or maybe i'm wrong lol but yeah he did seem like a good guy.

>>33373744
I'm not saying he's a bad person just pointing out his flaw. In the end it's him who fucked up. Or he was already in a relationship/situationship and just not interested.

So just try to find someone that has his chivalry, but who is not afraid to to be a little 'simpish'.

>>33373886
oops sorry meant to reply to >>33373815

>>33373886
thanks anon. but i just feel like that's impossible ngl, those types of men don't approach random women i think.
the only reason why i was around him was pure luck also. i just happened to be in a social group he was also in and i saw him maybe once every 3 months. but now everyone has moved away and the group isn't a thing anymore. and i don't have any friends, getting to hang out with those people was just thanks to my brother basically since it was essentially his friend group that i also participated in sometimes when i used to live at home. on my own i've never made friends or gotten to know any men. and since i don't know any men or even have friends, the only way i could get to know a man is if either of us cold approaches the other. and i basically don't like men doing that, while also being too shy to do it myself.

>>33373928
ah well usually a work environment is a good place to meet people. perhaps a bar? the gym? any place where there's both men and women and it's kind of like a daily thing, same people etc. basically any place that's like an adult high school if that makes sense, where people can develop crushes on each other

>>33374023
i feel like being a lone woman in a bar just makes people see you as a slut basically. but yeah you're right i think i need to follow that advice that tells you to become a regular somewhere. i just haven't managed that yet bc i live in the middle of nowhere lol. but gym could be a good idea definitely.

>>33374114

>i feel like being a lone woman in a bar just makes people see you as a slut basically.
Hmm I wouldn't say that but yeah you're right, a lone woman in a bar is not something you see often. Try a coffeeshop then. Maybe you find a cute barista lol.

but don't worry too much everything will fall into place in the end anyway https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtDPKJSsBgc&t=29s

Best of luck to you

>>33373169 (OP)
>how do i fix this thing where i can't be attracted to men who act desperate/simp-y at all

You can't be attracted to them because simping is the ultimate pussy repellant, and any man who doesn't understand that should serriously think about himself and his life instead of kissing roastie ass. You are completely normal and should look for dudes who don't do it.