Thread 33374510

>lots of ambition in life
>eating well, sleeping well, getting exercise and sunlight
>plans
>well-structured paths to attaining those plans
>try to work
>summon all the willpower in the world
>can't stop doing whatever meaningless repetitive task it is that i'm doing
>be it looking at phone, listening to music, fucking staring at a wall
>life is actively slipping by

it may not make sense to some of you but i literally cannot will my body to do things at all. i don't understand what's going on.

I've set aside full days to just try to read a book, and even when i put aside everything but the book, my brain fucking short circuits and refuses to engage with the material.

i try to cook simple meals that i've cooked repeatedly in the past and i start to slump on the kitchen counter as soon as i start.

i'm not even depressed. if anything, i'm angry, and worried that i'll never be able to break out of this bizarre semi-existence.

even this post had to be planned a day in advance before i could do anything about it

what the fuck is wrong with me

>>33374510 (OP)
Take neurotransmitter supplements

>>33374553
what are those

they don't sound like a real thing

bumping

>>33374510 (OP)
Avolition. There much to be found by searching for that term.

>>33374510 (OP)
People have begun to lose their hopes and forget their dreams.

Nobody cares about anything anymore.
Nobody wants to get together anymore.
Nobody does anything without getting paid anymore.
Nobody wants to do anything anymore.

https://youtu.be/kVaolNKt2zw
https://youtu.be/1d925iMSuLY

You need to fall in love then get torn to shreds, best way
Then you rebuild but only the very most crucial shit survives

>>33375053
>>33375401
i don't think you guys get it

i want to do things. i have concrete plans. i'm physically capable of doing things. i have no reason to not do things. i was happy.

it genuinely feels like my brain shuts down every time i try to do something though.

i don't hate myself so there's nothing to shed or rebuild. i don't have any deep-seated sorrows about the state of the world. but every time i try to do something, i end up just fidgeting wildly or straining my eyes.

it's like being locked out of my own body.

i can do school/work mandated stuff just fine, though even that's only because of the deadline pressure and still unreliably, but nothing else

Okay i think this is my thread, OP.

I get what you say, or so i think. Your motivation, to say so, your inner desire to perform those actions are there, your plans to do so are there too, but at the very moment of doing that, somehow, you just don't do it. It's not that you feel lazy, or you are depressed to not feel anything about it but suffering, but... you just don't do it, right?. Like, those mornings you have to take a cold shower and you know what it entails, you prepary mentally, you even take some stretching and such and such... but at the very face of the bathroom, you sort of just get out of yourself, derealize, dissociate, or whatever, like those guys from military when they have that thousand yards look and stay there for minutes, even hours?

It happens to me too, and it's been somewhat of a constant in my life for a while now. I think i've lost a couple of even life-changing opportunities like jobs or more promising academic pursuits...though it has taken a seatback in the last two years in the scale of damage because a vile form of OCD (pure o) struck me and took me to the limit of suicide.

I don't know if it's more of a personality thing, a result of a relatively acommodated childhood but emotionally distant from my parents where i didn't get that much correction (though i got some spankings here and there but nothing to take a trauma from) and thus a lack of prioritizing abilities, or just some side effect of an unknown mental disease. Maybe it's what this anon >>33375001 says, and by reading the wikipedia article, there's some sort of herb that might be promising for that...but i'm just too fearful it might mess with my current medication and turn my brain to a worse mush.

>>33375682
kind of, yeah. you're the closest to getting it. can you describe your problem a bit more? you word it better than me

>>33376090
bump

>>33377145
bump

>>33374510 (OP)
Hell yeah

>>33374510 (OP)
Reward yourself for every small task you are able to achieve.
Procrastination and laziness are born from the impression that nothing you put effort into is rewarding enough. So reward yourself more.

Maybe you are 20-23 y/o it's normal in that age i am also going through same condition you just need to calm your mind and stop your curiosity

>>33378529
Hi op, sorry for not replying

I don't know if i can describe it anyhow else, what i wrote on >>33375682 is what i usually feel on a daily basis too. Sometimes i just do things i should do in a day because fuck it, my mind feels more at ease and more active than usual...or, after a depressive cycle of sorts where i rot for days (i don't get out of my room, don't brush my teeth, don't take a bath, i don't give a shit if i smell like a fucking donkey), usually when i finally take a bath, i feel anger and an impulse to resume what i do very quickly, so i try to do a lot of shit that day. But that's not a sane way to get myself to do stuff because after that impulse i feel like i've wasted too much time rotting inside my house and i'm too behind everything and it's all dispair again and blablabla.

I think the most effective way to avoid this is, when you wake up, avoid using what usually gets you in trances of addiction or short span attention, like using the computer or the phone just after waking up (though, for people like you and i, it's almost like a robotic response so we have to put extra effort). And when you are in THAT MOMENT where you are just about to start to do your chores, just not think about anything and throw yourself, no dissociation, no thinking, just fucking do it and think about it later.

Hey OP,
Not memeing have you ever had yourself checked for ADHD or similar 'behavioral' disorders? Hard to diagnose someone through 4chan but if you went to a psychiatrist and told them "it feels like my own brain is sabotaging me despite my best intentions" they would at least be forced to run some checklists on you.
I know 4chan hates shrinks for good reasons but this is one of those places where they may actually help.
If I was in your position but unable/unwilling to see a shrink I would experiment with mild stimulants (caffeine, modafinil, pseudophedrine) or other compounds (l-theanine) to see if any of them put me in the right headspace. Search reddit or google for "natural" therapies for ADHD or whatever (not saying you have this, just that it would be a starting point).
Otherwise you need to try to "short-circuit" yourself. Whenever you catch yourself on the phone instead of reading, override that deliberately.

>>33382653
>natural therapies for adhd
cardio is very good.

>>33374510 (OP)
Yes

OP did you do drugs to a moderate degree in the past? or have you fapped to porn in the last couple months? both affect the brain to a fairly big degree and especially the power of will.

those issues you describe seem a typical symptom of a sick and lazy mind. The good news is that you can recover. Like a muscle, the will can be trained, but it takes time and effort.

Like some anom suggested Cardio is a good idea to help get rid of some of the toxicity and renew your energy.

>>33374510 (OP)
Nice

You left out the part where you talk to people. Do you regularly talk to people and see them physically?

>>33374510 (OP)
Yes

>>33374510 (OP)

Hi OP. >>33375001 is right. Avolition is the appropriate word to describe what you're experiencing here, though it's usually associated with neurological disorders like depression or schizophrenia spectrum disorders.
Difficulty or inability to initiate purposeful, self-directed behaviour, in your case, I would wager is being caused by either ADHD/autism (two sides of the same coin neurologically speaking), or organic brain damage from technology and internet overuse. 4chan, drug use, Youtube, Instagram, television, movies, video games, porn, whatever, are supernormal stimuli and are more than capable of bankrupting your brain's natural balance of neurotransmitters if you are not careful. This, in turn, will result in a situation like you are describing, wherein you can "want" to do things but find yourself struggling to "will" yourself to do them.

>>33374510 (OP)
Yes

>>33374510 (OP)
Yes

>>33374510 (OP)
Yeah

>>33374510 (OP)
Yea

>>33374510 (OP)
Go

>>33374510 (OP)
You sound depressed

I find exercise helps when I am like this. Just doing the first rep is difficult, my muscles feel weak, and I just want to drop it and forget about it. But it's a good opportunity to push through, and once you've pushed through you can get on with the rest of your day.

>>33374510 (OP)
Yea

>>33374510 (OP)
Watch this to understand what is happening:

https://youtu.be/kVaolNKt2zw
https://youtu.be/1d925iMSuLY