>>33378380 (OP)>What can you infer about my situation? Your inner void is father-shaped, man-shaped, masculine-shaped. Troubled relations with your dad, either he was absent or negligent or separated either by distance or emotion or both.
You started off with MILF x Shots stuff because it was all you had known emotionally. Relying on an older woman for comfort. Aka, only person you had a connection with was momma. Whether it's a good one or bad one or in between, still a connection.
So you kept cranking it. Ignoring emotional issues you had, eventually bubbles up. Repression of emotion eventually spills out in sexuality as an outlet. You developed bisexual fetishism, trap fetishism. The missing masculine male symbol role model begins to erupt in your sexual appetite, in the porn. You begin to desire maleness sexually because you had lacked a connection to it growing up.
How can you improve? Stop using porn as a way to self-soothe and blot out your problems. If you do, funny confusing shit happens, like what you are doing now.
Detach from the shots/bi/trap shit, detach from porn. Recognise it comes from some place deeper. No, not your orientation. Don't think you are gay. Just a dude with father issues probably. At the least, problems feeling like 'one of the guys'. Trouble feeling man enough. Work on that emotionally, mentally, not sexually. Reconnect with masculinity. Find positive strong role models. Leen into your male peers groups. Exercise your masculinity with the proper activities (skills, craft, hunting, adventuring, building, tool use.) Do that and all of a sudden the wacky sexual fantasies come to a grinding halt.
