Hey /adv/ I'll try to keep this short as I can, bear with me.
I've been dating my gf for about 10 months. Throughout the duration of the relationship and a lot recently I've had doubts about how much I really like her. She's kind, and loving to me, I think she'd make a good wife and mother.
But I just don't feel that deep connection with her, or a deep attraction that would make me certain I'm with "the one", if that's even a thing. It's just always felt "okay" and a bit underwhelming, although she's never given me any problems.

I just kind of want to stop thinking about it. I'm 29 and looking to settle down, and I know she loves me and everything would be good on paper, but I don't know if I'll ever be fufilled with her, or in love myself. I've tried growing it, or recognizing it's possibly my own faults holding me back, but it just doesn't click. But I'm not miserable or anything. Should I just accept it, try to love her for who she is and the good she brings me, even if it's never really anything special? Or do I need to hold out for "love", even if that means losing the good thing I have?

I just fear regret more than anything, and feeling like I gave up on myself, and a truly meaningful relationship. I also fear just being stupid and leaving a good functioning relationship.

>>33380211 (OP)
I tried my best to condense it but it's still long.
Tl;Dr how do you know when you're with the right woman to marry, and is settling okay?

Sounds like you should do something drastic cuz you're too boring
Tell her and have her decide for you

>>33380211 (OP)
If you leave her you'll end up with nothing. Feeling of "the one" is a meme and you're 29, it doesn't get better. Don't be like those hoes who break-up because they can do better (they can't)

The feeling you're seeking just starts to fade as you change as a person. I'm also 29 and I feel pretty much the same way. Most people become jaded and lose their rose-tinted glasses with age, especially if you've been more sexually active than most. It sounds like you have a good girlfriend, and yeah you would probably be a bit foolish to leave her for someone better. Love feels different at every age.

>>33380211 (OP)
Falling deeply in love is strictly a short term thing. Don't get me wrong, it's amazing; but you'll be lucky if it lasts eighteen months. But what does matter is whether you're really compatible with a person and comfortable with them; whether being with them is enjoyable and rewarding, or a constant effort; whether the two of you really are better together than you are apart. Those are things you need to pay attention to.

>>33380295
Why am I boring?

>>33380301
Yeah I'm trying to avoid that, like I said she's a good girl, we just don't have like, a deep connection? We have very little in common, I only find her mildly attractive at best, she has difficulty keeping up with conversation or activities because there's a fairly large gap in intelligence and eduction between us. I feel she's a good partner as in I trust her to care for me, support me, raise kids etc. but like, I don't feel basically anything or find anything we do together or talk about all that interesting.

>>33380303
It is probably the fact that I had been with a lot of girls before this. I have stayed with her to this point because despite the otherwise complete lack of desire or spark, she was the only girl to ever put me before herself, not burden me with problems, and has never fought me. I appreciate that peace. I'm just mourning a bit that there is basically nothing more to me being with her than that, which seems like a bare minimum.

>>33380325
Yeah but we never had that even at the start. I never felt extremely attracted to her or a spark or butterflies or anything. But I mean hanging out with her is fine. No drama or issues, she's fun enough. sometimes she looks hot. Idk. I would honestly say I don't feel really any different hanging out with her than I do with a friend. But maybe that's a good thing? I just kinda expected when I found the right girl there would be this persistent sense of admiration, and draw, and desire, and really thinking "damn I don't want anyone else"

>>33380211 (OP)
I have same problem also same age lol

my gf is obese but im her first so getting hard is not always easy and I always attractive to other girls (knowing i wont get because 5'6")

>>33380386
>Yeah but we never had that even at the start.
That doesn't matter. Even if you had had that at the start, it would have faded by now and would no longer be important.

>>33380386
>I just kinda expected when I found the right girl there would be this persistent sense of admiration, and draw, and desire, and really thinking "damn I don't want anyone else"
As the other anon said, that can happen in the early stages. But 2-3 years in, NO ONE is feeling that, not even people who are really happy together. So the fact that you aren't feeling that means nothing. After the honeymoon phase, no one feels that.

>>33380428
>>33380448
So. If I don't feel that. If I enjoy being with her, and see her as a good partner, but I still constantly feel like we don't have some special "click" or chemistry, and I find other women attractive, I'm normal and okay? That's not a sign the relationship isn't right, it's just a matter of consistently choosing her over those urges?

I thought at some point I'd be with someone that I consistently, forever felt I wanted and was certain was right. I'm with her still because DESPITE every gut feeling I have, I know she's a catch. But you're saying I'm okay?

>>33380467
>I thought at some point I'd be with someone that I consistently, forever felt I wanted and was certain was right
Again, NO ONE feels that, except during the honeymoon phase, and often not even then.

How you are feeling now does matter a great deal, but the fact that it doesn't feel like some grand legendary romance is irrelevant. And everyone feels attraction towards people who are not their partner, they simply choose to ignore it because their relationship is too valuable to jeopardise.

> But you're saying I'm okay?
Not necessarily. Some of the things you are concerned about not feeling are things it makes no sense to be concerned about. But that doesn't mean she's right for you, it just means that, to determine if she's right for you, you need to be asking different questions.

>>33380471
And what would those questions be? If you don't mind

>>33380471
isnt it basically if she doesnt give you shit and you are allowed to do what you want you should be happy for the rest of your life?

>>33380486
I kinda figured there was a bit more to it than that lol. I figured there were hobbies , vales, opinions you connected on, humor you shared, an undying sense of attraction and desire, and that you get to a point where nobody else seems better and your stop grass is greener thinking because you're finally content

>>33380480
>And what would those questions be?
Do you feel comfortable and safe with her, or are you constantly worrying that you're going to say the wrong thing and make her upset? Do you trust her? Is she easy to talk to - do conversations flow comfortably? Do you make each other laugh? Is being around her fun - do you enjoy spending time together? When something goes wrong, is it easy to have a conversation about what's wrong and fix it together? Is she reliable? Does she make you feel supported and listened to? Do you make her feel supported and listened to, and is this something you enjoy doing? Is the sex good - are you both enthusiastic about it, and do you have it about as often as you both want? Do you have plenty of interests in common, but also enough differences that you have something to talk about and things to introduce each other to? If you're apart for a little while, do you miss her? When you come home are you happy to see her? Do you cuddle as much as you both want to? Do you understand what you need to do to make her feel loved, and is doing that fun? Do the two of you engage intellectually - is having a discussion with her interesting? Are you both doing your fair share of chores, and are you both okay with that? Does it feel like you're both making an approximately equal effort to make things work?

Generally, are you happy, or does it feel like you're simply going through the motions because it's what's expected of you?

>>33380211 (OP)

Oh my God she is the perfect female specimen.

>>33380486
>isnt it basically if she doesnt give you shit and you are allowed to do what you want you should be happy for the rest of your life?
No.

>>33380528
>I kinda figured there was a bit more to it than that lol. I figured there were hobbies , vales, opinions you connected on, humor you shared, an undying sense of attraction and desire, and that you get to a point where nobody else seems better and your stop grass is greener thinking because you're finally content
Some of that is realistic, and some of it isn't. Hobbies, values, opinions, humour: yes. Undying attraction and desire: ridiculous, forget it. Being very comfortable with someone, yes; never encountering anyone else you could also be comfortable with: ridiculous, forget it.

There is no such thing as a soulmate. There are plenty of people in the world you *could* be happy with; ultimately you are going to have to pick one and be happy with her. You need to pick someone who *is* right for you, yes; but there will always be other people who could be right for you too, no matter how good things get. The fact that you could be happy with someone else doesn't mean you're not happy now.

>>33380580
I would say she provides all of that, 100% except for:

>The sex
Sometimes I'm just not in the mood and she is, or it feels a bit obligated on my end. Sometimes I really want it but it's kinda rare. Sometimes she comes on to me and I just don't feel anything and she gets disappointed. It sucks but yeah.
>Do you engage intellectually
Extremely rarely, more often then not she just doesn't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I'm a PhD candidate interested in geopolitics, history, philosophy, movies, music, abstract concepts. She's a high school grad who likes horses. Sometimes it just feels like we're not on the same level, intellectually at least.

Generally I'm happy or numb, but never unhappy, anxious, upset, or mad. So that's good right? I've been actively trying to grow those gaps and interest her in my world and engage in hers. Sometimes I just wish it was already there.

>>33380626
What is happy really defined as?

Is it just don't be upset?
I could just have a "normal day" and say it was okay (like a chore), do I say im happy?

First, you're a man so you'll always find other women attractive.

Second, we seek companionship with women because we are biologically wired for it but we fundamentally lead different philosophies of life, specially nowadays with polarized politics. You think men in the 1900s, who never divorced, cared that their wives whole personality was cooking and sewing? I guess what I'm getting at is that what you (and I in the past) seek is both new and incredibly rare, and it's also why I don't believe in looking for someone who shares your hobbies or is intellectually captivating what have you, as shallow as that may sound.

>>33380716
>What is happy really defined as?
If you're actually so autistic you don't know what "happy" feels like, I don't think I can help you.

>>33380716
>Is it just don't be upset?
No.

>>33380649
>Sometimes I'm just not in the mood and she is, or it feels a bit obligated on my end. Sometimes I really want it but it's kinda rare. Sometimes she comes on to me and I just don't feel anything and she gets disappointed. It sucks but yeah.
Do you enjoy making her come? You don't need to feel horny to enjoy using your fingers or a toy on her.

>>Do you engage intellectually
>Extremely rarely, more often then not she just doesn't know what the fuck I'm talking about
That sounds like a problem. Not necessarily a deal-breaker, but certainly a problem.

>>33380739
That's a fair point. There still comes the final issue of attraction. To be fair I never dated her for her looks. She was passable, and her personality and care made it seemed worth it to physically settle. She's not ugly by any means, she's just not really my type. Conventionally attractive but not the body type, face, or style that really turns me on.

She's at least over the course of the relationship really gotten into makeup and fashion that I like, and that's helped. We've also started working out together so hopefully that maybe makes her more attractive (she's not fat by any means but I just prefer petite). Im a boob guy and she's sorely lacking which definitely makes it hard to just be sexually interested or aroused desu, but I mean I make do when I can.

I never wanted to base the relationship on looks as that seemed shallow, but now this far in it does seem a bit overlooked.

>>33380777
A lot of the above applies to your first point. I can make her cum but I'm just only interested 40% or the time and it does disappoint hee when I can't get hard because I'm just not all that turned on.

As for the intellectual point yeah it sucks but I'm trying to at least introduce her to things and teach her a bit. I'm hoping maybe that improves with time as I just introduce her to more things. She's not stupid by any means. Just... Inexperienced and uneducated?

What do you think tho is it hopeless? Or is it enough considering everything else seems to be good?

>>33380834
>What do you think tho is it hopeless? Or is it enough considering everything else seems to be good?
I'm getting the feeling that you want to leave her and are hoping we will give you permission.

>>33380834
>I can make her cum but I'm just only interested 40% or the time and it does disappoint hee when I can't get hard because I'm just not all that turned on.
If you don't like her enough that you enjoy making her happy for its own sake, then I'd say that's a problem. Having a somewhat mismatched libido can be worked around; but if you don't enjoy making her have an orgasm, then do you even *like* her? Enjoying it when your partner is happy is a pretty basic requirement for a relationship.

>>33380211 (OP)
>I'll try to keep this short
You failed

>>33380841
My bad I'm not trying to convey that. I really don't want to leave her because she really has all the qualities I think would make a good life and a good partner and I enjoy being with her. I just wonder if my doubts and the mismatches can ever be mitigated and if they will eventually cause an issue in the relationship.

>>33380848
No again my bad for maybe not addressing that correctly. I enjoy pleasing her, I do it for her all the time even if I'm not really feeling it. But it is embarrassing and makes me doubt myself when she's all over me and I just don't feel aroused, and it does make her self conscious which makes me feel bad too.

I do like when she's happy but it is a first for me to just not always be horny on command. Maybe it's just age catching up to me. This is my first healthy relationship with someone who really just gives me their everything and I'm happy to make her happy but I just don't feel the things I thought I was supposed to feel. I doubt myself, I feel like I'm mentally ill and I can't understand why I just can't be happy with what I have. But I'm also very focused on the reality of how lucky I am to have her and even if my feelings all over the place, I don't want to give up on her because I know that what I have with her is rare. I'm asking for advice because I want to know if I'm fighting a impossible battle or something.

>>33380875
Did my best, extremely hard to condense the sentiment with proper detail

>>33381082
Have you tried zinc supplements? A bit of Arginine will also help your erections (with Cialis if necessary). Tyrosine and vitamin B6 may make it more fun, too.

Also, it you have a lower libido than she does, you should start having sex without ejaculating at least some of the time. You'll be a lot more horny that way.

>>33380211 (OP)
>It's just always felt "okay" and a bit underwhelming, although she's never given me any problems.
I know a guy who familied that, it worked out well.

>>33380211 (OP)
Focus on her character. Try to build a relationship with what's inside her brain. Her as a person. If you're really not bothered after not even a year, I would say break it off desu. Not because you can "do better", but because it's cruel to string her along and you'll only end up more miserable/maybe even resentful as time goes by.

>>33381114
>>33381128
Sounds worth a try. I'm very open to the idea that this is probably a "me" problem and that any other woman wouldn't probably be any different. I don't know why I'm like this. Maybe it's my poor past experiences with women, or the high volume or experiences with women fucking my brain. Some kind of avoidant or ambivalent attachment issue. Fucked in the head by movie romance expectations. Some kind of chemical imbalance. Retardation. I have no clue.

I just know that I really,.really just want to be done. I want to settle down and move forward with my life without "searching" for the right person to do it with anymore. I feel like I've lucked out with who I have now yet same as always, about a year in I keep wondering if the grass is greener, and if I'm settling

>>33381364
For what it's worth anon, I felt the same way about my ex. We were together 8 years and it fizzled out, slowly but surely. She was king and generous but I just wasn't ever really that "excited" by any of it.

I have since dated girls that I felt much more excited by. None of them worked out yet (either I lost interest or they did), but it gives me hope.

Obviously, make sure you're not being a retard, but if you really feel almost nothing when it comes to this girl...? Yeah, maybe it's time.

>>33380211 (OP)
Grass is greener syndrome.

>>33381374
Although I will add - while I do have hope, I also have some doubts that I'll find someone who loves me as much as she did. It just wasn't mutual.

Life is hard anon. Just try to do what you think is right and work your hardest to justify those actions down the line. If you end it, then level up and pursue the life you really want. If you stay with her, make every effort to love her and be there for her.

I took my ex for granted, for sure (she said she took me for granted too before you jump on me)

>>33381374
Yeah I think you get me. I have dated a few girls that "felt" like more but it never went beyond a date or two, much less a real relationship.

I feel like I wouldn't even know love if I had it, I'm looking for some feeling but idk what it's supposed to be. I have no good baseline because desu I've never really "fallen in love" with someone I actually dated long term. It's always been like this current girl, where it just seemed like a good match and I went for it regardless of feelings or even attraction. The only difference is this is the first girl that wasn't a massive cunt making me miserable all the time after a few months in. She's nothing but good ya know.

>>33381386
I appreciate you. Thanks for the advice. I think for now I need to accept that maybe my expectations and feelings are misguided. I should focus on the relationship and it's merit and growth first, and then see how I "feel" before making any big decision. 10 months is short I know but it just felt like it was weighing down on me to make a decision NOW because frankly, this is the most "serious" it's ever gotten and I'm anxious about trying myself down without fully knowing.

We'll figure it out, I'm not the type to give up

>>33381398
Well then get to work. Love is a 'doing word'. Be kind to her today, hug her from behind while she cooks, tease her and fuck her well. I'm sure you'll feel more connected after that.

>>33381407
As above I suppose. Good luck anon. Don't let a good thing go to waste.

If you don't feel a connection just tell her and break up with her. You probably have some sort of unconscious fear of being close to someone. Either you two work it out or you leave her without stringing her along and you find out more about these feelings before being serious with someone again

>>33380390
>my gf is obese but im her first so getting hard is not always easy
See I know what the fuck I'm saying. Men are retarded and actually put up with this. You fucking know it would be better to just jerk off until you shrivel up and die or shave your head and be a monk in the mountain than put up with an ED inducing woman who doesn't give a fuck about herself or you. Fucks sake

>>33382325
What is a "connection" supposed to feel like or look like anyway? Again, I have no baseline. I have never "fallen in love" with a woman and then proceeded to date her long term. I don't know what it's like to be in a certain, stable relationship at this 10 month mark, so I have no idea if the things I'm feeling now are normal, or red flags. My only comparison is like, movies so yeah if I'm not feeling what like that describes I figure I'm not in love

>>33382672
Are you unable to have cognizance of your lived experience and have a dialogue with yourself and what you are experiencing? You're a conscious human, use your consciousness like you were designed to. Have you never been in a position where you are placed in brand new stimuli and work your way through it? Why are you so afraid of openning yourself to connection with someone else?

>>33382708
What? No dude I'm just so up in my head about all this shit I don't trust my own emotions or thoughts

When I'm with her I'm expecting to feel some kind of I don't know, gut feeling like a tingly sensation or an overwhelming sense of peace or like something in my chest that tells me "yeah you love her". But I don't. It anything there's often a pit in my stomach and a sense or like anxiety. But I also think all t hat could be self imposed by overthinking the relationship for months

I want a fucking lobotomy. I just want to know that even if it never "feels" right that I'm making s good decision staying with someone like her and that it'll all be okay, rather than just dumping her only to end right back in the same spot with the next woman

>>33383117
Love feels really similar to anxiety to me. Close to where adrenaline rush is felt

>>33383117
Okay, so you don't have a connection with this bitch, big deal. Man up and tell her how you feel or keep treating her like shit because you're too afraid

>>33383134
What makes you think I'm treating her like shit? I've treated her extremely well and plan to continue to do so, in spite of my feelings, as long as I know the relationship is worthwhile

>>33383182
You're placing her within a space of greyness that will cause her confusion through your action, conscious or unconscious. We are blind to how our emotional state affects us, especially when they involve another. If you are unsure then she will pick up on things. Literally talk to her about how you are feeling. It will make things better and deepen things further to give you this sense of 'assurance' of your own feeling. What even is a 'worthwhile' relationship? One that makes you stop questioning wether you actually like this girl? That doesn't come from her, it comes from you being open to her being and your experience interacting with her in an open manner and how it affects you. If all you want is to be assured your feelings are true you have reduced her complex state of being into a transaction akin to buying a big mac to satiate your hunger and fulfill a desire for greasy deliciousness. You think that simple actions you deem ti be 'caring' are enough to not treat someone like shit? That's literally reducing someone else to a mere object since you seem to think your wholeness has no affect on someone, even if they express their feelings or not. Get your feelings in check or leave her. She is not here to satiate your angst in being placed in the world and reassure your subjective feelings which have been developed since you were born

>>33382366
any advice bro in this situation

if she offers all the good except this one bad thing does it outweigh it? given my poor stats

Leave now before its too late, for both you and her. On top of that, you are objectively a shittier person if you don't. Literally nobody wins in this situation

>>33383737
Dude, if you don't like someone for who they are entirely then why even bother?

>>33383756
OP is too retarded to realize how shitty he is. Let him deal with the consequences

>>33383760
but is there any hope that it could get better especially if she loses weight?

>>33383790
Holy shit, either your English reading comprehension is really bad or you're stupid. Her bodyweight is a part of who she is. You either like it or you don't. You like it, stay with her, you don't then leave. Do you need it spelled out in symbolic logic for you to understand? How hard is it for people to understand that if you don't like somebody it means you don't like somebody.

>>33383799
Because you can still like 80% of what someone has to offer and hope the bridge the 20% gap with time or just acceptance? Why is that such a radical concept. You're making it seem like unless you meet a woman that's 100% what you want and like (doesn't exist) you're fucked.

Arranged marriages have some of the highest success rates and satisfaction rates of all marriages, because real connections are built with time and effort, and persistence not just "YEAH I LIKE HER"

The clear point of OPs thread is that he clearly likes this girl and wants to be with her, he's just unsure if he can get over his doubts and grass is greener shit, why is that so complicated?

>>33383756
>>33383770
Wait what why am I shitty? I'm just asking for help on if there's a point where you just have to accept you have a good girlfriend despite some flaws and how to get over fixating on them

>>33384018
Keep treating people as if they aren't whole, that will surely make everything better.

>>33384028
I literally wrote a paragraph on what you want. If you can't see the issue that's on you. Keep doing this and see what happens, it isn't my life

>>33384033
Someone can be whole and I still only like 90% of what they bring to the same. Does that mean I'm supposed to just go through a billion woman until I find one Im head over heels for 100% of? That sounds ridiculous

>>33384037
I appreciate the advice but you basically just said "open your experience" and "get my feelings in check" as if I have any idea how to just flip that like a switch

>>33384043
Such is the conondrum of human connection

>>33384056
As basic as I can be. Tell this woman how you are feeling. That's it

>>33384101
I've tried to bring up ways to connect better I guess. I am a bit anxious to just straight up say something like "I'm not sure how I'm feeling about you.sometimes I feel like we don't connect deeply" because she is severely insecure and will just spiral

>>33380211 (OP)
Depends. If you're sexually attracted and see yourself waking up next to her for the next 60 years and being content, have kids but don't marry in order to protect your assets. If shes okay with that, you know she's not after your assets and 401k, if not, then it's not meant to be. Marriage in the west is like Russian roulette with your life, but instead of a 1/6th chance of death, it's 1/2 or worse. Also, stop operating under the assumption that there's "the one" for every person out there. That's like slop propaganda meant for young girls. Grow the fuck up, OP and stop being a little fag.

>>33384153
I'm like. Mildly sexually attracted she's like a 6. But everything else like I've said elsewhere in the thread is pretty solid lifelong partner material. I genuinely think if I were to just wait it out with her til I'm like 40 and my libido is dead I'd be very happy, it's getting through the next 10.years of a weaker romantic connection whole I still have an active libido that's scaring me desu. But like, hands down she and I have an exact same vision of family,.lifestyle etc, should be comfy

>>33384164
You've won life, stop looking that gift horse in the mouth or it'll bite your dumb ass. Make a family with her. Actual long term love takes hard work, investment and a lot of time. If shes really a good woman as you've described, you should go for it, but try to forgo legal marriage or common law marriage to protect yourself. If she really cares, she'll understand be be upset about it for a while. You should embrace the last vestiges of your sexual relationship before it evolves into the last stage of long term affection and friendship. Take her and ravage her like a stranger you just met on the street, or get into bdsm, food play and cosplay. Spice it up and stop whining. Sounds like you're operating under the modern woman's interpretion of disneyfication of love. You need to fix that shit and fuck your woman.

>>33384124
Dude, you are causing way more harm. Fucking be straight up like the nigga you are or keep playing these games that a bitch is supposed to be playing. Who cares if you hurt her feelimgs for expressing how you feel. What if she accepts you for who you are and what you want? And if she doesn't then fuck it, she'll find someone who is compatible with her. You're such a shallow pussy

>>33384212
youre right, i should just be honest. But how the fuck do i bring up "Im not feeling as connected to you recently as I'd like to be, or as sexually attracted" After spending 10 months always gassing her up and loving on her and shit? It just seems like such a sudden switch up of character would be seen as a betrayal and the hurt would just break her rather than fix anything. I feel like its on me to fix this gap alone without bothering her, but if you're right I have no clue how to go about it.

>>33384201
Yeah this is more or less what I mentally, rationally think as well, its just out of sync with my gut feelings and desires. I guess having a successful relationship is just a matter of getting through those issues rather than re-rolling for a different woman, is what youre saying?

>>33384249
if you are getting ED during sex then that is literally your open window.

If you don't have ED then you shouldnt be complaining...

>>33384269
ive been taking supplements for the ED, it has happend only a few times, sometimes I am genuinely in the mood but not as often as she is. If it happens again yeah good time to bring it up

>>33384249
You're hopeless. You realize your shitty behavior but refuse to be an open person. I hope this woman ruins your life financially. It will happen too because you're such a pussy to have accountability of your own life

>>33384286
Youre pedantic. There is a tactful and appropriate way to do things, I'm all for being an open person but not dropping a fucking bombshell on someone when they suspect nothing and completely blowing up a relationship I'm trying to mend, do you not grasp that?

>>33384299
You ever have a moment where your father blows up on you for being his son? It's the same thing. How about when you or your friend in childhood blew up on each other because of some bullshit going on? It's the same thing, only now you are worried about another human's experience you have no perception of, only your own. Be straight up or ride the wave until it crashes into the shore

>>33384312
Honestly my problem might lie in what you said right there. No I don't have experience with anyone in my life like that. My father, mother, friends, and myself have always been extremely conflict avoidant people.

But okay, you're right. I do need to talk to her about my feelings and hopefully she can understand and work with me on it it to make it better for both of us

>>33384334
Yes, I'm serious. I was recently on the end of a woman who treated me how you are treating this girl and it was immensely painful. Please, I am begging you. Be straight up with her for both of your wellbeing. You literally have no idea what the outcome will be, but it will legitimately make both of you better people if you are being honest. Trust