I'm
>going to the gym regularly
>eating mostly healthy
>socializing semi regularly
>sleeping relatively normal
Yet it doesn't make me feel better and shit outside of my control like the aging of my parents still make me depressed and I can't get out of it no matter what.

It almost makes me want to relapse into unhealthy behaviour like eating tons of junk food just to cope

That's the trick
It doesn't make you feel better, it makes your life better
If you had the moment of self-awareness that made you realize "shit, I need to change," then you can have a moment of self-awareness that makes you realize "long term, I will be better for this"
Keep pushing and good luck. Also stay so busy that you don't have time to dwell on things you can't control, if you are dwelling and wallowing then you're not busy enough.

>>33382759 (OP)
YMMV, but it's definitely elevated my general mood as opposed to when I was a hermit.
>>33382996
Also, this

Self improvement is a psyop and another distraction from life itself. People usually have honeymoon phases with it because of a placebo effect thinking they fixed their lives and then it's over quite fast (most people who try to sell you things on the internet won't admit it because it's their business). It's always going to be hard and you have to face things no matter which trendy lifestyle you follow or don't follow. You should gorge yourself on junk food until you get tired of it and then maybe you'll naturally decide you're sick of it. Or not. If you really want what's best for you and feel guilty engaging in destructive behaviors the moments you indulge them shouldn't last long anyway as that would be your response normally

>>33382759 (OP)
>No one ever talks about how shit you still feel despite being on self improvement
That's because it's you. I feel fine as a result of living a healthy life, physically and mentally.

>>33383317
Yeah self improoving is a scam
You are you, no amount of self improoving unbinds that
Get to know yourself through others
And never forget your unique points of value
Never let them -take that away from- yooooooooou!!

>>33383317
^Weak.
>>33382759 (OP)
try journalling, have to think in terms of solutions and mental courage

>>33382759 (OP)
Yes

>>33382759 (OP)
Welcome to real life. Maximizing your rat race grind is not a good way to be happy.
But hey, you and me will make good-looking, fit, wealthy, well-dressed corpses when we become an heroes.

>make 6 figures now climbing from poverty. Dumping fucking 3.5k usd cash a month into stocks. Stocks growing week by week
>getting back into the gym, dropped down to 22 bmi first though
>even more depressed than before
>always told myself despite fantasizing about killing myself i wouldnt because i havent done it yet
>probably will soon enough

>>33382759 (OP)
yeah unironically I think it's hilarious that everyone repeats shit like:
>go to the gym it'll make you feel better
now I'm just tired, hasn't improved my mood at all
>lose weight it'll improve your sleep
hasn't done fuck all for my sleep, likely need to have more surgery to even get close to normal if anything
>improve your diet you'll feel better
ditto above

>>33388670
>>33388650
I hate this fucking life and want off this ride. Im thinking a girl i really like would help but idk at this point. My therapist said im fucking retarded since i dont enjoy doing anything so i likely wouldnt enjoy the company of a girl i really liked too.

Im retarded. Maybe i should get serious about blowing my head off. But honestly i was courting this one tomboy neuroscience major girl and just interacting with her was getting me as high as when i had surgery and took opioids for pain.

>>33388653
Im this guy

>>33388690
i gave up bothering with chicks. even after losing a bunch of weight, finally looking good, still get zero success so i'm done with it.

somehow when i was pudgy 20 year old i had a chick outright ask me to fuck her to my face, turned her down because i was a retard. then had a couple chicks later in college try to talk to me and i just gave one word answers like i was an alien. clearly i'm just not meant for it so fuck it, who cares.

>>33388690
>. But honestly i was courting this one tomboy neuroscience major girl and just interacting with her was getting me as high as when i had surgery and took opioids for pain.
I'm >>33388650 and laughing my ass off because I did exactly the same thing, no joke. I met her in a neuroscience class. I would have died for that damn girl. I managed 7 months before she got tired of me. I keep thinking about that damn girl while I drive around everywhere, wishing she was in the passenger seat.

Anyway, more seriously, yeah of course a girl helps, if you can find one. For me it's comically obvious since my ancestors were 10,000 generations of literal peasants up until one generation ago. For thousands of years, all they did was

I ask every single old guy I'm related to or met, "What's your purpose in life? What's the point? What keeps you going, to get up early, and work this hard every day?" And every single one says "my wife and kids, obviously." I've never heard any other answer. Working for money and power alone is meaningless to people like us, I think. They are just objects. Objects can only make soulless greedy bastards happy. For people that need more, you need humans that depend on you. So you can give them all these things.

I was backpacking in the wilderness last night and this morning. I met only one other person (three other people, together): a father who was there with his 2 sons. That's why you work out like crazy to be fit for wilderness adventures, why you make enough money and get a good enough job to afford the time off and travel, and be educated and skilled and successful enough to pass on a legacy. We all need people around. I just wish I was good enough to get some. Some other anon will have to help with that.

>>33388690
>therapist said im fucking retarded
Lol

You prob would enjoy the company of a girl because that is a primordial instinct like eating or sleeping. But its not sustainable as you create a dependency on her. Although maybe every couple is like that and total independence is a lie. People in the world lie a lot and it makes it hard to tell what's actually happening.

>>33382759 (OP)
>the aging of parents depresses you
yeah I think you are going through the motions of self improvement to show it off like wearing a medal are you really self improving what matters to you or are you doing the motions that you think will earn you a good job? I used to work in aging and its sad to say but people don't just bolt up and get better you are acting like a woman complaining about not talking with a guy so the whole conversation is just bitching about the concept of "not talking" while the whole 20 minute conversation wasn't talking because it was just the frustration about the conversation not being the same but you ever consider its just not the same because thats how you perceive it? People get old its part of life treat them how you want to get treated they may be proud people and finally starting to wear down and communicate properly now that they don't have to answer to their parents. Be mature and just tolerate your parents shit as long as they aren't narcissistic and I think the main way to see if they are truly narcissistic or just trauma is seeing if they make your birthday about them because they can't stand others getting attention(good test for narcs, they sabotage when others get attention). If your parents aren't crazy Karens then you should be a good son without sacrificing your life for theirs

>>33388904
honestly its hard to give advice on you should do part time at a end of life/assisted living/nursing home facility to observe elderly people and realize that your parents aren't actually that far along if they can swallow correctly and not in a Hauer lift. Honestly work at a nursing home or some shit so you are motivated to work out its a suffer or suffer situation. I used to be a bitch about working out due to it hurting my joints(open to advice for that still im still kind of lanklet) but watching people lose mobility is sad and a good motivator to work out. Pretty much old people drink sugar and eat cake while in chair all day and they go from being wheelchair able to stand for a few minutes, to few seconds stand wheelchair now a bathroom assist, bathroom assist they get used to the assistance, so they put less effort in and become dead weight, being dead weight brings you from wheelchair to hauyer lift which is when you are a deadlift wheelchair and there's a arm that pulls you out of the chair to transfer you to your bed or the toilet so imagine the state of the back muscles when they don't move for years straight, they atrophy and petrify and they can't even turn over to itch themselves at a certain point. You need to appreciate life as hard as it can be you just need to find the silliness and humor in it all because it can be much much worse and you should put yourself into situations where you experience the adversity of life so your simple pleasures are better. At one point you are the child, the young man, the father, the old man, its the cycle of life you need to seek within I notice this as a common midlife crisis that surfaces in 50s of men who were forced to work at 18 and not spend time soul searching when they are all obsessed with "what if I died what if the house blew up I only have x amount in savings" then you see 85 year olds who cant even turn to itch their ass and then you realize health is wealth I hope you find moderation King

>>33382759 (OP)
straight up. part of why i lose motivation to improve after three or four weeks.
>start self improvement
>1-2 mile run every day
>eat under 1500 cals a day
>drink only once a month
>read whenever i want to use my phone or go on social media
>effort to drink toooons of water
>focus on positivity and "the little things"

>realize im somehow GAINING weight and looking worse and feeling worse trying to take care of myself
>feel significantly more unhappy without my crutches
>fight my urges for a couple weeks before giving in and feel awesome about myself and life

Ever thought that's just skill issue on your part

>>33389061
don't eat under 1500, just eat 1500 which is the safe min for men more manageable

>>33389061
>>33389184
i would also add, make sure you're actually counting cals correctly; i started by eating 1200 a day which i didn't realize was under the safe limit for awhile, but i was absolutely rapidly losing weight. i lose probably 20 pounds in two months just sticking to 1200 a day.

then I went to 1500 a day until i hit about 200 (half my goal weight) and now i lose about ~1-1.5 lb a week instead of 2 lb. it does suck but you just have to stick with it. sometimes i have slump weeks where i just don't gain or lose any weight just have to accept it. then usually the next week it'll drop out of nowhere as expected.