Is it just me or does having sex/doing sexual things just… not feel that nice? Like yeah, it feels fine but it’s nothing crazy. I don’t even really want any relationships because I know that it’ll mean having sex, and I just don’t really want to. Is that strange? So many people talk about how amazing it is and it’s just so… meh.

>>33385471 (OP)
Are you a guy?

>>33385549
Yes, does that change things?

>>33385590
No just curious, i assumed so.

I used to be a ravenous horndog but I got chemically castrated by finasteride, despite stopping over a year ago, and I’m desperately trying to get my libido, penile, sensitivity, and orgasm sensation back. It’s 20% of what it used to be and it’s a horrible fate to befall a man.

>>33385471 (OP)
good sex > mastrubation > bad sex

>>33385597
I heard about post-finasteride syndrome, hope you get back to normal, anon.

>>33385471 (OP)
It's not too uncommon. You might be asexual

>>33385471 (OP)
Do you watch a lot of porn? This desensitizes/overstimulates you. Also: >>33385604

You’re not alone. I could go my whole life without it. I never found genitalia attractive. Yeah, you could be ace.

>>33386386
>>33385471 (OP)
Good luck anon, I've been in two relationships where I havent really enjoyed sex and once she caught on that I was ony doing it for her sake everything came crashing down.
Even today, I dont like sex that much, i dont even like masturbation that much, I think I might just be depressed.
I was on fin for a short time 6 years ago, but I cant believe that wouldve fucked me up

>>33385597
>>33386443
>finasteride
Does this mean you are (ex) trans?

>>33386447
no it means Im a guy and I started balding in my 20s and panicked

>>33386443
I’m in a relationship right now and my s/o is frustrated with me because of how long its been. We did it and i started crying. So we’ll see what happens.

>>33386530
Its rough, I know women will 100% seek out sex if they dont get it from you, so I do it just as an indicator I care about her.
Are you OP or is your SO a man?

>>33386543
My SO is a man, i’m not OP. i do it because he takes it personally if i dont and feels insecure

>>33386557
I get that. my gf feels the same. if I dont have sex she feels unloved/unwanted etc.
Its a precarious situation. shes gotten into fights with me many times, calling me gay, asexual, not attracted to her, etc. it wears me down.

>>33386576
Do you think it will eventually end the relationship? And, do you think you are asexual?

>>33386584
Its been close many times, we've dated for 7 months and she's almost ended it over this (among other things)

I'm not sure if asexual is what I am, when i was younger I thought sex would be a cool thing but as I got into my 20s and it didnt happen I gave up on it (i didnt have actual intercouse until I was 24). It didnt go that well and I stopped seeing sex as something I wanted to achieve, but I still did it because it was my indication of how SHE felt about me.

I have a few specific non-intercourse kinks that I can get off to over video/text but not when Im physically present with that person. for example if a girl sent me a video of herself doing something i could eventually get off to it. if she did that same with with me next to her, I could not. I cannot cum if someone else in the room with me.

it would just be easier to say im asexual, but its more nuanced than that

>>33386614
>I cannot cum if someone else in the room with me.
Have you seen the movie Sex Lies and Videotape? You sound just like a character named Graham. Ever since I watched that movie, I’ve been obsessed, because the 2 main characters never have sex or are overtly sexual, but still have chemistry. You should watch it.
There is a scene with the 2 characters where the camera turns off, and it is ambiguous whether or not they are going to have sex, but it kind of ends with them just caressing each other.
I’d be okay with that. I’d love if a partner just said to me “Hey, we don’t have to have sex. We can just lie together and caress each other. I won’t resent you.”

>>33386633
interesting, ive never seen that before, but it does sound similar to my situation.
With my first gf we dated for 3 years before it fell apart. and it wasnt just because of the sex issue but other things like the fact she was getting fat and becoming lazy, but I think had it not been for those other issues we could've worked out on the low sex activity part.

I think though I may have autism, because being touched intimately either doesnt make me feel any particular way at best, or at worse, makes me uncomfortable. I agree tho that just being next to someone and cuddling is a nice alternative to sex in my case

>>33385471 (OP)
It's a spectrum. I have friends on your end, my wife and I are on the other end. 20th anniversary this year and we have sex at least once a day with very few exceptions, often 2 or more times a day. Neither of us would be happy with anything else.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you, but you need to find someone with a matching drive or problems are guaranteed.

>>33386674
>I think though I may have autism, because being touched intimately either doesnt make me feel any particular way at best, or at worse, makes me uncomfortable.
I am diagnosed autistic, and this is exactly how I feel. I don’t feel turned on when someone touches me there. It just feels awkward. I know you aren’t necessarily asexual, but there is actually a lot of overlap between autism and asexuality, possibly for the reasons you stated.

>>33385471 (OP)
I refuse to read threads about circumcised penises

Maybe you're not having sex with the right person. Or maybe you naturally have a low sex drive. Are you a victim of SA? Do you have a good relationship with your mother? And are you fully straight?

i remember feeling like that when i was a preteen, then i went through puberty. zoomers are all over the place when it comes to sex, sexuality, sex drive. starting to question if they might actually be turning the frogs gay, tbph.

>>33386749
I've been considering it. I want to get tested for autism soon. I've just been unable to really click with gf and we've had many fights over my behavior for almost as long as we've been dating so its what led me to consider it.
I guess i just feel like intimate activity isnt really important to me once I know the person likes me beyond sex. Like i know why OTHER people like sex so I use that as a bechmark. I mask up front and try to make sex fun but after a few months I just cant do it, and it made her so mad.

>>33386357
This is complete bullshit, porn does nothing

>>33387914
A lot of porn does

>>33385471 (OP)
Someone once told me that the mind is the strongest erogenous zone, and that's held true for me throughout my life. Sex on its own is just physical exertion, and masturbation is preferable if efficiently achieving orgasm is the only goal. But once you get into each other's minds, and the flirting and anticipation of sex reach a boiling point, then simply touching each other and kissing can feel overwhelmingly pleasurable.

I think that's why the 'honeymoon phase' is such a rosy phenomenon; winning over the desire and consent of someone you find attractive is like a lightning bolt to the ego. You feel like a god.

By contrast, longterm relationships often experience a stagnation of sexual desire because, unfortunately, familiarity with the other person will blunt the edge of your feelings for one another and sex becomes routine, if it happens at all. I don't know the solution to this problem. Just some thoughts.

>>33387947
>I don't know the solution to this problem.
I’ve looked things up, and I just start seeing comments like “Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice” or “Relationships are about duty, not passion,” and then I just think, “Huh, well that kind of sounds like shit to me.” I don’t know if that’s what’s going on with my situation though. I think I just see sex differently than other people.

>>33387867
>I mask up front and try to make sex fun but after a few months
I tried to do this too. I tried to play normal. Then my body literally stopped allowing it to happen. And i couldnt hide the pain and dread anymore. I guess I could see the appeal at the beginning, but i could’ve gone without it the whole time.

>>33388014
>I don't know the solution to this problem.
I’ve looked things up, and I just start seeing comments like “Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice” or “Relationships are about duty, not passion,” and then I just think, “Huh, well that kind of sounds like shit to me.” I don’t know if that’s what’s going on with my situation though. I think I just see sex differently than other people.

I think along similar lines. I think the 'Love is a choice' crowd are struggling to cope with feelings of dissatisfaction in their relationships. I have married friends who will cheerfully report that things are 'great' because their spouses have agreed to couple's counseling. It sends a shiver down my spine.

A growing part of me feels that the human condition is incurably at odds with itself. We feel lonely and undesired when we're single; unsatisfied and suffocated by expectations when we're in a relationship. The grass is always greener.

Pick your poison and try to make peace with the results, I guess.

>>33388014
>I’ve looked things up, and I just start seeing comments like “Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice” or “Relationships are about duty, not passion,” and then I just think, “Huh, well that kind of sounds like shit to me.” I don’t know if that’s what’s going on with my situation though. I think I just see sex differently than other people.

I think along similar lines. I think the 'Love is a choice' crowd are struggling to cope with feelings of dissatisfaction in their relationships. I have married friends who will cheerfully report that things are 'great' because their spouses have agreed to couple's counseling. It sends a shiver down my spine.

A growing part of me feels that the human condition is incurably at odds with itself. We feel lonely and undesired when we're single; unsatisfied and suffocated by expectations when we're in a relationship. The grass is always greener.

Pick your poison and try to make peace with the results, I guess.

bump for interest

>>33385597
im 20 y/o and on fin rn, im fucked

>>33388087
>Pick your poison
Is there an in between

>>33389257
There's cursed shit like open relationships and 'situationships', but those are fates worse than death.

situationships are the devil

>>33385471 (OP)
As a perpetual introvert/loner, the appeal is always the excitement of finally finding someone hot and tolerable (personality-wise) to bang. Remember coming four times in less than 24 hours the first time I stayed over at my previous girls' place ... and then a few weeks/months later it's all the same routine and procedure; spending more time on the couch rather than furiously pounding away at my keyboard or doing work on my reading list.

>>33391822
yeah i can relate to this. in the beginning its nice, i really happy that someone likes me enough to want to have sex with me, and I want to make them happy too, so we'll have sex often early on. but after that i dont really enjoy it and focus on other parts of the relationship. however i learn over and over women need sex regularly in relationships. that bonding in ways other than sex doesnt work for them

>>33391942
>i learn over and over women need sex regularly in relationships.
Aren’t both sexes like this? Plus, men usually have higher sex drives. And most asexuals statistically are female. Being a low/no libido male is probably a better position to be in than a female.

>>33391988
Came here to say this. I WISH women had higher sex drives. But recreational sex just doesn't seem as important to them. Making themselves sexually appealing is more of a learned behavior than anything they actually want to be doing.

>>33392006
Women's drug is attention. They make themselves look sexy to gain attention, among other things.

>>33391988
Usually yes. I guess im one of the weird guys who doesnt like sex as much as everyone else. Maybe its trauma, maybe its low sex drive, maybe its due to all the illness I had right when puberty started, idk

>>33393793
So men's drug is sex, women's is attention. How do we achieve equilibrium with this information?

>>33393821
What do you mean?

>>33393945
I mean, how I can apply this knowledge in a way where both parties get what they want? In most cases - in my experience anyway - there's an imbalance.

>>33394025
Traditional thing is an exclusive relationship.

What imbalance?

>>33393800
You’re a gem. I’d be happy if a guy told me that on the first date. May we figure out our broken relationships..

>>33394031
I guess it just feels like I'm frequently supplying her with all the attention she craves, and then some; but she rarely if ever throws me a bone.

I WOULD have enjoyed it at a younger age, but I didn't get laid until 28, long after my sex drive had died down. Having COVID didn't help.

MY GOOD MAN
MY BROTHER IN CHRIST
LET ME ENLIGHTEN YOU WITH THE GOOD WORD OF CUTE SHIT
>hand holding
>hickies
>Kissing passionately
>cuddling
The best part of sex have nothing to do with fucking

Girls and/or Guys

I fucked up and lashed out (via text) at a coworker I'd been sleeping with. Now I have to work in pretty close quarters with her at our service job tomorrow. How do I behave? I just want to survive the shift.

>>33394119
What incentive does she have to ever give you attention? Every time you give her attention and seal the trade, you're training her to keep doing what she's doing.

You're expecting a dog that gets a treat every time he poops to suddenly become a trombone virtuoso. What's wrong with you

>>33394277
The foreplay is great. Yes. But the PIV part sucks.

>>33394379
Okay, but how do I change the dynamic? If I withhold my attention, she just freezes me out. Doesn't seem to affect her at all. I have no leverage here.

>>33394383
Not that unusual. Everyone I know thinks the cuddling after is the best part of having sex.
If it is something like you getting desensitized you could try and abstain for a month and see how it feels when back on it. Eat your girl out instead for a few weeks.
If it is something like actively hurting or feeling bad you could go see a doc.

>>33394383
Climbing a mountain is tiring but imagining the goal at the end makes it worth it.

But if you are literally uncomfortable maybe you have a problem. One or both of you might be out of shape

>>33394388
Change it in a way that she can't obviously predict. Ask her to stay still and draw her, or do something unusual.

You two might just need a vacation

>>33394428
>You two might just need a vacation

Ehh, we don't really know each other like that.

>>33394504
You considered that maybe that is the problem?
Casual sex is less interesting than romantic.

>>33394504
> dates casually
> doesn't enjoy sex
> no interest in romantic relationship

OP, either you're asexual or you're the reason the birth rate is trending towards 0.5 and we're going extinct.

captcha: ANAKJ

>>33394558
That's what I'm saying. I would like to move things forward, but she keeps holding me at arm's length. Just when I think about giving up, she breadcrumbs me with enough to remain interested. I don't get it.

>>33394612
I'm not OP, and I do have an interest in romantic relationships as stated above.

>>33388014
>Then my body literally stopped allowing it to happen. And i couldnt hide the pain and dread anymore. I guess I could see the appeal at the beginning, but i could’ve gone without it the whole time.

The body will literally stop allowing you to do anything if it thinks it's energetically unfavorable and if you're too lazy to fight back.

If your house is full of Doritos your body will be unable to resist eating them. If your car's gas tank is always magically full you will be unable to stop driving it everywhere.

If you run up a mountain without a good reason your brain will literally stop allowing you to run because you don't have a good reason.

Stop blaming it on your body. You're one person nigger

i'm always horny and enjoy masturbation but i don't think i've ever had sex that i actually enjoyed. i'd think that i'm asexual except that i'm very attracted to women.

>>33394119
Meh. If she's not receptive, that's all you can do then. Have fun with her, attempt to move things along, if she doesn't want anything further, you gotta deal with it or move onto another woman.

>>33394639
Explain this. Sex doesn't feel good to you? Fun, satisfying to please someone else?

>>33385471 (OP)
Most women (80%) are simply not attractive for sex to be enjoyable. This is an attractive body type that is actually fuckable and enjoyable, which most women lack unfortunately.

>>33389247
no because fin dick is less than 1 in 1000, you gotta be unlucky as FUCK

This question is not really possible to answer without knowing a lot more about the situation. People who legitimately don't care for sex or hate it exist, and even more commonly people that do like it but don't quite "get the hype". I feel everyone loves sex in the way everyone loves music: it's difficult to find someone who truly outright hates any and all music, but that doesn't mean the music lover isn't a whole big ass spectrum from mindless radio listeners to professional musicians that live and breathe music and everything in between.

That said, I also feel kind of hesitant to encourage people to simply embrace that sex is not really their thing because I do feel nobody likes sex until they've had good sex. It is not an uncommon experience to not like sex at all with a few partners and then you get with someone you have much more chemistry with, feel much more attracted to, are much more sexually compatible with or whatever and it suddenly clicks why everyone goes crazy for this. So I feel that encouraging people fast to just think of themselves as on the ace spectrum also kind of discourages them from exploring more to be sure...

Besides it is also quite normal/common when inexperienced to not realize your nerves or lack of feelings for the person were what made you go through the motions instead of being in the moment and that makes a day and night difference. The body can shut anything out. Sex feeling like a bunch of nothing could mean something physical but also that you got so locked into your head you literally couldn't feel your body much anymore. Nobody enjoys sex like that but that's not how it's supposed to be, it's the equivalent to mindlessly chewing without tasting a thing.

>>33394076
Thanks anon. good luck to you as well

>>33395160
NTA but I generally have sex solely to get my gf off/orgasm, but the act itself gives me no physical pleasure, only the emotional happiness knowing that she will stay around for a while beause shes getting sex.
Sometimes that works, but other times she would get annoyed that I couldnt cum, she would ask me over and over why cant you finish like a normal person? I just told her i couldnt and that Im having sex to make you feel good

>>33395616
Maybe you're asexual. That's very rare for it to not feel good.

>>33395624
It could be because im circumsized. Im 33 and if had to count how many times I've had actual PIV sex, it would be less than 20. With my ex she would be able to get off through dry humping, rubbing and thats what we did most of the time in our 3 year relationship. The girl I'm with now for the last 8 months, we've havent yet had piv because shes small and tight, so i get slighty in and we stop.
I get hard during foreplay, but then i put a condom on and try to put it in and i go soft and brain wont let me go any more, and suddnely my head is filled with thoughts of shame and disgust.

It could also be because I have a strong aversion to bodily fluids and cum. seeing a vag wet and drippy makes me uncomfortable and i never watched any porn that showed that. And seeing a penis isnt any better. When I would jack off id make sure my dick was covered when i came so there would be no mess and i wouldnt have to see it.

>>33395678
Do you have a social disability?

>>33395706
Other than potential autism no. I have a nice group of friends that see often, and am easy to get along with. I can speak in public settings decently. i have a supportive family. why?

>>33395714
Just wondering. I'm pretty stumped as to why you don't feel anything, but that's how it is.

>>33395768
I do get social anxiety in new situations, but once I start getting comfortable I can maintain friends.

maybe its being circumsized and wearing a condom on top of it, my gf isnt on BC so it's a necessity. I can describe to you what it feels like, warm tight, slippery. but i dont feel anything beyond that. I can have sex all weekend, and get blue balled to hell but cant get myself to cum, but as soon im alone I can masturbate and cum in minutes.
maybe its just my brain making me feel that intercourse is a guilty activity. maybe its really the girls I'm are not the ones my brain thinks I should be dating. i wish i knew

>>33385471 (OP)
Some people will tell you it’s about spicing it up etc but I say listen to what you want. I’m the same way used to enjoy it more but realized the only reason I liked it so much was it was like “winning” socially.

There’s only so many times you can play the same game and win. I can’t fathom having sex on a weekly basis I wouldn’t want it. But it’s always there if I want it so it works out.

Just do your thing bro.

>>33395786
Have you masturbated a lot? Maybe you don't have feeling anymore.

>>33385597
idk about fin, but after my libido dropped in my late 20s I found THC brought it skyrocketing back to teenage levels again. I was cumming 3-5x a day and dreaming about pussy nonstop with just a few edibles a week.
It could just be a psychological issue that needs kickstarting again

>>33395837
Maybe you’re having sex with a wrong person? Usually compatible people tend to have a lot of sex. Do you enjoy your sex life?

>>33395858
Not that often, 4-5 times a week. rarely more than once a day, and days where I dont do it at all. if I'm traveling for days away from my computer i have no desire to look at porn. but maybe i just desensitized my dick anyways.

>>33389266
>>33391606
aren't those just fwbs? what's the issue

>>33395889
Oh that's a lot bud. You might have desensitized yourself.

>>33395910
fuck really? when i read about people here who fap they will go 3-4 times A DAY.
when i started dating this girl I went 15 days without masturbating or looking at porn. I was so hopeful that I would be able to enjoy sex, but the same problem happened. it discouraged me and I stopped trying

>>33395880
I wouldn’t want it regularly with anyone. It’s a chore to me. I do it to keep a semblance of a normal life at this stage. It’s all for my girlfriend I don’t give a shit if it happens.

>>33394626
Vaginismus. It hurts and it won’t open

>>33395905
I think fwbs are a myth. I've never known two people, and I've certainly never been one of two people, who were able to keep things strictly physical without feelings eventually getting hurt. It might start easy and fun, but people will always want a deeper emotional connection, or commitment, or whatever. It's just how we're wired.

>>33385597
Thank you so much for this post, anon. I started losing it early too, almost completely bald now in my early 30s. Nothing really seemed to change as far as women are concerned though. I still get regular attention from girls, even more than a decade younger than me, probably because I'm lucky and rocking that Jason Statham skull shape, but I still have the occassional fleeting thought:
>What if I had a transplant and started taking fin?
>Would I get significantly more positive attention?
>Would it be worth potential side-effects?
Thanks for discouraging me from going down that path.

Desensitisation due to various factors, namely porn I'd say. Plus media, staleness, age, over exposure, distorted viewpoints or expectations, social stake etc

There's only so many times you can look at t and a before staleness enters like repeating the word apple until the letters feel meaningless

Since sex is mostly entertainment and recreation now, and the modern age has ramped entertainment into the extreme, sex kinda becomes outdated and antiquated, even

Particularly compared to other stimuli and entertainment, the endless options at your fingertips, the opportunity costs of sex are far greater than before modernshit times, so much shiny trash competing for your attention

Now that everything's out in the open, the mystique is lost and again, staleness

I prefer erotica to just sex. Sweeping, weaving narratives so sex is an amazing reward, rather than just merely sex.

Some common issues when it comes to sex in the modernshit times, including but not limited to r-
There's Lotsa FOMO due to media, overhyping, pedestalising, etc.
Then there's relationship tensions/other tensions due to sex being part of one's self esteem and self image self worth and feeling unattractive and blah
Then there's anxieties and not being able to even do the deed itself due to mental blocks
Then there's just libido, some people need that sweet release, perhaps they're stressed and need some temporary respite and the familiarity and safety of the sexual setting and orgasm provides this certain structure, just 1 more orgasm and then I'll fix my problems procrasturbation style

It's just sex, okay! Just stupid dick insert to vagina thrust thrust cum fertilise egg

Previous ages n eras there was no birth control, no paternity testing, hence virginity (chastity, restraint) and not being a whore was much more.. Important?
Now being whorish is rewarded (enabled, celebrated, encouraged)
Sex ain't that special or rewarding anymore

So go do something else

well said

>>33385471 (OP)
Yea

>>33385471 (OP)
Yea

>>33385471 (OP)
POST SCAT ON VARIOUS BOARDS and makes jannies lives a living hell.