I've fallen into an extremely depressive hole over the last 3 months and can't get back out again.
>29/M/LA
>marriage dissolving
>wife basically put me through a con act lasting years
>going to have to fight for custody for all of my kids because the women are going to actually destroy and neglect them
>gave up on a homesteading dream because of constant familial sabotage, why do it for the future of people who don't want it?
>convicted violent felon
>most job and career prospects are arbitrarily closed to me as a result
>stress from domestic and reshuffling career prospects (i make livings doing various blue-collar trades contractually) has caused my health and personal training to decline
>i feel no gumption to do anything to stop it even though i barely fit any of my more decent clothes anymore
>COMPLETELY black-pilled on politics and most religious organizations, even the supposedly "based" ones
>hometown is unrecognizable since COVID, i hate even going into civilization, for anything
>gave up some pretty decent prospects in certain heavy industry to pursue the homesteading thing, they're all gone now
>pursuing a welding cert and a career in that
>have no idea if it'll be worth it by the time i'm done or if it's gonna be something i will be able to do
>none of the bushcraft/hobbycraft things appeal to me anymore, it all seems just pointless
>can barely motivate myself to play vidya and read/browse/post all day
>even after I was doing good, most of my extended kin don't want anything to do with me even though i'm everything they could've ever wanted me to be and then some and it's been six years since I was a fuck-up

TL;DR Totally crushed to the earth White Male approaching middle age that wants to crawl out of the hole I'm in and can't get myself to do it. I did it before during and after prison, but after all the work I put in to rebuilding my life and family got shitcanned by the people I did it for. Open to direction and advice.

>>33391148 (OP)
People have begun to lose their hopes and forget their dreams.

Nobody cares about anything anymore.
Nobody wants to get together anymore.
Nobody does anything without getting paid anymore.
Nobody wants to do anything anymore.

https://youtu.be/kVaolNKt2zw
https://youtu.be/1d925iMSuLY

>>33391212
I'm looking for advice, not more Blackpills. Thanks.

>>33391231
The truth will set you free. You are still clinging and the reason your life is a mess and you made this thread.

>>33391148 (OP)
How did you get conned for years?

>>33391260
What, "truth," are you implying?

>>33391148 (OP)
I too have lost everything that gave my life meaning. I miss my old life so much

I don't have any advice except villainmaxx

Sounds like you are open to that

>>33391148 (OP)
Dude I'm 41, and lost custody through of my two young boys. You're young, work on be more wholesome personality traits and grinding yourself into a specialised trade. I take it you're a yank, so want felony did you commit?

>>33391272
Essentially she made me believe she wanted something out of life she didn't actually want. I'm not even sure she really wanted it, I think at best she thinks she wanted it but wasn't willing to put in the work it entailed which is what ultimately separates her from me in a core way.
I found someone later and fumbled them, completely. Well, we both were on just irreconcilable different courses in life when we met. No matter what, it was never gonna happen. I think that also contributes to my depression.
Once I realized my kids needed something better (if I quit what I did to do the single dad thing we wouldn't be able to keep what we have and nobody would win) I kinda started looking at other options for a partner, long-term. Call me a POS if you want to but as far as I'm concerned you can be unfaithful to someone in a marriage in a lot of ways than just what people typically think of as infidelity. I think sabotaging the life you're building for someone and never telling them they don't want what you're doing even after you've put the work in is a real stab in the back, don't you?
Like my wife literally thought I would either give up or she could make me. I can't ever look over that, nevermind everything else.
My problem now is I have no idea where to go from here at nearly 30 and my motivation to get up again is lower than ever before. The plan I do have, I don't have the same convictions for it I have others.
Basically everything in life I have chosen to invest in turned out to not payout, in the end. I'm sick of it continuing to happen.

>>33391353
Also you sound like you have depression. Practice meditation twice a day, in the morning and evening. No bullshit sutras or mantras. Use the sound and feeling of your breath to engage in meditation. Start at ten to fifteen minutes and as you get better increase the time to half an hour. Finally you should meditate for an hour twice a day.
I gave up drinking and vidya' and a bunch of other hobbies because of depression and anxiety. Although I didn't go to court my ex took her our kids back to Japan because my mental health started going to shit.

>>33391349
I am too old and out of touch to know what, "villainmaxxing," is. Elaborate?

>>33391361
Give up what? Just say it instead of being elusive.

>>33391353
I think I'm a pretty wholesome guy and I'm trying that with welding. I know lots of other trades but this one makes the most money and there's a good program for it nearby. Everything else requires too much start-up cost and insurance and licensing is fucking brutal in this state. All the OG trades like plumbing are getting bought out by corpos as a result since nobody can afford to do business independently anymore.

Watch the, "Yank," word - I'm a Southerner, lmao. But I'll say it was one conviction for some violent crimes; fight went public, another chapter of my life that's been closed for a long time. My luck finally ran out is what happened, or karma/Divine Justice caught up to me - however you wanna look at it.

>>33391364
I learned to meditate in prison and I want to get back into it really badly. Somehow it was easy to do their and over time as I've lived life in the, "Free World," it's gotten harder and harder. But I need to, you're correct.

>>33391368
Live totally selfishly and become a burden on society to whatever degree of illegality your heart desires without getting caught

>>33391369
I thought I explained earlier. I was building a homestead and businesses in trades. The plan was to start the foundation for a self-sustaining family community, like I grew up with. The issue is that involved giving up too many Boomer-tier creature comforts of life for her, which she implied she was fine letting go of - she wasn't and it was obvious by what she chose to invest her free time in.

With her neglecting the kids and other things she did (like letting fifteen pounds of produce go to waste a few years ago) I just realized she was maliciously not trying.

>>33391390
That's what I'm doing now and honestly it's killing me. I'm not like this as a person. I like to contribute and create.

>>33391396
Your story sounds like horseshit.

>>33391374
I an Ausfag, your all 'yanks' to us. Good your luck ran out, and you've hit rock bottom in a moral or ethical sense. Time to get rid of the depression and repressed abger and work on your self. I'm not implying you turn into some pussy faggot btw. As I said bro, your young, just go easy on your self maintain or at least try to maintain an amicable relationship with your ex, if she's an absolute cunt of a woman, at least do it for your children. Easier said than done I'm sure.

>>33391386
Welcome to the world of distractions. Prison is good for the mind if you utilise the solitude. You've got to really want to meditate, ask yourself honestly "Does this activity (mediation- for example) benefit me?"
You'll be fine keep at it my American friend you'll get there.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DWGrSft1x1E

>>33391439
You sound like you're already make the ground work/head way to getting things in order.

>>33391403
I'm not gonna argue with you about my life. I'll clarify and explain but I'm no self-doxxing for strangers on the internet. Do you think if I had any other ideas for where to get direction I'd be asking for it on 4chan? I've seen some pretty good advice given on this board so I thought it was worth a try.

>>33391412
This I understand.

It is a lot easier said than done, especially now. I'm still I think in the coping phase of realizing everything I fought for my life to get and do was yet another failed investment of time, energy, will and thought processes.

>>33391439
Very true. Thank you for the encouragement, anon.

>>33391403
Have some mercy, anon. The convicted violent felon too black pilled on all politics and religion and is shocked he is "arbitrarily" being blocked from jobs is full of horseshit? You're acting like he's some /pol/tard who actually took the redpill and....oh wait, he made sure to emphasize White Male in his post. Jesus fucking christ.

>>33391522
You act like I'm Fashy on main or something IRL. I'm not even Fashy. IRL I'm like a 7/10 normal looking White dude.

>>33391148 (OP)
First thing is always mental health
I've had major depression for years, it's routine now
It's a war, you gotta start winning little battles to get the ball rolling again. Do a little something even if it feels like shit, then big up that achievement out of all proportions, then do a little more tomorrow
therapy would obviously be good but it isn't free
do you own research into beating depression, read some books, but that has to be step one, depression is a disease, you can't succeed under those conditions, then maybe read some stoics, life is absurd, but short, you get a little story, then it's over, don't drag it out into a long, miserable thing, turn the page and move on, no matter what happens, play another hand
objectively, there is more happiness for you out there somewhere

>>33391507
Remember as well the US of A, is a fucking harsh society in respects to being fucked if you fall through the gaps. Also it's a society based on doing everything possible to fuck over a man trying to just live his life away from materialistic shit. What I'm trying to say, is it's a very difficult path to walk if you are following a spiritual and loving existence. Shit man, look at the highest echelons of government in your country (or mine for that matter) and realise how much it's geared towards keeping people chasing money and in a sense forcing them to otherwise they end up broke and or in jail.
Still I'd love to be in your shoes to some degree, I reckon your rural, you could just jump in your car go down to the pub, or bar as you lot say, and have a beer with someone stranger. We're headed that way here in Australia. People don't engage or converse anymore, everything is just pretentious dick waving and projecting. Fuck now I just want to drink shitty American beers with over salted nuts in some rural dive bar.

>>33391566
This cunt gets it!

>>33391522
OP is low iq violent baboon who fell for a family and trades meme, his woman chose him for being a "bad boy" in his youth, once he got older and out of shape, less "bad", but more buckbroken by life difficulties, as his laborous grinding didnt pay off, she ditched this loser, rightfully so. Noone wants to be around pissed off balding unskilled late stage alcoholic with delusions of "proper society".

>>33391564
>You act like I'm Fashy on main or something IRL.
Not really and that shouldn't be your first reaction. That /pol/ shit is mocked outside of /pol/, it's a serious fucking problem and it just ruins lives and perpetuates the lonely male cycle. This anon has it right >>33391412. At the core there's too much blatantly wrong with you and the homesteading aint the solution. Its the way you grew up but look at how you ended up. The greater good like the anon mentioned and the self relfection this anon said >>33391439 is the way to go.

>>33391592
So cunts like you have the moral high ground to declare that we should insult people for making mistakes in their lives and not give them opportunities (advice) to put things in order.
Wow, you're such an insufferable cunt of a human being.
I bet you're one of those wankers who regularly sticks his finger up his aese, smells it and points to everyone else in the room declaring "look at me I'm so pure, my shit doesn't stink".

>To say "fuck you" is an understatement.

>>33391566
I like your advice in the first half and I agree. I can't remember the last time it was this bad. It's been worse but I've also been in materially worse situations.
I have horrible experiences with therapy. All the money I spent on it always felt like a waste. I got no solutions and no guidance, just someone listening and not telling me anything useful. I felt like I was milked like a cow.

I sure the fuck hope there is. I feel like I closed off every path to happiness besides trying to do my duty as a husband and father.

Being a family man isn't supposed to be this way. It's awful to pour your heart out for people who are just gonna dump it all down the sink when you walk out the door. Every day, go out there, come back with a pail full of your blood, sweat and tears and then as soon as you're not looking they do... nothing with it.

I feel like I could've never fought my case and took the max and it wouldn't have made a difference to anyone.

>>33391608
>does the exact shit the anon is doing
>acting any better
God you speak like too many hopeless addicts I know. Meth or crack. You went too far on something and now waste your life being an unbearable regular at some dive.

>>33391581
All the good rural dive bars are gone at least out here. They got Niggerfied. Fuck the Army for bringing these sons of bitches here. They have ruined everything they touch and the White people who see this as nothing but a place with a cheap cost of living can swing from a tree, too. They've actually made my home unrecognizable and brain drain took away almost every other native person who wasn't a burn-out drug addict.
Also the fun thing is I can't go to a bar because in my state I'm still actually serving parole and we're not allowed in bars. I'm not even sure I'd want to go if I was allowed, honestly. I was getting burnt out on the life before I went to prison, honestly.
The only place I want to go is back and take the opportunities I didn't take, invest in the right places instead of the wrong ones, maybe not be treated this way by my own flesh and blood and have kids with someone I know for sure isn't a fucking loser.

>>33391625
You haven't quite worked out what life is about have you little man?
And who said I'm acting better?
Advice can come from both people that are better or worse off than OP.

And going to have a few beers at some rural dive bar doesn't make me a regular.
You sound like you some from an obsessive compulsive fags who's only hell bent on hanging out with the respectable "in" crowd.
How's that working out for you?

>>33391592
First of all, faggot
>fell for a family and trades meme
I was happy in this life so I didn't, "fall," for anything. Get fucking bent.
>woman chose him for being a "bad boy" in his youth
Concerning this I agree you're right. I was on the tail end of my Outlaw Bit by the time I met her. I actually picked her in the end because she WAS wholesome and did have her shit together. All the Crazy Pussy in the world wasn't becoming worth the daily hassle anymore. I had five women on rotation when I met her and I wanted all of them to pass out in a field somewhere and never be found again they were such a fucking drain.
>he got older and out of shape
I didn't actually gain weight or get out of shape until the last few months and these problems far predate the last three months. It's still not unsalvageable, either. I know this from experience.
>laborous grinding didn't pay off
Actually it fucking did you dumbass. I can work whenever I want, make my money and then not pick up a tool for someone else again for a few months. I can hop in my truck with a gooseneck and make some round trips for a month and have plenty in the bank. That's not the issue. The issue was she wanted more even though we don't want for fucking anything. She wants the decadent affluence of her Boomer Parents, which is not what I was lead to believe all these years but her actions showed it. She also actually hasn't, "ditched me." I'm the one telling her to get the fuck and leave my kids when she goes, but we all know that won't happen. She doesn't want to leave because she's a goddamn bum who doesn't want to take care of herself.
>balding
You wish.
>delusions of "proper society"
I'm a normal White guy from 30 years ago in terms of values, pound sand. I've killed more brain cells than most people were born with and I'm still smarter than you.

>>33391652
>bitching about what other people do
>does it and continues to do it
So shut the fuck up then. In crowd? Making sure we know it's a rural dive? Yeah, how's that working out? Can't even give basic advice on 4chan and instead you're shitting yourself repeatedly. You're a real underdog, a real punk. OP don't take the vague advice of this loser and the more specific he gets the more you shouldn't listen. It only works for extreme addicts to barely be functional.

>>33391593
I see your point, but I'll just for pride's sake offer the rebuttal if it was me by myself I would've been happy as a clam on my farm. I could grow one fourth of what I did, focus on other things and be happy as a clam.
Fuck, I could've stayed in either timber or oil & gas and just reached out to my kids' moms to establish rights, pay child support, live alone, become a Churchfag and be actually 200% happier than I am now.

>>33391608
Based.

>>33391666
NTA but after reading this you deserve everything you got. There isn't anything we can say to help you. The only basic advice is be a lot fucking better than you are. Meditate. Get away from people. Get away from yourself.

>>33391691
I'm sorry, next time I'll just let someone insult me I guess?
Y'all are crazy for that one.
>Get away from people
>Get away from yourself
I'm trying do that as expeditiously as fucking possible, but fuck me for being honest and not being a pussy at the same time.

>>33391675
See this guy below faggot? I don't see anyone complimenting your shit stained finger. Must be terrible to be right and oh so lonely in life!

>>33391683

>>33391701
The sad part is I knew you were going to say that.
>let someone insult me
It's not even about that. It's about the shit you write about yourself, the way you jump to retarded shit, the retarded shit you confess to doing. You want advice on how to get away from everything then just do it. Run. Nothing is going well with you around. Leave and be in solitude. Youre failing at society, you failed your family, and youve failed yourself. But sure, busy yourself with insults and losing your cool. Thread's derailed and no one cares to even bother now. Probably how it always goes.

>>33391712
>someone called me based on 4chan
>SEE HOW COOL AM I

>>33391727
Has anyone agreed with you so far.....

>>33391727
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UEaKX9YYHiQ&pp=ygUaaSdtIHNvIHJvbmVyeSB0ZWFtIGFtZXJpY2E%3D

>>33391749
Has anyone agreed with anyone in this thread? You got one jackass saying based and that could've been you. Save your zingers for the corner of the "rural dive bar" where I'm sure you're a superstar. The fact one (YOU) has made you climax this hard tells me all anyone needs to know. But yeah you're the guy to talk to about life. Wait till the one drunk who pretends to listen to you hears about your triump on 4chan.

>>33391757
>so I sent him THIS video, see see, you're not paying attention. I got him with the youtube. You ever see this movie? Funny as shit made by the south park guys
The best part you know that's how you talk.

>>33391764
Your full of such wonderful assumptions about your fellow company here on 4chan.

>>33391722
You seriously think I don't know I've done a lot of dumb shit? What would be the point in asking for help and not realizing how much of it is my fault and being honest? I don't want to just go off somewhere and wait to die. I've crawled out of a pit before. I'm not prepared to give up.

Of course I could fucking save some bread and disappear. Do you think I haven't considered that? If I was going to do that, this post would not exist.

>>33391764
That's one more than you have faggot.
Me-1
You- Fuck all.

Numerically I have more than you. You can count to one, right? Right?

>>33391781
You know you do dumb shit and then use it as a defense, especially when insulted on 4chan. Your perspective is too fucked. As I said before, best advice? Leave it all. Meditate. Solitude. You're not much good to anybody until you do and jump out this mental hellscape you've made for yourself. People I've encountered like you are always on their pace and no keeps up and it creates conflict everywhere. Then you're ashamed of your shit until you feel like wearing it like a badge. Conflict. With everyone and everything. Rise above it but it's going to take a long time of releasing yourself from you. What you've done is wrong, how you think is wrong. Meditate in solitude about the alternatives.

>>33391775
Right back at you. Save yourself some stress and don't consider 4chan and it's people "company". It leads to taking this shit too seriously.

>>33391799
It's been scary how you can't deny anything said about you. Getting pegged as hard here as you in real life? Probably not because you're licking the cum of anyone who will peg you here.

>>33391814

>>33391621
>Being a family man isn't supposed to be this way.
Unfortunately, you might lose the custody battle, and best to prepare for how you can continue to live if that's the case, and I mean live not just trudge along

>>33391148 (OP)

Meditate

Listen to classical music

Go on long walks

Think positively

Choose to be happy regardless of your external circumstances

Honestly, reading everything you wrote, those circumstances sound so truly awful that a lesser man would have already been completely destroyed. You on the other hand are reaching out to the smartest people on the internet for advice (I mean it).

>>33391212
>>33391260
Just because youre a massive fucking faggot and nobody wants anything to do with you doesnt make any of what you said true, retard.

>>33393142

Also want to mention that if you consume any amount of alcohol, cut it out of your life completely

>>33391148 (OP)
are you sure you didn't change during covid which made you're a wife hate you?

don't give up. be optimistic. make something of yourself, improve your life. fight for your children.

>>33391353

get your sons back, these women cannot raise them right, they need a dad

>>33393298

this

>convicted violent felon
>i barely fit any of my more decent clothes anymore
>can barely motivate myself to play vidya and read/browse/post all day

Yeah, I'm sure the marriage falling apart is completely your wife's fault and that you should definitely be the one to get full custody of your kids because WOMAN EBIL

this has to be bait

>>33393142
I dunno about the smartest but they definitely give the most unconventional advice and I sure don't have anywhere else to turn to.
I appreciate you recognizing what I've been through, too. Thanks.
I also discovered some of my bottom front teeth might actually be falling out, which is just fucking great. At least dental technology is a lot better than it was and I can get them reconstructed, no problem.

>>33393298
I don't drink very much anymore. That being said, I have been drinking more lately. More than I would like to, but not like how I used to 7-8 years ago.
I'm going to finally start training again today, so wish me luck with that.

>>33393302
I was actually in prison for the entirety of COVID. I started my trip through DOC a few months before the first bit of news about it ever started to come out and by the time I had gotten out again it was over.
Personally? I changed for the better, in prison. I'll admit certain things about it changed me negatively but I was very blessed by God throughout in terms of finding direction to be better.
Sometimes, I wish I could recreate that experience. At least the parts where I was able to change for the better, idk. I feel like the realities of my family situation have taken all that away from me, because trying to rebuild it was part of it.
I was really bad off by then. Most of my kids were still in the womb at the time. I blamed myself for all the problems in my marriage. But as a sober man I saw lots of things wrong with her I didn't see before. Then I found out how she was living while I was locked up (basically being a bum off my in-laws, abusing prescription meds) and I think the easiest way to say it is that I outgrew this relationship. Trouble is I had a permanent responsibility to it in the form of my kids.

>>33394822
It's tough to be truly optimistic when you can't see anything to be optimistic about, honestly.
>make something of yourself
I kind of thought I was? But it's hard to do when you're stuck at home trying to make sure your kids are being taken care of.
>improve your life.
Again, I thought I was doing that. But again, I had to give up a lot of things to be Mister Mom. Now I think my teeth might be falling out. Yeah, I'm a real catch now with no fucking teeth. Fantastic. This is one HillBilly stereotype I could've done without.
>fight for your children.
Easier said than done in 2025 as a man in the legal system. Even if I win, I will have no money with which to do it with by the end.

>>33395394
It wasn't always like this, anon. I used to be built like a rail-splitter. I spent most of my day working or doing improvement projects on my property and doing farm stuff or being active in various community and religious organizations.
If you've never experienced family life as a father and husband I don't think you can understand how the people in your life you're doing everything for constantly dragging you down can destroy you.

>>33391148 (OP)
Men and women are not meant to live with each other. Both genders have different goals. You had homesteading. She had something else. Most marriages are hanging by misery where they realize that it's too late now so let's look forward towards death to recuse us.

If you have daughters then let her raise them but if you have boys then fight hard for their custody. That woman will castrate your boy.

Lastly, please remember the HATE. H
Absolute hate for the people who fucked you over. Hate is more important than love. You cannot afford to give up my dude. You can't let your enemies win. You can't be weak in front of your kids. Here's your absolute motivation and purpose. Take care of yourself as best as you can. You can live on hate.

I'm sending my wife and kids to stay with in-laws.
>but what about your sons?
I can't control what goes on with them when I live in the same house and am present in their lives, I don't really see how at this point it will make a difference if they're not here. At least I'm no longer directly culpable.
I've tried for years to undo the damage their mom's negligence and my absence did even as I've been a present father for three years and I get nowhere. Now the problems are compounding it causing me to self-destruct.
I will end up crashing out and I don't want that to happen, not over this. I don't want my kids or anyone to suffer. I'd rather be alone again and able to fix myself, no matter how long it takes. If we have to separate, I guess we do. We can't do this together, not me and her. It was a dream.

I'm still planning on going to welding school. I think it's the only path I have to some more economic independence and to prepare for the inevitable child support payments. I'm not bothered by the idea of it anymore. If that's what I have to pay for peace, fine. They can have this win. I'll continue to look forward to the day society breaks down and we fire the courthouses.

I may still be entering the 200s in weight, but I can fix it. Maybe. I hope. I don't know. I really feel like I don't care, but I know I do; I think my mind is tired of being tortured by my bad health versus what I can be so it's just turning off the noticing aspect of it.

Still gonna keep bumping the thread for any advice. A lot of things have actually been helpful, thanks anons.

>>33397833
Bump.

>>33391148 (OP)
>Where do I go from here?
There

>>33391148 (OP)
>29/M/LA
Well there's your problem

>>33391148 (OP)
Yea

>>33391148 (OP)
>>convicted violent felon
>>most job and career prospects are arbitrarily closed to me as a result
It is not arbitrary for people to not want to hire a violent criminal.