I dont love my fiance. I like her a lot and think shes a very good person and an excellent marriage choice and mother to future children, but I have never felt the tidal wave of emotion and passion that I think is love. I loved a girl for a short time, a couple of months maybe, around 8 years ago in high school; she was the hottest girl to ever be into me and ticked every single box I never even knew I had and she was objectively a bad person but oh man did I dig her. Nature split us apart and her life has gone downwards hard since but I think I loved that girl and still think about her occasionally. Why does this happen to humans? Why did I love a girl so much who was so bad for me? Why can't I love someone who is really good for me? Why is this so common?

Im so jealous of people who can confidently say theyre married to the person of their dreams. That must be otherworldly

That rush of emotions is normal for people who become attracted to someone new. It never lasts. Some couples find ways to keep the attraction going, but that initial 'tidal wave', as you put it, is definitely a temporary thing. Most successful romantic couples transition in to a different sort of affection and appreciation for each other.

In conclusion, I would say neither of the women you mention are likely 'right' for you, but if you can be content or happy with your fiance then it's at least worth considering sticking with her.

As for 'why', the answer is a complicated mix of brain chemistry, formative experiences, and hormones. There's not much to be done about who you're attracted to. 'Love,' however, is a completely different state. For some people, it is dependent on attraction. However, this is not true for everyone. Perhaps you should try to find something that you truly and deeply appreciate about your fiance. Ideally, something that you appreciate on an emotional level, rather than a practical one.

>>33393295
Ban all ai slop

>>33393233 (OP)
What youre describing is infatuation, not love

bro is talm bout high school when he has a fiance.

>>33393233 (OP)
Yes

>>33393233 (OP)
Bro you don't even know what love is ffs. That was lust, not love. Love is when you care about someone more than yourself. When you want to make them happy. When the mere thought of hurting them emotionally or physically causes a stabbing pain in your chest. Ask yourself this - if that "hot" girl became injured and couldn't have sex anymore, would you still want to spend the rest of your life with her? If the answer is no, then you don't love her. You want her body.

>>33393233 (OP)
>Why does this happen to humans?
Because humans weren't designed to mate for life. In prehistoric Africa (where we all evolved) a couple would fall in love/lust, she would get pregnant immediately, she would have the baby, breast feed it, eventually wean it (which would take a year or so), and then the two of them would typically split up and find new partners, and she would get pregnant again. So there can be an extremely intense feeling of love in the very early stages; but within about 18 months or maybe two years (max) it always fades. And after that it makes no difference whatever whether you *were* feeling it before or not, because you aren't now. So, literally NO ONE "can confidently say they're married to the person of their dreams"; outside the honeymoon period, nobody feels that.

>>33395614
how could you be so wrong? 99% of men are hardwired to not want the woman they bang to bang any other men, ever, regardless of whether he's currently banging her or not

>>33396499
The problem with this is that it's bullshit. You think it's true because you spend all your time on 4chan; but outside of weird alt-right/manosphere sections of the Internet, no man gives a flying fuck about this, except for orthodox Muslims.

>>33396603
Ghost of Margaret Meade wrote this.

>>33393233 (OP)
You're not alone friend. I'm in a similar boat. My girlfriend is very very good, and she's easy to be around, we have fun, and she'll make a phenomenal mother. But I don't really "feel" anything, I never did. I was never even all that attracted to her and still really am not. Sometimes I wanna run and find that "feeling" again but I have been told many times that is just not worth it. Marry a girl that you can trust, cares about you, and isn't going to cause you problems. Everything else will change anyway. That's at least how I cope but what the fuck do I know

>>33399920
Sad that you're settling. Why be with a person if you do not find them attractive? Because it is "hard" to try to find a new, genuine person and you are unsure you will find another good one that actually matches what you deeply want? She probably thinks you are the best fit for her and is attracted to you, yet you say this. She remains in the dark not knowing you don't "feel" anything towards her. Stop coping and do better for both your sakes. Let her go be another man's treasure. Find your treasure. You will be happier and more fufilled.

>>33400014
I've been around. This is the only girl that I've ever been with that put me ahead of herself, and loves me deeply and truly. And I genuinely trust her, and enjoy being around her. She's not my physical type but she's not ugly, if that's what I have to settle on to not get thrown back into the lions den of dating shitty women again so be it. I won't care when I'm 50 anyways. It's not worth it to lose the solid life I have set up for myself now to chase a fever dream

>>33393233 (OP)
You should kill her, actually. You don't love her because she's a stupid whore who doesn't deserve to live. Remove her blight from your life and find a woman worth living with.

>>33400014
You can prefer to be with someone if you truly understand the reasons they are exceptional and how lucky you to have them while still never necessarily feeling that obsession/crush/limerence for them, you're just actively making a smart decision knowing that crushes fade, passion fizzles, obsession dies etc but good, stable, solid people only get better. If you truly understand that through experience and not just hypothesize it, you can truly say to your partner "I love you and want to be with long term more than anyone else"

by all means add the "but I've never really been thrilled by you in that teenage crush way, just fyi and we probably feel very differently about each other" but I don't think that means the other person will run away, if they're a mature choice they'll probably get it

you say "treasure" but by definition treasure is rare, at least relatively, so what are the odds you're gonna find the person who is your "treasure" and you are also their treasure back? less than 1% of the population has probably ever been in that situation, what's the rest of the world supposed to do? never be in any relationship of any kind unless it's mutually obsessive? Very immature perspective

Go ahead and do your best to find your best, but you're not gonna live forever and you don't have all the time or options in the world, understanding this, 99% of people do in fact "settle" and live great lives despite it

>>33393233 (OP)
Yes

>>33393233 (OP)
you have a woman's brain what the hell

>>33399920
Honestly this so excessively reminds me of women's posts about feeling more "chemistry" with dickheads than good men that it reads like bait. Obviously you shouldn't be with somebody you're not attracted to but as a man I don't think I could ever love a woman who was a bad person or total idiot. What I'm saying is your feelings are wrong.

men who have the money/power to have a choice, never choose commitment. keep that in mind

>>33400027
This is the right choice. If you can tolerate her enough and make her happy, stick with her.

I also had a loving and pretty gf with a less than ideal body that didn't turn me on. To the point that sex was a chore for me. There were many other reasons, but if not for that, I wouldn't have broken up with her. So I did.
It's been half a year and it hasn't gotten any better for me

If you have a good woman in your life stick with her even if you don't feel too deeply about her. Most men will have to settle, especially in this dating economy, I'm pretty sure

live boldly and do what your heart/gut tells you, but you WILL ruin your life and regret doing that, but likely be happier in the end that you were brave and tried anyway. If you go the other route and never take risks, you might never "ruin your life" on the outside per say, but you'll hate yourself and likely end up much less happy