is it a bad thing or normal?

he's my first bf (but we're not a new couple, been together for all of my adult life up till now), and i feel like i always need to imagine weird fantasies in my head so that i can get into that 100% horny mood. if i keep my mind blank then i never get there.

i've never voiced it to anyone but i think i'm also really low libido or mildly asexual even. before my bf i never had any bf or sex because i'm not that interested in it. before my bf approached me i basically knew i could easily live my whole life without sex or relationships. such a charming guy approaching me so openly/aggressively sweeped me off my feet though and i decided to not be a "volcel" anymore, so that's why we're together.

at times in the past it sometimes felt like i was giving "duty sex", i just said yes despite not being in the mood (to be fair i am never "in the mood", except only during actual intercourse) because i didn't want to make my bf sad.

at some point i started imagining sexual fantasies during sex so that i can get actually wet/horny, but it's basically just roleplay: "i am this character and bf is this character". that type of thing, mostly fantasy-related stuff basically. i've never told any of this to my bf before, so should i tell him? i feel like he will see me as a loser if i mention the fantasies to him since they're so weird/out of the left field usually.

>>33415131 (OP)
You struggle to emotionally connect with other humans. You instead derived illusory connection with fictional characters in fantasy books. Because those are 2-Dimensional, predictable, and they cannot reject or abandon you in the pages of a book. That's why you prefer that over real humans. And that's why you can't get aroused with real people and have to conjure up the imagery of fantasies.

You should talk to the BF about it, yes, but don't mention your fantasies or the fact you imagine fictional characters having sex during intercourse. He will only feel offended and instantly assume it's because you don't find him attractive.

Instead you should talk about the fact you have performance anxiety, and find human connection and intimacy to be overwhelming, and go from there. Find and discuss ways both he and you can accommodate your needs and boundaries.

>>33415131 (OP)
should you tell your bf you are imaging something else to get off? no you fucking retard

>>33415153
they're not from fantasy books but from fantasy vidya usually, but i guess it's still pretty much the same thing. one of these fantasies for example was my player character (non-human race) being fetishized by a slightly crazy human character who appears in the game. just weird stuff, that's most of the reason why i prefer not ever telling him this stuff.

and yes ofc i find him attractive. i did mention recently to him that i sometimes feel a kind of performance anxiety during sex, like constantly wondering how i look and constantly trying to switch to a position where i feel i would look better. he listened but neither of us have really done anything about this, i think i should just try to become confident and that would help. and ty for your advice!

> i just said yes despite not being in the mood (to be fair i am never "in the mood", except only during actual intercourse)
I can relate with this. Do get aroused eventually during the intercourse and your concern is that you weren't already in the mood when he asked? Or do you not get aroused at all during sex without the fantasies?
What's your foreplay like? How does he initiate?

>>33415131 (OP)
Make a fiction with your bf in it.
Play a game with your bf as your avatar.

>>33415276
idk if you're a woman or man but yeah i've heard that this isn't mega rare for women. i get aroused during intercourse, like during piv. i don't usually get actually horny or feel fully into it even during intercourse though (i just feel good and get into the mood you could say, but i don't feel truly horny at all) unless i imagine some fantasy.
foreplay is usually grinding and kissing in bed, pretty normal stuff. he usually initiates either by simply asking if i want to come "sleep" or "nap" with him, or by first just groping me randomly (which i like), then going a bit harder than groping, and then leaving, but also kinda giving me signals he wants me to come with him to the bedroom. i don't think there are issues with his way of initiating really, especially bc i rarely if ever initiate thanks to not being able to get into the mood outside of already having sex (i do initiate sometimes out of a sense of fairness).

>>33415131 (OP)
Most straight/bisexual men know and love the genre "Lesbian's First Cock".

You don't have to invite extra-marital partners -just pretend.

It is all words that start with "L" and end with "N". It is hidden in the rainbow!

>>33415435
I'm a woman, yeah.
>foreplay is usually grinding and kissing in bed, pretty normal stuff
What does he do to physically stimulate you? eg fingering, nipple play, oral, etc

I kind of get the sense that you feel bad about all this (but I may be projecting). We have a responsive sex drive, compared to a spontaneous sex drive. It isn't a bad thing. When I initiate sex it's often me thinking, "We haven't done it in a bit, I know he'll appreciate it, and I know I'll enjoy myself once we get into it. It'll be fun and it's a good time to do it right now." Even though I'm not "in the mood" ie aroused.

I've talked to my boyfriend a bit about this, and also read up on it myself. Essentially in a sexual encounter the beginning stages are Physical Arousal, Mental Willingness, and First Contact. With many men (and generally people with a spontaneous sex drive), Willingness and Arousal will happen so fast it's nearly synonymous. He gets physically aroused, then wants sex. Or he's propositioned for sex, he agrees and gets physically aroused.

For me, Mental Willingness almost always comes first and then there is a delay. Sometimes I'll get to Physical Arousal hands-free due to our flirting, but oftentimes it'll only happen after First Contact. I need the physical stimulation in order to have the physiological effect.

I know I'm sounding somewhat clinical here, and yeah I'm a bit autismo. But I hope you can see where I'm coming from. I do have a lot of fun and am fully engaged in the process.

I think where I'm going with this is that you shouldn't feel bad about fantasizing about roleplay. You already have the Mental Willingness, you're just doing your part to get to Physical Arousal. I do think it's a little sad that you'd expect your boyfriend to ever think you're a loser. Have you been together long? You might still risk approaching him with some more palatable roleplay scenarios.

>>33415131 (OP)
You should be talking to your partner and not us. Also, if you're in the duty sex stage, you're close to hurting him more if you don't start communicating together.

>>33415492
What an incomprehensible post

>>33415131 (OP)
Read some trashy romance novels. Ice Planet Barbarians and Orc Sworn are pretty choice.

My gf put these on while we would paint miniatures and we would fuck like mad afterwards even though she has a pretty low libido.
Ice Planet Barbarians has smut, but it isn't just smut. There's some substance there too.