Thread 33451241

what should one do if they find out their mother is cheating on their father? and im not saying this as a "ohhh mommy has been suspicious"; did some snooping after she told me she was going to her friends house and found a message from this dude saying she should come over cause he wanted to cum in her mouth; ive known about this for a while, it has probably been going on for at least a year, but seeing that confirmed it is also sexual and not just emotional.

my dad is a great man. if he wasn't for him my mother wouldn't have a penny to her name; she's a housewife and often complains about having to clean the house, while my dad fucking busts his ass all day for us. he absolutely doesn't deserve it, especially since the other guy is one of his closest friends.my mother is a fucking snake who has done nothing but make my entire family miserable in the last couple of months, and she's the reason why i am fucked up as i am right now, probably. my main issue with telling them is that i have a younger sister; if she ends up with dad, all good. but if for some godforsaken reason she ends up with my mother and i gotta live knowing it's my fault she's also gonna ruin her life, i don't think i could go on. it's so obvious that even she knows as well, we've had talks about it a few times.

sending in anonymous proof would be useless, since there's only 3 people that could know and i would stick out immediately, she also deletes texts quite frequently, im not always around to catch em. ive been thinking of purchasing a secret microphone or camera to catch her in the act.

>>33451241 (OP)
You're all over the place. What do you mean send anonymous proof if you haven't already purchased a microphone? What do you mean it's obvious your sister knows when you and her have talked about it? Is English not your first language? Jesus dude.

>>33451241 (OP)
you gotta bite the bullet and just tell your dad. it's going to suck big time but it's the best thing you could do. alternatively you could just play dumb and hope that he eventually figures it out on his own.

>>33451241 (OP)
I'm in sort of the same situation, instead my mom has a porn addiction, I know because everytime I go on her phone's browsers, the videos are still there. And her taste is very nasty. Then she pretends to be religious and hold herself as a sinless pure being, I've seen her flirt with dudes in real life too, my dad should've divorced her long ago but he's afraid of dying alone.
Why not fabricate proof, pictures or items and place it where your dad may see or just leave her phone unlocked right where he is. How would you even deliver the evidence caught on the microphone and camera lol.

>>33451267
>dad should've divorced her long ago but he's afraid of dying alone.
Is it really that bad to be alone at this point?

>>33451274
I wouldn't think it makes any difference since she neglects my dad anyway, doesn't touch him, doesn't even talk to him. But my dad doesn't want to be seen as an unstable household by friends and family as well I suppose

>>33451260
what i meant to say was that ive already asked advice for this, and people told me to send anonymous proof via email; sending screenshots and such through email would be pointless and could cause even more harm by putting other people in the spotlight; ex. the dudes wife who has no idea this is happening; if i purchase a secret microphone or camera, i can have clear proof and just come forward about it cause it will just show my mother being at fault.

my sister knows because she's not a dumbass; her and my mother hang from time to time, id rather not do that since she's a schizo. she has seen them text and has seen her chats and heard them calling too; we've talked about it because i once discreetly mentioned and was surprised to find out she already know what i was trying to hint. and yes, english isn't my first language. this was quite rushed, just wanted to get it out there and see what people would say. sorry?

>>33451267
ive seen some shit on my mother's phone as well, before this. it somewhat creeped me out, cause it had daughter x mother shit in some of them; sometimes she would randomly pop in as i was dressing after showering when i was younger, so that made me question some shit when i noticed. but that hasn't happened in a long time, and in my head i just excused with "maybe it was some sort of ad, since she was streaming stuff online."

leaving her phone unlocked in front of my father is basically impossible. she guards that thing like an eagle. delivering the info would've been easier than just showing proof; proof can be denied or something, and as i said it's not always easy to catch since i am not home all of the time, or even around her. i might start collecting stuff whenever i get my hands on her phone by now, though it will be rare. by anyways; showing up that sort of proof, in my head, is somewhat undeniable and shows her caught in her own acts. if i just go up to my dad being like "look, this is happening." he might not grasp the situation; some people do react like that, with denial. but seeing the actual thing happen leaves you no other choice.

>>33451262
i think he's starting to catch up on it. there have been a few slipups in the last couple of months; mostly because my mother is out of her mind and im somewhat sure that she either has some mental illness or something is genuinely going on in her brain that is making her retarded; she asked me my birth year a couple of weeks ago because she didn't remember, you gotta repeat things to her several times and she will ask you the same question at least 4 times before realising, and she's so quickly prone to anger is honestly pathetic at this point.

>>33451241 (OP)
This is one of those situations where people will not react the way you think they will. People simply don't react logically to something like this. I can give you a 100% guarantee that if you do anything at all, you will DESTROY your father. And if he ever figures out it was you, he will hate you for the rest of his life. What you need to do is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Leave it alone and walk away.

>>33451297
you think it would be best if he just figured on his own, then?

>>33451241 (OP)
Stay out of it. PLEASE believe this - ANYTHING you do will only make things worse, and you will get all the blame. This is for them to work out, and your only role is to help pick up the pieces when and if things fall apart.

>>33451317
>Just do nothing and pretend that everything is okay

>>33451347
kinda hard but ill try, i guess

>>33451241 (OP)
Confront your mother yourself. Tell her you know, and then tell her that you are ashamed of her. That you think what she is doing, or has done, is ugly. Tell her that she is acting like a fraudulent mother, that she is spitting on whatever value or sentiment she has behind becoming a wife and a mother. That she cheapens herself means she cheapens (you), her child. Tell her that she has a duty to be a good female example for you to admire, whether to emulate as a daughter (if you are a femanon) or to value and pursue in another woman (if you are male anon).
Tell her she has failed that duty, and then tell her you lost total faith in her, because she refused to keep the faith of her own family by being unfaithful and cheating.

Then reassure her you won't tell father. Don't tell him. Just let her sit with the knowledge that she's been found out. The uncertainty and exposure for what she is willing eat at her until she breaks down and reveals what she is herself.

>>33451297
>>33451317
The only person who will hate anyone is the cheater themselves. They hate whoever exposed them. Which matters nothing because they already resent whoever they betray. OP's father won't hate OP.

>>33451313
>you think it would be best if he just figured on his own, then?
If he figures it out on his own, so be it; you have no control over that. But at least it won't have been you who knowingly and deliberately made it happen.

>>33451241 (OP)
You must tell him, if my son didn't tell me I would kill him

>>33451394
>But at least it won't have been you who knowingly and deliberately made it happen.

The person who knowingly and deliberately made cheating happen is the cheater. OP's cheating mother knowingly knew she was already married, chose infidelity anyway. And it was deliberate, so deliberate that she covers tracks and makes actionable steps to lie to others.

>>33451389
>OP's father won't hate OP.
He absolutely will. I've seen it happen, many times. Consciously he probably won't, but unconsciously he will view OP as the man who destroyed his marriage. His relationship with OP will never be the same again. I know this makes no sense to you, but it is what will happen.

>>33451396
Your problem is that you expect people's emotions to work logically, and they simply don't.

>>33451397
>He absolutely will. I've seen it happen, many times. Consciously he probably won't, but unconsciously he will view OP as the man who destroyed his marriage.

You've only seen it happen. You've not been the person who it happened to. I've been cheated and had someone tell me. I was initially in denial but thanks to the heads up, was able to get my guard up and look for the signs, then I found them and ditched the cunt. I was and still am thankful to the random who told me "get a hold of your girl, she keeps flirting with any guy who talks to her."

It makes no sense to me because it makes no sense at all. OP's father didn't make the marital vow with him. His wife did. And it was his wife who violated the vow. Not OP. The only person who destroyed the marriage is the mother, that doesn't take more than two brain cells to acknowledge.

>>33451398
They do though, are you a robot?

>>33451398
>Your problem is that you expect people's emotions to work logically, and they simply don't.

For cheaters it doesn't. They compartmentalize their emotions. Which means they move double lives. They try to think and feel as a faithful wife/husband/mother/father in one life, then in another, they regress into something comparable to a petulant impulsive child who acts out and fucks and sucks a stranger like an animal.

Then you ask them about it and they say "it's complicated". Nah. It's not complicated. They are complicated, because they're fucked in the head. Rest of sane society sees them for what they are, though.

>>33451398
Nevermind, I know what you are, some little fucking 20 or so year old girl who projects her college friends' behavior onto everybody else, well you see you dumb useless cunt OP's father won't bear hatred for him, he will see OP as the biggest victim because OP is and because that's what a fucking father does.
Just kill yourself.

>>33451403
Had you been married for twenty or thirty years at the time? It's a different dynamic.

>>33451405
>They do though, are you a robot?
If robots had emotions, I expect they would be logical! But people's are complex, and frequently contradictory.

>>33451411
Cheating is wrong, sure. But that doesn't automatically mean that OP deliberately breaking up his parents' marriage is what's best for his father.

>>33451412
>Nevermind, I know what you are, some little fucking 20 or so year old girl who projects her college friends' behavior onto everybody else
I'm a man in his mid 50s. I'm not sure why that would matter, except that I have a lot more life experience than you.

>>33451464
>Had you been married for twenty or thirty years at the time? It's a different dynamic.

Nice goalpost shift. I am married, yes. The dynamic is different, but if you yourself are married, you'd know exactly why it's different and why OP's mother has no excuse and should be given no leniency. Cheating in a marriage with kids is more devastating.

>Cheating is wrong, sure. But that doesn't automatically mean that OP deliberately breaking up his parents' marriage is what's best for his father.

Get it through your head. OP would not be breaking up the marriage. You have got some weird way of thinking, that you would put the responsibility on OP for the actions of the one who cheated. You speak like a bully victim who blames himself for being bullied and justifies the self blame because they snitched that one time. The consequence belongs to the cheater, not those who find out the truth and expose the truth.

Only his father can decide what is best for him. And he can't do that if his own family lie to him or keep him in the dark.

>I'm a man in his mid 50s. I'm not sure why that would matter, except that I have a lot more life experience than you.

As someone in your 50s you seemed to have missed out on an important lesson: sometimes confronting fucked up shit and feeling pain is necessary. The alternative is to rot in deceit and suppressing suffering till it kills you.

>>33451464
so you lived in the easiest economy in history and you are going senile, you are completely unfit to give anybody advice.
Just for the record, are you married and do you have children?

>>33451478
>why OP's mother has no excuse and should be given no leniency. Cheating in a marriage with kids is more devastating.
It is actually you who are shifting the goalposts, now. :) Of course OP's mother deserves no mercy; but we can't allow ourselves to make a decision on that basis. OP's mother is not the person we need to be thinking about. The person we do need to be thinking about is his father, and to a lesser extent OP himself. Exposing the mother is *not* necessarily what is best for the father, or for the relationship between OP's father and him.

>Get it through your head. OP would not be breaking up the marriage.
Of course he wouldn't! I've never suggested he would be. Can you not read? I'm simply pointing out that this is how his father will feel about it, because that's how people react in situations like that. I've seen it many times.

>Only his father can decide what is best for him.
Unfortunately the father is the one person who *can't* make that decision. What we're discussing is telling the father. He can't decide if he wants to be told without being told. And once he knows he can't decide to un-know it.

>>33451500
>Just for the record, are you married and do you have children?
I am married. She's my second wife. My first wife died of cancer. I have a grown-up daughter from my first marriage. I'm not sure why any of that would matter?

>>33451241 (OP)
How old is your sister?

>>33451397
Not everyone is a literal play-dough eating retard

>>33451464
>except that I have a lot more life experience than you
Clearly not. You seen some adult child, likely a woman behave like that and now you think that's a normal reaction for most people. It isn't

>>33451384
kek
Telling a cheating woman this will make her angry and resentful to OP, that's all. A cheater is incapable of self reflection

>>33451395
This
It's a betrayal if your own children knew all along for years and were covering for her and you were just this clueless fucking idiot. Imagine

>>33451241 (OP)
Tell him, provide proof if possible (pic of messages) and persuade him to gather evidence for court so he wouldn't get divorce cucked

>>33451241 (OP)
People never like to be told about infidelity.

>>33451513
>It is actually you who are shifting the goalposts, now. :)
No, it’s not.

>But we can’t allow ourselves to make a decision on that basis.
Yes we can, and yes OP should. You are arguing for nothing, you know that right? You are telling OP to do nothing. To make no decision. You have nothing to advise and no insight of value.

>The person we do need to be thinking about is his father, and to a lesser extent OP himself.
Agreed. Thats why he should tell him. If he does not, then he keeps his father in the dark. That isn’t merciful or what’s ‘best’, that’s called being a coward and also being idle in the face of adversity. It helps no-one except the cheating mother continue her degenerate sabotaging.

There is no ‘best’ outcome for the father. The situation is already fucked, and the mother is to blame. Whatever comes out of that is her fault. Not OP’s for telling dad.

Imagine being the father, and you find out about it yourself, no one told you. And you also find out your son KNEW and said nothing. That would sting harder than having your son tell you.

>this is how his father will feel about it
He won’t, and I cited my own anecdote as someone who was told about being cheated. To which you shifted the goalposts and handwaived it off as not the same since it wasnt a marriage.

>He can't decide if he wants to be told without being told.
You think he’d prefer not knowing and continuing to kiss his wife’s mouth after having strange men’s cum in it? You think he’d want her to rack up a higher snd higher body count of fuck buddies and bringing home possible infections and diseases? Where her kids live?

You’re being a silly bastard

>>33451543
I have seen several dozen relationships and a dozen marriages break down that way, and EVERY TIME the person who told was blamed. But sure, don't believe me if you don't want to.

>>33451624
>Imagine being the father, and you find out about it yourself
Now imagine being the father and never finding out.

>>33451241 (OP)
>my dad
that's an awfully big assumption you're making there, chud.

>>33452355
ooof
bumping but not reading al lthat garbo mess

>>33451241 (OP)
You should tell him. But depending on what country / state you're in, divorce could financially rape him even though he's not the offending party. Optimally you'd have a man to man discussion with him and have him put on his game face while he sorts his shit financially so as not to get royally fucked. Maybe he could get things transferred into your name so they'd not be affected, assuming you'd be their heir. A lot of people aren't built to handle that knowledge and act normal though. But either way it goes: you need to tell him, after you've gotten concrete evidence because women are experts at slithering their way out of bullshit. Try your best to try to work with him and create a game-plan. BUt if not, at least he's not in a relationship where he's working his ass off for an ungrateful, cheating bitch.

>>33451384
my mother is a schizo; a narcissist, and a woman whose hobby is screaming and playing the victim. there's a high chance if i pull this, she might go ballistic and talk shit to me with my father, which could potentially ruin our relationship. he's the only parental figure i feel comfortable with, so im not willing to risk that.

>>33451384
This is the worst possible advice ever. Fuck that. OP would be better off warning his dad than tipping off the mom so she can put some bullshit manipulative story together.

>>33451297
Lol. He's cucking his father by proxy by not letting him know. He absolutely needs to make sure he knows but ONLY when the logistics part is figured out in advance like the divorce rape stuff

>>33451295
Wtf how old is she?
That sounds like some early onset dementia related shit.

>>33457091

in her 50s, unsure specifically. i suck with my relatives ages, lol

>>33451528

she's 14.

>>33457298
Then she just has less than 4 years until she can decide to live with her father if she chooses. Or maybe less than 2 years, it depends, i'm not familiar with America's laws. Would that really be that bad?

>>33457626
im not American, im European. things are a bit different here. and yeah; my mother is abusive. she yells, she threatens. she used to hit me as a child, one time she made my scalp bleed. she doesn't do that anymore, but still; she's harsh with words. manipulative and controlling. i love my sister with all my life, she matters a lot to me. leaving her alone knowing i could cause her more harm wouldn't let me sleep at night.

>>33458075
So when can she decide to leave her mother in your country?
If it's a couple of years it couldn't be that bad. If 4 years, that seems like a lot to someone that age

Maybe you can get evidence discreetly of your mother being abusive and that might help your father gain custody
What chance has your father?

>>33451551
>A cheater is incapable of self reflection
Patently untrue. After I cheated on my last ex I realized I wasn't cut out for long term relationships and just will just manwhore until the eventual heart attack that takes me out. Couldn't have realized that about myself if I didn't have the capacity to self-reflect.

>>33458447
And so you told her and broke it off with her, right?
So you cheated. But a cheater is someone who keeps on cheating, and will do it for years and cover it up like OP's mother. Because they lack the ability to self reflect, they have no conscience, they do not care about betraying people if they don't suffer consequences. You cannot guilt trip such people, and they will only lash out and spite and resent you for confronting them. They are scum. You don't reason with scum, you punish them because that's the only language they know

>>33451297
If someone knew I was being cheated on by my wife, and deliberately didn't tell me, I would be absolutely livid at best.

That said, if OP's dad married a woman who is obviously a nutcase, he's probably the type to prefer living in a fantasy rather than just knowing the truth and acting accordingly.

>>33458215
probably whenever she finishes school, i don't know if she's gonna go to uni or whatever. getting proof of my mother being abusive would be kinda easy, but the government is kinda fucked here. there are women going to the police telling them and showing them proof of their partners being verbally abusive, and their response most of the times is "if he didn't land a finger on you, we can't do much." or even brushing the thing off, saying that "he's just riled up!". it's honestly insane.

>>33451389
i literally could care less if that dude (man my mother is cheating with) hates me. he's a muppet, doesn't even have a spine; talking to him feels like talking to an AI, but with no personality whatsoever. he has been found out doing this type of shit before, by the way; by his own son. family is still together, for some reason. they blame the mother for being psychotic, even though the poor woman just has mental issues. i wouldn't be surprised if the anxiety and stress she has are caused by this as well.

>>33452355

thank you for making me laugh in the mist of all of this; been quite stressful ever since i figured.

>>33458772
the thing is, my mother wasn't like this before. a couple of years ago, they did love eachother. we would be a picture perfect family; she yelled and raised her hands at me, but never did anything "weird" with my dad. as a kid i would hear her talk about him, and how they understood eachother and were on the "same level" and it made me happy, because i would see and hear many stories of people not loving eachother. then it all went downhill, at some point.

i remember a specific episode (i probably should've mentioned this earlier, but thinking back on my childhood made me remember this. sorry.) where she was chatting up some dude and my dad did find out. she pretended to collapse on the floor and started shaking and crying, lol. i was young, and didn't know; i asked my dad what was wrong and he said "she tried playing dumb with me." and he simply just.. left and went to his room.

>>33456691
I doubt. If your dad chooses your mom over him, then he probably never deserved the credit you give him. A father should always choose his kids and protect them from other abusive relatives.

>>33460403
i surely hope so. in a situation like this, i guess my pessimistic thoughts take the lead; i think my dad has been fed up with her bullshit for a while now. as i said, he brings home money for her while all she does is clean the house and complain.