Thread 33471547

I'm turning 29 soon. The past 5 years have been spent in isolation working from home. No friends, no family, no group hobbies. I have a cute girlfriend and sometimes I wake up with an anxious mind and my first thought will be "it's such a mistake being with her", despite her being the kindest person I know. I don't want marriage because that would feel like closing a hermetic lid on social possibility.

I don't know how the other loners persist.

From what I gather, most neets live with their families, so they while they have few to no social connections, they have the comfort of parents being there... maybe I'm wrong, and there's a large portion living in debt without any guardians.

I have net worth of 200k usd, and I see how fast time flashes. I see the faces of grown adults when I look at children. I can see the faces of children when I look at retired adults.

Clutching grass as time drags us isn't right. How do you manage to let go, and how the fuck do we optimize this gift of life, cognizance, and financial knowledge we've been given? Also, where are all the irl friends?

>>33471547 (OP)
>they have the comfort of parents being there...
Until they don't. Your average 30-something NEET has parents who are into their 60's. A lot of their parents croak off early. Comes with the territory. Cuz the type of parents who didn't socialize their kid are usually parents who lead unhealthy or disorganized or high stress lives. Means early graves all around. That NEET gets absolutely fucked when even that is taken from him. It's also why you'd be a fool to act on your anxiety by leaving your girlfriend there. And a double fool if you refuse marriage.

You presumably fear real loss. You can deal with losing money, jobs, material shit, because that's replaceable. You can always get another. But for things we get in life for free, we can never replace that when it's gone. So you presumably fear the idea of holding onto that which will hurt you when it vanishes. Which is understandable sure. But what's backwards is desiring isolation and emptiness out of a fear of loss. Because the whole point of fearing loss is that you will be lonely and empty afterward. So what's the point in fulfilling that prophecy yourself and throwing away what you have? Makes no sense. Unless we identify what it's really about - control. Then it makes sense. Rather than entropy taking away things from you, at least throwing away that shit yourself gives a feeling of control, right? Makes sense. Then it doesn't make sense again when you realize you never asked for such a craving for control. That even the desire to control is out of your control. Then you accept that control is just an illusion. One you'd be wise to stop haunting yourself with, my dearest nigga.

Idk but have you ever thought of
Kids?
Cuz that's what most of life is about for many

>>33473842
Everyone I've seen with kids looks stressed out of their minds all the time, so prob not. My goal is having the lowest stress and most enjoyment while I'm still alive.

>>33474135
>My goal is having the lowest stress and most enjoyment while I'm still alive.

Honestly man that's not a good goal. It leads to empty suffering. I know this because I too was a hedonist. That's the name for what it is you are describing - hedonism. The singular goal to maximize pleasure and minimize stress or suffering. Happy for happy's sake. It's a road that leads you to ruin. Because it's empty suffering. Eventually the dopamine wears off, all the novelty fades, and you are left with vices and soulless crutches to keep you happy but no longer do.

What's actually needed for a man is struggle and suffering, but not empty struggles or empty suffering. A reason and a meaning for suffering. That's what brings true contentment, because you will be at peace to actually enjoy happiness when it comes, and clear minded to navigate stressful life events when they happen. Those people stressed out of their mind with kids are stressed yeah. But many of them wouldn't change that situation for the world. Ask them why.

>>33474912
> empty suffering
It's empty either way. For most it's a long life of suffering, toil, emotional stress, divorce, screaming, mess, 18-30 years of financial slavery that they take for granted and think you're an idiot not worth listening to after. I don't really see you making a compelling case otherwise. Seems it's very little to me compared to just playing video games, keeping all my money, seeing new girls/jerking off, traveling regularly, working to my art projects, freedom to do whatever I wish whenever I wish.

>>33475446
It's pretty funny to me how many people believe making children is the key to happiness. People have been studying happiness for millennia and pretty much no major philosopher or religion has ever advocated children as a key to happiness.
Religions generally regardhaving children as a duty, not some form of fulfillment.

>>33475629
Pretty much. Also my parents in particular had a kid with autism/retardation and it made them suffer pretty badly. They lost all their social lives and a lot of their sanity. I mean he's a good kid and I've always helped him out but I'd dread having to deal with someone that requires so much attention and will destroy things when he gets upset. I can only deal with him at short bursts at a time. He's also in his 20s now and probably will continue living with them forever.
Even normal kids just live with their parents through their 30s nowadays given how expensive rent has become and how immigration and tech have made most jobs obsolete. I can't even image how another couple decades of this will look. Kids will just never move out as the norm.
At least back in the day you had them take over your farm so you could retire etc. There's no benefit anymore besides muh genes. I'd rather just stick to a dog and robot assistant down the road. No fucking baggage.

>>33475629
>It's pretty funny to me how many people believe making children is the key to happiness.

I don't think having children is the key to happiness though. Happiness is just easy to understand, you don't need a millennia of philosophy to grasp it. It's an emotion. You have the emotion, and then you don't. Just like every other emotion out there, they all have starts and ends.

Of course the idea that kids being key to happiness is absurd. That's not the point I'm trying to make to OP. The point is that he should at least make sure that his suffering isn't empty, that's all. And to do that you need to make sure you suffer for something that's both outside yourself and greater than yourself. Family just happens to be the most accessible and natural way to do that for humans. So yes family and marriage and kids are stressful, they give as much suffering as they do happiness, but unlike suffering alone and for nothing, there is a meaning and a reason to suffer, and that is what brings satisfaction in life.

>>33475704
Our ancestors still had kids despite living nomadic and hostile lives. Tribals today still have kids despite living in nothing more than thatched huts in rainforests and dry plains. Don't you think that's crazy? You and I live in the first world, and because of trivial things like rent, tech, or political and sociological ouchies, so many people shit themselves and mentally condemn themselves to be childless, swearing that having a kid is somehow impossible or impractical. Meanwhile mud-eating, rancid water drinking, grass skirt wearing tribals are having and raising kids just fine.

>>33475927
>there is a meaning and a reason to suffer
That's subjective, isn't it? Given that you can find meaning in a hobby, and also that a lot of people abandon their kids.

>>33471547 (OP)
I just turned 29 myself, WFH as well
>How do you manage to let go, and how the fuck do we optimize this gift of life, cognizance, and financial knowledge weve been given?
Meditation keeps me grounded in the reality that all we have is the current moment. Its all weve ever had, and its all we will ever have. Our life is the collection of experiences we have while we're alive, so if you want a more fulfilling life, that will only happen by seeking fulfilling experiences.
Ive always found it helpful to follow your natural curiosity. Over the last few years Ive picked up a number of hobbies just because I wanted to know what they were like: boxing, weightlifting, dancing, playing different instruments, going to night clubs. Not all of these have been fulfilling experiences, but some of them are. And most are things I was surprised and impressed with myself for trying. I'm terrified of heights but I've flown a cessna 172 just because I wanted to know what it was like.
So yeah I think about the life I wanna have in 10 years and then take steps to move there. The life we live 10 years from now will only happen as a result of the things we do now. And along the way, if something pokes my curiosity, I follow it fearlessly and see where it goes.
Read lots of books too, if you arent already. The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer might be a good one for the questions youre asking.
>Also, where are all the irl friends?
Ive found the easiest ways to make friends is through work or school. Its true that the enemy of my enemy is my friend, and those environments are naturally structured around challenges with opportunities to overcome them with other people. Same places are good for finding meaningful romantic partners too in my experience. Some will suggest getting hobbies and joining communities but Ive always found people in those environments to be flaky and not looking for more meaningful friendships. They can be pleasant to be around but often dont wanna hang out.