Thread 33490281

I'm not mad at my girlfriend, but don't know what's wrong. She wasn't always like this, but she does literally nothing for herself but exercise and her hair/makeup. She doesn't drive, work, cook, clean, and honestly I feel like she wouldn't shower if I didn't get in. I put out clothes for her in the morning. She has no friends to speak of and doesn't leave the house unless it's with me. No family, just a sister across the country. We never fight, but I'm shocked because we're leaving for vacation soon and she just asked me to pack for her.

My first thought is depression, but she's otherwise super happy and claims she isn't depressed. Our sex life is great, she's beautiful, we never fight, she lets me do what I want... so I don't know if I want to rock the boat. Suggestions?

Pic not related.

nigga, how did you even meet/get together with her?

>>33490300
Like I said, she wasn't always like this... we met in 2020 right before Covid and we ended up "quarantining" together, which turned into her moving in. That kinda felt like what started it, she lost her job and just never went back.

>>33490311
Idk, are you bothered by any of this?
I for one would love to have a live-in NEET gf I can shoot the shit with. That's basically what every relationship in the 50's looked like, minus the cooking and cleaning.

>>33490281 (OP)
at this point OP.. I wish I had a gf reliant on me. I'd take care of her like a baby. I'd destroy my entire sense of self and my own psyche and dedicate my entire time to her, JUST to have a gf.
It would be toxic on myself, it would drive me to the point of near insanity, and when we eventually break up - I'd want to kill myself.
But this is how desperate I've gotten.

>>33490281 (OP)
She waiting for Mr. Right to come along, while she gets you to take care of everything else.

>>33490281 (OP)
>>33490366
also I forgot to post my answer to you asking for suggestions

From your post, it sounds like you aren't happy with the current situation. From your post it also sounds like she's not going to change.

People do change on their own, but one person truly changing another person is a nearly impossible task. The person you see today is who you see they are today. Look at them a few months earlier or a few months later - and they may have been an entirely different person.

Therefore I would say I don't even need any reply from you OP, the ultimate bottom line is:
you accept her as she is and accept how comfy she is with this situation, or you let her go.
The inbetween is extremely difficult. Change doesn't work on such a huge level. She is a NEET, that is the hardest tendency to change. I know and I speak from experience, don't even try brother. Don't even try. You'll only introduce pain and suffering to both yourself and her.
So sit with yourself and say to yourself this:
1) I either enjoy it and stay, or I tell her to leave.

I think you can stay and set SOME conditions but brother you have to be very clear on your conditions and SOFT and NOT TOO MANY CONDITIONS if you DO stay with her.
Because Its so easy to muddy the waters. If you really love her don't do this to the extreme. Let her be. And only introduce a little bit of very clear and specific requirements.

god I wish I had a girl like her, we'd fuck every single day and that pussy would look like a bulldog that just ate mayonnaise 95% of the time

>>33490355
I think I'm more concerned for her mental state or if something happened to me, like even if I just needed some help with an injury or my car broke down. Like, we have mostly overlapping hobbies and stuff, so we have a good time together. The stuff I have to help her with (laundry, food) doesn't really take much time. She's not messy.

>>33490366
That's not healthy thinking, anon.

>>33490402
Trust me, I've stopped to wonder if there's someone else, or if I'm being taken advantage of, but she's sure as fuck not cheating on me when she won't even go check the mailbox. I've even checked the house security cameras out of curiosity to see if she's leaving when I'm gone or something. But nope, nothing. Just sitting there playing Switch, watching sports, or obsessively exercising.

>>33490411
>The inbetween is extremely difficult. Change doesn't work on such a huge level. She is a NEET, that is the hardest tendency to change. I know and I speak from experience, don't even try brother. Don't even try. You'll only introduce pain and suffering to both yourself and her.
Interesting thinking. I appreciate it. Honestly, before me her ex was very very rich, like doesn't need to work a day in their life again rich, so she's gotten used to not having to do a thing.

>I think you can stay and set SOME conditions but brother you have to be very clear on your conditions and SOFT and NOT TOO MANY CONDITIONS if you DO stay with her.
I wouldn't say I'm thinking of breaking up, but I guess a minor change would be welcome.

>we'd fuck every single day and that pussy would look like a bulldog that just ate mayonnaise 95% of the time
That's the thing, we definitely fool around a lot. She's not lazy per se since she puts a lot of effort into her appearance. When I think of a NEET I think of someone stinky, unshaven, and out of shape, but she's the opposite.

>>33490311
>she wasn't always like this
so either you spoilt her too much and let her believe she can do it or she just developed some mental illness over time. but basically you're dating a sex doll rn

>>33490281 (OP)
>What's going on?
Put aside her age in years. There's a mental age. And most people, men and women alike have a maturity level much lower than their actual age. Think about things like the concept of a woman being "hangry" -- angry because she's hungry. Look at that objectively: that's a 5 year old's temper tantrum. I give that background to say that due to covid, she's just likely revered to her inner child / mental maturity level she was always at, but minus all the adult tasks she'd normally do. You probably couldn't tell before, because she was doing adult tasks, but being locked down + losing her job made her revert to the version of her without the adult tasks tacked on. Think: when was the last time you had your clothes put out for you? Or had to be told to take a shower? When you were a kid!

I'm not intending to speak badly about your girl, I'm just explaining what I think happened.

So how do you fix it? The same way a parent helps their child mature. You have to push her. You have to stop effectively helicopter parenting and put her in the position to start making decisions herself.
>I wanna go to Starbucks
> Sure! It's your turn to drive
The key is absolutely NOT going unless she drives
>Hey, I'm gonna take you out on a date to x after work. Pick out a nice outfit for the weather
>Hey, I'm really busy and this bill needs to be paid. Here's my credit card and the logins. Take care of that please!
Even better if you could take something off autopay like the electric bill and make her physically go pay a check and get out of the house.
>We've been eating out too much and I'm swamped at work. I need you to put together dinner for us.

It's like riding a bike off training wheels...kinda. You gotta just push her forward and make little victories and get her back into the habit of doing adult things. What do you think?

>>33490458
>so either you spoilt her too much and let her believe she can do it
Yeah, on one hand I'm definitely enabling it. As I mentioned in a previous post, her ex definitely enabled it too. But when I met her, she had a job and lived on her own.
>basically you're dating a sex doll rn
I was literally going to compare it to living with a doll in the OP, funny.

>>33490466
This is all great stuff, I really appreciate the insight. She also didn't have her parents growing up because they died young, so she was raised by an aunt who wasn't really around. One would think that would make her more self-sufficient, but maybe it has to do with the mental age thing.

>You gotta just push her forward and make little victories and get her back into the habit of doing adult things. What do you think?
I like all of your ideas, but I have to think through what might be realistic. She really doesn't ever want to go anywhere. Like, she'll sit in the car if I take her somewhere. Our vacation this week is only working/something she's excited about because she doesn't really have to interact with anyone, we have a private cabin on a lake, and will maybe go to an intimate dinner, go on a hike, or drink at a quiet bar, but that's about it.

Some of the smaller in-home chores like paying the bills might be doable.

>>33490457
>When I think of a NEET I think of someone stinky, unshaven, and out of shape, but she's the opposite.

I understand you think that way, and It's a valid way of thinking, but I've personally been and seen NEET's who do exactly what your gf is doing - take care of themselves and nothing else.
Like the bare minimum they shower and they look good to the outside, presentable enough that they can go out and seem completely normal

You know like, being a NEET doesn't necessarily mean you're a complete failure. In her life, she is a girl, now you provided that context about the rich ex it makes even more sense - she's just spoiled.

But the thing is, if you're willing to provide this for her, then man continue. You're allowed to set conditions, like you said - minor changes. But please be careful not to ask for too much. be very clear in what you ask for and be very specific and don't ask for much.
Something like - I want you to atleast put your dishes in the sink after you eat. Or, I want you to put your clothes on by yourself in the morning.
Something small, not something big like going to the store and doing groceries.

But yeah back to what I was saying about people changing, I tried this with my ex, it just leads to pain and pain and pain. Don't do it. You'll FEEL like you muddied the water. Just let her be and set conditions but please don't be a parent, be a partner. That's what will keep BOTH of you very happy. I would love to hear more about your relationship as I'm quite invested right now

>>33490504
please absolutely don't go the path this >>33490466 guy told you to go.
It doesn't end well, I'm speaking from personal experience here you're just going to suffer and make her suffer too. Don't turn your relationship into a parenting thing. You can set small conditions like I said in my previous post above, but please do not act like a parent to her, it will make you and her really really sad and mark the beginning of a long painful slow end. Either accept it or move on pplease

>>33490504
Another thing you have to consider: she's sounds like S tier housewife material. Stays at home, focuses on her appearance, puts out easily, doesn't really complain, lets you do whatever.... Like...do you really *want* her to change that much?
>Some of the smaller in-home chores like paying the bills might be doable.
Say you could get her to take care of chores around the house and cook. Basically teenage level shit. Would you be upset at that situation? It sounds like your finances can handle this, but correct me if I'm wrong. So why not just push her a bit to aim for the loyal housewife? Of course, you don't tell her this. You push her and see if she's willing to just do it. If she does, she's earned the position. If she doesn't...it's on you what comes next, if anything.

>>33490536
It's not about directly parenting her. I'm just using examples to explain what's going on. It's better than just sitting there and letting shit happen. And honestly, the examples you gave as far as pushing her forward into action are in the same realm as mine. I think there was too heavy a focus on the example and less on the practical application. Which again...sounds very similar to what you suggested. It's not like he's supposed to give her a list of 50 things to start doing all at once. It's a small, step by step process.

>>33490551
>It's not about directly parenting her. I'm just using examples to explain what's going on. It's better than just sitting there and letting shit happen. And honestly, the examples you gave as far as pushing her forward into action are in the same realm as mine. I think there was too heavy a focus on the example and less on the practical application. Which again...sounds very similar to what you suggested. It's not like he's supposed to give her a list of 50 things to start doing all at once. It's a small, step by step process.

alright that's good to know, then definitely I think OP should aim for small clear changes and like you said, if he truly sees 90% benefits like it sounds from his posts then maybe keep his cute neet gf at home and ask her to adapt a little bit.

but only a little!

>>33490527
>In her life, she is a girl, now you provided that context about the rich ex it makes even more sense - she's just spoiled.
Yeah, and adding complexity to it, I know I'm biased, but I think she's good looking enough to go find someone else who would be happy to do everything for her. Hell, her ex would take her back in an instant. I get surprised she's willing to live in a decent house in a nice area in the Southwest when she could probably be on a yacht in Cannes.

>Just let her be and set conditions but please don't be a parent, be a partner. That's what will keep BOTH of you very happy. I would love to hear more about your relationship as I'm quite invested right now
Yeah, I don't want to be a parent to her by any means. We already have a 10 year age gap, so it's complicated enough.

Our relationship is really great, honestly, besides this one gripe. I don't make like, insane money, but more than enough for us both to live comfortably. We've been together 5+ years and basically consider ourselves married. I'm way more social than her, but she doesn't hold me back, which is better than a nagging wife like some of my buddies have.

It's kinda weird that I consider her low maintenance despite taking care of most basic things for her.

>>33490281 (OP)
what will be of your children with a women like that? That's what you need to ask yourself. It may not bother you now, but think about it if one or two kids at home, and (you) having to clean up after their mess, and even having to educate them, all that while holding a job and paying all the bills.

Let me give you a spoiler, if she can't change now, she won't change after you marry and have kids, in actuality, this may even worsen.

I'm not saying she should work outside, but you should set things straight, if you are working outside, she should work inside, and not expect you to do both things.

>>33490605
And if she doesn't like that, and can't accept making your life a little easier at the cost of nothing, I guess she doesn't love you at all.

>>33490601
>It's kinda weird that I consider her low maintenance despite taking care of most basic things for her.
It's very telling that you say that! It's a good reflection also!
Maybe you have been trained and this has been your social dynamic with her for so long, that for you Its just become normal.

I'll say this - girls are living in like a simulation, different universe from our own.
My ex and I were very close, together for 5 years, considered ourselves married as well.
Throughout this time there were periods when I was a NEET, and periods when she was a NEET.
It ended when I was in school and she had a job but that company was about to go bankrupt.
She went online to find someone else behind my back, found a 39 year old German guy from a different country while she's a 25 year old girl, literally and I'm quoting her reason, she wanted a man from rural Germany or Norway so she can give him kids, take care of the house and him, and not have to work even a single day.

And that's what she's doing now, except this guy is infertile so bitch really messed that one up but she was too deep in to take it back at that point.

She's been unemployed living in his place for free for a year, providing sex and probably making him dinner.

This is my PERSONAL experience with a girl who wanted exactly what your ex had, and she snatched defeat from the jaws of victory and left me, a loving man, so she doesn't have to work a day in her life again.
And she did that
And your GF can do the same. So I don't want to be a doomer, your gf is obviously a different person, and you're in the position that German guy is in - I'm still a student without income.
Just be careful dude. You're already paying all the bills, and it sounds like you clean and cook because you're just used to doing those things anyway. Very good on you.

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>>33490551
>Another thing you have to consider: she's sounds like S tier housewife material. Stays at home, focuses on her appearance, puts out easily, doesn't really complain, lets you do whatever.... Like...do you really *want* her to change that much?
You're not wrong, but the only complication is that I wish she was involved in a little bit more of my life. My parents and friends sometimes joke that I'm doing the "my girlfriend goes to another school" thing. She hasn't gone out with me to an event with my friends or celebrated Thanksgiving/Christmas with my family in 2 years.

>Say you could get her to take care of chores around the house and cook. Basically teenage level shit. Would you be upset at that situation? It sounds like your finances can handle this, but correct me if I'm wrong.
Mostly I'd be happy if she just took care of herself so I knew she was alright. I don't really need to be cooked for much, I kinda prefer being self-reliant there, and we have house cleaners that come every two weeks or so because I don't like cleaning much myself. The loyal housewife thing sounds cool in theory, but I also would just find it nice if she had some independence.

I still agree with ya on pushing some small things in a very pleasant "can you help out" way instead of setting some kind of ultimatum like I was probably considering.

>>33490601
>>33490647
But at the same time, like I said, asking for minor changes is okay, but be careful with being too pushy, and always remember that there's plenty of girls like your gf out there who want to not work and rely on a man instead.
My ex is one of those women
there's nothing special about them, this is a relationship dynamic as old as time.
They want the tradwife meme but they don't want to do the tradwife duties. They want to sit and game and crochet and "work on writing a fantasy erotic smut book" and having a garden while never fucking achieving anything substantial.

It's OK
but also it is nothing special at all.
If you're willing to continue with this arrangement then continue, but remember that you wear the pants in the house and so, you can make demands but up to a point, be nice to her. And if it ever ends there are 60,000 girls like this out there

It's literally a girl's wet dream - not having to do shit, sitting around all day, man pays, man takes care of rent and food. Atleast my ex is doing something she's cooking for this guy and giving him sex, and probably also cleans the house.
So yeah your gf she needs to step up a bit
though my ex is a stupid piece of shit, I believe in more than just using people for their money, but girls will be fucking girls.

2/2

>>33490605
>what will be of your children with a women like that?
Well, I will say, it's unlikely we're having kids. She has a potential fertility issue and I'm not all that interested in it anyways as I get older. (I'm in my mid-30s.) I do work from home, so things are a little easier on that front. My schedule has relative flexibility. Shit, I've been posting on 4chan for the past hour or so while on the clock.

Kids aren't completely off the table.

>>33490674
I don't see any point in having a relationship if you're not planning on having kids. It's like you're entering a game bound to loose, and the only prize you could get you don't want it, lmao

>>33490647
>>33490659
Sorry to hear about your ex, anon. That's definitely shitty. Something I kinda intentionally held back is that my gf's ex is a woman. And I hadn't mentioned that she likely can't have kids until this post: >>33490651

>So I don't want to be a doomer, your gf is obviously a different person, and you're in the position that German guy is in - I'm still a student without income.
Just be careful dude. You're already paying all the bills, and it sounds like you clean and cook because you're just used to doing those things anyway. Very good on you.
It's fair to be a bit of a doomer. I don't want to pretend there's no chance she runs away on me, but that can happen to anyone. I feel like I look after myself well though and she's happy.

>They want the tradwife meme but they don't want to do the tradwife duties.
This doesn't really describe her, she's so much more mentally independent than this. But she's happy being comfortable, if that makes sense.

>And if it ever ends there are 60,000 girls like this out there
I don't know about that, it took me forever to meet this one. Maybe it's on account of where I live? Finding someone who wants to be in a relationship and not just have a situationship has been hell for me, but I live in one of the US's major cities.

>>33490686
If you don't see the value in having someone who loves you and has regular sex with you that you find very attractive, I don't know what to tell you. It's very nice to know I'm 99% certain to have satisfying sex tonight if I want as opposed to trying to go hit up the bars and pull some chubby chick just to get off. Also she plays Pokemon with me.

>>33490708
>This doesn't really describe her, she's so much more mentally independent than this. But she's happy being comfortable, if that makes sense.
I don't know, are you being honest with yourself? or is this copium? because you said you have to help her put her clothes on in the morning, and that if you stopped bothering her about showering you feel like she wouldn't do it.
Don't bother keeping up appearances with anons online, you're contradicting yourself.
But let me say this - whether her motivations come from being comfortable or lazy, the problem is still the same problem.

>Sorry to hear about your ex, anon. That's definitely shitty.
thanks, it sucks. I did a lot of growth but I've been single for a year now. 12 months and a week or something like that. It's fucking gay as shit.

>Something I kinda intentionally held back is that my gf's ex is a woman. And I hadn't mentioned that she likely can't have kids until this post:

If it doesn't bother you then that's not an issue. Also I don't know about any of that lesbian relationship stuff that's completely beyond me, my ex was as straight as an arrow

>I don't know about that, it took me forever to meet this one. Maybe it's on account of where I live? Finding someone who wants to be in a relationship and not just have a situationship has been hell for me, but I live in one of the US's major cities.

1/2

>>33490732
>If you don't see the value in having someone who loves you and has regular sex with you that you find very attractive, I don't know what to tell you
You can have all that without living with someone and risking your assets and your mental health, lmao

>Also she plays Pokemon with me
You can do that with literally anyone

yeah I'm not gonna tell you to let go of your life, that's why me and other anon guy aren't being doomers, because we see the benefits in your gf.
But at the same time I personally based on my experience wanted to caution you about the whole running away thing.
You're comfy
She's a girl
You feel love and whatever but there's an underlying biological thing that is unsaid, the fact that you take care of her which is the ultimate fantasy for girls. But depending on who she is she might think in her hubris that she can do better OR she gets so comfortable that she starts making stupid decisions. But I told you everything I can tell you from everything you've told me, anything else is just projection, you're in the situation and you know your gf best. So you know how I said in my original reply to accept her or move on, it seems like you accept her and you see the benefits. So I guess the real advice here is like, you can try to ask her to adapt with some changes but be very clear and don't put up too many. Otherwise you won't have fun.
And remember, you're here to have fun. If you aren't having fun you are NOT TIED DOWN TO THIS GIRL. I know that Its 5 years and Its tough but please remember this. You're not tied down to her. If there ever comes a time when you wake up and you say enough is enough I cannot take this anymore you CAN walk away (or in your case, have her move out). And be cautious man.. If you feel like your gf can leave you Its likely not just a hunch, Its likely that your conscious is putting together all these facts and you can kinda sometimes see your own situation from an objective third eye view and then you sorta kinda go like.. hmm.. am I just a well-off boomer who she's using and can leave for someone else? and that's a valid thought.
Just be careful man


also super happy to hear you guys have satisfying sex. I'd kill to have the knowledge that I'm going into bed with a beautiful lady and have access to pussy asshole and woman whenever I want

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>>33490758
>>33490766
I've gotta step away for 15-20 mins but I'll reply after if you're still around.

>>33490764
>You can have all that without living with someone and risking your assets and your mental health, lmao
I'm not risking any assets though. And like, I guess I'd have a spare empty guest room if she didn't live here and had her little hobby setup? Otherwise I'm losing nothing.

>>33490835
>I've gotta step away for 15-20 mins but I'll reply after if you're still around.
yeah I'm still around. I appreciate an OP that actually replies to the people in his thread, you seem like a smart guy OP no wonder that girl is reliant on you

>>33490651
>She hasn't gone out with me to an event with my friends or celebrated Thanksgiving/Christmas with my family in 2 years.
Ohh...I did not know that. Yeah..you've got some work ahead of you. But the key is not pushing too hard too fast. Have you had a discussion about that aspect specifically? The other things are kinda small compared to this one.
>The loyal housewife thing sounds cool in theory, but I also would just find it nice if she had some independence.
Yeah, I'm beginning to better understand your position.
>I still agree with ya on pushing some small things in a very pleasant "can you help out" way instead of setting some kind of ultimatum like I was probably considering.
An ultimatum would be a bit strong. That should be saved as a last resort. Maybe after months of getting her to try little things like discussed here with *zero* headway.

But putting chores, showering, etc aside because that's simple: I do think you should have a straightforward discussion about the whole literally not going in public to meet friends and family thing. You might go the emotional route and talk about how it makes you *feel* that she isn't with you. How even if she didn't speak much, her presence would ease some awkwardness and embarrassment. That you love her and fully support what she does but you need a little bit of support from her this time. Pull on the emotional heartstrings in a calm but genuine way, and I think you can make things happen there.

>>33490651
>>33490854
Another idea to have in your back pocket: spoon feeding it. Say she super duper doesn't want to go. Say okay. But I need you to come with me in the car. You don't have to go in, but I need some sort of support. Do that a bit. Then escalate: hey, I just need you to come in for literally 120 seconds. Set a timer. Just greet everyone then you can go back to the car. I don't know how dead set she is on not doing these things, but you gotta have some compromises in in your arsenal just in case.

OH another thing. You should have your parents or friends come over your house. That might be another angle. Maybe have a game night, since she likes switch or board games. There are so many different ways to get even a little progress.

>>33490845
For sure. It's fun to actually have people interested instead of shouting into the void. Lets me process my thoughts better. I can't really talk to anyone else about this without potentially hurting her feelings.

>>33490758
>>33490766
>I don't know, are you being honest with yourself? or is this copium? because you said you have to help her put her clothes on in the morning, and that if you stopped bothering her about showering you feel like she wouldn't do it.
Maybe emotionally intelligent instead of mentally independent is a better way to put it. She broke away from an abusive relationship. She has her own independent thoughts and hobbies. She's actually smart.

>If it doesn't bother you then that's not an issue.
Not sure if you meant the lesbian thing or kids... neither are too bad. I kinda envisioned having kids but the older I get the less interested I am. My friends with kids are burnt out.

>If you aren't having fun you are NOT TIED DOWN TO THIS GIRL.
I'm still having fun. Although, I do wish there were some different fun. And yeah, anyone can leave at any time but she'd probably have to get more independent first if she were to.

>>33490854
>Have you had a discussion about that aspect specifically? The other things are kinda small compared to this one.
I continue to invite her, so I hope she gets the hint. She'll come along, but she stays in the hotel or whatever. Her excuse with my parents is just that it's overwhelming, which I get. With my friends, it's normally just "I don't want to get in the way of you and the guys, you have fun." I don't know if she's just trying to be a non-nagging girlfriend and give me space, or she doesn't find it fun, whatever.

>I do think you should have a straightforward discussion about the whole literally not going in public to meet friends and family thing. You might go the emotional route and talk about how it makes you *feel* that she isn't with you.
Might be worth addressing.

>>33490870
>Say she super duper doesn't want to go. Say okay. But I need you to come with me in the car. You don't have to go in, but I need some sort of support.
This is kinda how things already go. Like, last week I went shopping and had her come along... she sat in the car. And like you mentioned with people coming over, sometimes I host, but she hides upstairs. I know she's developed some bad social anxiety, so I try to respect it.

Definitely need to try some baby steps with getting her to take care of adult things before I throw her into the deep end on the social spectrum, though.

I am fortunate that I have the income to provide her a home, food, anything she wants and that my girl would never have to work and could stay at home and do whatever she wants all day.

I worked hard to be able to do that.

>>33490957
>Not sure if you meant the lesbian thing or kids... neither are too bad.
I meant the kids because I know nothing about the lesbian stuff, but same applies there haha

>fun to have people interested instead of shouting into the void lets me process my thougts better. can't really talk to anyone else bout this without potentially hurting her feelings.
awesome then I'm glad I can help

>Maybe emotionally intelligent instead of mentally independent is a better way to put it. She broke away from an abusive relationship. She has her own independent thoughts and hobbies. She's actually smart.
haha I find it funny how I said the same thing about my ex, It's almost like we share the same braincell because I also was like "omg she's her own person she has her own things going she's actually smart and has hobbies" which shows that I (and I guess also you!) see women as a baseline as stupid and not often having those capabilities xDDDDDDD
but I'll say this - It's actually quite common in women to have thoughts and "be their own person", we/you just don't get close enough to women to see it. But yeah that's a good correction, yeah I understand like she's a whole ass person, Its easy to underestimate them because they are women so I understand I have that baseline perception too, It's nothing I actively think about but when I reacted the first time to having my ex I was also surprised at just how real she is like she's a whole ass other person intelligent with emotions and everything
but I've come to realize there's nothing special about that, It's the bare minimum.
We've just come to expect so little from women because we're poisoned from online media and social media like dating apps and onlyfans we see so many dumb broads get simped for, for doing nothing.

>I'm still having fun. Although, I do wish there were some different fun. And yeah, anyone can leave at any time but she'd probably have to get more independent first if she were to.
Yeah, I agree with you.

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>>33490957
>>33491222
>I continue to invite her I hope she gets the hint. She'll come along, but she stays in the hotel
sounds antisocial, probably addicted to dopamine from the games or movies or online content she watches so that's all she wants to do.
My ex was like this too, my family didn't exist as far as she was concerned.
When it came to her family we went easily, wasn't forced to but it was kind of a given. While with mine she'd rather pretend they don't exist and say hi once in a while if I catch her while I'm in a phone call with my family.

>Might be worth addressing.
about the whole meeting family and hiding upstairs in the room and sitting in the car and stuff like that, look, you have so many things to criticize with this girl. Social anxiety, lack of doing things.

You're a smart guy and you know you need baby steps, and I'm telling you - exactly.
Sit with yourself. Alone. Reflect with yourself. Evaluate.
>Will my life be better if she does this, or if she does THIS?
like, I wouldn't tackle both the home stuff AND the family stuff. If you force her to face people that's super hard, if you force her to put on her own clothes and clean after herself or go to do groceries on her own, that's also hard. You have to pick the one that will give you the most impact and satisfaction.
I can really relate to social anxiety. She is in hermit mode from what it sounds like - living her life, having fun, not having to think much. Farming dopamine FOR SURE from whatever source she has in the house. whether it be gaming, watchin stuff, social media, writing books, chatting/calling to friends on the phone/discord, whatever she farms her dopamine from is keeping her happy. She KNOWS she doesn't have to do much because you're also an enabler.

God. I wish I had the life of your gf.
Anyway imo forcing her into interactions is bad. You can't make her accept these things, these are contentious issues. I would just accept it and focus on the in-houseproblems.

2/2

>>33490989
>but she stays in the hotel or whatever
Are you sure you're not getting cucked?

>>33490355
only people with no relationship experience would say this. It's actually not fun to just adopt an adult child

>>33491222
>>33491229
>I (and I guess also you!) see women as a baseline as stupid and not often having those capabilities
Not really the case.... I have a pretty good amount of experience with women. I just know some have emotional/intellectual depth and some don't really. It's the same as guys. Especially where I live, there's a lot of really vapid people who are addicted to the club scene, and that's their life (not saying people who go out and party are bad, I enjoy it myself, but it depends how much).

>sounds antisocial, probably addicted to dopamine from the games or movies or online content she watches so that's all she wants to do.
Thankfully she isn't terminally on TikTok or other algorithmic social stuff outside of Discord and Reddit. But yeah, she games a lot, reads a lot of comics, is super into fashion & design... I wish she'd get more into the latter and do something with it though.

>When it came to her family we went easily, wasn't forced to but it was kind of a given.
I'm "lucky" here. She has basically no family, like I mentioned. Her sister visits occasionally and is a bit of a mess but that's it.

>I wouldn't tackle both the home stuff AND the family stuff.
As the other anon and I talked about, I'll probably focus on lightly suggesting the baby steps of taking on some very minor things as a favor, and not throwing her out there into the world.

>God. I wish I had the life of your gf.
Me too sometimes, haha.

>>33490281 (OP)
My ex was like this. It started to annoy me after a while, but now I miss it.

>>33491304
Like I said in another comment, I really don't think so. We don't travel often enough for her to be off fucking someone else, and I haven't seen her leave the house by herself in forever (I don't obsessively check or anything, but we have house cams and no one is coming or going). She doesn't spend a crazy amount of time on the phone and casually leaves it around the house where I could see notifications coming in. I also work from home, so the vast majority of the week I'm here.

If she were cucking me on vacations, she'd have to rush down to the hotel bar, find someone to fuck, do it all, and clean up for me to get back to the room. It'd literally be easier for her to cheat on me by saying she was going to the mall and wouldn't be back for 6 hours because I'd just be happy she was getting out.

>>33491420
>Not really the case.... I have a pretty good amount of experience with women. I just know some have emotional/intellectual depth and some don't really. It's the same as guys. Especially where I live, there's a lot of really vapid people who are addicted to the club scene, and that's their life (not saying people who go out and party are bad, I enjoy it myself, but it depends how much).
well good then
>>33491420
>Thankfully she isn't terminally on TikTok or other algorithmic social stuff outside of Discord and Reddit. But yeah, she games a lot, reads a lot of comics, is super into fashion & design... I wish she'd get more into the latter and do something with it though.
reddit is cancer, I know because I had periods when I was on it. Same with discord.
She's probably one of those girls who post on R4R or makenewfriendshere and she's like "I have a gf no nsfw stuff please" and then a bunch of dudes who all have an ulterior motive message her and orbit around like vultures waiting for an opportunity
>I'm "lucky" here. She has basically no family, like I mentioned. Her sister visits occasionally and is a bit of a mess but that's it.
dunno how lucky that is, it means she stays indoors all the time, but ig atleast you don't have to worry bout nothing
>As the other anon and I talked about, I'll probably focus on lightly suggesting the baby steps of taking on some very minor things as a favor, and not throwing her out there into the world.
sounds smart honestly. I think you got the advice as far as you needed and you realized some things and made some good conclusions. I really wish you good luck with that. You're a smart communicative guy, and I don't think you should have a problem with your gf at all. As long as she doesn't fuck it up on her own.

1/2

>>33491420

2/2

>Me too sometimes, haha.
I'd pay money to be a girl for a day and just get touched and praised and get into daddy/sub relationships where the daddy just takes care of me like I'm a baby. Can't get that as a dude unless you get a gf that REALLY cares about you. And god I love being told I'm a good boy, it does something in me. No one would ever know if I didn't say it IRL because I don't give off that vibe, but I would love a "mommy" if you will, very very much.


I also don't think she's cucking you like that other guy was tryna say.

At the end of the day OP you seem like a smart guy and you got this. Really nice thread, made my night a bit better. best of luck to you and your hot concubine, wish for me please that I meet one too I'm gonna start dancing Bachta 18th of August and joining a choir 28th of August, majority girls in both and you get to touch a lot of ladies in Bachata, so I'm really hoping that over time I either get a gf/sex or I just get comfortable with touching women and dancing so I go to some dance festivals and there I rizz one up and we atleast fuck. Because I haven't had a hug, a real loving hug from someone in over a year. I live abroad alone you see, the sad part about me and my ex is actually that I met her on reddit and moved countries for her. We met in 2019 and I moved in 2020. So yeah. When I say I'm alone in a 2 person apartment - I mean I'm alone. Like period. entire family is back home which is a 5.5 hour flight away.

Anyway sob story is done haha if you wanna ask me anything more I'll reply for sure but otherwise I wish you all the best and good luck! <3

>>33491470
>We don't travel often enough for her to be off fucking someone else,
Thing is, I knew a lot of women that would just fuck strangers. It would be even better, because the chance of getting caught was low for them.

There was this guy who had a German girlfriend. She never went anywhere without him. One day, they went on a cruise.

One night, she slipped out while he was asleep. When he woke up and noticed she wasn’t around, he didn’t think much of it.

The next morning, during breakfast with his parents, a random man walked up to their table and started speaking German to his girlfriend. She laughed. What she didn’t know was that he had been secretly learning German to surprise her.

He understood every word. The man asked if he was her “cuck” boyfriend and made a joke about his appearance. She laughed again.

Even then, the guy was so dense that he still didn’t think he’d been cheated on. He assumed it was some kind of inside joke. So he asked her what the man had said and how they knew each other. She lied, and in that moment he knew the truth.

He looked her in the eyes and replied in German: “Ich weiß genau, was er gesagt hat” which means “I know exactly what he said.”

In the end, she tried to gaslit him, but since it didn't work, she confessed and started crying, LMAO.

That's just one of the stories I know (I may have told wrongly, but whatever), you get the gist of it.

>>33491668
not OP but the reddit spacing is uh apparent, work on that

otherwise yeah, girls can be great manipulators.
It comes down to hubris. They know their affordance (what they can and can't do) and they know their bf.
My ex knew I would never cheat on her, she trusted me blindly 100%, she's said this multiple times, then she ended up cheating on me instead.
piece of shit girl
moral of the story is that girls will most definitely cheat if they get so so fucking comfortable around the lifestyle that you've enabled them to have that they'll get the HUBRIS to attempt and actually do such activities

piece of shit german cunt fuck that bitch if that story is real

>>33491681
>not OP but the reddit spacing is uh apparent, work on that
Except I don't use reddit, and I don't have a reddit account.

I like spacing my text like this because it's easier to read.

Reddit is owned by Ghislaine Maxwell, I would never use that crap.

>>33491681
>piece of shit german cunt fuck that bitch if that story is real
I agree, and yup, it's real

>>33491711
terrible. you got source on that story? I would love to read what other people thought of it, tried googling it couldn't find anything

>>33491637
>reddit is cancer, I know because I had periods when I was on it. Same with discord.
I actually use Reddit, it's fine for what it is here or there, I'm mostly on there for sports or niche hobby stuff though. I also use Discord, just as a couple of chats with old friends instead of group chats. But I've been on 4chan for a long, long fucking time. I also couldn't post about this anywhere on Reddit because she might read it and immediately know it's her.

>>33491642
I wish you the best, man. I know it kinda sucks to be young and trying to find the right person. Even when I was still in my early 20s, I knew I was pretty good looking, but having my life together seems to be a little more attractive to girls, especially at that age. Things have probably changed a little bit, and I don't know the culture, but hopefully if you work on yourself and keep an open mind without getting bitter, it'll work out.

>I would love a "mommy" if you will, very very much.
That's never been my thing. I'm a pretty fiercely independent dude. But I get why young men might want it these days. I've always been happy living alone unless someone complements my life. Only child syndrome, maybe.

When is school and stuff like that all done for you?

>>33491668
>Thing is, I knew a lot of women that would just fuck strangers.
Sure, people do this. I've fucked strangers. But at the same time, constantly worrying about your girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever fucking someone else isn't very healthy, especially if they have opportunities to go fuck around and really aren't. Your story sucks if true, but doesn't really sound common.

>>33491681
>not OP but the reddit spacing is uh apparent, work on that
I am OP, and spacing shit to be easier to read is not "reddit" and is a shitty forced meme.

>>33490281 (OP)
How did you meet your partner? I can't imagine my boyfriend liking me enough to do something like this.

>>33491854
I mentioned it earlier, but we met right before the pandemic. But I met her pretty randomly at a local casino's bar. During the pandemic though, it was so much fun hanging out thinking we had no plans to go long term and were just hanging out with the world on pause. Her lease was ending as things opened up more and I said fuck it and we decided to move in together pretty fast.

>>33491813
> I wish you the best, man
Thank you, I appreciate it. Unfortunately life wasn't easy and I studied computer science before this (switched to game design) so I'm 29
But I'm from Europe so money matters less here, at least in the Netherlands we get a sweet loan so I don't worry about money
But you can imagine a 29 year old student means I got 0 success on apps, I deleted them all 2 days ago.

I got my open mind and I'm going into those hobbies to conquer my fears. If the girls come great and if they don't then at least I got to express myself and ingrain myself into a community of nice beautiful women

About the mommy stuff, I didn't mean it as in I want her to take care of my physical needs like food and cleaning, I meant it literally in the love sense. Calling me a good boy, holding me and caressing me, head and back scratches, then I fuck her and eat her out. I did that a lot with my ex, it was a constant love-fucking cycle where I get loved then I take control and give her love in return haha, I love that dynamic

School will be over in 3 years, I'll be 32 on graduation.

This is one of the only things that comfort me - knowing that a lot of people have a relationship and also seeing them irl, but noticing that some of these relationships just don't seem right. They seem out of necessity or forced, instead of genuine love. This is the only thing that makes me go like, you know what, I'm happy I'm alone than with a girl I forced it with, because when she comes I want her to be the RIGHT girl for me.

And yeah I don't mind reddit spacing I di it too it's just that every single sentence had a space

>>33491924
>About the mommy stuff, I didn't mean it as in I want her to take care of my physical needs like food and cleaning, I meant it literally in the love sense. Calling me a good boy, holding me and caressing me, head and back scratches, then I fuck her and eat her out.
I got it, I just don't really like that thing. My mom's a helicopter parent. Maybe it's why I want my gf to be more independent, I find the attention a little suffocating.

>>33491944
I see.. well sucks about the helicopter parenting. Don't be like your mama, especially not with your gf, but you know that already

I think this was a great thread

god that girl is living the dream.

I would do so much to quit my shift job and just stay home like that.

play with my dogs, do my pilates workouts, and read Zodiac Academy all day sighhhhh

some people really are gods favorite

>>33493382
she's living the dream yeah but don't roleplay as a girl AND be a name poster on my anonymous mongolian basket weaving forum.

(send feet pics please)

>>33493391
>don't roleplay as a girl AND be a name poster
I squished my tits to make sure they were still there after reading this

what if I was an amputee? would you get off to the nubs in the same way?

>>33493448
>I squished my tits to make sure they were still there after reading this
right so the tits are there, since this is a blue board please clothed pic of your boobs and you can be on your way

>>33493382
>I would do so much to quit my shift job and just stay home like that.
Are you virgin?