Thread 33500368

im in a relationship with my girlfriend since 6 years, since 18. last year she did an exchange semestre year in mexico, a lot of relationship issues came up during that time that we didnt talk about. during january i fell in love with someone else, but broke it off in april because i didnt see a future with her, i was kind of nasty to my girlfriend in that time, telling her that i want to break up, because i dont think we can get over the fact that she wants kids and i dont, and that i dont think that i will love her when she comes back. she knew everything about my "affair" becuase we were in an open relationship (please dont judge i regret it too) we never officially broke up but it was kind of clear for her and me that we most likely will.

shes back suddenly it seems absurd to me that we were probably going to break up, so i was ready to give it another chance, but then she suddenly tells me that she has a new boyfriend in mexico since april, that she didnt tell me about to not hurt me, and that they already planned on being together. he wants to come here one day etc etc. but that shes also open to try again with me, she just wants time to make a decision (1 month). we live together so out of hardcore jealousy i went to her journal and her whatsapp, shes still having (phone)sex with him sending him nudes over the phone, she wants to have kids with him when he comes here, i watched them flirting with each other while they were talking over the phone through the keyhole today. iam having a mental breakdown, i cant take it anymore. its obvious i should break up, but im barely able to, because i have massive self worth issues. i just cant believe that this is my life. iam starting to have panic attacks since today.
thats honestly the shittiest part for me right now, flashes in my mind of the fucking guy shirtless, her telling him that hes hot.
ideas to deal with the jealousy, and not going fucking crazy? love u guys

>>33500368 (OP)
>relationship with my girlfriend since 6 years
If you haven't married and started a family, then you're treating bf/gf as a permanent thing purely to serve your sexual urges, and I won't read any further.

>>33500368 (OP)
She's literally presenting you the cuck chair and even if magically she chose you would the relationship really make it through all this bullshit? Just break up with her and spare yourself the chair. I genuinely don't see how you'd convince her, work through all of that and still have a functioning relationship at the end where the both of you are happy and aren't holding grudges/jealousy/etc.

>>33500368 (OP)
It's over dude. You two clearly resent each other, why tf do you want to try to make this work?
If it's because you don't think you can do better, think about why that is and what you can do to fix that

>>33500368 (OP)
Anon, you're in an OPEN RELATIONSHIP and you can't handle the fact that she's seeing someone else? What the fuck is the matter with you?! And I say that as someone who only has open relationships! They require a level of emotional maturity that you can't even begin to aspire to. I'm sorry, but you absolutely dug your own grave, here. Break up with this girl, find someone else, and don't attempt anything other than strict monogamy ever again. You can't handle anything else.

>>33500368 (OP)
>self-worth issues
OP, this is something you absolutely need to work on. Right now, I really recommend ripping off the bandaid and ending this sorry excuse of a relationship. She is literally leading you on with that mexican and wanting 1 month to decide. Break up and, if the house is under your name, kick her out. If not, find a place and move out ASAP. From there, work on your self-worth issues. And in the event you get into another relationship, do NOT open it up again. Open relationships are doomed to fail.

>>33500849
>>33500614
thanks guys, youre absolutely right, the more urgent part i need advice for is: im jealous as hell, and its making me behave exactly opposite to what im thinking... i would say the jealousy is my main problem.

>>33500951
i got into it out of self loathing and because i wanted to impress her that i can do it lol. i was 18 you know.. i want to die :)

>>33500990
thank you, im working on it actually. its under my name, so i will do that.

>>33501012
I >>33500849 was in a similar position to you when I broke up with my ex-fiancee but still had to live with her for a few months. It was torturous and yeah when she started dating a new guy at her job even though she didn't bring him around me at all knowing what was happening fucked with my head, bad.
The only way to deal with it is to distance it. Go out all the time, stay overnight with friends, get new hobbies, join a charity and serve soup to bums all night, ANYTHING BUT BEING AROUND HER.
I do not recommend going for other women right now, because your jealously will make you desperate and desperation is the Pussy Killer. Put yourself out there and flirt but don't try to score a rebound unless it's 100% a lock that you can fuck her like if you have any old bops that want another dick appointment with you.

Really no secret, just deal with it the same way as any other breakup: time, distance, and meet new people (men and women)

>>33501384
yeah youre absolutely right. this was the best advice i could get. im sleeping at friends right now actually, and its helping massively.

its gonna be hard to stay focused and not fall into the desperation of coming back together with her again, not going through her stuff when im at home and she isnt. also her family is a big factor which makes it hard for me to accept the breakup, i love her family, her brothers and i got along extremely well. im probably gonna miss them more than anything. jealousy really makes you want someone back no matter what for no fucking reason. just to prove that youre the better man. i really dont feel like fucking anyone ever again right now so thats not gonna be a problem, thank you.

>>33501012
>i got into it out of self loathing and because i wanted to impress her that i can do it lol. i was 18 you know.. i want to die :)
Everyone else wants you to die, too. :p

No, okay, seriously now: that was an abysmally bad decision. Both the way you handled you seeing someone else and the way you handled her seeing someone else make it clear that this is not right for you. Like I said, I'm a huge fan of open relationships myself, but I'm also the first person to agree that they are the wrong choice for most people; and they are definitely the wrong choice for you.

>>33500368 (OP)
>Girlfriend cheated
Find a new girlfriend, and dump her AFTER you found the new girlfriend. Don't wait for her decision. If you go back to her, she will never respect you, and it's honestly disgusting.

>>33501896
You read the part where he cheated first, right?

>>33501864
yeah i know, not gonna do that ever again, we were admired for what a healthy relationship we have. i just didnt know back then thats all. funny thing is, i would have said the same thing you said right now some years ago.

>>33501977
literally... he did the same shit first but now that she's doing it back he's on some crybaby bullshit?

>>33500368 (OP)
OP grow the fuck up. You're portraying a double standard and if you wanted to be with her you wouldn't have started the open relationship bullshit in the first place. Me personally you couldn't handle the distance and were looking to fill the void, started something with someone out of desperation, confused lust for love, treated your girlfriend like shit, and then when the other relationship didn't pan out you went crawling back to your girlfriend. You're pathetic desu.

Break it off, move on.

>>33501977
>You read the part where he cheated first, right?
It was an open relationship. He didn't cheat.

She cheated because she didn't tell him she had a dude POUNDING her in Mexico. The whole point of an open relationship (which I already disagree with) is to tell who you're with to your partner, and not develop an emotional connection with them. So nice try, but he did not cheat.

>>33502142
>The whole point of an open relationship (which I already disagree with) is to tell who you're with to your partner, and not develop an emotional connection with them.
NTA but speaking as someone who has been in non-monogamous relationships since (probably) before you were born, you have no idea what you're talking about. Stop talking before you embarrass yourself any more.

>>33502567
I love it when the zoom zooms pretend to be boomers, it's like watching little kids dress up in adult clothes :')
(NTA even btw, just couldn't walk past this pile of bullshit without commenting on the stink)

>>33502141
>>33501977
>>33502142
even my girlfriend said i didnt cheat, i told her about everything while it happened, i fell in love, but broke it off because i just didnt think it was realistic that well be together when my girlfriend comes back, and i still wanted to give my 6 year relationship a chance, also my "affair" was telling me constantly that iam in a toxic ass relationship, and i still told her sorry but i just need to wait until she comes back, or else i will regret it for life, breaking up with my longterm girlfriend because of someone i know for 3 months.
imo its debatable whats cheating or not in this situation, but for just for the record, i think i fell in love with someone else because my longterm girlfriend had another affair befor january, during which she didnt really feel like talking to me about it, which also could be seen as cheating, but it doesnt really fucking matter at this point. our open relationship simply ended in a fucking disaster, and when i broke up with my affair i told her loud and clear, that iam done with being open for good.

>>33502606
Do you want a hand pic so you can see the arthritis in my finger joints?

>>33502142
He fell in love with someone else first and therefore broke YOUR rule about no outside emotional involvements.

But more relevantly you are using the word "open" in a far more specific sense than OP. He is clearly using it to mean merely "non-exclusive".

>>33503400
yea, open relationship is the wrong term but i didnt feel like explaing too much. we didnt have a model, i think reltionship anarchy was the type of thing we had going. now in hindsight, basically just being naive about jealousy, because being against monogamy seemed so intellectual and stuff. fml

>>33500368 (OP)
That sucks but what the fuck were you expecting?
Can't even find her at fault since you did it first and she unsurprisingly did the right thing and tried to move on.

This is why open relationships are so fucked up. Someone's always getting burnt, and in your case it seems to alternate

>>33504120
yea youre right, this shit became so convuluted, nobody is really at fault and we are both just hurt as shit. really hard to act mature in these situations though