Thread 33523299

I’m an African man, but feel very apart from that identity. I moved to the west when I was very young, learned english very quickly, and integrated into western culture so quickly I felt alienated from my original background. I grew up on western cartoons, western movies, western reality shows, western history, and critically, western people. I am alienated from my people. I speak the language poorly, supplementing it with english when I’m unable to find a suitable word. I should note it’s not always about not knowing a word, sometimes the concept itself does not translate. I cannot describe something being halfway up the stairs, I can only say they are up the stairs. My parents know the language better than me and still they show the same inability for abstractions or specificity.

It’s not necessarily that I wish I was white, rather that I wish I made sense, and that I was part of a historically rich identity. I don’t just envy my European peers. I envy the Persians in Iran, the Japanese in Japan, the Arabs in the levant, because they are in the country and culture of their forefathers of the last few centuries or even millenia and have greatly contributed to modern life, even through whatever politcal turmoil they currently face, even against whatever claims against their presence in that area of the world is, or against any claims of their impact on the world. I am not like that.

Spare me any talk of colonialism and how they only have what they have because they stole from others. I don’t deny their sins against others, but it’s completely a lie to say all of their prosperity is stolen. Or that the evils that have brought them fortune is even unique to them. Any time that happens it’s a power move by the group laying the claims, to discredit the other and elevate themselves either as victims or saviors.

Africans call european thieves, the japanese call koreans savages, insert any other interethnic or racial conflict. Point here is to expel any idea that I’m some poor kid fed lies about history by his host nation, you’re not going to make me feel any better by telling me “Well they’re only so rich because of the evil rape and stealing they did! You only think they’re beautiful because they told you that you are ugly! You only *think* they’re smart cause they lied to you, they’re actually very stupid!” You’re also not going to get me by listing their sins or great evil acts, when they are not unique to any group, and no, neither is the way they practiced it uniquely evil either.

Slavery is human. The transatlantic slave trade and barbary coast slave trade both caused unbearable suffering. Conquest is human. Caesar taking Gaul, Genghis Khans expansion, the age of exploration, all took millions of lives, displacing and destroying cultures and peoples. Building your society off the physical and spiritual ruins of an older society is human. Building from knowledge of others and taking it to new heights is human; it is not stealing inventions. Europeans are not immoral for using their names for concepts in scientic fields or philosophy while not highlighting middle eastern names, neither are those middle easterners who did the same to the Indian or far east concepts before them. This modern narrative is ridiculous and we know it.

Sorry, got a bit carried away. I just wanted to reject any band-aid mainstream faq answers before people thought to bring up the already heard and tired points. Carrying on…

The major problems I feel I’m facing. I won’t cover them all, just the biggest ones. The social, the political, the romantic. Socially I don’t have ‘my group’, I have jumped from friend group from friend group never really finding people I wanted to be friends with for more than the comfort of not sitting alone at lunch, or staying at home all day. I gave up on that, and so would not say I have friends to talk to about this. I grew up in a very diverse city, the idea modern friend groups are collages of ethnicity and culture is false. 90% of groups are homogeneous. 5% have ‘diversity’ hires that conform culturally to the main group, largely being ethnically adjacent and/or shares religion. The last 5% are fake diverse, shallow relationships only really talking about a handful of interests typically springing up by constant proximity at school or work.

Truly diverse, not shallow friendships are statistically irrelevant in my experience living almost my entire life here. People stick to their groups restaurants, supermarkets, festivals, they all tend to live in the same area, and prefer business with their own. Even my current, longest friend group is a mish mash. One ethnic majority, I’m adjacent to them. And than 3 others, who are ethnically adjacent to each other. Could been represented as AAAB112. On top of that, a shares agnosticism, with christianity secondary. Additionally the group coalesced around one shared interest and a few branching ones, signs of it falling apart are clear and certain as well, on top of innumerable conflicts mostly stemming from general incompatibility between individuals. Even that miracle couldn’t last, and would have lasted much shorter if I hadn’t such a vested interest in keeping it alive.

Politically I feel at odds with my cultural western values and ethnic african values, I am regularly at odds with my parents for what we think is best for this country. I think in line with what is best for the cultural identity that we all associate as ‘American’. While my parents obviously want what is in their ethnic/cultural group interest, they are quite explicit with this, they are not unique nor rare in this way among foreign born parents at all.

Lastly the most mentally ill one of them all. Romantic. I am not a casual sex person, I think it costs you your spirit to have empty casual go nowhere relationships and also aides in the eventual degradation of society overtime. So it’s just serious dating into marriage for me, except I very obviously want a western woman. Not just culturally, an ethnically western woman. The fact is, they are the women I am most attracted to. Plain and simple, they were my crushes at school, on tv, and wherever else people appear. So why is this an issue? Simple, I am at odds with my ethnic and cultural identity, so of course I would not want to build a household with those same divisions. Save me your stories on how your Thai-Brazilian-Norwegian-Kuwaiti household functions like heaven on earth. It is not what I want. This is how I feel, and your words can’t tell me how to feel how I feel. I want Young Sheldon’s family. I want the Sagan family from Annedroids, I want exactly what I grew up on, just as many western kids will have it. Yet I can’t.

>>33523299 (OP)
i totally understand this. advice wise id say try to find a community of your people where you are, it helps a lot. im asian in a western country and it helps being around other asians.

I simply reject a multilcultural, multiethnic family structure, it is not what I want and you cannont make me want it. Again, this is not necessarily about being white. I would happily be Japanese and marry a Japanese woman, or Arab and marry an Arab woman, or an ethnically and culturally African man and marry an African woman. The issue is I am African on the outside, yet am not so on the inside, and cannot be made to (attempts were already made both on my own and by other people) I have no clue how to reconcile my cultural identity with my ethnic one. Don’t say to just disregard my appearance, that will not change how I feel about this, nor will it change how other people view me, as much as people want to pretend we live in a colorblind utopia and everyone would marry anyone. This obviously leaves me at a crossroads in every facet of my life.

No I will not go to therapy. I don’t know what I want to do about this or what I can.

>>33523299 (OP)
Holy shit, have you tried not caring. These Europeans say "Look, I am doing what my forefathers did", does this make them any better for doing it? No. Just bee yourself

You're gonna have to be a bit fearless, following what you truly desire that no one will give you. Only you can make yourself follow the American dream, no one else can. Though with Trump in office I don't know if that will be a good thing or bad thing. You can hope on a cargo ship and start from scratch, though I believe really it isn't the U.S. you're looking for but some country like France or Beligum. Still travel costs are expensive and the process it takes to get into a different country is the same.

>>33523299 (OP)
Go home to Africa and you will no longer be an immigrant. Problem solved. We owe you exactly nothing.

>>33523299 (OP)
>Wish I wasn’t an immigrant
Go back to your country

im an immigrant to the west at a young age too but pass as white. I feel the same way and experienced the same divisions (family, friends etc). You have to accept the fact that its just what were born into. you wont get that young sheldon family but it doesnt mean life is over. accept alternatives even though they are not your ideal. the alternatives are friendlier to the liminal state you were born into but will ultimately make you happier.

>>33523299 (OP)
Go back.

>>33523299 (OP)
The two main issues that face you are this, one external, and internal:
* We live in a world in which many people place more importance upon your race & genetics than your individual actions & performance, often lumping in both the ills & successes of your race with their perception of you as yourself.
* You have taken onto this first problem by making it your own problem, regarding your own status as a black immigrant as detrimental, when it has no effects on your own actions, your culture.
> household with those same divisions.
Then, short of finding another black lady that thinks like you do, your chances are a lot worse off than if you just prioritized what mattered: finding someone that shares your principles, beliefs, and culture. The same applies to friendship groups, and politics.
Stick to your principles, beliefs, and culture; think deeply about them, set a solid foundation for their existence within your mind as to why they are superior (and if they aren't, modify them.) Be strong in a world that owes you nothing!

>>33525222
>>33525229
>>33525274
Your behavior enables the nigger problem; by telling this civilized OP to "go back/home/away" not because of his actions, but because of something entirely out of his control, you've "sectioned him off" so-to-speak from the rest of American culture. I have no problems with a person just because of the color of their skin or their immigration status; BUT, if they act like a nigger, and refuse to change their behavior in order to assimilate to the country I live in, then THAT is when it becomes a problem... of which the OP exhibits neither of those issues! Don't you want your culture to flourish, propogate? Don't you want the rest of the world to act similarly to you do, because we both believe our culture to be superior, else why would we embrace it? Constraining culture to ethnic boundaries certainly isn't going to help.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRzd7SknVrQ
Look into Booker T. Washington.

>>33525622
>Your behavior enables the nigger problem; by telling this civilized OP to "go back/home/away" not because of his actions, but because of something entirely out of his control, you've "sectioned him off" so-to-speak from the rest of American culture.
No. It's just the easiest way to fix his problem. I got not problem with him staying, but if it makes him feel bad, isn't it the easiest way to go back?

>>33525644
> It's just the easiest way to fix his problem.
Going back would just exacerbate it, because then he would no longer be surrounded by people that even think with him in the slightest; he said himself that he disagrees with his parents on a regular basis, considering himself culturally American.
Certainly, I don't think he'll fix his problem either by simply staying where he is, because it will require more effort on his part than it would for a culturally-similar white person that doesn't have to resist a sort of "societal flow;" it was a reduction of mine due to the character limit not to elaborate on the effects of OP's affliction of blackness, as it does matter to some extent, but not to the amount which he thinks it does; more specifically, it matters to the people around him. To be "accepted" into American culture, that requires two things:
* to deprioritize his ethnicity in his mind for himself
* for others around him to not deprioritize /him/ because of his blackness
The only way that this could happen, without negative side effects, is for the OP and all other people in similar situations to maintain their western principles despite both the antagonization of those not black & the pull of those black steeped in nigger-"culture," for which the process will be nothing but a struggle until everything settles into place. (All other methods, such as being inversely-racist, or trying to embrace "multiculturalism" [promulgated mostly by Jews, for which they hypocritically already have a monocultural yet multiethnic country in the form of Israel] all have resulted in increased tensions yet hardly any recognizeable progress.)
None of the OP's choices will be easy, his only choice is to struggle in pursuit of his principles, and all other options will leave him as an individual worse off, and other individuals in the same situation.

To expand on the mention of Booker T. Washington, OP PLEASE read his Atlanta Exposition Speech.

>>33525222

>We owe you exactly nothing.

You don’t, I didn’t make this post from that sort of angle. My parents, as many others did, took advantage of the west relaxing their immigration policies starting since the 60s. A questionable decision certainly, for the simple fact it currently fails to screen for people who are like my parents. Who are here for it’s wealth, and in hopes that one day it’ll just turn in the country they left, as is a shared sentiment amongst many migrants. Maybe they’re to blame from your perspective.

>>33525622

Voluntarily going back wouldn’t fix the issue, as this guy said. It wouldn’t quell my feelings. As I can tell by your demeanour, you’re likely someone who agrees countries end up how they do as a result of the people inhabiting them, mostly. I’ve already visited that country, spending a couple of months there, and those two months only served to distance me further, and prove that earlier statement. Countries end up as they do because of the people who live there. I did try, I did. But I just found myself increasingly frustrated with how they lived. The big differences, the small differences, didn’t seem to matter. I did not enjoy my stay, and was happy to leave.

I wouldn’t say I hate them. I wish I had no connection to them. Not by severing it, but by never having one at all.

>>33525622
Assimilation is literally impossible. It has never happened. Did the indigenous Indians assimilate to the dominant Aryan culture? Or did they drag it down with them? Non-whites have no place in our society. They have to go back. The "nigger problem", as you call it, is simply a problem of incompatible peoples.

>>33527066
>I've already visited that country, spending a couple of months there, and those two months only served to distance me further, and prove that earlier statement. Countries end up as they do because of the people who live there. I did try, I did. But I just found myself increasingly frustrated with how they lived.
You hate that because it exposes you to how people like you actually act. You think you've assimilated but you actually haven't, you've just become used to living around white people. But the fact is that everyone wants to live around white people, and for us to have a better life you should leave. Have some empathy and go away from us.