Thread 33535685

I'm 20. Have not moved anywhere in life, and don't feel I'm going anywhere. I don't particularly want to do it but the thought of running away from my home and family has entered my mind more than once, and I've wondered it will yeild some kind off needed positve change. I wonder if something as radical as that is what I need. I don't know though, it's not a thought that sounds like it makes any sense outside of the times I feel that it would break me from routine in a way that might actually help e but it could be downright fucking insane. I don't know.

>>33535685 (OP)
I also feel my circumstances have probably severely inhibbitted me from self realization and I have heard your neuro plasticity becomes cemented in your 20's or something like that, and there comes a point you can't learn new skills and are basically fucked forever. I certainly haven't had an upbringing or teenage years that would nurture my potential, but one that would cement me as useless forever. I don't want to risk my whole fucking life and fade into nothingness. As it stands I am motionless, stagnant, but have expectations foisted upon me, and many sources of stress in my life, and if I fucked off from home, maybe I would come to know myself more than what my fucked up upbringing allowed me to. Thoughts?

>>33535685 (OP)
No, stupid

>>33535799
But in leaving he lost nothing and gained perspective. Is that not good? I just have felt I may be in a prison that I might need to break from to even see anything properly. Maybe I could see myself in a more raw fashion if I'm not propped up by the stable circumstances of home. Maybe I will face some kind of introspection, maybe I will see it all as having been foolish, maybe I will feel bad, maybe I will face needless hardship, but at least I will have gone out into something relatively unknown, and returned, perhaps knowing myself, even a little bit more. Dumb or no?

>>33535685 (OP)
It's good to have a long-term plan. That might include a move. The plan, considered and thought through with care, is the main thing, though. Dropping everything and running away is not a plan.

>>33536116
Well, I wouldn't run off without some amount of preperation. Probably a backpack full of some shit. I just wonder if I might actually be saving my future by unshackling myself from this place. Maybe it would liberate me. Maybe I would come to know myself better than I ever could have here. Like I said, I don't know. As things are now, I just wait, that's all I do with my life really. There are a few significant steps that can be taken in my life, but they aren't discontinuous from my current life, they sound more like a worsening of my current circumstances, and would make me more at odds with myself, and feel more existential dread. Again, I don't know. I'm not even in the place right now to be thinking about it

>>33535685 (OP)
Yes, if you are too over reliant on your parents for everything than leaving can be good, but it’s better to take it in steps than to just leave out. Move out of your house to a place in town, or the next town over, for a while to see what it’s like, then move to a place far enough away you are forced to be self reliant. The only time it’s a good idea to fully pack up and leave out without warning or forethought is if you’re end goal is to be a folk punk musician like Pat the Bunny or Jesse Stewart. I guess if living at home is more abusive than the average homeless shelter; ie full of thefts, violence, and rape/molestation, than that would also qualify.

>>33535709
Also the neuro plasticity thing is dead wrong. You don’t become “locked in” to a way of thinking. It does become harder to spontaneously shift modes of behaviour within the same environment later in life, but simply changing that environment will cause you to adapt and grow from it. At least if said change isn’t so drastic that it simply kills you outright, like a zombie apocalypse or becoming third world poor after growing up first world mega wealthy.

I did that and it changed my life for the better (not that I'm happy now, but at least independent and not a complete useless autist). Granted I went on welfare and bounced around shelters until I got a job, not an option available for everyone, might have ended differently if I was forced to sleep on the street with no money

>>33536234
I wouldn't know even the first thing about getting my own home. I don't even know the first thing about finances to be able to plan for such a thing. I know literally nothing. I've been ill prepared for life by my parent/s (have only had a mother since I was 15) so I'm pretty much thrown to the wind, blind. Also basically fucked highschool, so the extent that disgusting forced military prison camp would have helped my future, it didn't. I also suffer from a shame attached to self expression for some reason and I do not know why. I've had this since I was very young. Whole other issue but perhaps relevant.
>>33536243
Maybe. I've just heard people, some successful, suggest this, and that you can fuck yourself over if you reach 30 and didn't properly launch. I've heard this applies particularly to learning new skills.
>>33536289
I live in a more rural area, so I don't know how possible such a thing as that is.

It's a bit of a ridiculous thought anyways, but I have it in the back of my mind. I'm going NOWHERE at this rate, I don't know how to even look at my life of my future anymore, not how I should go about it. What would be in vain, the sense of urgency I should have, or really the scope in which I should see it all. What would be dangerous for my soul or not. Sometimes I think myself into a paradox of stupidity. Don't really know what I am doing.

>>33536384
>I live in a more rural area, so I don't know how possible such a thing as that is.
Maybe you can get welfare in the closest big city to you or on some other gibs program there if that's available. I wouldn't second guess your intuition, if your life is going nowhere your fear of wasting it is 100% valid. Soon you'll wake up and be 25, 30, and nothing has changed, and that's the scariest thought imaginable, or at least it was for me

>>33536440
>Soon you'll wake up and be 25, 30, and nothing has changed, and that's the scariest thought imaginable, or at least it was for me
What's terrible is it doesn't scare me, maybe because I've been immersed in terrible circumstances since I was 14 or even younger than that. I had suicidal ideation at least as early as 14 years old and was depressed at the age of 13, so maybe that cooked me. Waking up at 25 with nothing changing does not sound like an impossible thought. Afterall, I woke up at 20 where I was at 14. Things are just screwed.

>>33536470
Well, you brought up the whole being fucked over by the time you reach 30 thing so I assumed you may be concerned about that in some capacity

>>33536510
Oh, I am, I just mean I don't feel the sense of urgency I maybe should.

I really am stupid. Here I go again in a paradox of stupidity.

>>33536522
You have more self-awareness about it than most people your age so that's a start. And you would rather run away than go nowhere so that's more than a start, most would see that as outlandish and tell you to rot in safety etc. Life isn't too forgiving if you let yourself rot, you slowly lose everything with no certain way of ever rebounding. Moving in a radical direction is at least an attempt to escape a most horrible fate.

>>33535685 (OP)
only if you have a guaranteed job there because you don't want to fail and go back

>>33537374
What do you mean? I'm not sure I understand, but I don't have a job currently. If I up and left, I wouldn't be causing any complications for any job in which I'm a part, because there is none. Is there some potential issue outside of having money in me running off? To be clear, I wouldn't be gone forever. I would plan to return to home, but I would also do this for the sake of disapearing for a time, during which I may forge paths otherwise not possible. I don't know though.

>>33537596
Sounds retarded. You should stay where you are and not leave the house because your ineptness is a danger to society. I side with your mom now suddenly.

>>33537596
>>33538333
oops wrong retard, there is another retard failing to launch. You need money to leave bro. Get money or a job or else this is just a fantasy.

>>33535685 (OP)
do you just need a break? get a tent and go camping for a week jfc. the retardedness boggles the mind

>>33538344
Yeah. It's not something I'm seriously considering at the moment.
>>33538350
It sounds retarded and silly, but I'm a retarded and silly guy. That's just how I am. I could really use camping though, that would be nice. Recently I've had a yearning to sleep outside.