Thread 33538470

Ive recently been overwhelmed with guilt over my porn usage, which has involved depictions of underage characters in the past (never actual cp). I’ve struggled with hyper sexuality/porn addiction since I was about 13 (a little over a decade now). I always hear about the pipeline to more and more extreme material and I’m afraid that will happen to me, even though my consumption really hasn’t changed since I started. This fear cropped up very recently and has kinda consumed my thoughts. At random points during the day it’ll just “pop in there” and I’ll feel like I’m going to throw up. It’s gotten to the point where I feel disgusted with myself every time I even see pornography or something sexual.

I oftentimes have bouts of intense fear over being a bad person as a result of unwanted thoughts I have. This feels like the most recent manifestation of it. I’ve been told it’s an OCD symptom but every time I try to reassure myself with that my brain tells me that I’m just coping.

I’m scared of talking to a therapist about it.

Textbook OCD bro. So common it has a name. POCD.

ur not alone i actually feel the same same shit happens w me w loli/shota content and bestiality makes me feel so fucking disgusted by myself and i feel how uncomfortable it is to talk about it to a therapist

>>33538470 (OP)
>which has involved depictions of underage characters in the past (never actual cp)
What's the deal with drawings of child pornography? Do these people actually want to have sex with children? They deny it but the drawings are derived from irl children.

>>33539600
>What's the deal with drawings of child pornography? Do these people actually want to have sex with children?
Yes.

>>33538539
I’ve been looking for OCD-specialized therapists lately. How should I approach the subject to them?

>>33538470 (OP)
Drawings are not real people. They are not even realistic people. The fact that you have a conscience about the well being of actual children means you are not a pedophile. Unfortunately I can't tell you how to stop the intrusive thoughs.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVpGDttvYwE
I can only suggest that you refrain from loli porn.

>>33540456
It’s not even “loli” stuff, just characters that aren’t 18 in canon (ex Asuka from evangelion or some Pokemon girls)

>>33540468
You are fine. You obsess over an arbitrary number of a fictional character. Asuka is supposedly 14 in evangelion but doesn't look like her age. She looks closer to 18. The feminine body tends to mature around 15+ and the male brain is attracted to that. It's natural. I tell you that in this period some people are on a witch hunt because they can't handle their own darkness and project it to others. Don't fall for the bullshit they spew. Even they don't believe in their own bullshit.

>>33540525
i agree if its not actual loli porn i think ur ok op

>>33540525
Alright, thank you.

I’ll still make sure to bring it up with my therapist because the intrusive thoughts have been very difficult lately. They only started about a month or so ago.

My brain tends to latch onto “what if you do or turn into x” and then pester me with it. Usually has to do with becoming or doing something that people hate or would get punished severely (serial murderer as an example). I avoid true crime content pretty heavily for that reason. I guess it just happened to manifest as pedophilia fears this time around.

I fucking hate my brain

>>33540628
I relate with this problem a lot. I've been having violent intrusive thoughts since I was a teen. I never acted them out but I know how twisted they can get. I hope the therapist helps you.

>>33540456
>Drawings are not real people
Pornographic drawings of children can get you sent to prison in some countries, though. The UK, for example.

>>33540787
OP doesnt even fap to loli porn so i doubt theres any risk to worry about

So you got off to simulated pizza. While immoral, that's better than the real thing, of which you should feel very disgusted. Porn has quite the dark side, and pursuing more extreme forms of it is usually what happens when the same old material doesn't cut it. Guilt happens because your conscience is trying to tell you to knock that shit off.

Is this the schizo who makes the same thread every few days, or new guy with same problem?

>>33543803
nah this is someone else, i also saw another anon talkin about pedo ocd lol

>>33543826
Oh

>>33538470 (OP)
Yeah you're a little bit of a bad person for having bad thoughts. Try to have more good thoughts. You won't get 100% success rate but you can get better if you try

>>33543779
OP just said its not actual cp

OP here. Sorry for not replying, I thought this thread died.

>>33543852
I don’t feel like I’m in control of my own mind most of the time. The thoughts just come in, same with the compulsions, and I feel like I just have to deal with them.

I try to avoid things but always get drawn back to them and I don’t know why.

>>33543803
I didn’t know there was another person talking about this. What thread are you talking about?

>>33540392
I guess I should put this question back into the ether. I’m afraid of my therapist being disgusted by or accusing me

Anon, I'm diagnosed with OCD and what you're describing feels very familiar to my own struggles.

You are most likely not a pedophile. Do look into therapy though,it will be highly beneficial.

Try to find a therapist that can do ERP ,it's the gold standard threatment. Btw no decent therapist would even flinch at this let alone feel disgust or accuse you. Don't worry about that,be open to them. There will want to help you not judge you.

Wish you the best fren

>>33538470 (OP)
ya little pussy

>>33548255
>Btw no decent therapist would even flinch at this let alone feel disgust or accuse you. Don't worry about that,be open to them. There will want to help you not judge you.
I appreciate the reassurance, thank you.

Today I found a bunch of therapists online and put some feelers out for consultations. Hopefully I can get something

>>33540628
Anon I had this issue for about 3-4 years before it sort of subsided. What you are describing is literal textbook POCD. It's probably the most depressing OCD variant because of the percieved societal judgement so I just want you to know that others have done what youre going through right now and made it out the other end.

From your replies here you have this situation where the thoughts instrusively appear in everyday life and refuse to leave until you ACKNOWLEDGE them or rationalize them in some way, either through logic or physical gut checks or whatever. I literally had the same thing. You need to recognize the thought but not dwell on it or use logic on it. Just let it fade out as it came in. If you rationalize it you will feel temporary dopamine but you will only be feeding the beast and have it retuen again in a worse state. Bad negative feedback loop. It will be hard to ignore it but it's the only way to actually "cure" this. If you want to talk to a therapist about it feel free but most therapists, even OCD therapists will be out of their league here somewhat since POCD is so stigmatized and somewhat rare compared to what society thinks of as OCD. But they will help you regardless to the best of their ability and probably mention they will only contact police if there's a material threat to someone else or something like that. Up to you. Self help can also be used here but resources are scarce. You just need to starve the beast, never rummage on it and just move forward. Atp I never really have the thoughts and even when i do they subside immedeately because of the mental discipline ive established. Best of luck anon, I relate to you more than you think, you got this.

>>33538470 (OP)
you posted these baby monkeys because you subconsciously want to fuck them