Thread 33541446

First off, I am a pretty normal person. Most of my problems are legit mental, but not mental as in mental disorder; but as ideas. I have been bombarded with this new panorama in the internet that dating is dead, and this conflict between men and women. And I decided to check more things on female psychology.

I have got this genuine idea that women cannot feel romantic love, I mean, not a real one. I really do not know if this is exaggerated but someone described it as "It's like pet's love, you feed it, it loves you." Which aligns a lot with the idea that women love what a man can provide and nothing more, alongside with relationships being an investment. I so long time ago do not believe in love, I have never been a guy that is constantly thinking about women. In fact, I mostly thought about them when I watched porn (I had a porn addiction I am still somewhat dealing with). Which means that, yes, I could perfectly live single and do not have a high libido. Thought I wish I was aromantic and asexual, not to form part of the crowd, but because I genuinely feel like loving someone in this age will only lead to destruction. Genuinely, I do not want to end up like those men who lose everything in divorce, which also makes me not want to ever marry.

After investigating a lot of human psychology (both men and women) I feel like I hate all of them. One of the things that has worried me the most is the fact that people care so much about appearances, income, etc. I know its obvious that people care about these things since ever, but today is taken to the extreme. I have always been a good guy, not the "nice guy" type you see in the internet. I really do not know what to think anymore, I want someone to recommend me a book and tell me what philosophy I should have, like an observer, an Stoic, whatever.

I also have other things I would like to talk about and I will post about them later. Cuz I forgot.

>>33541446 (OP)
I won't read wall-of-text. Btw, you haven't been "bombarded" with anything. You choose to consume the media content that you complain of.

>>33541446 (OP)
>I want someone to recommend me a book and tell me what philosophy I should have, like an observer, an Stoic, whatever.
You should go out more. Concerts, drinking, maybe just walking through the park.
Do it.

>>33541446 (OP)
>I have got the genuine idea that women cannot feel romantic love
They can. What they expect is to be the recipient of it, they want that because they can feel it. People don't want the things they cannot feel. So with that it follows women do feel it.

Men are the givers of it, and the love they receive from the woman in return is (or should be) admiration, respect. Women want love and give respect in return. Men want respect and give love in return.

Both sexes understand and can feel romantic love just in different ways.

When a man wants to receive romantic love, he's not actually after love. He wants to be coddled and given motherly love. And most women who are not his mother won't enjoy providing that because she doesn't want to love a man like that. That's why it's important for men to receive this sort of thing from their mothers, otherwise they will expect girls their own age to provide it for them. And then it won't work and the man will walk away with idea like
>Women are all unloving and cold and shit
>I am starting to hate them all

Etc etc

>>33542096
>When a man wants to receive romantic love, he's not actually after love. He wants to be coddled and given motherly love. And most women who are not his mother won't enjoy providing that because she doesn't want to love a man like that. That's why it's important for men to receive this sort of thing from their mothers, otherwise they will expect girls their own age to provide it for them. And then it won't work and the man will walk away with idea like

I do not agree
If you don't get it from your mother, you're not expecting it from others.

>First off, I am a pretty normal person
>women cannot feel romantic love
>I had a porn addiction
>I wish I was aromantic and asexual
> I genuinely feel like loving someone in this age will only lead to destruction
> I feel like I hate all of them
> I have always been a good guy
Sort your fucking life out mate.

>>33542266
he's right, you know

Keep watching Carl Jung theory videos and after years of experience with life and self reflection the theories will make sense.

Did you know "empaths" and "narcissists" both have emotional regulation like a child? And they are both compelling as partners. Maybe the problem is some things happened when you were young and you believe that love isn't something that includes you. Could be many reasons for that not abusive... such as lots of change inducing stress or you didn't get loads of attention and learned to put your parent's feelings first.

>>33541446 (OP)
>>33542492
Making genuine friends especially in you 20s when you are active about living your own life that's a good time to build connections and feel like you deserve love. You'll feel a change when you feel at peace.

How do I find a decent barber? Every time I go for a haircut they always mess something up. The barbrr is always a ghetto retard or a hipster douche and they always charge way too much.

>>33541446 (OP)
It's like you've got the first part of these
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VVbFnMr7b8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwwOzIfkEwo
I forgot the specifics, but the solution given by the second video goes something like, the purpose of a man is to "launch himself upon the world" and win the game. It's basically all the stuff we haven been trained out of by feminism, and it has left men weak and feminized.

It also fits with >>33542096. The hard truth is that women will never unconditionally love you, getting loved unconditionally is a feminized man's fantasy. Women are in fact more like pets and sex objects than equals to a man (though still 100x more intelligent, useful and wonderful than a pet), and it's okay.

The issue is the feminist society that rejects this nature and basically attacks men for being manly, while manufacturing even more toxic women. The beginning of healing is to reject these twisted societal pressures, get in touch with your manliness (try to remember earlier society or your primal urges as a teen before you were taught they were wrong). Though even then, it's going to be difficult to live under oppression so taking action to fixing the society. If you feel too tired, stop eating chemicals.

>>33542266
My life always had been going pretty well. Besides the mental fuckery the greatest problem I have had was the porn addiction, but even with that I realized that the reason I did not start a routine or reading was because I was really lazy. And is a bit sad because I have always had this divine gift of somehow ALWAYS having a shitton of free time that I want to use to learn things like programming, writing, and even math, math is my favorite subject of education/science and ironically I was pretty bad at it because I did not study most of the time.

>>33543659
>The hard truth is that women will never unconditionally love you, getting loved unconditionally is a feminized man's fantasy.

Okay. Can you put an example of this? I am not denying it but I want to have a better example. Like, I mean, you have to buy her things all the time? You have to give her good sex?

And how does this work if its the woman that fell for you and you accepted after some bargain? If the man is attractive and interesting but never kinda wastes things for the girl? Like time, money, etc.

I am really curious how crushes and romance in real life works.

>>33541446 (OP)
>First off, I am a pretty normal person.
Make yourself checked, becuse what you just wrote means you ar definitely not a normal person. I don't know hol old are you, probably under 30 where every disorder just seem like a quirk or an annoying habit. Later will destroy your life.
Sorry that I don't answer to your question, but I am almost sure that your problem is bigger than you think.

>>33544831
Okay. Tell me how do I fix myself. Maybe I do not have to be the most normal person, the point is to control myself and get rid of the thoughts and ideas I have.

>>33544913
I am not a pscichiatrist (just attend one), and the sypmtomes are quite overlapping, so you need to go to a licensed psychiatrist who can evalueta the tests and interviews that they will make with you.

>>33544928
I also want to help myself manually. The psychiatrist is good, but I also have to put my part. I want to know how do I fix myself with practicing something or reading, or whatever.

>>33544931
Fixing is not the 1-2 hrs what you spend at therapy, but what you do outside with the information and insights that you get there. The work part is still yours. And if one not works, you have to try another.
Diagnosis is important because different disorders needs different therapy.

>>33544946
I probably have some sort of autism or asperger. When I was young I was diagnosed multiple times as autistic/asperger. And I have always been told I am in the spectrum. Even thought people have told that I am not that noticeable. But returning to the topic, I really want to know what I have exactly. Like low self-esteem, which I will talk about also.

I also want to say that I noticed a lot that I have low self-esteem and even familiars have noticed.

I am very "complexed" about my appearance and personality. I would like to be more reserved, cold, disciplined and have better speech. But alongside that, and the one that fucks me up the most is my appearance. Thanks to the fact that I consumed Japanese media, were they are all girls/boys with white skin, I have developed the skin complex. And no, I do not want to be a girl, but I do want Japanese features like oval face, the monolid eyes, and specially long hair and a very white skin. But this has stemmed from longer than that, ever since I was young I imagined myself as a white dude, not always with the very white skin, but always as white and pretty. And at first it was not problematic but now that I internalized that a lot, the media I consume and everything makes me wish I had a different appearance. I know this perfectly because other girls like K-pop fans go to the other side of the Earth to be white skinned. I am very self-aware that the reason I want to be what I want to be is because of the media I consume, but is everywhere. Not just Eastern media pushes this thing.

The worst part is that, I DO can improve my appearance. My face does not have a bad shape, it just needs training and skincare, as well as a different haircut. But I am so immersed into the Japanese-like guy that I do not focus on that.

Please forgive me because this sounds very autistic, but I really want help, I do not want to be complexed about how I look or even worse, my personality in all of itself.

>>33544998
>I really want help, I do not want to be complexed about how I look or even worse, my personality in all of itself.
I have news for you: after you get checked andg got a label you will be at peace. You robably have some personality disorder beside the autism (not rare). After you find out what's these you see yourself in entire different look.
I have severe adhd, moderate autism, complex personality disorder (bpd, aspd, npd) cptsd. When I realized that all of my life get crystal clear, the hows and the whys. I still not better but I know already what causes what and more or less how can I manage/avoid/treat it.

>>33545127
You know, one of the things that I always knew by heart, is that knowledge is power. But literally. I mean, if you for example are depressed and have no idea why, you would think is temporary and would let it runs its course, but then get yourself checked or investigate and discover that its X thing and you can ACTUALLY do something against it.

That's precisely one of the reasons I would love to investigate male and female psychology, as well as knowing how women attract/conquer men.

As for what you are saying, I also want to know myself. As Sun Tzu said "Know yourself and the enemy, and you will never lose one single battle." I would like some niche psychology books from around this time that talk deeply about female and male psychology, decision-making, ways of feeling, and reasoning. Most books I have or searched for are focused on other things. I would love to know myself as a male and also women in general.

But yes, I want to get diagnosed, what should I tell the Psychiatrist?

>>33545295
>But yes, I want to get diagnosed, what should I tell the Psychiatrist?
I don't know where you from, it depends on country. Here I just went to my doctor and said "doc, I am 98,83% sure I have adhd, please sign me a paper to examination". Then he sent to me to psychiatry, where I filled two long test before I was asked about my entire like in 3 hrs. Next day there was another 3 hr session abot my answers of the test and athe 3rd time was a 2 hr long mental ability test in every meaning (visual, verbal, memory, reaction speed, attention, math...) a month later I got a 4 pages long evaluation with the dignoses.

>>33541446 (OP)
OP ignore the posters telling you to get diagnosed with some shit. Let’s not be ridiculous and think we can presume autism because you made a thread on 4chan.

Also autism and other things like it, like ADHD, those aren’t diagnosed because you ruminated and daydreamed some wacky take on society. Those are identified from outward behaviour. And no one can see your outward behaviours over text on a screen.

>>33545400
I do not have ADHD. I actually can concentrate normally.

Knowing that I do not know what exactly is the name of what I have. I should tell her what I feel, she will tell me what it is, and then have the test.

Do you think it is something body/appearance dismorphia or even something weirder like persona dismorphia? I am making this up but basically is wanting to be so different from what you are to basically being a different person. I wouldn't describe it as wanting to be another person because it would be interpreted as wanting to be let's say Brad Pitt. It is more like you have this idealized idea of yourself, that is completely different from who you are, not just in success, money, or slight personality and appearance changes, but things like literally wanting to change your skin color, race, face, and basically rewrite your entire personality.

>>33545433>>33545433
>I do not have ADHD
I did not said you have that. I just told you how the psychiatric examination works. You sould not tell anything to the psychiatrist directly, but indirectly you have to tell everything.
>something weirder like persona dismorphia?
That's called personality disorder. There are a lot of subtypes of it, even can overlapping, and that's why you should check it

>>33545473
>That's called personality disorder. There are a lot of subtypes of it, even can overlapping, and that's why you should check it

I find it funny that I immediately associated "Personality disorder" to things like ASPD and BPD that I thought you were talking about a completely different thing.

But now that I understand, can you explain to me more about these disorders? The definition? Maybe it will make it easier for me to identify what I have.

>>33545473
Not OP but it may not be a personality disorder. Things like Autism or ADHD can mimic personality disorders, but aren’t actually personality disorders.

For example, autists have a fragmented self-identity, never quite sure who they even are due to masking as something they’re not to fit in all the time. This low sense of self identity can easily be confused for BPD, but it’s not.

Adhds have somethings called ‘impostor syndrome’. Adhds will have a grand ideal version of ‘themself’ in their own head which they identify as, often in rumination. And when they see their own body do things that run contrary to the ideal in their head, they get a big spike of feeling weird or fake, like their achievements on the outside don’t match the inside. This can be easily mistaken for NPD for example.

>>33545483
This is why I repeatedly told that symptomes are overlaps and only a proper doctor can distinguish wich is wich, moreover there are comorbidities too.

>>33545478
>The definition?
copypasted from the DSM-5:
A, Moderate or greater impairment in personality functioning, manifested by difficulties in two or more of the following four areas:
1.Identity 2.Self-direction 3.Empathy 4.Intimacy
B, ne or more pathological personality trait domains OR specific trait facets within do-
mains, considering ALL of the following domains:
1. Negative Affectivity (vs. Emotional Stability): Frequent and intense experiences
of high levels of a wide range of negative emotions (e.g., anxiety, depression, guilt/
shame, worry, anger), and their behavioral (e.g., self-harm) and interpersonal (e.g.,
dependency) manifestations.
2. Detachment (vs. Extraversion): Avoidance of socioemotional experience, includ-
ing both withdrawal from interpersonal interactions, ranging from casual, daily interactions to friendships to intimate relationships, as well as restricted affective
experience and expression, particularly limited hedonic capacity.
3. Antagonism (vs. Agreeableness): Behaviors that put the individual at odds with
other people, including an exaggerated sense of self-importance and a concomitant expectation of special treatment, as well as a callous antipathy toward others,
encompassing both unawareness of others’ needs and feelings, and a readiness
to use others in the service of selfenhancement.
4. Disinhibition (vs. Conscientiousness): Orientation toward immediate gratification,
leading to impulsive behavior driven by current thoughts, feelings, and external
stimuli, without regard for past learning or consideration of future consequences.
5. Psychoticism (vs. Lucidity): Exhibiting a wide range of culturally incongruent odd,
eccentric, or unusual behaviors and cognitions, including both process (e.g., perception, dissociation) and content (e.g., beliefs)

>>33545483
Also worth noting about ASPD, “Antisocial Personality Disorder” (formerly known as Sociopathy) is a disorder that can happen without any neurodivergence required, such as Autism or Adhd.

ASPD/Sociopathy is thought to be a disorder that the individual may grow into in life stages. Typically, a young kid showing high levels of aggression or violence or anger. They will get diagnosed with “CD” (Conduct disorder). If it continues into teens, and the teen continues and is even constantly attacking or confronting adults like teachers, or other parents, or any authority figures, they get diagnosed with ODD (Oppositional-Defiant Disorder). Finally as an adult, if they continue the streak of behaviours and begin practicing criminal behaviours, if they get caught they typically get the ASPD/Sociopathy label slapped on them.

It’s suggested though people with ADHD have a higher likelihood of going down that path due to their high impulsivity and emotional lability issues + frequent behavioural issues in schools.

>>33545506
>This is why I repeatedly told that symptomes are overlaps and only a proper doctor can distinguish wich is wich, moreover there are comorbidities too.

Yeah you're right. Just throwing in some examples of overlaps to support your already strong points is all.

Did they really diagnose you with all 5 though? Autism/ADHD/Bpd/nPD & ASPD? How did that come about? Did they diagnose all at once or one by one over a process of therapy?

>>33545534
>Did they really diagnose you with all 5 though?
I have paper in combined severe adhd, which is liked with complex personality disorder and assumed autism. After a half year I mentioned my psychiatrist that if I could get diagnosis on autism too maybe I could get some financial support. She told me she could write a paper right now so clear that I have it, but it won't give me anything, because the govt pay for ability not diagnosis and I have 30 ys of masking and self treatment.
So yes, 3 of them are labelled on paper. Bpd is 80%. I loved a pbd girl and wanted to know how it works and how to handle then it struck me that's my entire life before the uni graduation. The rest is just guess about what I saw, read, and given reactions. I definitely have cptsd too, and in my childhood get treated by generelized anxiety disorder (probabla as the consequence of the above)

>>33545506
>A, Moderate or greater impairment in personality functioning, manifested by difficulties in two or more of the following four areas:
>1.Identity 2.Self-direction 3.Empathy 4.Intimacy

This is the one that sounds the most for me. Even thought I still want to see where the body/appearance dis-morphia is addressed more directly. I also have the DMS-5 and I want to study it someday. Do you think there is a more specific book backed up by scientific info about complexes like these that are not exactly pathological?

>>33545596
>Do you think there is a more specific book backed up by scientific info about complexes like these that are not exactly pathological?
These are just the criteria for any cluster A personality disorders. The detailed criteria are under the subtypes. However if you have the DSM-5 if I were you I would go to my doctor and tell "doc, I feel aoutsider and not myself for a long time. I cannot put a finger on it but something is there. I have the DSM and I find a part that feels like me. Can you send me to a psychiatrist to make sure? Either confirmed this or finding out what's wrong with me"

>>33545618
Okay. I will try.

>>33545295
Personality is developed in childhood and since humans are helpless, we form dependence on humans and in particular the Mother/caregiver personality archetype is attractive to people, especially men since society discourages a lot of the character traits in men and so they desire what they are lacking themselves.

The answer is to understand your own needs and emotions and foster feelings of security, and belonging and passion/joy/interests. Then finding mate is easy and you won't be attracted to self-sabotaging relationships.

>>33541446 (OP)
I think the problem is not girls but our society, even when it is not about romantic love. Most times people perform and sell themselves. We have lost the sense of honesty, real connection and community. To love somebody is not to like them, it is an active choice to share with them.

>>33542135
Teenagers who didn't get parents love, care and affection later on try to get these from people they see on the street. Very common principle.

>>33545473
>>33545506
>dsm yadda yadda
picrel

>>33550486
Okay, why do you say therapist/psychiatrist are bad?

>>33541446 (OP)
I am aromantic but not asexual it's an awful combination

>>33550805
I think its worse being asexual but not aromantic, because then you want a romance with a girl and very probably won't accept if there is no sex.