Thread 33542288

It’s been 16 days since I’ve took action to do something about my long depressive state which was an still is poisoning my mind and life in general with various rate. It started when I’ve experienced an existential crisis at the end of the school, and although I’ve managed to go and finish university and to find a job by pure random chance, it never really left me.
Now I’m taking my meds prescribed by a psychiatrist and slowly trying to do small things to make myself feel a little better – fixing my sleep schedule, going for walks or going by foot whenever I can, consuming less sugar, doing small creative things every day like doodling or writing a line or two for the TTRPG campaign that I’m DMing. I know it’s going to take a lot longer than that to achieve some kind of improvement, but I think I could take some other action along the way to fix up my soul. So, what else I can do to fix myself here?

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>>33542288 (OP)
Dress better. Get a haircut. Be genuinely interested in every conversation you have. Masturbate once a week at most for energy. Every day try to be 0.1% better.

>>33542496
Except for masturbation, I don't get how should I do the other things you've mentioned. They don't look like something you could do for a day.

put down the meds and pick up a beer like everyone else.
drink out of a fucking shoe if you like.

>>33542288 (OP)
>So, what else I can do to fix myself here?
Go for a run or bicycle ride.

>>33542288 (OP)
Cold shower.

>>33542623
How do I do that when I don't get any positive feelings from physical exercising? For me, it's just looks like pointless exhaustion for the sake for exhaustion.
And do you do this yourself?
>>33542626
How frequently should I do that?

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>>33542544
Beer makes you fat

>>33544775
Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.
And I don't really like alcohol, it makes me feel like my body is under some anesthesia (something like that numbing freeze).

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>>33542288 (OP)
Stop taking the psyop drugs should be a goal.

>>33545136
> psyop drugs
If you mean antidepressants there, I'm taking only one of them (valdoxan), and it's not hard, and I'm not gonna go for more of those.

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Try to separate your mood and your depression. It seems stupid, but compare your depression to any other illness like a cold. If you're sick, you'll be in a bad mood, on top of other things like lack of energy, fatigue, difficulty to focus, etc.

You can be in a bad mood and still suffer from depression. And you can dwell in your bad mood without thinking that it's making your depression worse.

Acknowledge and accept all your feelings and emotions. Regarding your meds, it all depends on what you're taking and how they work for you. Listen to know one that tells you to take or not take meds, you will know if they work or not. If they make you closer to the version of yourself you want to be, or the version of yourself you lost since your depression, then they work.

And like others have said, fap and drink once in a while.

>>33548161
So I just have to find more ways to cheer myself up, is that it?

>>33542522
>I don't get how should I do the other things you've mentioned. They don't look like something you could do for a day.
Meaning dressing well and getting a good haircut? I believe Anon was talking about continuing to be mindful of your outfit every day and to style your hair every day.

>>33548217
> continuing to be mindful of your outfit every day and to style your hair every day
How do I even do that if I have no metrics for it?
What I mean is I never considered myself good- or bad-looking, and haven't been really bothered by looks of others. I just wear fitting neutral or dark coloured shirts/sweaters and jeans and go to the closest hairdresser to just cut my hair if it grows too long.

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>>33542288 (OP)
Get some high quality bedsheets and make sure you wash them at least every two weeks. If you're not too depressed make sure you shower before you go to sleep each night so the sheets stay nice and clean. Then get some really nice soap or cologne or something else that seems kinda girly but smells good and wear that.

This stuff may seem gay, but it genuinely feels nice to know that you're clean and smell good every day. Taking care of yourself feels good and it will help you feel less depressed

>>33550040
Okay, thanks, I'll keep that in mind.
Did it help you personally?

>>33542697
>How do I do that when I don't get any positive feelings from physical exercising?
It's not supposed to be rewarding but in the long term. And just with everything else in this thread, stop looking for instant gratification, that won't cure your depression. You need habits that will change and shape your life in the long term. Godspeed Anon.

>>33550392
> It's not supposed to be rewarding but in the long term
So how do I keep up doing it to make it a habit? Start small, maybe?
> You need habits
But I can't just make one instantly, I need to start somewhere.

>>33550341
Yeah it helps me in the day to day. I like feeling like I'm not dirty and knowing that I smell good helps me feel good. I'm still depressed, but I don't feel gross and having a night time routine helps me sleep better and feels nice too.

Taking care of yourself and feeling good about that is a good place to start, most of my depression was about feeling as if I deserved to be gross all the time. Getting out of the "deserving to feel like shit" mindset is a big help

Best of luck to you anon

>>33551613
> I deserved to be gross
Well, I never felt it about myself, but it might help as well.

>>33542288 (OP)
paroxetine and lithium

>>33542288 (OP)
>taking meds prescribed by a psychiatrist
you’re going to regret that. psych drugs are extremely dangerous. They are not even studied or tested for safety or efficacy beyond a year.

>>33553176
> psych drugs are extremely dangerous
How do you know that? Have you had a bad experience with them?

>>33553418
these drugs compleyelu tuinrd my life. don’t make the same mistake I did. Get off them as soon as possible. They are as bad as it gets. They are a massive scam. There is no studies on their effects longer than a year. They do not study these drugs. Big pharma has been sued A LOT because they cover up how evil and deadly these drugs are.

>>33553176
i take ssris and vaped thc last night and had a 15 hr sleep and my head feels weird since waking up

>>33554180
How much phych drugs did you have?
I'm only have one (valdoxan), and it's a light one, the other meds are just supplements.

>>33542288 (OP)
carnivore diet

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>>33542496
>just like, improve yourself!
doesn't work. t. always been 99th percentile or higher in everything i do. you just wrack up more moral burden and responsibility. how the fuck is that supposed to help?

>>33561992
Maybe it just have to be more specific than just improving everything you've got.

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>>33554572
You're lucky you woke up

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find whatever aspect of your life you're unsatisfied with and fix it at any cost. annoying family? cut contact. shitty job? get a different one. no gf? get one. gf being annoying? tell her to fix her attitude or leave.

>>33542288 (OP)
Go back to home base. Start with getting back into things you liked back in childhood or high school. Whether it was drawing, photography, whatever. Then get into more shit you've wanted to do. This will help build inner happiness and confidence. Next you need to really introspect and think about who you truly are. What are your life goals? What are your dreams? What steps do you need to take to get there? Also think about what the ultimate and best version of you looks like. What does he smell like. How does he walk? Where does he go? And most importantly: how does he feel? The crazy thing about the mind is you can feel things that haven't happened yet. So guess what you're going to do? Take 10 minutes every day to tap into that feeling. Not only will it make you feel good, but its self generated. No one can ever take it away from you. No matter what happens, you always have you. But it also inspires you to keep exploring your desires and the things you like to do. It will help make the connections between those things and your life goals and help you formulate a path to getting there. Maybe you need to start your own business? Maybe you need to work somewhere you never thought of working. Maybe it has nothing to do with your studies at all. But the most important thing is focusing on developing yourself and building your inner strength so you can take control of your life and figure out what your next steps are with the strong drive to make shit happen. You have all the time in the world. Why not try it? It definitely won't make you feel bad about yourself, lol. And honestly, it's fun to do those things we used to love and rediscover things about ourselves we'd forgotten. That's what you should do, anon.

>>33567030
>find whatever aspect of your life you're unsatisfied with
Well, I'm unsatisfied with my learned helplessness and existential vacuum (no real interests, no life goals, no life plans). Currently I'm trying to do minimal creating things tied to common themes, motives and genres of my favourite content, but I don't really feel much about it for now, even though I get some positive feelings in the moment.

>>33567035
Thanks, pasta, but I wish I had some legitimate "homebase" back in my childhood and highschool. Back then, I was just consuming content, playing with toys and doodling whatever I had a mild hype for, but never raised that doodling or any of my interests in content into something more creative and fruitful.

>>33567085
Yes it's pasta, but it's my own pasta. There are so many people where that exact advice applies and I get tired of restating the same thing in different ways every time. Find new hobbies then. I highly doubt "doodling" was the only thing you've ever been interested in for the entirety of your life. Move past childhood then. Either way you've got a good foundation to move forward. You can take it or leave it. The choice is yours, anon.

>>33567100
> I highly doubt "doodling" was the only thing you've ever been interested in for the entirety of your life
That's the only thing that's active, the other things were passive: reading, watching TV or DVDs, listening to music, etc. By chance I've got into TTRPGs around 6 years ago, and that's the second thing that's active.
> Find new hobbies then
Yeah, just like that.
Have you found any hobbies recently, if it's all that simple?
> you've got a good foundation to move forward
And what exact foundation I've got here?

>>33567217
>And what exact foundation I've got here?
It's called self drive. I can't do everything for you.
>Have you found any hobbies recently, if it's all that simple?
I never had an iPod growing up. Didn't even think to go to apple.com to see how much they cost and ask my parents for one. So I started buying them and refurbishing them and put my old music collection from high school on there.

Photography. Never bought a camera. Now I have over 20 and a fuckton of lenses. I keep a camera with me at all times to take shots.

Modding Nintendo Switches. To play pirated games, etc.

Working out. paused over the past few weeks due to work having extended hours.

Just to name a few.

>Yeah, just like that.
Yes, just like that. Do anything that vaguely has interest. See if it works. If not, do something else. If its good, keep doing it. It really is that simple.

>>33567268
> It's called self drive
I think I don't really have one in terms of things outside basic functionality like eating, sustaining a bare minimum of hygiene and doing my current job.
If you're really interested how did it got to this, I'll tell, but it'll be a long one.
> Just to name a few
How did you found out about these hobbies?
> Do anything that vaguely has interest. See if it works. If not, do something else
For how much should I try it? Will 5 mins be good? Or it should be 15 mins? Or it should be much more?
And for how many hours/days/weeks should I do it to clarify that it "works"? And how would I even know that it "works" and it wasn't just a vague "hype" from popularity of it or from liking an idea of doing it?
You see, it's not just a problem for me to find an interest, it's a problem to sustain it, to make it a real interest and not a fad or half-assed try.

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>>33567379
>If you're really interested how did it got to this, I'll tell, but it'll be a long one.
Sure, let's hear it.
>How did you found out about these hobbies?
They're all either something I remembered from childhood (ipod, photography) or stuff I just came across (modding nintendo switches or working out).
>For how much should I try it? Will 5 mins be good? Or it should be 15 mins? Or it should be much more?
You have to put genuine effort into getting the hobby started. Take Switch Modding. I found out about it, watched a few hours worth of YouTube videos about the process, then started buying soldering equipment from Aliexpress. I practically applied it by modding my own switch. Looked into turning it into a business. Practiced modding further, fucked up my first switch. Bought another, modded that one. Over the course of a few months I discovered that while modding was cool and I'm glad I did it for myself, I don't actually want to make this a business. So it was more of a personal thing. But now I have soldering equipment, an electronic microscope, etc for whenever I need to modify some other equipment which is a definite thing that will happen at some point. I learned that soldering and electronics modification is cool if it's just for me, but not as a business.

I say that to say: you have to put genuine effort into the hobby. 5-15 minutes isn't shit. You need to get to the point where you have a solid foundational knowledge of the hobby in question with *multiple* attempts at practical application. I probably have more than 150 hours of actual research, practical application, etc into switch modding. That's not including building a website, etc for the business I thought I wanted to build. Basically you should be an "entry level expert" at the thing. You know all the ins and outs and can genuinely say you know enough about the thing to conclude it is or isn't for you.

>>33568073
>>33567379
In the pursuit of doing what I said, you'll have indicators of either continued interest or loss of interest. Maybe you don't need a few months to come to that conclusion. Maybe the hobby has a much less steep learning curve and doesn't take so long. It just depends on you and the thing you're trying to do.

>>33568073
> Sure, let's hear it.
TL, DR: Never had any useful skills and talents as a kid beside initial interest in historical stuff, went for completely other direction in school and further because history became useless, felt devastated from the chosen direction and fell into an existential vacuum and depression.
[spoiler]Until the age of 17 I haven’t put any thought about doing something besides schooling, in which I was all-around A-grader, and in my free time I was just reading, watching cartoons and movies, doodling whatever I want with a pencil and playing videogames, when I’ve got a laptop.
The closest thing from this that I would have called an interest was reading about history: states, wars, battles, weapons, vehicles, symbols like flags or coats of arms, buildings like castles and fortresses, all that militaristic and cultural material stuff, and I was drawing a lot of that stuff too. I even got to imagining my own countries and their history with wars, battles and so on.
I hadn’t and still don’t have any particular talents, skills, abilities beside fast reading, and I hated and still don’t like doing physical stuff: exercising, doing any kind of physical activity or playing any physical game. My parents were totally fine with this as long as I’ve studied really well, and they didn’t try to push me into any way I didn’t want, because they didn’t know any better – I was “too smart” for them.
In a 9th year of school, like any other kid in my country, I had a choice: to go to any vocational school and study there for a trade or to pass state exams, study for 2 more years in a profile class, choose and pass the final exams to go for the higher education later.

Have to split it into three different posts, so this will be a part 1, part 2 and 3 will be in the replies[/spoiler]

>>33568538
Fucked up the spoiler, so fuck it, this is part 2.
Because I didn’t even imagine myself being a blue-collar, but didn’t know any better way for myself, I went for the second option, joining the same class group as it was before, even though for that moment the class now had a physics profile, and I wasn’t very interested in physics. It just seemed easier to study with the same people as before, though I wasn’t in good terms with them.
That choice was a horrible mistake. For these 2 years I didn’t get interested in physics to study them more thoroughly, even thought I had to do it to pass the finals, and, as I’ve concluded from talks and experiences from other students, my initial interest in history, if I would pursue it, would lead me nowhere, as there were no good entry jobs and carriers for this, except for, maybe, flipping burgers. As I was between a hammer of studying and preparing for exams on the discipline that was not interesting for me and an anvil of dead-end in jobs and carries with history for a major, whatever self-image I’ve had was ruined, I’ve lost any hope for myself and fell into an existential vacuum that led me into a depressive state. Mood became shittier every day, I was worried sick about my future in this situation to the state of anxiety, it became harder and harder to concentrate on studies and preparation, and I wasn’t able to truly enjoy the same stuff I liked before.
The finals came and ended – I passed them with quite low scores despite finishing my school with all A-s.

>>33568538
Part 3
Now there was a time to choose a university and a major in it, and because I’ve took exams for entering a STEM major and there was a risk of getting under a compulsory military service, I’ve randomly chosen a Telecom major. I went through it getting Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees without any real enthusiasm but by a willpower and desire not to completely disappoint myself and my parents. I was just studying with a little hope of finding a good STEM job while being a retard in that matter and not actually going for it while studying or taking any internships. Of course, my depressive state didn’t go anywhere – it was coming and going with various rates and power.
My current job came to me by pure chance – a groupmate called me one day, asking if I would be interested in being an electronics teacher in a vocational school. I’ve took that invitation and went with it, and now I’m working for 4 years there, teaching the same stuff I was learning in uni about electronics. That job at least still gives me a sense of stability, a little bit of money to save and spend on myself and I’ve got used to do it.

Sorry for any mistakes and errors here, haven't written that much in English before, being an ESL.

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>>33568562
>>33568547
>>33568538
So basically: you've done everything in live *except* the shit you're actually interested in (history, military, etc) and you wonder why you're not fulfilled? Brother. You could've literally become a high school history teacher and be more fulfilled than you are now. This is what happens when you take what other say as fact and don't do your own research.
>Studying history will lead you nowhere.
You listened to people who don't give a fuck about what you're studying. People who don't know anything about what actually is or isn't available because...they don't give a fuck about it. You could've gotten a job at a museum. You could've become a researcher and written books. There are so many things you could've done with history. I think the solution is simple: fucking do history. Figure out something along those lines and make it happen.

>>33569437
> There are so many things you could've done with history
Not in my country, I fear, if you mean a serious carrier way that would lead you to some kind of money.
I could make it just a hobby, but it still would be very niche and not very productive, if I'm just gonna read books or any other sources, go to museums and discuss historical stuff with other people. And I'm not physically fit and skilful enough to do archaeology or to be historical reenactor, nor do I wish to be one of those.

>>33542288 (OP)
do a bit more intense exercise like box, it helped me in my depression (still depressed but not as much)
learn something that sparks you interest, such as piano, or just something that used to make you happy.

>>33569781
> do a bit more intense exercise like box
How do you even do that while being depressed?
I was doing swimming for some time and now I'm considering to get back to it, but not before when I'll get enough time to do it regularly.
> learn something that sparks you interest
That's what I still have some problems about here. Because of my current mental state I can't really tell if I'm really interested in something or it's just a fad, if I'm really enjoying something or it's just a satisfaction from positive results that would disappear from one major fail. And I don't really have mental energy to sit and learn something relentlessly, even if I liked doing it before. I have to deal with those problems before I can take myself to do something more than just microactions and journalism reactions from them.

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>>33542288 (OP)
Smoke a joint or drink a beer for christ sake

>>33570124
well in a depression state is harder to "Get the wheel rolling" as if you were trying to move a 10 ton iron wheel, obviously its insanely hard, not budging at all, but when you catch some inertia, it can keep going, force yourself literally, use all of your willpower in order to do it. my family helped me honestly my dragging me almost every day. but i have hope you can do the same anon.
also, both problems come when you face a way deeper fenomena, like being insecure of your own purpose, having so high standards for you that no matter what you do, you fail to yourself even though you're not.
the key is to "Regain" that spark of life that you once had, its probably the hardest thing a human can do, since its literaly, the beginning point of any conscious, free man. you have to choose to live, rather than live make you choose, and no i havent solved my depression, its still kicking but im striving (at a very least), there will be up and downs but you cannot give up, no matter what.

>>33570274
If only it was just that easy, I wouldn't be here. I've drank a lot of beers with my buddies and it didn't seem to work.

>>33570420
> force yourself literally, use all of your willpower in order to do it
An how would I know later if I haven't forced myself in vain when doing heavy shit like learning a skill or exercising?

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People are suggesting too complex things. You seem like a big SHIT so obviously you can't do anything. Here's something simple: run everyday. Length doesn't matter, ultimately go for about 40 minutes, but as long as it's a daily habit it's fine it's just 30s. First you form the habit, then you just improve it over time.

>hurr brain isn't an organ, it doesn't benefit from exercise
shut up retard

>>33570695
Rain without thunder is far more common than rain with thunder. Mathew should lay off the wine.

fuckkk bros i dont even know if a want to date rn but i been getting huge attention from nowhere and i wont lie it finally feels nice but this girl that i was acting nonchalant with left me on read. tf i do now?? i didnt even care about this chick but the more i think about it the cuter she gets and i feel like ill regret it soon. idk. maybe i should wait to tmr and try again. i think i wont care at first but think it bothers me to think why she stopped responding

>>33569745
Well you need to start doing *something* regarding this interest then. Use your job as a means to pay for your hobby. Travel to places. Read more books. Go to museums. Find clubs around your interests. Maybe you can't make money doing it. Doesn't mean you can't use the money you get from other means to experience the hobby.

>>33571253
You care too much. No offense, but you're acting like a woman. Your exact response and feelings are what YOU are supposed to inspire in them. Do your own thing. Build up yourself and your own interests so it doesn't even matter if a bitch responds or not because you're legitimately preoccupied. Some random chick shouldn't have your dick in a tizzy just because you experienced a little bit of interest.

She's playing games. Delete the number, keep it pushing in a different direction. You're more likely to get her by pulling away than you are doing whatever the fuck it is you're doing now.

If you're chasing...that means she's running away. Don't forget that.

>>33542288 (OP)
dont give up on your interests / hobbies