Thread 33558811

I had any form of self expression beaten out of me as a child because that reminded her of my alcoholic father. This is the same man that she insisted she must remain married to for the sake of her children. This coupled with witnessing years of domestic violence and the general niggertry I had to put up with has turned into a silent husk that no one wants to be around. My entire childhood revolved around their failing marriage especially because I was rarely allowed to leave the house. Now I'm 19 years old with no friends because I don't know how to communicate with others.

Is it over for me?

Forgot to add this; she has made no effort to change. Is there any point in forgiving her? Or even keeping her in my life? I do not live with her anymore

you call that tough?

>>33558836
we can't all be molested nigga im sorry your asshole still whistles

>>33558811 (OP)
I am sorry. No, it isn't over for you, you can learn to communicate and make friends. I wouldn't speak to that woman ever again.

>>33558843
>I'm sorry your asshole still whistles
You fucking fuck you made me slit out my drink laughing fuck you

>>33558859
>Slot out my drink
Spit out my drink fuckin can't type cause my shoulders moving on their own

>>33558859
>>33558863
Awe man yo OP fuck what you think about self expression problems you just made me laugh man I ain't had that in a while. Don't think you can't express yourself cuz you just did it just fine right now

>>33558811 (OP)
Anyway yeah forgive your mom OP. It sucks and it's shit but remember forgiveness does not mean "my problems don't matter/you are no longer responsible for the shit you caused me" forgiveness isn't about that at all, forgiveness is knowing someone messed you up and choosing to grow past it anyway, not for their sake, but for yours. You can still feel shit but still forgive someone, man. All you need is understanding why the facts of the matter came to be, and you already know presumably. Your mom kept making bad picks in men got into some abusive marriage territory so she caught guilt cuz she felt like a shit mom so she tried to correct that by being overbearing and overprotective to try to absolve herself of the guilt and it went too fucking far. No it's not over for you far from it, you are only 19. You are just 1 year into adulthood and you already gained this amount of self awareness and awareness of the situation? Nigga it took me till 26 till I figured that out for my own shit upbringing. You are way ahead of me and I turned out fine in the end so will you

>>33558886
>>33558868
this is helpful thanks

>>33558811 (OP)
>Is there any point in forgiving her?
>Or even keeping her in my life?
You can forgive her for making poor decisions in a tough situation and maybe developing coping mechanisms that hurt you, but you don't have to stick around her. People who don't want to change don't really want to be forgiven, they just want to live without consequences. Forgive her and let her go before she drags you down with her.

>is it over for me?
It'll be really hard to take back what your father beat out of you, and your progress most likely won't be linear. Some situations will make you feel like you're 9 years old all over again but they won't last. It's not over

>>33558859
same here, was having a good time reading that.

take it steady op, make peace with what caused you to be who you are rn, to make it easier to unstuck, sometimes to thaw means to ice some more. the real forgiving may come way later, when you are accepting yourself more, until then, give her the benefit of a doubt, show grace.
as for you, as anon said you have the self-awareness that which you perceives does not show your potential and your soul, so make room for it, bit by bit.

>>33558811 (OP)
Nothing is impossible, especially not making friends and things like that. But I am guessing you don’t have a lot of self confidence and that will hamper your attempts at life.

You need get over the fear of feeling like a failure and just get out there and start doing something. Having a job will give you the disposable income necessary to go experience new things. It will also give you the feeling of knowing that you can be self sufficient so that you don’t have to depend on your mother so much.