Thread 33608826

I recently was paired with a female coworker my age for a day. I have been on friendly terms with her but I got the vibe that she was maybe interested in me. As the day went by we made small talk and were friendly although they were shallow conversations as she doesn't do anything outside of work and isn't that well read (which I wasn't that into) but regardless as time went by I realized I don't know how to flirt. I was friendly, made a bunch of jokes (none self depreciating either) and she laughed a lot but I don't know how to escalate a conversation, what to say, etc. and ended up making small talk until the shift was over. While I don't think dating a coworker is a good idea, I should know how to flirt and ask girls out by now without appearing autismo (like I usually do with everyone) as I'm in my late 20s. I don't know what her takeaway was, if she thinks I'm autistic (which I might be), just overly nice, or gay (which I'm not), but I'm not too worried about what she thinks. I'm just concerned about my lack of social skills. How do you ask a girl out? How do you flirt? What do you say?

>>33608826 (OP)
>How do you ask a girl out?
You go up to her and ask her out.
/thread

>>33608862
I need examples

>>33609073
Its going to be hard to give you examples of how to talk to a person like a normal human being. Don't you have any friends? Its just like that.

>>33609085
My social circles pretty limited, I haven't had any close friends for a while

Pls help

>>33608826 (OP)
>How do you flirt?
Flirting is just teasing. Kind of the same way you'd do with the bros, except now it's a girl. Anything can be a flirt because you're saying one thing when you mean another. Just like teasing your bro. You're making fun of him, but you don't really dislike him. You're doing it *because* he's your friend. Likewise, the flirting is happening *because* you like her.

Additional advice: you do NOT get a girlfriend by talking to her like a friend. That puts you in the friend zone. You have to flirt / tease. You can't be scared to make them slightly sexual like "that's what she said" or other shit. In a sense, you kind of treat her like a bro: not afraid to say no. Not afraid to tell a risky joke. Not trying to be a people pleaser and agree with everything, having your own opinion. But making a specific effort to mix in a bit of sexual innuendo like I mentioned before. That's how it works.

>>33609073
>would you like to go out on a date someday? I'm interested if you are.
if there is a lot of dead silence (likely it means that the interest is not mutual)
>you can say no by the way.
or
>think it over if you want
then leave and continue working
if she rejects you Disclaimer: it will hurt it always does for a week or two. But you will be able to take it and heal, its better than never trying shooting your shot. So yeah save yourself the pain, the games, the anxiety and just ask if she wants to date you. Accept the scenario where you lost mentally as well so it doesn't hurt as much if it happens.

>>33609088
First of all, I highly suggest you dont date coworkers. Yes im sure you've hear "Dont shit where you eat" but im telling you its true. Im going through it right now. It becomes a real pain in the ass if shit doesnt work out well. The only exception is if you have a large job were you might not see her every hour or everyday.

If you really want to try and ask her out. Start slow. Get to know her more than a surface level and listen. You'll be surprised how women react when you remember something they've said. Opposite is true when you cant remember. It tells them that you are paying attention to them. Work your way up to having a excuse to be near her or work with her and keep at the banter. Ask her opened ended questions with things like "How does that feel? Why do you say/think that? How would you..." Etc. This gets her to open up her feelings slowly over time and that subconsciously tells her that she feels safe and like she can open up around her.

If you conversate right and dont be weird about it, your next step is to ask her out for a drink or a bite to eat or something quick, small, and something where people are present. Once you feel conferrable and she is reciprocating a level of conversation and interest. Ask her for a more formal date. Once there, ask her out officially.

>>33608826 (OP)
"Hey, when we were working together the other day you mentioned you like Chinese food. Want to try that new restaurant down the block?"

or name if actor ....his new movie
or type of music .... concert or club
or whatever

>>33612063
This is what I was looking for, but how far do you go without being mean or a creep?
>>33612124
Would being this direct work? Wouldn't it be a turn off?
>>33612149
I know and agree with you, I have gone out with coworkers in the past who ironically asked me out and saved me the grief, things were awkward after it inevitably didn't work out
>>33612739
Aren't movies, concerts, etc. bad first dates because you're not talking to the person or getting to know them, just sitting there?

>>33614254
>how far do you go without being mean or a creep?
It's a gradual increase. That way if you go "too far" it was only ever *slightly* too far and completely recoverable. You won't know how far is too far until you interact. And you solve the "creep" issue by not jumping directly into overt shit. If she doesn't respond to the basic, trivial shit there isn't even an opportunity to be a "creep" because you're smart enough to shut the fuck up because she's not that interested.

Let's make that point now: a man is only ever a "creep" when he's doing too much with a chick that's not interested. He's not catching the hint. Usually because he went too far too fast and didn't build up from basic shit to see if she was even into the teasing / flirting. Or because he's literally not paying attention to her responses or body language at all.
>Is her body turned towards me and open, or is she turning to the side, almost as if to aim away from me?
>Is she genuinely laughing with wide eyes or is it that half assed shit to not be mean.
>Is she engaged in the conversation and adding to it or is she just nodding along with zero effort

Last point: never have idle (pointless) talk with a woman you're interested in. There always needs to be a goal. Because talking simply for the fuck of it is...what friends do. And you won't want to be her friend. Examples:

>Lets start teasing/flirting and see how she responds to basic "that's what she said" innuendo.
or
>I want to go out on a date. Let me reach out with that intent
or
>We've got a date scheduled and the basic innuendo was good. Let's see how far I can go
or
>Ok now I know how far I can go. Lets start tying the innuendo to me and her

Shit like that. And to be clear, those goals aren't necessarily spread over days and weeks. This could be just a couple interactions. They're just examples of goal setting. Also texting is for date scheduling. Save real convos for IRL.