Thread 33611492

>whats the deal with asians and break dancing
>im just not seeing how that could have started
>like who was the first asian to break dance
>who was it, booker t chigga?
>and his friend harriet tub of rice?
>imagine the underground railroad was just littered with break dancing koreans
>the 1800s were kind of crazy LMAO
>no but seriously who was the first asian to start breakdancing
>probably some kid who was skipping violin lessons to break dance in his garage
>his father catches him one day
>"ryan nyugen, what the hell are you doing in here"
>ryans just like, dad this is my true passion
>high school musical with a twist
>no but how did the first asian kid pitch break dancing to his fellow asian friends
>that had to be a hard sell
>like selling the ability to hold a gun straight while shooting it, to a black guy
>"aw hell nah nigga I shoot my shit sideways"
>anyway how did this asian kid convince his friends to start break dancing
>maybe it wasnt that hard, all kids wanna be cool right
>his friends probably thought math club and piano werent gonna make them that cool at the end of the day
>so I guess thats how it started
>he was just like, guys, fuck math club
>thats not gonna get us pussy
>calculus has no equation that equals us being inside of vagina
>thats probably exactly how he worded it
>theyre just like, now youre speaking a language i understand
>and thus started the asian breakdancing thing
>glad you guys could stick around for this history lesson

Is my first comedy script any good? Did you laugh?

>>33611492 (OP)
People just don't want to laugh right now. There are decades where basically anyone can become a comedian. The last one was the early 2000s. I say give it 5-10 years and maybe the economy will turn around.

>>33611492 (OP)
it is not good, i did not laugh

so it might work if you pitch it to fourteen year old 4chan types, but youre unlikely to find a comedy club filled with people like that

>>33611492 (OP)
I'm going to have to say... not really. But, if you've had some comedic(ish) successes in the past with your social group - maybe its something you can work on. A lot of people don't one shot these things on the first try.

As for joke writing I would attempt shorter setups and punch lines, like if your original post was cut up into 3-4 stand alone vignettes. Try them with your friends.

>>33611492 (OP)
That depends, are you a woman? There are plenty of successful female comedians who aren’t funny.

But in all seriousness, not really unless you’re young. If you’re 18-19 your sense of humor has time to develop further into your 20’s. If you’re in your 30’s and this is what you’ve got, don’t quit your day job. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but it’s just not great. I don’t know what to say to help you, either. Being funny is one of those things where you either got it or you don’t.

It came across as more ramblings of a schizo than a put together comedy bit.

>>33611492 (OP)
Consider another line of work

>>33611492 (OP)
Don't give up your day job.

>>33612146
>>33612406
>>33612623
>>33612682
>>33612685
>>33612686
Kek. Brootal. Im still gonna try stand up. I've done stand up before and got pretty big laughs talking about killing babies so I know I'm funny. Literally some guy got up from his chair the first time I did stand up to tell me I was good. Another time some guy came up to me to tell me my bit was genius. So ik im funny. Lulz.

>>33612730
Maybe. Maybe people just like your genera affect.
I think some version of what you wrote could work with the right crowd if you're liked, though there aren't necessarily "jokes" but a lot of comedic acts aren't centered around jokes. It still needs work.

I'll hazard myself at a rewrite instead of just fence sitting and throwing critique.

>We have any Asian's in the crowd tonight?
>Ok... three of you?
>If you weren't at the same table I'd assume you hated each other.

>Last year the Summer Olympics saw its first and last break dancing competition
>It was won by a young Korean man
>representing... Canada

>Neither here nor there, but -

>I never understood the strong Asian hip-hop crossover
>It's got to be a tiger parent rebellion thing, doesn't it?
>"Hello my teenage son. Are you a doctor or lawyer yet?"
>"No, Dad. I'm going to be... a break dancer."

>They say imitation is the highest form of flattery
>And as a representative of white people everywhere
>I got to say I feel a little snubbed
>Where's the Asian rodeo subculture?

>Whites have k-pop enthusiasts, shut ins that want to live in anime, rich guys that go to Thailand...
>The cultural appreciation is starting to feel a little one sided, and now there's an Olympic gold medalist Asian break dancer?
>Listen... Listen. It's not like *cough* blacks have copied a passion for mathematical excellence or... parental involvement.

>It's time to remember your ethnic neighbors. We mesh better, like the Axis powers.

>>33612730
>and got pretty big laughs talking about killing babies
Then why didn't you give us that routine instead of whatever the fuck this was? If that was a reflection of your comedy I'd rather pass a kidney stone than see your act.

>>33611492 (OP)
This comes across like you're trying way too hard to be funny and it's not at all. Your punchlines suck.

>>33612943
This isn't funny either, but it's miles better than what OP posted.

>>33612730
>Literally some guy got up from his chair the first time I did stand up to tell me I was good.
That's what the owner does on open mic night. Even if you bomb, if you think somebody liked you you're a lot more likely to come back and buy more booze.
>Another time some guy came up to me to tell me my bit was genius
Of all the shit that didn't happen on this board, this happened the least.

>>33611492 (OP)
Almost as funny as Joe Rogan.

>>33611492 (OP)
the answer to all your questions is BBC

>>33612954
>>33613003
Who the fuckk do you guys find funny then? Shane gillis? That guy isnt funny

>>33613229
Literally just making shit up and denying reality

>>33613566
Dave Chapelle and DeRay Davis are pretty funny nigs. If you don't understand why what you posted isn't funny, then you just may not have a natural talent for it. Shane Gillis isn't funny, but even he's better than what you posted. What you posted was legitimately embarrassing to read. I gave you feedback on why your bit fell flat. The fact that you're getting defensive instead of taking the feedback means a heckler will eat you alive, and believe me, you will get heckled.

Anyway, you said you had better material that people liked so why don't you post that?

>>33615769
Fuck up. You faggots just dont get it. Simple as. My comedy doesn't appeal to you faggots for some reason. But everyone has an audience. Eat shit

>>33615817
Goofy-ass jokes and thin-skinned/standoffish. You'll go far.

>>33615769
Shane gillis is hilarious.

>>33615912
Regardless what you think of him, he objectively shits on whatever the fuck OP calls "comedy"

>>33615817
You should kys, that'd be funnier than anything you could possibly think of and it'd be a net gain for society.

>>33611492 (OP)
Comedians aren't funny and if they are it's for a split second of time before they become spoiled dog shit like Colbert

>>33615856
>>33616011
>t. coping faggots

When I succeed in stand up Ill be back to dab on you guys

>>33611492 (OP)
No Anon, you see to be a comedian you must make self deprecating jokes about being white or only make fun of white people while never doing anything other than surface level banter about anyone else.

>>33616028
>He still won't post his "good" material that he claims people likes
You're not succeeding in shit, poser

>>33616036
You can be funny without being a self-hating white. OP is so unfunny he makes Michael Richards's standup look God-tier.

>>33616000
Oh yeah 1000% percent. He's still fucking hilarious. Not a deep introspective hilarious or anything but I laugh thru everything he does. Rarely a dud.

>>33616053
The point is that they're self loathing and unfunny, i.e George Carlin. Comedians only exist for boomers, once they're gone so will to will the comedian vanish.

>>33616097
Okay, but this has nothing to do with OP's "comedy" being something an 11 year old would write.

>>33616101
I think op ditched this thread lol

>>33615817

>>33616101
It's still written like something a modern day comedian would write, literally.

>>33616111
Yeah, he threw a tantrum and left. I really wish I could see him try to use this shit in front of a crowd, that would actually be funny.
>>33616036
>to be a comedian you must make self deprecating jokes about being white or only make fun of white people
>>33616119
>It's still written like something a modern day comedian would write, literally.
I'm assuming you're NTA from >>33616036, because if you are, those two statements contradict each other.

>>33616134
I mentioned that already, OPs "Joke" is "haha Asian break dancing funny" what? It's surface level and so much so it doesn't even make sense. If you asked OP to make a joke about a white break dancer it would probably go like this.
>"Have you ever seen a white person try and break dance before? It's absurd!"
>"Like come on Eric go watch your daily does of blacked for 4 hours a day!"

And if you REALLY wanted to appeal to the boomers it would go like
>"ORAGE MEN BANNED LIKE NAZI RAAAAGHH"

>What do you call a man who has no talent?
>OP

>>33616161
OP should do standup on this board

>calculus has no equation that equals us being inside of vagina
I think this was kinda funny. Cant say I LOLed. Standup seems to rely more on the execution than the actual quality of the joke so maybe it works better when you tell it. As other anons said the setup is too long.