Thread 33614607

I'm 26 years old, I have no purpose.
I have no group that I belong to, no movement, no race, no friends, no family, no nation. I spend my free time staring at the ceiling, trying to think of anything at all.
I have travelled all over the world in search of purpose, and only found more of the same thing.
I've tried to get fit, and it hasn't resulted in anything.
I tried to put myself out there and date, but all the women seem pretty much repulsed by me.
In high school, two women made up lies about me and ruined my reputation, not that I was a great person by any means, but since then I have no way to trust people anymore.
I work my ass off and just get taken advantage of by the people who hire me.
All my old friends just wanted to get high and do drugs.
I just have no idea what to do anymore, I don't know why I get up in the morning, because it really seems like there is nothing left in this world worth fighting for.
I'm the last of my paternal bloodline, and I might be infertile. And it seems everyone just hates me for being what I am.
I don't belong anywhere, I am formless, nameless, voiceless, uncertain of my own existence.
I can't even kill myself because I am too much of a coward. So I just sit, and wait, and age.
Should I just find some way to turn my brain off, become a full time gooner and just use dopamine to sedate myself?
And don't recommend I take pharmaceutical drugs, that's the path of liars.
I'm going to suffer, because it's all I know that exists, just this.

your biological purpose was denied: humans lived as hunter gatherers for 200k years and now you were thrown into a industrial hellhole and need to participate in abstract rituals to live. It's not your fault for not having a "purpose"

>>33614945
Yet I have to do something by the necessity of my existence, to find something, some way.
I have this empty feeling in my stomach since forever, and my body feels so light, like all the drive to move has just gone out of me.
I cannot understand how the world could ever get this bad, why everyone insists on destroying everything that was once good. There is no God or theological view that could justify letting things get this bad, and yet we are still compelled to decadence.
But I have no means of reclaiming or restoring what I've lost, or healing the damage I've done to myself.
The ties to my ancestral awareness were severed by the slaughtering of my people, and the restructuring of our language, erasing our own view of history, our sense of identity.
How can Islamic God claim peace when it burns all things to the ground?
How can the Christian God claim Love when it destroys and persecutes all non-believers?
How does the Jewish God claim power when it actively destroys the very earth from which it draws strength?
And of the buddhists who would say to simply stand aside and let it happen, that kind of spiritual apathy?
Or the pagans who pretend to be in touch with things they can no longer know given the destruction of all the ancient traditions?
There is no truth, no guiding light, nor salvation in acceptance of the chaos.
There is only this empty feeling, everywhere you go, as the whole world decays from the actions of men hellbent on power and comfort, trampling over everything that has given them life.
This life was a mistake, and cannot be rectified. Yet still I cannot stop the desire of pursuit.