Thread 33623311

My gf and I hardly ever have sex and neither of us have talked about it. I have no idea what her thoughts/feelings/wants about it are and no idea how to broach the subject respectfully.


Early in our relationship we'd have sex a lot, then I went on antidepressants and my dick broke. I went off antidepressants, dick worked again but we're still barely having sex. Been like this for 1,5 years.
Any time I try to touch her in a sexual manner, she gives nothing in the way of a response. She doesn't tell me to stop, doesn't moan or tell me it feels good/bad, doesn't move to make it easier for me to touch her, doesn't touch me back. Just nothing.
Anytime I try to make out with her, she just keeps her lips shut tight.


The few times where we do have sex is usually when she'll just outright say "do you want to have sex".


During sex she'll give extremely little in the way of nonverbal communication. It's literally impossible for me to read what she finds pleasurable and what not. No facial expression, no moaning. Occasionally she'll make a squealing noise, but she makes that exact noise when she enjoys something as well as when she finds something unpleasant. Only thing I know for sure is that she enjoys getting jackhammered or fingerblasted because that's the only thing she does clearly communicate about.


At the start of our relationship we communicated pretty openly and explicitly about sex, but the initiative always came from my side and any time I'd ask her if she found something enjoyable or if she'd want to try certain stuff she had a very difficult time putting her feelings into words, and eventually I stopped initiating the conversation.
So now we haven't talked about sex in 1,5 years.


With my previous gf I brought up the difference in sex drive like 3 times in 2 years and somehow she managed to experience that as me putting too much pressure on her so I'm very anxious about opening up the conversation with my current gf in a constructive way.

>>33623311 (OP)
She lost attraction to you since the brokedick phase, may now be getting some on the side and is repulsed by you. Start working on yourself and preparing the next options - do what they do and monkey-branch. It's her fault if you cheat or leave her.

>>33623311 (OP)
Remember, marital rape is an oxymoron.
As the other anon said, she lost sexual interest in you. Self improve to the point you feel good with yourself. Go to the gym and start lifting.
You can always stay or leave, the choice is yours, but I disagree with the other comment that her lack of sexual arousal is an excuse for you to leave. As long as she is not refusing sex and not cheating, she is not at fault.

>>33623311 (OP)
Have an actual conversation about it to learn what her energy levels are typically, and let her know yours. You can't expect to solve this issue by not having an open conversation about sex, what you guys think about sex, what you want out of it, etc.
You might find that that spark can be rekindled, but like any flame it has t be tended to. If you really want the relationship to work, you have to have conversations to define what you're both comfortable with.

>>33623376
I have no idea what compels cucks like you to do this, Ashkenazi DNA maybe?

>>33623311 (OP)
After the next time you do it: "That was nice. Why don't we do this more often?"

>>33623514
woman brain

>>33623525
Emotionally mature non autistic way of doing things. Establish boundaries, communicate, both the things you find cognitively difficult.
>"Bu-bu! Were suppose to engage in sodomy and do all that stuff they do in porn!"
>"Noooooo you can't enjoy your partners company anon, you have to put your penis in her at all times of the day!"

"marital rape is an oxymoron" this is why they want legal child marriage + KAM fascists first

>>33623514
Yeah, I understand that I have to open up the topic.

The thing is that with my previous gf there was also a mismatch and I thought I opened up the conversation in a respectful way (talking about that I miss intimacy, asking if there's anything I do that she doesn't like or if there's anything I don't do that she would like me to do) and only got vague non answers. I brought up intimacy a total of 3 times in 2 years because after every conversation, nothing changed. And in the end she said that she experienced pressure, even though I did everything I could not to make her feel pressured.

So I'm afraid of opening up the conversation because apparently there could be something that I do that I'm not aware of that makes someone feel pressured.

>>33627276
>in the end she said that she experienced pressure, even though I did everything I could not to make her feel pressured.
when it's the end, girls will twist everything they can to rationalize why they're the good guy poor girl victim of oppreshun abuse and why they're valid for wanting to break up
they're not exactly unbiased is what im sayin

>>33627276
You were wrong to engage with that cuck and ignore the first guy.

If you want to win her back you need to do stuff away from her. Get a promotion, get /fit, display skill through a cool hobby like music, get attention from other women.

She's not attracted to you but lacks a better option. Honestly you shouldn't even be initiating sex with someone who responds the way you describe, she's not doing it because she wants to. You should be directing your attention away from her, that means redirecting your sex drive as well, if you don't want to cheat you can still flirt or sublimate your drive into something else.

>>33627471
When did /r9k/ start leaking into /adv/?

>>33627413
Could be. Maybe I'm too critical of myself.

>>33627491
I've posted on both but the advice is genuine.

Besides, does the "you shouldn't make her fuck you when she responds like this" part really seem like the worst of r9k?

>>33623311 (OP)
not completely related to this but I currently have a sugar baby that has a bf and they haven't had sex in a couple of months
we have sex at least twice a week.
she doesn't have a reason to lie to me, I told her it's ok for her to have sex with her bf, I don't care about that, I wouldn't have taken her as my sugar baby having a bf if I cared about that.
so there is that.

>>33627503
The rhetoric that you and the first poster use seem very typically r9k.
The whole "its her fault if you cheat" just screams incel to me.

No, it's never bad advice to tell someone to engage in fulfilling activities in their life. But the assumption that you made is that I don't already do these things. Which is wrong.

>>33627510
Seems completely unrelated to my post desu.

>>33627563
I explicitly gave you options that didn't involve cheating.

You don't have to listen to me anon but I really believe that if you try "having a conversation" rather than changing the circumstances giving rise to your situation then you're going to lose.

She IS communicating. A lack of desire for you to be precise. Barring medical causes you have all the information you need. You either change what's in front of her or you don't.

>>33627563
>The whole "its her fault if you cheat" just screams incel to me.
The /s was a bit too subtle in that one, but I wasn't exactly making an effortpost. I was making fun of people justifying women cheating

>>33627570
>the circumstances giving rise to your situation
As far as I can see, this is just another baseless assumption. I do not know what the cause is and it is pointless to assume because I could very well end up being wrong in my assumption, just like you wrongly assumed that I'm not moving up in my career, don't have hobbies and don't go to the gym.


>>33627578
There are too many people who genuinely believe that sort of nonsense for me to recognize it as a joke

>>33627618
But are your hobbies cool status enhancers?
Going to the gym is one thing but are you ripped?

You sound like you're going to have the conversation, good luck negotiating attraction anon.

>>33623311 (OP)
does she get less sleep than before?

>>33627618
>There are too many people who genuinely believe that sort of nonsense for me to recognize it as a joke
Absolutely, fair point. Especially women, but incels are of course partly woman-brained, so we can expect some crossover. Not to mention that I had my inner butthurt gender warrior whispering when I wrote that.

>>33627276
A woman like that who is incapable of expression her emotions or setting boundaries isn't worth your time, if she says she feels pressured by you doing the mature thing of approaching the issue, then she clearly is immature, and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it.
This is why women make rape allegations, they don't apply an ounce of critical thinking to their own behavior or establishing a healthy relationship, and they are so fragile as to see any approach to the issue as pressure.

>>33627644
Again, the whole focus on status, typical incel rhetoric. I'm not going to put energy into stuff I don't give a shit about because a bunch of virgins are convinced that's how you get laid.

I had the conversation. I started it in an open way, asked her what her desires are when it comes to sex in our relationship. She said she'd like to have more sex, as do I.
We just both have different expectations when it comes to initiating. She prefers explicit verbal communication, I prefer nonverbal touch and buildup.
That and apparently it's been mentally difficult for her to create space and time for sex since we started living together.

When you live apart, the moments that you see each other are special and exciting and naturally more often lead to sex. When you live together, it's a different dynamic and we haven't really figured out a way to work with that.

The good thing is we both want the same thing.
Guess your assumptions were all wrong.

>>33627782
Anyone who partakes in the gender war has lost.

>>33628643
Not sure if I agree with the last half, but yeah it's definitely immature

>>33628823
>Anyone who partakes in the gender war has lost.
Agreed, that's why I don't tolerate manhaters shitting up the conversation.

>>33628823
>Not sure if I agree with the last half
I didn't state it well. The point is that women don't express themselves or set their own boundaries, and then at the slightest encroachment they call rape or tyranny despite either putting themselves in that situation in the first place, or changing their mind and not vocalizing it.
Nobody shames women or teaches them accountability, so they don't practice it, this is the reason for just about all modern problems with women, they are never taught to be accountable for their own existence.

>>33628874
Imo generalizations like this are a sign of emotional immaturity.

>>33629555
Generalizations are a sign that you possess healthy cognitive functions, if you don't believe me I invite you to hug a Grizzly Bear. Afterall, you can't judge Grizzly bears by the actions of a few Grizzly bears anon, not all Grizzly Bears will maul you to death for approaching them.
Be sure to post your results here after your done.

>>33629766
1. Hasty Generalization
Claim: “Women don’t express themselves or set their own boundaries… this is the reason for just about all modern problems with women.”

Fallacy: Extrapolates from selective or anecdotal cases to an entire gender. Individual failings can’t be assumed universal.
2. Victim-Blaming (Moralistic Fallacy)
Claim: Women “put themselves in that situation” or “change their mind and not vocalize it,” so accountability lies with them.

Fallacy: Misplaces responsibility from violators of consent onto victims, ignoring social and legal norms about explicit consent.
3. Causal Oversimplification
Claim: Women’s lack of accountability is “the reason for just about all modern problems with women.”

Fallacy: Reduces complex social dynamics to a single simplistic cause, disregarding economic, cultural, and structural factors.
4. False Analogy
Claim: Generalizing about women is like generalizing about grizzly bears (“you can’t judge by a few bears; hug one and see”).

Fallacy: Equates humans with non-sentient wild animals, ignoring key differences: humans have moral agency, cultural variation, and individual autonomy.
5. Begging the Question (Circular Reasoning)
Claim: “Generalizations are a sign you possess healthy cognitive functions.”

Fallacy: Assumes what it’s trying to prove—that generalizations are valid—without addressing whether the specific generalization (about women) is accurate or justified.

>>33630056
Using social science jargon to deconstruct what somebody says isn't actually a refutation of what is being said, it is like saying
>I don't agree with this and fail to see the reasoning in it, so I will call it fallacious.
Also makes you look like an AI

>1. Hasty Generalization
All information is selective. This information is not anecdotal, we can cite divorce court statistics that prove a general trend among women to choose the easy way out, and be disproportionately favored despite all evidence of their wrongdoing, such as:
>Women initiate about 69% of heterosexual divorces
>Women receive the majority of child custody time, with one study finding they are granted roughly 65% of custody time on average in the U.S., while another 2018 study reported that mothers make up approximately 80% of custodial parents.
Even despite the flaws of the mother, the false allegations they spread about the fathers, and numerous other flaws in divorce courts, this disparity highlights the bias of the courts, and of society at large to not hold women to the same degree of accountability as men.

2. Victim-Blaming (Moralistic Fallacy)
This was an issue of False rape allegations, not genuine cases of rape. This is because what we define as rape would broadly apply to almost everyone in the population, because any degree of sexual relations while under the influence is technically punishable, so long as one of the partners changes their mind after the fact; if they can prove that the other person initiated it, it is considered rape, even if the person was consenting at the time.
This again highlights a lack of accountability. While the law does have some virtue in protecting people who are unconscious, women generally use this to their advantage even in cases where they do not consider it rape, for a variety of reasons I will not go into.

>>33630056
>>33630126
>Cont
>3.Causal oversimplification
I do admit that this is an oversimplification, but it is not stated without reason. Referring to a highlighting a general trend is a way to keep the conversation structured, you could of course had cited some kind of statement to the contrary to defend, but instead you'd rather make a post about how it is fallacious instead of addressing the point itself. This might be because you are in fact a woman, and rather then take accountability for the conversation and speak using your own words, you'd rather use the dismissive jargon of fallacy to conveniently address the issue without actually addressing it.

4.False Analogy
You would only call something a false analogy if you do not understand the purpose of an analogy in the first place. This was not to draw a correlation between humans and bears, as you blatantly misunderstood, but to point out the virtue of thinking in generalities; i.e.
>If you don't think that statistical generalities are generally useful, then put that to the test by engaging in an action that is generally unsafe.
Again, the point was not to compare humans the bears, but to highlight the flaws in the manner of thinking that overlooks something simply because it is a generality.

5.Begging the Question (Circular Reasoning)
Generalities highlight general trends, and as the conversation is more or less based in women's actions in general, it is thus pertinent to the conversation. If I were to alternatively argue from a place of
>Well not all generalities exist, we should focus on the outliers
The conversation would be different, and based around outliers. But to highlight the specific trend of how women lack accountability, I will cite some statistics for you to consider that correlate to my point:

>>33630056
>>33630126
>>33630156
>Cont
>In Generation Z, roughly 44% of Gen Z men are in a relationship, compared to 71% of Gen Z women
>but the CDC reported that 54.3% of all females ages 15–49 were using a contraceptive method
>A 2024 KFF survey found that 74% of reproductive-age women in the U.S. believe abortion should be legal in all or most cases.
These previous examples highlight how promiscuity and abortion are indicative of women's lack of accountability, rather than abstaining from sex, they look to external solutions to their problems. Which is further emphasized by the below statement
>Women consistently use antidepressants at higher rates than men across different age groups and severity of depressive symptoms.
There are of course many issues that are difficult to quantify when it comes to women's accountability, that is undeniably the flaw in my argument, but rather then simply backing down and saying that we cannot know these things because they haven't been quantified would be foolish, because there are general trends that we can observe, and the overwhelming amount of anecdotal evidence suggests that there are trends not being studied that would further prove my point.
>Research from Uzbekistan, for example, found that courts granted divorce more frequently when the claims were filed by women, with a success rate of 86% for women compared to 69% for men
>women are more often awarded spousal support (alimony) and child support than men.

Please select any facts I've just cited, and we can discuss the implications and potential causes of them and whether or not you think Accountability is or is not a factor in these numbers.
Even if I can't list anecdotal evidence which you refuse to acknowledge, there are an overwhelming amount of statistics that prove my point.

>>33630212
>>33630156
>>33630126
>>33630056
i aint readin allat lil bro

just talk to her you fucking retard, you're acting like a woman with all this passive aggressive "why aren't they reading my mind" crap

>>33623311 (OP)
be more dominant
tie her up, oil her up, slap her about, tickle her with feathers
do whatever, just keep asking, do you like that?