Thread 33654501

I can't even touch my gf without her shrinking away. Life was less lonely when I was literally alone.
I hate myself for getting into this situation. Obviously I'm old and not some college fag or I'd just find a new girl. Haven't even had a opportunity to cheat, my life is just work and sleep.
What do?

>>33654501 (OP)
Work and sleep. You deserve it.

>>33654501 (OP)
Sounds like she'll leave you anyway.

>>33654522
She won't

>>33654501 (OP)
I remember my ex acted this way, one day she wanted to use condoms so I asked how long have you been seeing him. She flipped her shit but I wasn’t wrong.

>Haven't even had a opportunity to cheat
make one

>>33654562
Not OP but literally how? Fucking a coworker seems like the most logical choice, there already there for 40 hours a week. Besides that you use what, apps? And meet up with them how? If all OP does it work and sleep how the fuck is he supposed to suddenly be out at night without her? If he didn't care about her finding out he'd just dump her.

>>33654562
>>33654654
Sometimes I just drive around but I don't drink so I never find myself in any crazy circumstances. Apps are shit and all the girls from my past are well in the past now.

>>33654501 (OP)
I feel you OP. My gf doesn't "shrink away", but besides the fact that we only have sex like once a month (and when we it's boring and mechanical), she barely ever initiates physical content. I'm always asking her for a hug and a kiss, and if I do this as she's on her way to the kitchen or whatever she says I'm "obstructing her". We've been in couples therapy, and I've said numerous times in therapy that I need her to initiate physical contact more. But she never fucking does.

The thing is though, every other aspect of the relationship is good. We have a lot in common, we talk a lot about a lot of different things, we don't have serious fights that devolve into screaming, and we have fun when he go out. So I don't want to leave her just over the sex life.

I'm in a similar situation to you cause I'm old, fat, working all the time, and I never had good luck with dating when I was young, so I don't see why I would have better luck now. And I highly doubt I would ever find someone I get along with as well personality-wise as I do with her.

But she's been wanting to get married for years, and I've told her that I don't want to get married until our sex life gets better. And she's clearly frustrated by that cause she thinks "sex doesn't define the relationship". But I don't think she'll leave me either because she's even older to me. So maybe we'll never get married, and just live together. Either way, we're stuck in a rut.

>>33654562
This, my last ex pulled that "I'm suddenly not attracted to you" shit. Ok bitch, cool. Went my happy ass on instagram and found a side piece from my old college. Best experience was one night when the ex was randomly horny and told me to come over, I was in the middle of fucking the other girl raw, finished, went over with her pussy juice drying on my dick and let my ex blow/fuck me raw.

Fuck around, find out. I dont even like cheating, its a hassle, but when women pull this dizzy shit, it's time to act. I even told my ex at the time that I would eventually find an outlet if she wasn't down anymore, didn't heed the warning.

>>33655010
Women do not understand the physical needs and desires of men and they don't care to. It isn't about fucking them like a pornstar either, it's the intimacy and closeness that physical contact, not just sex, brings. They don't get that though. But if you're emotionally distant? Ooooh boy you're gonna hear about that and how you need to be more open and share your feelings.

I feel the same as you and while we have sex more than once a month (although not much more), she's my first and only partner and I'm 32 and she's 35. Im working on losing weight, she isn't, but I have an incurable skin condition that causes scarring so how the fuck am I supposed to find another woman to love me? I'm surprised my fiance can fuck me as is.

>>33655052
>>33655010
Also in this situation, my gf is older than me and we get along in every way but sex has dropped off a cliff. For the first 3 months she initiated almost daily, then it went to once a week which was ok, now it's once or twice a month at best. I don't want to move in with her or get married if it's going to get any worse. We've discussed it but nothing has changed in months.

>>33654501 (OP)
>my life is just work and sleep
Heres your problem, no wonder your gf is a dry as a bone. Also, not having other options is no reason to stay in a pointless relationship.You said it yourself, life was less lonely when you were actually alone.Because thats what it feels like being together with someone out of pure needyness.

>>33654654
>Besides that you use what, apps?
You use the so called "social life". If you don't have one, meetup. com or hobbies like a hiking group are a good starting point.
>how the fuck is he supposed to suddenly be out at night without her?
Step 1: Get up.
Step 2: get dressed
Step 3: Walk to the door. Open it. Go through. Close it.
Its literally that easy.

>>33655130
Don't do bitches that just have sex to ensnare men.Find ones that enjoy sex innately and have fun doing it. Unlikely if you are a piece of human cardboard who only wages and sleeps tbqh.

>>33655157
>Unlikely if you are a piece of human cardboard who only wages and sleeps tbqh.
I have a ton of hobbies and I'm fit. So no

>>33655130
>nothing has changed in months.
then it's your own fault at this point. you're not married. move on

>>33655052
>Women do not understand the physical needs and desires of men and they don't care to. It isn't about fucking them like a pornstar either, it's the intimacy and closeness that physical contact, not just sex, brings. They don't get that though.
They really don't. I've tried to explain to my gf many times before about how she's the first long-term gf I've ever had, and how I was starved for touch, and made to feel like I was ugly and sexually unattractive for most of my life, but she really doesn't seem to understand how much that fucks with your head.

At the same time, she has her own hang-ups. She's had big tits from when she first hit puberty, and says that she doesn't like it if I say I like her tits cause it makes her feel like a "sex object", and she's felt like she's been sexualized for most of her life, and that a lot of attention she got was from adult men when she was a minor. I can get why that would fuck with her mind too. But I feel like I've put more effort into understanding her perspective more than she has put into understanding mine.

>But if you're emotionally distant? Ooooh boy you're gonna hear about that and how you need to be more open and share your feelings.
My gf has never called me "emotionally distant", but if I ever want to spend what little free time I have just browsing on my phone, she says I "don't like talking to her". She completely ignores all the times we've had deep conversations. We both work from home, and there's been times I haven't gotten any work done for the day cause we'll get caught up in a conversation. She doesn't seem to think that distracting me from my work is a big deal.

>>33655130
I don't regret moving in with my gf because like I said, I still enjoy spending time with her. But I've made it clear to her that I don't want to get married because I view an active sex life as a prerequisite for marriage.

>>33655197
>don't regret moving in with my gf because like I said, I still enjoy spending time with her. But I've made it clear to her that I don't want to get married because I view an active sex life as a prerequisite for marriage.
So did it get worse when you started living together? That's what I expect is gong to happen if we get a place together. Honestly sometimes I wonder if we'd have more sex if we spent less time together, because we still see each other a significant portion of the week.

>>33655197
>How I was starved for touch, and made to feel like I was ugly and sexually unattractive for most of my life, but she really doesn't seem to understand how much that fucks with your head.
I think some things are just impossible to truly understand on a visceral level. I'm a pretty big guy who lives in a safe country so I have never truly feared for my physical safety. That is almost certainly not the case for most women and definitely not for you girl. Being a small woman with big tits and having grown men leer at you all the time must be really scary because some men are genuine fucking animals that should be caged. We can try to understand what that's like but we'll never truly know. It must be the same for physical affection since that is available 24/7 to any even remotely attractive woman.

>>33655214
I think our sex life started to fall off even before we moved in cause once the "honeymoon phase" passed, we started fooling around less. Then she started having to take birth control cause she was having heavy menstrual cycles, so that definitely fucked with her sex drive. And to be honest, I probably didn't help myself by commenting about her tits too much. Once the honeymoon phase wore off, that definitely made her too uncomfortable.

I don't regret moving in with my girlfriend cause I genuinely do enjoy living with her and spending time with her. I'm not sure being apart from her would have helped our sex life.

For your situation, I think you need to ask yourself if you would enjoy living with her even if that sex doesn't get better anytime soon. And have an honest conversation about your concerns.

>>33655246
The thing is, even though there's a lot of men who are completely dismissive about women's experiences, there's still a lot of men who have enough empathy to put themselves in women's shoes and understand why women don't appreciate sexual comments from men they don't know. And I think it's not too hard for men to grasp it. Most straight guys probably wouldn't appreciate random gay dudes telling them that they want to fuck them in the ass.

In comparison, there's a lot less women who put effort into understanding men's experiences. A dude who tries to talk about what a lack of touch does to you is often dismissed as an "incel who feels entitled to sex". My girlfriend has never said anything of the sort, but seeing a lot of women online talk like that is disheartening.

For me personally, I realize I made her uncomfortable in the past by talking about her tits too much, and I feel bad about that. But she really doesn't seem to put the same amount of effort into understanding why the lack of touch makes me unhappy and why it's such a big deal that we can't get married.

>>33654501 (OP)
>Obviously I'm old and not some college fag or I'd just find a new girl. Haven't even had a opportunity to cheat, my life is just work and sleep.
She can sense your neediness and is repulsed by it.