Thread 33783774

I turned 30 earlier this year. Birthdays are always highly melancholic for me, as it simply means that I'm one year older and one year closer to dying. However, my 30th birthday is one that I've always especially dreaded. I've always felt like, once I turn 30, I won't be young anymore. I'm truly an adult, whether I feel like one or not. But what does it even mean to be an adult anyways? Quite frankly, I don't want anything to do with what society tells me "adults" are supposed to do. I don't want to get married or have kids. I don't want to be a debt slave and work a job that I hate so that I can spend the rest of my life paying rent to a landlord (or paying off a mortgage). I don't want to partake in the meaningless rat race. I want something more, but I know that there really is nothing more. Life is an endless abyss with no purpose that we were all born to slave away and die in. I really don't know how anyone with a functioning brain can live in this world and not want to kill themselves.

>>33783774 (OP)
You sound like an angsty teenager. Being alone and inside your skull all the time doesn't give you some special existential clarity, it just makes you weird and mentally ill.

Grew out of thinking this way when I was 29 lmao. Good luck anon you'll be fine

>>33783950
>>33783953

People have always told me that, as I got older, I would outgrow my ultra-cynical, misanthropic attitude. But, in all honesty, I feel like the opposite is happening. The older I get, the more I truly start to feel like human beings, as a whole, are just just vile, disgusting, worthless parasites that thoroughly deserve to go extinct. I don't know what I want from the world, but I do know that this definitely isn't a world that I want to have anything to do with. This is a world that, quite frankly, deserves nothing more than to be catapulted into the sun.

>>33784019
>human beings, as a whole, are just just vile, disgusting, worthless parasites that thoroughly deserve to go extinct.
correct, but there's nothing you can do about it

>>33785555
>>33784019
>>33783774 (OP)
Oh you sad sack. Yes to echo the other anon, you sound like a whiny teen.

The big thing i have to ask you in this case, because it’s not the 60s, you don’t have to work some shit 9-5 job have kids a wife and a white picket fence house in suburbia, like, there is no greater time in human history to be able live a life contrary to the generic “traditional” “”rat race”” way of life.

No matter how you choose to live whether it be conventional or something different, it will rarely ever just fall in your lap, you have to actually get up and work towards whatever it is you want. You seem like one of those people who expects life to just “happen” to you rather than you proactively making it happen.

Do you or have you ever had any passions? Interests? Hobbies? Past times? Role models? Goals? Ambitions?

Maybe it’s not your fault if you haven’t had any of that and wasted your life in aimless stagnation for 30 years, maybe you have some kind of brain defect you aren’t fully aware of, life paralysis is common in some neurodivergent people.

You seem like a person that has never actually gone out and experienced life. Worked various odd jobs, traveled the world, had friend groups, social gatherings, romantic relationships, ups downs, tell me if im wrong!

But regarding your life philosophy that seems to reference nihilism, I have no problem with nihilism as a view, it could be correct and it seems convincing in some level, though I don’t like how people take it as a license to be whiny edgy bitches, but also I just don’t know if we have enough scientific or philosophic knowledge to be so confident in nihilism or even scientific materialism as the end all be all definitive metaphysic for the universe, although it’s served us well this far.

>>33785626

>Do you or have you ever had any passions? Interests? Hobbies? Past times? Role models? Goals? Ambitions?

No. I don't enjoy anything. I don't feel positive emotions. And yes, of course I'm autistic.

And no, I've never had a job, never traveled outside of the country, never had any friends, never been to any social gatherings, and never had any romantic or sexual experiences. I've never wanted to have a social life of any sort. I hate people and I hate being around people. But I do feel like I need to have some way to support myself independently.

>>33785677
Hm I see. Well if you are genuinely autistic, in theory, depending on how severe, although given the little info you’ve shared up to now, it would seem to be severe enough that it’s impacting your life negatively, you should be able to qualify for some kind of supplemental disability check from the government. That would allow you to live independently and modestly, a life of quiet NEET solitude, if that’s what you really desire.

Although I would argue, even despite your autism and lack of interest in a social life or romance, you still have much to discover about yourself and what you may actually like in life.

You see, I often find that with people like you, who claim to like nothing really and have little passion or interest in anything, it’s either again, they have problems with their dopamine or serotonin receptors, or, they simply haven’t tried enough things. Usually it’s hard feel one way or another about something youve never done or had.
Which, it’s easy, very easy to not do something, it’s default. It’s very hard for autistic people as I understand to challenge themselves to do new things. There are lots of things i didn’t appreciate as a kid but the older I grew and more I actually tried things, learning how to draw, table tennis, swimming, movies, certain musics, driving, traveling, sewing, cooking, i would’ve never imagined myself at 10 liking any of this, but I can’t live without it now.

Also it’s strange because, I know all autistics are different, but it seems common for autistic people to have niche interests right? I’m really surprised there’s not even one thing for you. Anime or video games even?

>>33783774 (OP)
>does it even mean to be an adult anyways?
Usually taking responsibility for your own life. As much as possible to your abilities, not like a cripple is not an adult.

>>33785792

>I’m really surprised there’s not even one thing for you. Anime or video games even?

I mean, I have certain interests (like, for example, cinema), but I wouldn't say that I derive pleasure from them. They're just ways to pass the time. I don't feel pleasure, ever. The only emotions that I ever feel are hatred, anger, sadness, fear, and disgust. I have no ability to feel positive emotions like joy or love.

>>33783774 (OP)
Its not a milestone our lable loads of tards walking around with orthopedic skate shoes, fuck'em how cares.

>>33788409
>Its not a milestone our lable loads of tards walking around with orthopedic skate shoes, fuck'em how cares.
What the fuck did I just read?

>Birthdays are always highly melancholic for me, as it simply means that I'm one year older and one year closer to dying
Who told you that you're going to die. That's not how that works....

>>33788522
Pretty sure everyone dies.