Until I have surgery I will never be anyone's romantic dream. I'm not a pleasant person to look at. I have to take charge; those things are not for me. Anyway, it's too late now. The sexual failure I've had since I was a teenager, the frustration that has haunted me for years, has left an indelible mark. Even supposing I could get a woman from now on which, in all honesty, I don't think will happen, it won't be enough; nothing will be enough anymore. I am an orphan of those adolescent loves I did not have. In me the wound is already very painful; but it will become more and more so. An atrocious bitterness, without remission, that will end up flooding my heart. For me there will be neither redemption nor liberation.
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