Thread 33796295

I'm talking to two girls. For all of my life I've been the bitchless loser, but in the last two weeks I've managed to kiss two girls at parties. The first one was last week we have subsequently seen each other 2 more times and they went pretty well, we have chemistry, text almost everyday, common interests she is funny but maybe not 100% my type physically. The other one I met yesterday, she is stunning, very smart and loons very sweet but when we kissed yesterday she seemed a bit absent minded, she told me she ended a relationship a while ago and she would take some time to be fully ready. The conversation maybe wasn't the best but not too awkward either. I would like to get to know her better to find out if we are compatible, but at the same time it's a bit dishonest with the other girl and also with her (she doesn't know about the other one). But since technically I don't have any exclusivity or couple status with girl 1 it could be done. What I could do is keep it going with girl 1 and 2 at the same time, until I know them better and can decide but the more time you spend with each one the more emotional links you build up, which can end up really badly. They are both sweet girls and don't want to be an asshole so what can I do?

>>33796295 (OP)
You are not being an asshole yet. There is zero commitment and you are definitely setting a false standard just to sabotage yourself.

When you are telling one of them you love her or sleeping with her, then it's time for these thoughts.

For now, you are doing what most of us here do and ruining a good thing by overthinking.

>>33796295 (OP)
Choose one and date her. I’d pick the one that seems more interested in you and has the most chemistry.
>maybe not 100% my type physically
Get over that and be happy

>>33796295 (OP)
>don't want to be an asshole
Then don't. You haven't done anything wrong YET, but you're getting quite close to it. Society is highly mononormative: people expect exclusivity to be the default, unless otherwise specified. So if you don't tell either girl that you're not exclusive, they will assume you are exclusive; and if you know they assume that, and you know it's not true, and you don't say anything, that's a lie by omission, and a very serious one.

Now, if you want to *tell* both girls that you aren't being exclusive with them, that's fine - not a problem at all. But not saying anything is deceitful. And if you're going to try to claim that they aren't expecting exclusivity at this point... if that were actually true, they couldn't possibly be upset by you telling them you're not exclusive, could they? So why not say it?

Alternatively, you could just be exclusive with the first girl and see how it goes. She sounds like a much better prospect than the other one.

>>33796310
>>33796388
These guys are wrong. There is a huge chance one of them drops you within the week or you entirely lose interest.

Let it play out until you at least know which you like more. Yes, you can't drag it on through multiple days if you think one of them "is the one", and they will eventually sense it, but you aren't deceiving anyone yet.

>>33796392
>you aren't deceiving anyone yet.
In your mind, how long will it be before he is deceiving the first girl? They've been on three dates already.

>>33796295 (OP)
you're a prick and not worthy of girl 1

>>33796388
Yes, what I don't know is if there is a tacit agreement that presupposes you can hang out with other romantic interests when you don't have that much of a history with a girl. With non exclusivity you don't mean poligamy right (usually not accepted by barely anyone in my country and not sth I want) ? So then being non exclusive with someone is inherently something that doesn't last for too long. I don't think either of them would like the situation of having to wait on me to know the second girl better in order to know what happens in the future.

>>33796536
Not sure what "seen each other 2 other times" really means here - doesn't sound like any of those were "date dates", but I already said, he starts deceiving when:

1. He tells her he loves her (which shouldn't be anywhere in the next 6 months)
2. They start actually having sex or he at least touches her naked titties.
3. She outright asks him if he is seeing other people at which point I would say whatever he answers, he has to stop.

I guarantee you that this is a traditional story of anon got lucky for a second and now feels like all these other options will pour in - they likely won't.

But yes, he should make a decision soon.

>>33796557
It is generally accepted these days that going on one date with someone doesn't imply a promise not to go on a date with someone else. In the era of dating apps, it's necessary to go on an awful lot of first dates to find someone you like enough to want to go on a second or third date with.

But there is a point at which you are no longer trying to figure out whether you like each other enough to try dating, you are actually dating. And at that point you are expected not to be going on dates with someone else.

Exactly when you reach that point is something one can argue about, but it's not really a matter of a set number of dates. Like I said, when you get to the point that you are definitely dating rather than deciding if you want to date, exclusivity is assumed unless otherwise specified. And that's even more true if you're having sex: you definitely can't be having sex with one person while dating another, unless you actually tell everybody and they're all fine with it.

Put it this way: suppose you date one of these women for six months, and then find out she's been having sex with another man all that time, and she says "But you never said you wanted to be exclusive! If you'd said I'd have stopped fucking him" are you really going to feel completely okay with that, or are you going to be thinking "I think not having sex with other men was implied"?

>>33796578
Okay so 1st time when we met, then a second time which was an actual date then we kissed, then a third time which was at a gathering with some friends I had to go somewhere else but stopped there to say hi, then she came with me to where I was supposed to go. No sex so far, but we've got touchy. For now I'll maybe meet girl 2 and just get to know each other and that will be it, then I'll have to choose. I obviously don't intend to carry the situation for too long, I'm bad at lying and want to minimize casualties while at the same time knowing the choice I'm making is the good one. But it doesn't feel good

>>33796860
Also until I meet girl 2 again I think I will reduce the contact a bit and obviously no sex or long dates or anything too romantic with the other one
>>33796601
I'm not planning on having sex with her anytime soon, at least not until I sort out the situation with the other girl. As I told >>33796578 we've just had an actual date which btw went pretty well. But when I'm with her I don't have the sensation of being with a girlfriend yet.

>>33796860
>No sex so far, but we've got touchy.
That's definitely getting into dangerous territory, by the sound of it.
>I obviously don't intend to carry the situation for too long, I'm bad at lying and want to minimize casualties while at the same time knowing the choice I'm making is the good one. But it doesn't feel good
If it doesn't feel good, then STOP. If it feels like you're doing the wrong thing, then you probably are. And you shouldn't be lying at all. At the moment you're not, because there isn't yet a reasonable assumption of exclusivity, but if you've "got touchy" then there will be very soon.

>>33796948
>I'm not planning on having sex with her anytime soon
If the opportunity arises, are you really going to turn her down?
>But when I'm with her I don't have the sensation of being with a girlfriend yet.
Whether you have the sensation of being with a girlfriend actually isn't particularly important. The important question is whether *she* has the sensation of being with a boyfriend. Are you sure she doesn't?

A good rule of thumb here is to ask yourself: have you not mentioned that you're seeing someone else because you genuinely don't think it matters and she wouldn't care if she knew, or are you not telling her because you think she would be upset if she found out? If you're not telling her because you think she would be upset, then you're lying to her.

>>33796295 (OP)
>They are both sweet girls and don't want to be an asshole so what can I do?

Well, meet both o fthem, what else. Women are pretty willing to share what they consider a good man. They may throw out some shit tests or try to maneuver you into "exclusivity", this is an excellent opportunity to leanr how to handle such things.
Just don't give th eimpression that you are deeply in love or anything with one of them (unless you are) and keep it mostly sexual (until it isn't). Thus you avoid being an actual asshole. Whcih is very different what niceguy simps and cuckservative Betas call an asshole.

>>33796295 (OP)
really nice dude. I would say continue going to parties, continue kissing girls, girls who want you will make it clear. You can try, and try as you will you won't get it if THEY don't want it. (Unless you try really really hard but I personally don't have the GUMPTION for that)
so yeah man. You did very well. Be happy and then continue going to parties.

>>33797476
>Women are pretty willing to share what they consider a good man.

>>33797476
>Women are pretty willing to share what they consider a good man.
How many times has this happened to you personally, or did you just hear that women do this on fresh and fit?

>>33797476
What lol. A friend told me to be sincere and since I'm in a starting phase, to at least tell them without many details that I'm also meeting other people, which might be a nice idea but idk if it will be well received. People here in my country tell me it's no big deal but I can't drag it on for too long.