Thread 33877671

I need help. I went to see an escort to lose my virginity and now my libido is totally gone because I couldn't maintain an erection with her and didn't do anything except kissing and oral. I'm 29.

I just got too nervous and couldn't have sex. This is despite me not watching any porn for a week or so, so I was quite horny. She was very nice, I admitted my situation to her and we talked for a while. Did a bit of oral, she said I had beautiful eyes. She seemed surprised when I said I was a virgin but maybe that was just an act. We seemed to have a good rapport and talked about interesting things but again, don't know if she was just acting. She did seem quite engaged when she was talking to me and we kissed a lot which I liked. The more we talked the more I relaxed but I felt bad. I'm so pathetic. I genuinely feel worse in a way now. I wandered around afterwards feeling completely alone in this world and wanted to cry. 29 years on this planet and aside from escorts, I'm still a kissless virgin. I deserve to be a Wizard.

Maybe it's a mental thing? I just don't think I can meet a woman and within 5 minutes be having sex with her.

I feel completely drained and I want to vomit. How can I get over this? I feel like I've ripped my soul out and I feel like a husk.

If I keep abstaining from porn, will my libido reboot? Should I try to see her again in a few weeks?

>>33877671 (OP)
I think you might actually be cooked

>>33877671 (OP)
sex before marriage is a sin
also please measure this
you fapped for at least 10-15 years
you didnt for 1 week
you think this doesnt have any consequences on your dick and worse , on your mind ?
im 20 and i think i did it for 6 years already , yeah 7 but still .
this addiction is proof demons are real
we want yet we cant
my only advice i can give you is to kill yourself to the world , literal orthodox advice
die to the world

if you haven't jacked off in a couple hours porn has nothing to do with it. You need therapy or to have your broken dick diagnosed by a doctor.

>>33877778
stop giving people bad advices !!

>>33877671 (OP)
Nerves is a real thing. The porn doesn't help and takes more time to get back to baseline sensitivity and interest, but it's normal for some people to feel too anxious. Sometimes it just takes time getting comfortable and being able to really relax. Cuddling, kissing, laughing together etc.

>>33877671 (OP)
>Maybe it's a mental thing? I just don't think I can meet a woman and within 5 minutes be having sex with her.
Brother even though I've been having sex since I was 18 (now 40), I'm the exact same now as I also was back then.

I've probably turned down more girls and rejected more opportunities for sex than the times I did have sex.

I could've had sex or tried to and have gone a few bases at least as early as 15 or 14, I could've gone to prom with a girl and countless other times/girls I skipped out on or flat out rejected, just because I would rather get to know a girl on at least a surface level like her favorite movies and what music she listens to while also making sure it's in line with my own.

Plus there's always nerves the first times, my first few times getting my dick sucked I was so nervous I couldn't cum, and other times I'd go soft in a girl's mouth that's never fun for anyone but it happens.
Same with the first few times kissing, my first few dates, the first few dozen times or so trying to figure out how to unhook bras, but eventually through practice you figure it out and have it be second nature like any other skill.

>>33877671 (OP)
>escort
>kissing

>>33877732
Well fuck, what do I do?
>>33877847
>probably turned down more girls and rejected more opportunities for sex than the times I did have sex.
That's nice but I'm a virgin at 29.
>>33877876
That was the nicest part.

>>33877997
just make sure you're the first customer of the day KEK

>>33878068
I'm a virgin at 29, not like I have much power

>>33877671 (OP)
Take viagra and try again.

>>33877671 (OP)
How did you arrange the escort? And cost? 31 and wanna do this

>>33879339
I have considered viagra. Does it work?
>>33879340
I just found her online on a website and messaged. Cost equivalent to about $250 for 1.5 hours.

>>33877671 (OP)
It's a perfectly normal reaction. Sex with someone you met 5 minutes ago is not normal and most likely not healthy to have. Your unresolved issues like anxiety depression, autism and insecurities you may have in other areas in life are like invisible weights that are going to stop you from focusing on what's right in front of you. Compound that with the fact that deep down you don't just want sex you want an attractive loving partner you're comfortable with you're going to feel even more in conflict with the experience.

Abstain from porn, work on your diet, health and fitness and if you are truly health and fit and don't have glaring insecurites your libido should eclipse your autism and any natural anxiety one would have in an encounter like that because you wanna fuck her so bad. But then what, did you think having a positive encounter with an escort would have really fixed anything?

>>33880181
Viagra can help if you've got physical reasons for not being able to maintain an erection, and to a degree yeah, mentally it does help since it eases performance anxiety if you're worried about being able to get hard or stay hard. But it may be way less effective if you're anxious with a chick because she feels like a complete stranger to you or this is wrong. There's other ways around this like drugs that might get you in the mood but that's a temporary bandaid and will only destroy your life further in the long run.

>>33877671 (OP)
Did you ever end up getting an std from eating her out

>>33883289
>Your unresolved issues like anxiety depression, autism and insecurities you may have in other areas in life are like invisible weights that are going to stop you from focusing on what's right in front of you. Compound that with the fact that deep down you don't just want sex you want an attractive loving partner you're comfortable with you're going to feel even more in conflict with the experience.
I think you're right.

>Abstain from porn, work on your diet, health and fitness and if you are truly health and fit and don't have glaring insecurites your libido should eclipse your autism and any natural anxiety one would have in an encounter like that because you wanna fuck her so bad. But then what, did you think having a positive encounter with an escort would have really fixed anything?
I guess I just wanted to experience intimacy.

There's nothing wrong with kissing whores as long as you see them brush their teeth first

Not the same but kind of similar when I lost my v card to an escort I was rock hard the whole time but could not cum, wasn't even close to it. This seemed to amuse the girl and she literally called me a "living dildo"

>>33883305
No, I feel fine.

>>33877876
Yeah I dunno if I'd kiss a mouth that's had dozens or even hundreds of cocks inside it

>>33877671 (OP)
I’m turning 30 this week and have fucked roughly 22 different escorts since losing my virginity to one in 2016. I got an actual gf in 2020 but she cheated and kept playing games so I dumped her. Honestly escorts are a waste of time and money. You need to find yourself a girl that is attracted to you. The best sex I ever had was when I didn’t outright pay for it. But I paid in other ways so now I’m damaged goods trying to seek truth in an increasingly shitty world which I guess makes me a volcel as this is the longest I’ve gone without pursuing sex

>>33883448
>You need to find yourself a girl that is attracted to you.
How?

>>33883453
Honestly it’s a roll of the dice. Purely luck and anyone who says otherwise is full of it. I got lucky (and unfortunate) with the last girl. We had amazing sex but she was deranged and turned my life upside down. Maybe start going to bars or better yet just try to ignore sex and women all together? Life hasn’t been this peaceful in years but I’m not getting pussy. If you can learn to look at the bigger picture that is your life then you just might be able to control your impulses and redirect that primal energy into things that will actually payoff later. I just don’t see pussy as an investment unless children are involved. Too many men are just looking to stick their dicks inside attractive things not realizing that it’s a complete waste. But you do you.

>>33880181
>Does it work?
Yeah, it does. You literally won't be able to calm down and will have the strongest erection of your life, but it will be pleasurable. And don't listen to the true love fags, they're either virgins or just got lucky and found someone when they were young.

>>33883501
I want an intimate connection.
>>33883509
I will order some to try. Is there a risk I get hooked on it and rely on it for sex?

>>33883706
>Is there a risk I get hooked on it and rely on it for sex?
Well, you won't get addicted because it doesn't work that way. After you overcome the mental barrier, you won't need it anymore. But you might get hooked on the feeling of long, intense sex and want to use it to recreate that experience, and there's honestly nothing wrong with that.

>>33877671 (OP)
you sound like the wrong person to have gotten an escort. they are more for people like me that are both insatiably horny constantly, and also don't like getting particularly attached to anyone/grow bored of people quickly.

in that sense, I love them because it's basically free sex and then I get to skip the talking almost completely and get to go back home to ck3 and tekken.

>Maybe it's a mental thing? I just don't think I can meet a woman and within 5 minutes be having sex with her.

>I feel completely drained and I want to vomit. How can I get over this? I feel like I've ripped my soul out and I feel like a husk.

>If I keep abstaining from porn, will my libido reboot? Should I try to see her again in a few weeks?

take all of this shit and toss it in the trash. don't go see another escort. don't try to get easy hookups. there is nothing wong with being a virgin at 29. go outside, make friends, talk to women and when you find one you really like, then you can ask them out on a few dates. everything will be much more natural and less vomit inducing for you.

>>33883826
>go outside, make friends, talk to women and when you find one you really like, then you can ask them out on a few dates. everything will be much more natural and less vomit inducing for you.
I don't know how.

>>33884109
its your only option unless you can reasonably pull on dating apps but we've already established quick hookups aren't your thing

make it easier by finding a club or something to make friends at, and then just talk to people. read a couple of books on what makes people tic (making them talk about themselves is a good one) and then do it in real life.

thats how sex was my first time too, dont worry about it dude. The next time it should work fine

I'm the OP. I haven't been able to get an erection for a few days now and I'm beginning to worry a bit.

Is this because I've stopped watching porn or the escort experience?

>>33885143
government mandated no nut november. Consult a therapist next year

>>33885157
I'm thinking of speaking to my dad. I have to get this off my chest I think.

>>33885143
You have depression.
Start with sertraline, see if it helps.

>>33885290
I tried that several years ago, never again.

>>33885290
Not him, but I am going through the same thing. Won't SSRIs just make things worse?

>>33885324
Yeah, in the short term, but eventually your depression will go away, maybe not entirely, but enough to live a normal life without medication.
Medication just helps you to cope with depression, feel it less, and become normal again faster than without it. We are talking from 6-12 months of depression without meds to 1-3 months.

I was a virgin porn addict for 26 years OP.

Had multiple failed attempts at sex where I just couldn't get it up. Horribly humiliating.

I ended up getting in a relationship at 26. We didn't have sex for the first 3 months. Often slept over at each other's places. We would cuddle a lot and I would get very horny.

Eventually we tried having sex. Bit of a disaster. I would get hard and go soft constantly. Over time with enough practice I could maintain my erection. But then it took another 3 to 4 months until I could cum from it, and the first time I needed to have some porn on. Now having been together for 1.5 years I'm able to have normal sex and cum without any extra stimulation, but even still I dont always find it easy.

If you are like me it's just something you will need to work on. It's a very new experience for you and your brain is probably trained on porn, it will take time but can be done.

>>33885453
>If you are like me it's just something you will need to work on. It's a very new experience for you and your brain is probably trained on porn, it will take time but can be done.
Yeah this is why I've stopped viewing porn.

How long will it take for my brain to adjust?

>>33885463
I think about a month. And dont have any expectations you will be able to cum.

Alternatively if you have the cash try it with the same escort a couple times a week. Watch some porn while you do it. A lot of the issue for me was my anxiety which goes down with time and experience.

>>33885518
My plan is:

1. Continue abstaining from porn and masturbation - the goal here is to make myself naturally aroused.
2. Take supplements to boost libido - zinc, magnesium, ginseng etc. The goal is to boost my testosterone as much as possible.
3. And yes, I will see the same escort again, perhaps late next week. I actually can't stop thinking about her.

>>33880181
what website? I want to try it out

>>33880181
Would like to know the site too

>>33877671 (OP)
>did oral
>still kissless virgin

>>33888417
>>33887140
AW

Nerves are a real thing, I had an awful first time experience having sex where I not only struggled to get hard I basically thought I was defective.

Recently I learnt to actually enjoy sex and for me that took time, I took Cialis to help with the nerves and anxiety, I talked with my girlfriend a lot, about what we both liked and... It sounds dumb but having small goals with her really helped.

First it was just putting it inside of her, enjoying the rhythm of sex - we then went to masturbating with her besides me, showing her tits and pussy off to me, swallowing it when I finally did cum, she then escalated that to shoving my cock inside of her when I came, and gradually over time she dressed up in something extremely slutty and it just became instinct to pound her, fuck her and conquer her, cumming all over her.

What I'm trying to say is it's mental and physical it's both, your body craves that intimacy and what you got was body part mashing, not to mention the shame of hiring the escort, the other pressures you've put on yourself for being a virgin at 29.
There is no easy fix besides being easier on yourself, making yourself happier and then when you are more confident build yourself up. However slow so long as you enjoy it then it's hard to go wrong.
Also there are going to be escorts who'll treat you extra nice if you tell them you're a virgin

>>33877671 (OP)
Gross. Kissing and oral with an escort sounds ichty

>>33889500
She did treat me nice when I told her I was a virgin, even though she's a few years younger than me.
Gonna see her again and try to talk things through.

>>33889519
Nah it was nice, she French kissed me too.

I expect this to be about how things will go for me if I somehow don't fuck up things with this chick. Knowing my luck I will finally get the chance, not be able to perform and then things will just be awkward.

>>33891628
If you're like me (OP) and have watched porn for years, you might struggle.

>>33877671 (OP)
ignore the other faggots, find an escort that does full body massage, get them to make you feel relaxed first. Suck on them tits and then get to work when you're hard.

>>33879340
used classified for my first try, older asian lady, great massage and sex. they are generally quite pleasant.

>>33893645
She did give me a massage but I couldn't get hard

>>33893645
This is the way. You gotta be extremely gay if you are not getting a rock solid banana from a hard erotic muscle massage. Thai massages are fucking amazing. I've only done hard tissue oil massage. Cock becoming a flag pole is inevitable.

>>33877671 (OP)
Why not just take a boner pill before hand and try again?

>>33894556
I might but I don't want to rely on viagra for sex
Also does it help with arousal

Currently on 16 days without porn, 10 days without masturbation.

Not feeling good bros. Feel utterly lifeless and have no libido.

>>33893405
Probably. I'm trying to curtail my use of it currently. I'm putting the cart before the horse though. I've not even been on a date yet in my 30s. I have like a tentative first meet kind of thing I'm trying to plan in the coming week so I guess that's at least a start. I just hope if it comes to it whomever I'm with is understanding at least.

>>33896142
Good luck.

It's been a week now since I saw the escort and my dick is still limp.

>>33877671 (OP)
It's 100% mental. Performance anxiety. It's hammered home not to objectify women but you've got to relax that attitude a bit to enjoy sex.
I swear once that switch flips and you're honed in on that ass, those tits, that face, that feeling, whatever the fuck, it doesn't take long to bust.
Abstaining from porn and masturbation will probably help as you regain a bit of sensitivity to the stimuli, but it's really that mental block that is making it hard.

>>33899378
Thanks anon. Gonna try seeing her again next week.
What should I do if I fail again?

>>33893651
Classified?

Day 17 of No Porn and I feel much better.

>>33900686
Sperm cramps?

>>33901013
Not yet.
On Day 18 now.

>>33877671 (OP)
It"s normal for the first few times. I had the same.
Mentally: Go to a massage place with a happy ending first. You have time to calm down there during the massage, and you don't have to do anything yourself.

Physically: Sex is very different from fapping, it is much easier to fap.
Your hand is faster. When you're close to coming, you really have to speed up your hips, as fast as your hand would be. If you're uncertain, watch some leaked videos to see how people have sex normally, when it's not for producing porm.
During real sex, when the time comes to come, you have to go for it. This is different from watching porn. When you're watching porn, you scroll around and keep swirching between videos, that's what keeps your erection and attention up. It's how the brain works. In sex there is only one girl, you cannot extend it like you usually do, you have to go and try to come.

If the erection is gone for mental reasons, you can wait 10-15 minutes and go again. Trying to push it to get it up will not work.

>>33902599
>Your hand is faster. When you're close to coming, you really have to speed up your hips, as fast as your hand would be. If you're uncertain, watch some leaked videos to see how people have sex normally, when it's not for producing porm.
It's such a shame porn site are filled with Onlyfans and professional shit, it's hard to find genuine amateurs fucking anymore

>>33902599
>Mentally: Go to a massage place with a happy ending first. You have time to calm down there during the massage, and you don't have to do anything yourself.
I have actually done that before, it was nice
I thought having sex would be easy but I think my brain is fried by years of porn

>You can't kiss a whore because she sucked a lot of dicks
>You can kiss a random girl in a party that did the same thing, but didn't charge
Lmao, unless you're fucking a methhead, you are probably safer with a Hooker than a random girl. A good Hooker is a stickler for hygiene in a partner.

>>33903197
She was clean, yeah.
I actually kind of liked licking her pussy lol

>>33877671 (OP)
I think it's a mental thing honestly. From my own experience I didn't really get the appeal of strip clubs until I was in one, and a couple hundred dollars deep in multiple lap dances with this skinny blonde with H cup boobs and ghost nipples.
It was in that moment that I had gotten quite comfortable in that degenerate environment and I felt the animal inside me growing.
Ever since that I have been much more comfortable around women.

OP again. It's been about a week since I posted this thread. I still haven't watched porn or masturbated.

I woke up feeling slightly sexually aroused this morning imagining a sexual situation, but I still have absolutely no libido during the day.

I'm at 18 days without porn now. Should I keep going? I'm scared my libido has vanished. I won't be seeing the escort for at least another 7 days so I have a while.

I know this anon >>33885518 said it would be about a month but I'm a bit worried about it. My mood feels ok and I feel alert now. The brain fog seems to have gone. Just really wish I could feel aroused. Is my brain healing?

>>33903800
I guess it might take a couple of goes with an escort

>>33877671 (OP)
>"I went to see an escort to lose my virginity"
>"I feel like I've ripped my soul out and I feel like a husk."
>"will my libido reboot? Should I try to see her again in a few weeks?"
No. You shouldn't see her again. You shouldn't see ANY escort ever again. Don't you get it? Sex will do nothing to alleviate the despair that you're feeling. You can't pay for love. You can't pay for genuine physical affection. You're fucking retarded to think that scheduling another fuck-sesh with a stinky piece of worn out trim will somehow make you feel less alone. You have essentially two options here: embrace your celibacy and lead a pious existence OR saddle up and work on getting a woman. Fucking figure it out.

>>33906465
I don't feel as bad now as when I made this thread.

>>33906465
Your brain is infected

>>33899809
Just keep practising. If you're like me it'll probably take a few efforts.
It's gonna be harder with a hooker since you're only on the time you paid for. I had my gf so when it wasn't working out it was fine to just chill for a bit then try again.

Probably just ask her to jack you off or something when it doesn't work out

>>33907103
Thanks anon.
I won't be able to see her this week unfortunately. I've asked her about Wednesday next week but I haven't had a response.
I think first I'll sit down with her and talk a bit first. I'll let her know that I might need to take things slow due to my inexperience.

>>33907156
Okay but don't dwell on that conversation too much, because you're kinda feeding the issue.
She's an escort, ultimately she's being paid for your pleasure. You take the reins within reason. If you want her to slow down just tell her that.

>>33907338
I'll try to keep that in mind.
Just need to arrange a booking with her now.

>>33877671 (OP)
>he got friendzoned by an escort
Topkek. No wonder you couldn't get it up when she was sexually uninterested in you. Not every man has a rapist mentality, i.e. he prefers his women unwilling.

>>33907156
>he has oneitis for an escort
Go find some other chick who actually WANTS to get drenched in sweat bouncing on your cock. God damn it. Forget that stupid bitch.

>>33907460
She was cute and funny

OP here. Should I go for a Thai massage tomorrow? I'm currently on NoFap so I'm curious whether I should expose myself to real sex situations.

>>33907725
For real?

>>33909235
Yeah, it's why I want to see her again.

>>33883289
>you may have in other areas in life are like invisible weights that are going to stop you from focusing on what's right in front of you.

literally me

OP again. At 20 days without porn and 13 days without fapping now.
I am getting erections at night and waking up for the first time in years, is this a good sign?

>>33911082

Yes. Yes it is.

Late to the party, but had the same issue with my current gf. She was extremely kind and understanding of the issue, although she was initially insecure about it, thinking it was because of her (it wasn't). Trust me bro, it purely psychological and you should (and will) find a girl that really likes you and that you really like. Then, she won't pressure or ridicule you about it. You take things slowly and with time, you'll get out of your head and feel more and more comfortable. After that, you won't stop jumping her any chance you can get and you'll have a wonderful time.

That said: Stop watching porn entirely. It's bad not only for sexual performance and satisfaction, but also bad for your mental health. I stopped watching porn a year ago and not only has my sex life greatly improved, but also my day-to-day mental health. Oh, and of course: No prostitutes, that's just vile behavior that kills your soul. Sex is beautiful and sacred and should be treated accordingly.

I wish you the best, never give up.

>>33911127
Thank you anon.

>>33907456
She sucked my cock within like 5 minutes dude