Thread 33890728

I’ve been dating my first ever gf for 4 months. We were friends on and off since freshman year of college. She rejected me in the past because “she didn’t love herself”, and that she knew that with me she wanted to give me something healthy and that before she knew she wasn’t ready. We are both 25 and her body count is 30 while mine is only 1. This caused me to resent her because it’s not like she didn’t know of my existence. She came out of breast cancer a few months ago and that also influenced her decision to seek stability. Now I’m at a point where I want to mess around with other people just like she did, because if she got to, then why can’t I? She tells me that it’s not worth it, that she wishes she would have saved herself. Even though she says she loves me and wants to marry me and have kids with me, I just can’t believe her. I’ve tried breaking it off before but she’s begged me to stay and that she doesn’t want to lose me. She says me choosing to be single and seek out other people is selfish and that I would rather choose myself over “us”. Due to her cancer, she might also have fertility problems in the future, and even though it makes me an asshole, idk if id want to stick it out with someone that I has so much trauma/health issues on top of the baggage from the past that I have to get over.

>>33890728 (OP)
leave before its too late bro
>30 boy count
>rejects you

She also lost her job a few days ago, does it make me an asshole if I still choose to dump her?

>>33890728 (OP)
try organizing your writing a little better next time
i don't mean to be dismissive

it's up to you anon
>>33891482
are you seriously gonna base the next several years of your life on "am i the asshole?"?

>>33890728 (OP)
>Now I’m at a point where I want to mess around with other people just like she did, because if she got to, then why can’t I? She tells me that it’s not worth it, that she wishes she would have saved herself. Even though she says she loves me and wants to marry me and have kids with me, I just can’t believe her. I’ve tried breaking it off before but she’s begged me to stay and that she doesn’t want to lose me.

why don't you lay out the reasons you want to be with her, and the reasons you DON'T want to be with her, in lists
it might make the decision easier
also, is the only conflict between you two the body count thing? would you say you're happy together when you aren't thinking about that?

>>33890728 (OP)
Getting even with body count isn't going to make your personal insecurity or your negative impression of her go away. My body count was over 2x my ex's despite me being younger and I still felt like she was a slut for every single little thing she ever told me she did.

>>33891505
Yea I feel like if we didn’t know of eachother and it was a clean slate, I wouldn’t give much of a shit of how many people she was with. The fact that we’ve known eachother for a while just makes me bitter because it feels like I was a last choice/option. Makes me think that she only decided to be with me after the people she actually wanted to be with don’t work out. There were other conflicts when it came to her wanting to meet my parents already, but I’ve told my parents about her over the years and they don’t like her so it’s just makes me feel weird the way she’s trying to pressure things towards marriage and meeting my parents. I’ve called her out on it and she’s told me it’s because she wanted “certainty” that she wasn’t going to lose me. Other than that, we have fun and things go chill and smooth when we don’t talk about the future or the past.

>>33891494
I apologize for my shitty writing, I’ve just been trying to summarize as much as I could lol

>because if she got to, then why can’t I?
Your decision-making can't come from a place of sibling rivalry. Every woman you'll meet will have had more or less of something and once you're seeing them it's too late to balance the scales.

You need to decide whether you want to settle down or mess around. And you need to decide on your standards. Beginning relationships with nonvirgins and then dumping them for having experience isn't rational. You'll get even but it won't be in comparison to her since she'll be gone. And a less experienced woman might disqualify you based on something you did to get even with a slut you didn't even want to date.

>>33891545
i see
i don't think it's uncommon to feel that way, and it sounds like you have good intentions
what do you think would happen if you talked to her & told her everything you just wrote in that post, basically? do you think it would resolve anything?
it might be worth trying that atleast, if it gets to you too much to stay in a relationship anyway
that's just my thoughts

>>33891545
>he fact that we’ve known eachother for a while just makes me bitter because it feels like I was a last choice/option. Makes me think that she only decided to be with me after the people she actually wanted to be with don’t work out.
like it might sound bad to talk to her & say this, but if you say it that way & go in with good intentions, maybe you'd trust each other more and resolve it

doesn't have to be in a "calling out" way necessarily

>>33891589
I’ve told her these things straight up, and she’s said that I wasn’t a rebound or last option. That she’s “choosing to be with me” and that she was afraid of how good it felt to be with me so she wanted to be ready so that she could give me a healthy relationship and not something toxic like with her past relationships where she would cheat on them or talk to multiple dudes at the same time. I just have a really hard time believing her and me not believing her is hurting her and she’s telling me that I’m invalidating her feelings towards me

>>33891700
i see...
if you feel like she's lying out of convenience/manipulation, there's probably not a good way to resolve that either except for talking more, i'm afraid
that is very good you enjoy spending time together though

>>33891700
I can personally relate to the whole "I like this girl too much and i'm too afraid I will fuck it up so I will pursue other hoes I give less of a shit about instead" thing. It stands to reason women can feel that way too.
The problem is, women (and men) who go down this path become addicted to the attention and the thrill and novelty of new people being interested in them. Even if they genuinely want to change it can be an incredibly difficult habit to break. Often they can only go so long before they feel bored or unsatisfied and fuck it up.
A woman "settling" for you after a hoe phase is not inherently a bad thing. Those other guys didn't last, so the dick must not have been that good if you have to view it from an insecurity angle.
But it would be important for me to have some kind of evidence for her actually doing the work to change and not just saying it. Her giving you some way to hold her accountable, without her being resentful or feeling like you are being controlling. Those would be huge red flags she is not ready to take it seriously. Open phone policy, no male contacts at all, regular check ins, something along these lines.
Not sure I have actionable advice on this one. It really depends on what kind of relationship you really want and how bad you want it to work to decide whether or not you are willing to give it a chance.
In the end any relationship you decide to take seriously is going to put you at risk of getting hurt, but that is the name of the game and the only way to develop that trust and deep connection is to actually expose yourself to that risk.

>>33891996
I haven’t been attached to any outcome, if I think of her talking to someone else or cheating on me it don’t even phase me, I’d just break up and move on. Is it bad that I’m indifferent to being with her and relationships in general? I feel like deep down I don’t love her deeply enough to build a life with her which makes me feel guilty. I also feel like things are only chill if I say yes to everything that she wants.

>>33891553
How do I go about just believing and accepting the love that she has for me? What if I at some point get married and regret not messing around more with other chicks in my 20’s?

You're just riding the town bicycle. Dump her before she cucks you with a nigger baby and AIDS. Get a virgin instead.

>>33892547
>How do I go about just believing and accepting the love that she has for me?
anon, i didn't read the post you replied to, but like i said, you should talk to her more if it's still eating away at you
you realize that's what the instinct to ask 4chan IS, right?
talk to her about it, not 4chan
or if she's not worth it, then just leave

>>33890728 (OP)
>why can't I also ruin my life?
Sounds like you're meant for each other.

>>33890728 (OP)
>She tells me that it’s not worth it, that she wishes she would have saved herself. Even though she says she loves me and wants to marry me and have kids with me
>She rejected me in the past because “she didn’t love herself”
>She says me choosing to be single and seek out other people is selfish and that I would rather choose myself over “us”.
im about to fall out of my chair laughing

>>33892599
>30 bodies
he already has buddy. he already has.