>>33919215 (OP)
There's still hope for you if you truly decide to reject this lifestyle as a whole, but you seem to have no regret for your actions and even want to do this to normal women as you say.
You'll never be happy/satisfied until you pursue this. It's degenerate to the max but you still have hope if your will is strong enough and ready to commit to the full.
I have been struggling with this same problem for a long time, but i pretty much haven't even looked this stuff up in over a year, all becuase i was given a second chance, to act like an actual good person, thanks to Christ. If you truly feel sad/abandoned but at the same time know that what you're doing is wrong, consider it.
Repent for your actions and never do thiss again since 1 day which you have self control and are free of your impulses is still better than a 1000 of degeneracy.
>>33919225
I keep thinking of scenes i saw in explicit materials 7+ years ago, that stuff stay embedded in your brain, but if you never engage in it, these intrusive thoughts tend to fade away. Strive to be an example to others, strive to be a good person as opposed to self-satisfaction.
>Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”