Thread 33930950

At 24 I’ve
>been arrested for a hate crime
>multiple wellness checks otherwise
>treatment resistant schizophrenia
>massive resume gap
>no references at all
>no friends whatsoever
>NEET
>failed college three times
>bullied severely growing up and in adulthood
>constantly swinging from apathy to intense inexplicable anger and bouts of rage

Most days are spent teetering the line on psychotic episodes the medicine only helps with a little bit. I really don’t think I have a future and if I did people from my past would target me if I ever became a public person again. I basically just want to be left alone but it’s getting hard to just live in my parents basement struggling to stay stable.

What can someone in my position even do? Everything that’s supposed to be easy isn’t and I can’t stand the thought of being a disrespected minimum wage employee again. What’s the benefit? So I can have a little bit of spending money but still be unable to afford any kind of housing?

There’s just no point to anything. The doctors tell me I have strong negative symptoms but they never tell me how I can overcome them. I’m tired, suicidal and feel like the best thing to do would be to overdose on my antipsychotics. It’s very peaceful apparently because it sedates and knocks you out before killing you.

I’ll take any advice because I know I probably don’t want to die it’s just seemingly impossible to live as well. There was a time I was stable and I was doing straight A’s in college but it only lasted for a semester before everything went to hell. I was normal four years ago but all of a sudden I developed this absolutely horrible disorder and I can’t even go outside without feeling like something bad will happen.

Everything the doctors try ends up being just another pipe dream. I have violent thoughts I can’t even tell them about because I would be commuted involuntarily again. I’m so so fucking tired.

>>33930950 (OP)
>been arrested for a hate crime
Elaborate

>>33930952
No

>>33930952
Someone was harassing me and I figured out his identity by checking reviews on the locations he was bothering me at and left antisemitic and threatening voicemails on his home phone.

He lied about knowing anything about what I mentioned in the calls so the police treated me as the primary aggressor but issued a warning and dropped the charges due to my mental condition. They forced me to write an apology to someone who repeatedly harassed me first which sucked but at least I don’t have a criminal record. >>33930969
Why are you pretending to be OP.

>>33930950 (OP)
What do you mean by treatment resistant schizophrenia? Like the drugs dont treat any symptoms or some are helped but not others?

>>33930985
The drugs tend to keep me out of trouble but I’m left with some milder psychotic episodes and all of the negative symptoms that accompany it. Negative symptoms are stuff like
>poverty of speech
>apathy
>disorganized thoughts

>>33930992
Rough. Those symptoms sound like how it feels on antidepressants too.
How intense are the violent thoughts? Since most people have that dont they? Like is it something you feel at risk of acting on if you went out rather than just obsessively on mind?

>>33931011
I’ve never actually layed a finger on anyone but I have extremely specific thoughts about killing past bullies that are present 24/7. It doesn’t help I’m on gore sites all day. Sometimes I watch the videos and imagine it’s certain people but I wouldn’t say I would act on it specifically.

I am utterly harmless which is why I time and time again get spared serious charges.

>>33931032
The gore catharsis might not be helping if keeps bullies on mind. When can get them out of mind for a few years it should be able to fade. Given how safe you are, is there much to even gain from mentioning this to a therapist even if you were guaranteed to not get in trouble?
Assuming american based on "college". Your background is severely punished more than other countries, even if you didnt do anything the resume gap is used to punish you. Like there are some things that are made a bit harder to get out of based on where live.

You probably should opt out. If it’s like you said wouldn’t suicide be more peaceful? I’m gonna be honest anon it doesn’t sound like there’s a solution for you. Imagine living like this for the rest of your life and consider if that’s what you want. Imagine how hard it must be for your parents just to cope with your existence. Grim. If you want adv on suicide I can help you but it sounds like you already have a good plan. Take the pills.

>>33931055
OP has a clean record, and reduced symptoms on meds. At this age, OP is basically in the same boat as most autistic people, but with OCD around his bullies on top. Its no more over for him than them.

>the best thing to do would be to overdose on my antipsychotics
>It’s very peaceful apparently because it sedates and knocks you out before killing you.
I don't know what you're taking but I can tell you with certainty high doses of some antipsychotics send you straight to hell. It is absolutely unbearable.

>>33931072
There is also a chance some of your issues stem from some sort of adhd or autism thing. Like the intense mood swings.

>>33930950 (OP)
Legally change your name and get some fake references.

>>33931117
OP doesnt need a name change unless the arrest was published. Can fake all the references and background as long as dont falsely claim things like qualifications and professional memberships.

>>33931124
He has stalkers who are interfering. They'll be after him by name

>>33931124
The officer said he didn’t want to ruin my life and issued a publication ban so I think I’m good. I search my name constantly and nothing happens.

You should seek out how other people with schizophrenia live their lives. Learn by example. Maybe how autists that have regular meltdowns live too. Your doctors might be able to hook you up with that info, like groups that talk about it. If you're seeing them anyway may as well try.

If youre always in pain why arent you working yourself to the limits? It will never stop in your lifetime

>>33930950 (OP)
There was never any point to working for money.
Get the bullies off your trail and implement heavy discouragement measures, basically give them nothing but costs.
I got da diagnoze but dodged the meds and it's decent NEETing when I maintain my environment and I do. I do a lot of diet-maxxing like for example supplementing vit. C (ascorbic acid) and vit. B3 (via nutritional yeast) makes my life comfier, one theory of schizophrenia is that it's caused by failures to get rid of adrenaline and adrenochrome.
I'm 30 and friendless but at least I've my own place since a few years, I enjoy that. Been watching some anime's I'd wanted to get around to.

>>33932178
Are you a professional quote maker?

Take your meds

I have an 8 inch cock and a 130 iq and im still a failure

Why dont you try taking supplements? Find a doctor who can help you with that

>>33932215
How are you NEETing and no meds. What did you even get diagnosed with. Or are you in a country its easy to do that in.

>>33932262
I'm Dutch. I got the diagnosis by accident (thx "wellness" checks from family), went homeless and went to another city to avoid the court and further contact with the creepy govt. psychs, got welfare and temporary free-ish housing while homeless without pulling the diagnosis card, parried the court order, kept the welfare and housing.
It's really not easy to get unless you're a nigger or unless you have friends / family who know how to work the system, so I learned while homeless. I used my last two months rent money to rent a storage unit for my crap and to have it moved by a craigslist guy, left with a debt but no adres to claw it back from so I settled that about two and a half years later for about 30% of the total. Took me.about 14 months to go from homeless start through four kinds of temporary housing to free appartment.

>>33932292
>even in Netherlands you have to go through hell for it
Glad you're housed and not getting institutionalized

>>33932262
Diagnosed with schizophrenia by the wellness check people / municipally appointed psychs, did delay tactics and succesfully pleaded not to allow relatives who asked for these checks to show up in court (or I would refuse to go bc they had been harassing me) and once in court like a year down the line, requested a second opinion, this was another psych from the same company as the municipal ppl (stupid bc not independent, but ok) and he diagnosed me also with schizophrenia in one literal hour, but noted I wouldn't be helped with involuntary treatment.
So the court let it go. Got summoned a second time due to a second wellness check ratting-out, but the judge dismissed it while I was in the waiting room with my lawyer bc nothing had changed.
So that's the diagnosis story.
>>33932303
Thanks. I did do too much LSD in the two years prior to all this lol.
Also, welfare without a basis in a diagnosis, while getting a solid, free diagnosis, but not voluntarily, but not involuntarily commited, and no meds... lmao, I did make it a real trickshot. It's easier going straight for welfare but I didn't know how when I started out.
Also tobacco helps me, it has to be the cleanest, least processed kind to be tolerable and even then the finger and tooth marks are gross, but it has upsides.

>>33932316
OP is probably american, in which case he will need to get Section 8 housing to be able to get anything more than the like 900 dollars a month welfare payment. Would need help for that since is basically impossible for people to do it alone.

Have you tried heated tobacco? Wonder if can get similar positives from that. Aware that straight nicotine is missing some key ingredients.

>>33932395
Haven't tried heated tobacco, I used to be into weed (but got tired off the mass produce, too strong and/or inconsistent cleanness) so I know my way around vapes.
I cut from raw leaf which is exempt from taxes and has much higher nicotine, I also make nicotinated sugar (for in coffee) and candy. It's "dangerous" as in nicotine tea is a historical known poison, but with the combination of tolerance and a an eye for measurement it's as safe as anything.
So yeah I could dodge the combustion issue.

Section 8 sounds like the thing OP ought get to me. What worked for me is escalating from homeless to specialized shelter to permanent social housing contract, I speedran it in a little over a year although the first year in this appartment was a conditional contract with a (very mild thankfully) handler attached to it and it also took longer than that, so it was about 2 years 8 months total if I'm talking about getting the government contacts under the knee like George.

>>33932909
She should be, he is overcoming adversity caused by one of the few mental illnesses that is actually legit and not just from being sad.