Thread 5025140

Well?

>>5025140 (OP)
Alligator is a no brainer

Alligator

>>5025143
>>5025144
what if I swap the alligator with a saltwater crocodile

I could literally BEFRIEND eveyr single one of them

alligator easy

The alligator/croc. The rest kill an unarmed human easily. Crocs have weak jaws if you can get on top and wrap around them to hold them shut. It's how those people wrestle them and shit.

>>5025140 (OP)
An alligator would absolutely mind it's own business as long as you don't deliberately piss it off. You're fucked with the other three. Literal three hydrogen bombs vs one coughing baby.

>>5025140 (OP)
The alligator or >>5025146 can charge you for about a couple minutes tops, then it gasses out and has to rest for 10+ minutes.
So even a pissed off gator is entirely harmless to any competent human male.

>>5025140 (OP)
Bear, just make sure it's winter

>>5025140 (OP)
If I go with all of them and lay low while they fight amongst each other could I get $400 million dollars?

>>5025140 (OP)
are we in an enclosed or open space? Are there any trees or foliage to hide in? Do we spawn right on top of each other or on opposite ends?

>>5025140 (OP)
Gator will not bother you as long as you stay away from it unless you piss it off or you're in the water while every other opton will charge you of their own volition so they can kill you, easy pick for the gator

Alligator, literally just don't stand within striking distance of water

alligator>bear>hippo>tiger

>>5025150
>It's how those people wrestle them and shit.
Yes, about 10 people on one croc
If you try to do it by yourself and even manage to clamp it's jaws shut you'll have a pissed off alligator thrashing you off

>>5025147
You can only befriend one. Who do you pick?

>>5025202
Tigre

>>5025202
alligator because he has a tough exterior hiding a beautiful pearl inside just like me.

>>5025205
Everyone keeps saying alligator, but that's cheating as everyone is just assuming you'll be on land, out of its element. This is like picking bear but being in a helicopter. Now get in the water.

>>5025209
You're thinking of oysters. Easy mistake to make.

>>5025140 (OP)
there's like two or three ways you can deal with the gator, with the others you can only pray

>>5025272
More than one man has killed a full grown grizzy with his bare hands. Tigers are mostly only an issue if you piss them off (was asking for it) or they snag you from behind. Hippos are actually similar to alligators. As long as you're out of water and they're in, just stay away.

>>5025140 (OP)
Alligator or you’re retarded. Still dangerous and all but if you can get its jaws closed and hold onto its back you’ll be able to keep it that way. The others you have literally zero chance without weapons.

>>5025197
Still a better chance than a fucking tiger (or a bear, or a hippo).

>>5025140 (OP)
Hippos kill by crushing you don't they? If the fight happens in some enclosure with square edges you can just lay down in a corner. Shape of the hippo's head & body means it won't be able to get at you as long as you don't move. A tiger or a bear would just use their arms and a alligator's mouth is pointy enough to reach you but there's nothing the hippo could do because how wide and round she is.

>>5025361
No. They kill with the fucking swords in their mouths. A hippo can slice a man in half.

>>5025362
They are vertical though so the hippo can't stab at you. They come up from the bottom.

>>5025361
Unless you can compress yourself into the size of a watermelon that isn't going to work.

>>5025149
>>5025143
>>5025144
>>5025352
Plot twist, if you pick the gator you have to be in water

>>5025361
What can a hippo actually do?

>>5025389
theyre the most dangerous animal in the world

>>5025140 (OP)
Gator
Do nothing
Gator does nothing
20 minutes pass

>>5025140 (OP)
Alligator. I just sit on its head.

>>5025212
>>5025384
Your chances in the water with an alligator are still very good. If it were a nile or saltwater croc then being in the water with it would be a death sentence, but even large alligators usually just ignore people

>>5025389
Hippos are deceivingly fast, aggressive and could take you out in one bite. They unironically could fuck up a bear if they felt like it.

>>5025140 (OP)
>20 minutes with one of them

in the bedroom?

>>5025396
>It rolls to the side
What now, humie?

>>5025667
kek... was thinking of reposting this but with the 'fuck one, kill one, marry one,,, GO!"

>>5025140 (OP)
how about putting all 4 of them into a death match cage? who'd win? I'd bet on Hippo winning as he'd just death stomp or bite all of them.

>>5025746
i'd bet on the hippo too.

>>5025140 (OP)
Definitely gator, least powerful, least intelligent and slowest of that group by a long shot. Keep away from the water, keep an eye on anything that leaves it and you'll be fine.

>make 3 big steps to the side every time the hippo charges at you for 20 minutes
wow that was hard to earn 100 million

Tiger,
in my bedroom, while I cuddle my plushie tiger, what could possibly go wrong?

>>5025140 (OP)
I feel like the tiger would be the least hostile and wouldn't attack immediately

>>5025761
Gators are plenty intelligent, they can memorize the behavior patterns unique to specific prey to stalk them specifically
Hippos are easily dumber, albeit far more dangerous

>>5025197
Still better odds than any of the other ones. And one person can do it. You just need to hope it isn't huge. Fucking Steve Irwin and every other naturalist has wrestled a gator before. That's your only hope. The other 3 are instant losses.

Well I've heard bear is the best but idk, I've also heard that big cats can be very submissive and basically push themselves onto you.
I think either of those two I'd enjoy 20 minutes with in bed.

>>5025140 (OP)
Depends which one is the slowest and has lowest stamina.

>>5025140 (OP)
what is it about mammals that always makes them look for nigga moments?
there's a decent chance you could stand next to the gator for the entire day and it won't care.

>>5025979
>be mammal
>fuck a lot, live briefly and violently, die in constant conflict
>be reptile
>barely fuck, live for a long-ass time, avoid stupid fights
simple as

Crocs can’t turn sharply, just avoid straight lines and you’re good.

>>5025979
Cold bloods are too lazy

People picking the alligator, but I feel the hippo is a safer bet. They have a reputation for being fierce, but the ones at the zoo are pretty mellow. I think if you just give it space and let it do its things it'll leave you alone. It's not a carnivore like the rest, so it has no reason to attack you unless you really try to piss it off.

Bear, easily. Just play dead. Take a nap. Easiest $100 million ever made.

>>5025347
Hippos can absolutely chase you down on land, and they don't need a reason to do so.

>>5025140 (OP)
You could unironically beat an alligator to death if you stay away from it's mouth. That's literally the only defense mechanism it has against you and it's easy to avoid getting bitten.

As someone that literally beat a 9 ft alligator to death with a stone at 14 years old, I'll take the bottom right a million times over. I may not have the adrenaline of saving my dog fuelling me, but I've got 7" and 65 lbs of muscle as an adult that I didn't have back then. That said, I would try to avoid it for 20 minutes but I figure this is a situation involving a small arena or some other shit to prevent cheesing things with the environment.

If you walk briskly towards the tiger with no hesitation or eye movements he will back down/run away from you.

>>5027632
>. I may not have the adrenaline of saving my dog fueling me,
damn, did your dog survive?

>>5027653
What if you go psssspsssspssssss?

>>5025187
>are we in an enclosed or open space?
about the size of a european flat

>>5025831
That's saltwater crocs. Not gators.

Bears are the only one out of the three that aren't aggressive towards humans, so idk why anyone wouldn't choose it.

>>5025184
half sword strats

>>5025140 (OP)
hrmmm three aggressive animals or one that spends 95% of its life lying completely still

>>5028156
Brown bears are a lot more aggressive than alligators

>>5025831
Yeah but even a large gator can easily spend more than a hour just stalking or watching you, not actively attacking. So you can survive.

Rd 2. Hardmode activated. The hippo must be in the water with it also.

>>5025140 (OP)
Alligator on land is slow and retarded so I'd pick that, you could just casually walk away any time it comes for you for 20 minutes. Everything else is guaranteed death.

>>5029736
>lion and tiger
>you are fucking dead within one minute
>bear
>they are incredibly stupid and easily frightened so you MIGHT be able to scare it away by screaming and flailing your arms in the air, but it will probably wise up after a few minutes
>hippo
>lion and tiger but you die in a quarter of the time

>>5029748
That only works on black bears

Grizzles would have you for dinner if it was even slightly interested

>>5029736
I guess the lion

>>5025140 (OP)
gator, then brown bear, then hippo, then tiger, in that order

>>5029736
grizzly bear would be best because they have a tendency to mortally wound victims and stash them to eat later so you could try and pretend to be mortally wounded and hope you fool it or maybe you could have medical attention afterwards
that's the only scenario where you could survive 20 minutes with any of these, assuming they're motivated to attack you

>>5025140 (OP)
Tiger. Cats, even big cats, love me.

>>5031674
Yeah, i bet they love tearing you limb from limb.

>>5025202
Tigger

>>5029736
Can't you just ride the hippo ?

>>5025140 (OP)
A man met an alligator.
The alligator said: I will kill you but before I do I will grant you one wish
The man said: I want a dick that touches the ground
So the alligator ate his legs first.

>>5025347
>More than one man has killed a full grown grizzy with his bare hands
Proof? Either injured, sick, starving, blind or old as fuck grizzly probably a combination of 3 of the above.

>>5028153
Gators are also capable of the same pattern recognition and memorization. Can plan out an attack about the same as well. They’re just way more laid back than crocs are since they don’t have to contend with nearly the amount of food scarcity or competition that crocs do.

>>5031753
You can't say that, that's their word. But you can say Tigga.

>>5029846
I'm confused by why people in this thread keep insisting brown bears and grizzly bears are more dangerous and deadly. The bears with the highest body count in the US are black bears, and they are the only bears in the US that have been documented actually eating humans.

>>5032260
That's only because Polar Bears leave no witnesses

gator, I'd immediately lay down on the ground and pray to jesus silently
they can tell when god loves you and will not attack

>>5032260
Black bears are simply encountered much more often, thats all.

>>5029736
In terms of size and strength the lion has to be the easiest to deal with. Plus aren’t male lions super fucking lazy?

>>5025746
depends on the size of the cage and if its big then the one with the best evading skills and greatest cardio wins
land environment big cage its really close, grizzly has the better lungs I'd say
insane wrestling, he could probably avoid tough matchups in the first minutes

>>5032260
That’s because brown bears only live in one tiny area of the lower 48. If there were grizzlies walking around neighbourhoods and eating people’s trash those numbers would look very different. Black bears also kill more people than polar bears but you would never say black bears are more deadly

>>5025140 (OP)
Gator, 90% chance he just spends those 20 minutes vegetating like a flat fuck. If not I just have to get a grip on his jaws, they can't open their jaws once they're closed if you hold them shut.

The mammals are much more active and curious and therefore likely to pick a fight and I have not been working my Dark Souls reps to dodge their slam attacks and pommel them.

>>5025389
Blind you by flinging shit into your eye and then shoot heavy marbles at you

I am a women so obviouly the bear

>>5027632
Based. Used your primal primate strength to show that cold blooded shitter who was boss.

>>5025143
fpbp

>>5025140 (OP)
Are the animals male or female? What would a male animal in nature do if you tried to jerk it off would it maul you or be like " damn nigga I didnt know you could do that"

>>5025140 (OP)
what is it about the hippo that seems like it would be negotiable. I know it isn't, but it seems like it would. I'd probably pick the hippo, instantly regret it as it impales me, but something about them seems wiser than the others.