Thread 938929461

>TIFU; my *** walked in on me watching scat porn, i stepped on a cockroach with a barefoot, and my ------ saw me with just my underwear on.

>these three things happened in a half day; so i think they qualify for a single post!

>anyway at around 11 pm i wanted to masturbate. and as every human being on this earth; i opened a lot of tabs (again with the shitting videos obviously) and i started to click video after video for about three hours. until i find the perfect one (it compilation of 20 min with lesbian shitting on top of each others back).

>i started watching the video and touching the commanding officer down there. but then i started hearing the foot steps, but i thought it was just my ------ going to the toilet. little did i know, my *** opened the door without even knocking (and now i even think she sawed me through the door hole), the problem with opening a lot of tabs in Firefox is that you need to confirm before closing the window if you are having multiple tabs, and here we go three seconds (or two) that i think made see enough

>i didn't know what to say or do so i just said -to lighten the air- "WHERE IS MY MILK" (i tell her that every morning so it's like an inside joke), she didn't say anything and just closed the door!

>after an hour of me having kinda of post nut syndrome (i was so horny; i continue to masturbate after she left the room), i got my shit together (*no pun intended LOL), and i walked out of my room to drink some water; but i didn't want to make any noise so i didn't even turned the light up.

>aand here we go;(people with insect fetish are going to love this haha) I stepped on a fucking cockroach (it was a big one i even heard a cracking noise) and that was the most disgusting thing i've ever did in my life. i started cursing with the lowest possible volume and i even questioned my life purpose , and whether this was my punishment for masturbating.

>now my ------ woke up to go to the fucking TOILET, and here i am with my tight Calvin Klein underwear and a foot covered with that cockroach body parts, i know it was surprised; but she took it up like a champion and she said something like 'why didn't you use a flip flop instead of your foot', and she went right back into her room.

>this feels like something that happen in the last day of earth, so i really don't know how i can look up at my ***'s face (------ too) tomorrow

>TL;DR: my *** walked in on me while i was watching a video of lesbian girls shitting all over each other, and then i stepped in on a cockroach, after that my ------ woke up and saw me with my underwear!

Are you fucking retarded

I was really embarrassed when last week I invited my d*d over to my apartment, and I know he's super fucking nosey so I figured he'd find all my latex fetish gear and pup hoods in my fucking closet, so like the genius I am, I hid that shit in my outdoor storage. That's the first fucking place he started talking about. And him and my step m** are fucking chilling on the porch, but I can't tell them not to go in the fucking storage because that's weird right? So my fucking little siblings are over and my d** is on a business call outside on my porch, one doorknob away from my skeletons, and I am praying he doesn't open it. I don't know if he did or did not, but my copium was that if he did open the storage door, he might have just seen a mess of boxes and junk.

When he left, I opened the fucking outdoor storage door to see what he might have seen. On the top of a box, shoulder-height is my fucking Fuck muzzle from Primal Hardwear, custom-dyed pink tongue, like it's on a silver fucking platter, along with other fetish bdsm shit. God I hope he didn't see it, but by the way he opened up my hallway closet without him even asking, it's probable that he did

All this to say, I feel you OP. Your situation is more embarrassing though since it's porn and not real sex implements. That makes me feel better about myself.