Thread 941270852

Fancy a treat?

his minced pies?

>>941270852 (OP)

You heard it here first:

My new world famous catchphrase™

you'll be seeing me use this a lot for the next 3 weeks.

Not about you...
about THEM™
My target captive audience

on weekdays from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. EST, you will be seeing me use my new catchphrase in conjunction with the word "unemployed" on a regular basis

This is a test marketing campaign, designed to last 21 days, and then to assess its efficacy

"pile of mooch" Just has a really good ring to it... It rolls off the tongue well..
I'm confident it's going to become a huge success!!! >>941271204


Just giving you a heads up

MMM scrumptious my good sir!

>>941271443
Have you ever even taken a shit before?

by the way.........

is it just my perception from the blood thinners and Xanax prescribed to me after the heart attack....

or am I actually perfecting this?

because I stop and look at this..
And I say to myself...
"If I stumbled into a thread and saw somebody left these words, I would fall on the floor laughing"

But maybe it's just my perception from the drugs and the marijuana.. I forgot to mention the marijuana...

maybe the drugs are playing games with my mind, and I'm not perfecting the art of getting right down to business

like a little gemstone hammer made out of titanium, tapping them between the eyes until their forehead caves in

maybe I'm NOT perfecting it after all

or am I?

DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME
I am a trained professional

>>941271609

I'm extremely offended you would even mention my bowel movements, sir !!!!

I find that to be very very personal

YOU'LL DO WELL TO NO LONGER INQUIRE ABOUT MY EXCREMENT, THANK YOU!!

I mean, what am I supposed to do?

sit there and pretend that I don't notice the "alpha male Trump supporters" apparently don't have a job?

Am I supposed to pretend I don't notice the "here's how women think" losers have never had a girlfriend?

WAS I EXPECTED TO PRETEND I DIDN'T NOTICE THIS SHIT?

That's not my style

OHHH AHHHH

>>941271933

And when I see a fully grown adult male

ON A WORK DAY
creating a "dubs and trips" thread

I'm very open-minded...
I know I come across as an asshole, but believe it or not, I'm extremely open-minded

I'm totally cool like that

I encourage people to work for themselves, to be independent contractors, and that way you're not making somebody else wealthier

I'm totally open to the idea of creative unorthodox sources of income

............. But that's not what they're doing

they're sitting in their mother's spare bedrooms

sorry..
sorry....
.. You can't bullshit a bullshitter

...... It's transparently obvious

If you have time to sit on your ass creating DUBS AND TRIPS threads you have become a parody of yourself

I mean if you're not going to go out there and look for a job

they could at least go out there and look for a girlfriend

or a boyfriend...

OR GO FEED STRAY CATS....

AND DO SOMETHING WITH THEIR FUCKING YOUTH

I fucking hate humans so much dude

I can't wait to fucking die, to be completely honest with you... It's going to be the best thing that ever happened to me

I FUCKING HATE HUMANS

>>941271835
You lgbtq+MAP rights activists are all the same.

I see where this is going

I remember the world before all this bullshit

So I can see where this is going...

DYING WILL BE THE BEST THING THAT EVER FUCKING HAPPENED TO ME!!!

well, that's not true

It was actually
1: CATS
2: ELVIS
3: DYING

those are the three best things to ever happen to me

I guarantee I'll have a smile on my face. I'll bet you a thousand fucking dollars I'll have a smile on my face I promise

>>941272123
even if i did something with my youth i would still be a retarded waste of space. oh wow look at that fucking monster! he donated to cats once! people like people who aren't ugly and stupid lol

>>941272167

anybody who would actually spray paint themselves with the unoriginal label ACTIVIST would turn me off so bad, I would avoid them at any cost

The same way I try to avoid people who use any fucking labels

Democrat Republican maga liberal this that I hate fucking labels they never explain anything

And in fact only serve to obfuscate

like I would never in a million years call myself an animal rights activist... no fucking way

although I'm probably more enthusiastic about it than most hardcore animal rights activists...

I've got friends who are master programmers that got arrested by the FBI and The FBI cut a deal for them to train their cyber crimes division how they got away with it and the FBI wouldn't prosecute

But all of those friends REFUSE TO USE THE LABEL HACKER

Just like me, they find that embarrassing

oops I didn't communicate that right

let me try again

Just the way I would consider the term animal rights activist to be embarrassing and trite and uninformative:

those buddies would never ever use the term hacker, and in fact they say anybody who use that term is a fucking poseur

they're just programmers

And I'm just an animal enthusiast

>>941272297

hey... by the way I wasn't talking about YOU

......... I hope you didn't think I was talking about you

Not at all

no sir no sir wrong wrong wrong nope

I WAS TALKING ABOUT THEM
(points my finger behind me at all the fucking losers in 4chan)

I'm not talking about you

no sir I hope you didn't think I was referring to you because I wasn't

I consider you to be AOK

I've got no beef with you at all
Not at all

no I'm talking about those other losers out there

I've got no gripes or complaints or advice or anything for you

actually maybe a little advice:
You should try actually writing your name in feces on somebody's wall if they ever fuck you over

because I done it more than once

I've done it more than a few times actually

I take an empty bread bag, right? And I would shit into the empty bread bag, and you have a warm fresh giant turd in the fucking bag so your hands don't touch the feces

and much like a ballpoint pen or a push-up ice cream, you peel the plastic back and roll it OVER YOUR HAND And just like a ballpoint pen, you can write entire sentences in your feces down their hallway or across their bedroom wall or right on their goddamn living room wall

And I've done that probably four or five times now

It was five If you include the restaurant
I did it to a restaurant on time because their manager was a piece of shit

That's my advice

And by the way I am absolutely NOT joking

Not even a little bit. In fact, if I recorded a few phone calls... I could call a few people right now and ask them if they still remember walking in their door and seeing my name written in my feces across their goddamn wall

And you would roll on the floor laughing

because I'm not joking...

You should try it one of these days
I wrote my own goddamn name

I SIGNED MY GODDAMN NAME IN FECES ACROSS THEIR GODDAMN WALLS

And I was never arrested for it, not even once. they never filed charges And it's questionable to the value amount of damages, or whether it's civil or criminal for that matter

You should try it one time

It feels really good

AND I PROMISE THEY WILL NEVER FUCKING FORGET IT

I'm pretty sure it's the "okay now how am I going to clean this" part that really kicks them in the stomach the hardest

One time my buddy and I went to a fast food place in I can't even remember what they did wrong...

oh okay I remember. It was terrible service and the food was fucked up but more importantly it was the STUPID SELF RIGHTEOUS POMPOUS NIGGER and his attitude...

the manager was a stupid fucking nigger and he had this self righteous attitude

And I was a paying customer with a simple complaint about the quality of my food

So I realized I wasn't going to get anywhere with the manager, I told my friend to take me home and I pulled a loaf of bread off the rack and emptied all of the bread into the garbage can

And I told my buddy I'll be out in a minute as I took the bread bag into the bathroom with me

That's him in the photo. That's Louis on the left with his father Alan

Louis is dead now
He died from an overdose
and his father Alan is the one that taught me how to charge people the right amount of money for my artwork

He was a fucking genius. Alan...
Louis was a dumbass...

SIDEBAR:
Alan was a great fucking friend, honest as shit, straight to the point, and didn't pull any punches...

That's exactly what you look for in a friend

Friends don't tell you what you want to hear
they tell you what you need to know

He commissioned me to do a painting for him, and when I was done Alan asked me "how much do I owe you?"

And I said "$750"

............... and Allen frowned at me and told me, " Your artwork is beautiful BUT IT'S NOT WORTH ANYTHING!!!! "

And when I heard Alan tell me my artwork wasn't worth jack shit IT REALLY HURT MY FEELINGS

It really did... I couldn't believe he just insulted me like that

And that's when Alan continued the sentence:

"BECAUSE YOU DON'T CHARGE ANYTHING... people don't want art so they can brag about getting a discount, dumbass!!!!!!..... people want art to brag about HOW MUCH THEY PAID FOR IT YOU STUPID DUMBASS!!!! "

And I started laughing
I finally realized...
IT FINALLY HIT ME

I HAD BEEN CHARGING TOO LITTLE

and Alan pulled $7,500 out of his wallet cash

CASH......
$7,500....
10 times what I had asked for

TEN TIMES MORE....
And in his classic coolest fuck kind of Goodfellas character voice he said "from now on you're not charging anything less than $7,500"

Alan was absolutely cool as fuck!!!
trust me. I'm a good judge
I've known some cool motherfuckers
And Alan was definitely TOTALLY FUCKING COOL....

Even though he was an old short fat Jewish businessman FATHER OF MY FRIEND

Alan was much much cooler than his son Louis

He was just like a character out of Goodfellas only Jewish

And he was rich as FUCK!!!
But he never looked down his nose at you he was so fucking cool

I miss you Alan. You're definitely remembered, buddy

too bad about your son, the shmuck

(Allen would say it right out in the open, right in front of Lewis, "Louis is a little fucking schmuck piece of shit"
because Lewis was definitely a douchebag and was nothing like his father at all)

Believe it or not, Jews are the coolest individual group of people I've ever met. If I was going to pick any one category of humans that I was most impressed with it would definitely be Jews

absolutely without any doubt

THE SMARTEST
And trustworthy, believe it or not
Don't believe those stupid memes
Jews are trustworthy as fuck
If they say they're going to do something. they're going to do it I promise

much more dependable than white people

Meds McGovern

>>941273071

I'm smoking some meds right now. funny you'd mention that

how about you trying some advice?
EMPLOYMENT... TODAY

So Lewis was driving Allen's badass imported BMW and this was back in the '80s and I don't remember the actual model of the car but ALAN'S BMW WASN'T AVAILABLE IN AMERICA It was only for the European market, and Alan paid to have it shipped over, And even in the '80s it was TOTALLY TOTALLY BADASS (it was like the most sporty badass BMW coupe I've ever seen still to this day..)

So Louis is driving trying to hold back the gag reflex because I've got this bread bag in my hand and it's got a gigantic fucking huge ass bowel movement in it right?

like I emptied my entire goddamn bowels into that fucking bread bag and it was still piping hot...

And Lewis is laughing his ass off trying not to vomit or steer off the road and we finally go back to the restaurant and he said "oh man I got to see this"

And I opened the passenger door and got out of his car and smiled..................

completely 100% true I swear to God
This was back before I quit eating meat
It was at Krystal (Just like White Castle) nasty little fast food restaurant, but this is before I quit eating meat...

So I just stood there and looked at the restaurant for a minute and I laid the length of my bowel movement down my forearm, holding it at the top with my hand as I pulled the open end of the bread bag down around over my hand

thereby preventing my hand from getting any feces on it

like a push-up pop made out of my shit

And I walked inside
And I just realized I was 15 when this happened I was going to say 16 but no I was 15 cuz I wasn't with joy yet

>>941270852 (OP)
This is a forced meme which means you stop fucking posting it.

Thread has been hidden. Do we understand each other, fat fuck? Thread fucking hidden.

>>941273071

I went in the crystal restaurant and there was a person at the counter giving their order to the stupid nigger and he didn't even notice It was ME AGAIN....

ME™.........

THE GUY HE JUST PISSED OFF A LITTLE WHILE EARLIER

So Louis walked in behind me and started "Do it Neptune Do it" And I just walked right up and started writing FUCK YOU! in big ass letters across the wall and believe it or not, nobody said anything..

I don't even think the manager guy was looking

because nobody said anything I just wrote it in giant letters FUCK YOU!

And it was actually very inconsequential. very unclimactic, to be honest

Lewis and I just walked out quietly afterwards

That was it nobody chased us or yelled or anything

The next times I did it I started signing my name instead of writing fuck you

>>941272243
When was the last time you took a shit?

>>941273221
What's the craziest drugs you've ever done in your life time?

>>941273263

sshhhhhhh.....

You're not allowed to speak directly to Mr logfag

The mods will ban you

from now on, go through the appropriate fanclub channels. thank you

>>941272319
How many kids do you have to fuck to be part of the democrat party or join the leftist movement at a leadership level?

>>941273071

And yes I realize this is a log fag thread, but also this is a 100% true story so it's not like I'm making this story up just because log bag enjoys feces sliding down his throat, okay?

I wouldn't patronize him like that

It's actually a true story
So after hitting that Krystal restaurant

I guess you could say it left a little spark in me

Old sparky....

and subsequently, I had a couple of occasions where I was so fucking disappointed and angry at somebody...

It brought that spark back to life......

at this point I was just writing JOHNNY NEPTUNE Right across their goddamn living room wall in my own fucking feces

Not even giving a fuck
LITERALLY WRITING JOHNNY NEPTUNE
SIGNING IT

LIKE A GODDAMN PIECE OF ART

It actually comes down to a gray area of whether this is a civil matter or a criminal matter

Believe it or not I've actually had this conversation with an attorney one time Long story
Yes, it could be construed as criminal but then again, no it very well made me a civil matter It depends on which person you're talking to

I SAY IT'S ART...
I'M A MURAL ARTIST...
AND I SAY IT'S ART.....

I just want to know the coolest drugs you've done as a guy who has never tried anything not even marijuana.

>>941273434
I could give you a whimsical satirical ironic yet somehow still insightful answer

............... easily, in fact

But you deserve better
You're obviously not stupid
I don't think you're stupid at all

I really don't... In fact I'm confident you're very intelligent

So it should be really easy for you to grasp this concept:

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS TWO PARTIES

rhat's a shell game they've been playing since the beginning of time

"US AGAINST THEM"

That's exactly why they promote competitive sports like football and shit

All of that money and attention going to sports, and they don't change anything

meanwhile millions of children are starving and so many things are going unaddressed that really really matter

"US AGAINST THEM"
That's the competitive spirit of being brainwashed

You're smarter than that
we're all in this together, buddy
And I'm the farthest thing from a liberal or a leftist that you would ever find

most liberals wouldn't use a sledgehammer to bludgeon your entire family to death right in front of you

So it's not fair to compare liberals to a piece of shit like me

I'm the farthest fucking thing from a liberal you've ever met

>>941273434

I just made a typo but guess what?

It's a really good typo:

L O G B A G

That's exactly what I had in my hand
an empty bread bag
filled from top to bottom with a 17.5 inch steaming hot fucking turd

or as I call it:
MY BIG BROWN BALLPOINT PEN

>>941273700
THAT'S A KID BRO

>>941273555

If you're asking me?

absolutely I would say MDA

methylenedioxyamphetamine

Not MDMA...
That's an extra molecular step
That's methylenedioxymethamphetamine

nope. MDA was before MDMA

It was... how can I best describe it in words..

.............LIKE BECOMING GOD.........

finally opening certain regions of the brain that remain inactive (of course there is a large amount of the brain we don't know the use of yet)

It would trigger neural synaptic pathways to empathy and believe it or not TELEPATHY AND CLAIRVOYANCE

If it sounds insane, it's actually not... animals use those brain functions all the time

animals can literally mentally image what you are thinking and seeing

animals can literally take a snapshot of your soul and know exactly who and what you are BEFORE YOU'VE EVEN COME AROUND THE CORNER YET

they can read you before you even arrive

well humans have those same abilities, believe it or not and we just don't use those regions of the brain

But MDA would trigger those regions and you could literally see people's entire family lineages occurring right before your eyes

You could see people's grandparents being born, And their grandchildren dying, grandchildren who haven't even been born yet...

I'm not exaggerating...
You suddenly connected with EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE

WITH NOTHING BUT LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING

nothing but love and understanding and pure golden energy

It was like finally seeing the world through God's eyes

absolutely that was the best drug
(And there's no way to explain HOW AMAZING sex was while doing MDA because you weren't just physically having sex, your ionic energy fields were intertwining and enveloping, folding and undulating within and without each other it was like GOD HAVING SEX WITH A FEMALE GOD It was really hard to explain in words because you really have to go there to understand what I'm talking about)

Even the best ecstasy MDMA can't hold a candle to MDA
no comparison

>>941273750

That's not an underage girl, dude..
LOL FUCK NO
she's a professional model

You need to let go of your weird uptight child molestation fixation thing dude

because now you're applying it on ANYTHING
And now you're losing control of it

It's starting to control you

>>941273555

see everyone says I'm a meth head, but all of my real life friends would tell you Neptune's in LSD head, dude... sure I've tweaked on meth hell yes

HELL YES OF COURSE WE'VE TWEAKED ON METH BEFORE

But I've also smoked freebase cocaine and crack cocaine which were the same thing but they were decades apart from each other

And I've snorted heroin and I've popped every pill I've taken every goddamn drug and snorted every goddamn fucking line anybody ever put in front of me

with enthusiastic abandon, no less...

I've never used a fucking needle in my life. I've never touched a mother fucking syringe in my goddamn fucking life

(other than to break the needle tips off when I found some syringes at my friend's house and I destroyed all of them)

And when he discovered I had broken all the tips off his syringes He was like "'WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING MAN?!!"

And I told him...
" dude, I love you... And I can't stop you from running up dope... But I can DEFINITELY STOP YOU FROM DOING IT TODAY!!! "

I mean you have to have a standard of excellence. there has to be a line you don't cross, right?

I mean sure I've tweaked and geeked (tweak means math and geek means cocaine) and nodded out on opioids and all of that shit...

I've tricked doctors into prescribing me chloral hydrate

CHLORAL HYDRATE:
the classic 'Mickey Finn' knockout drops from the 1940s

I've done it all

But meth was never my favorite thing
I was always into psychedelics
I was an LSD head
a tripster
tripity dipity doo

>>941273221
You're telling me to get employed when you have time to spam your schizophrenic drivel in threads every day

>>941273750

nope she's of legal age, I assure you sir... But.......
..................... It turned you on for a second

admit it.. for a second there you got excited

You even used all caps for a second

Not so exciting anymore now that you know she's an adult?

interesting

>>941274285

dude I'm old as fuck I've got pubic hairs older than you and I'm not joking

I swear to fucking God I can find some nut hairs growing off my fucking scrotum right now that I've had longer than you've been on this fucking planet

I've already lived my life dude
I'm on my way out

literally

............ literally

And guess what? I don't give a fuck either I really don't care

I'm literally on my way out of this dimension... And I'm completely at peace with it

So if somebody was to approach me and say "I've never even smoked pot what do you think was the best drug?"

I just told you MDA

because it was AN EMPATHIC PSYCHEDELIC...

because MDA made you COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY CONNECT WITH EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING

You couldn't avoid it if you tried
suddenly regions of your brain were firing, and you could feel people's energy fields intermixing with yours, like two different colors of smoke twirling in a vortex? understand?

You could literally see aura's around people animals and plants.. You could see people's souls and feel their lifes experiences

AND IT WASN'T A HALLUCINATION
because they would be doing the same thing to you

however....
That was about EMPATHIC EXPERIENCE

whereas LSD was about INTROSPECTION

>>941270852 (OP)
I wanna be Andy's poopslut

unlike the empathic nature of MDAs psychedelic journey... LSD's journey is INTROSPECTIVE.... A look into your inner psyche as it truly is...

Not as you've been pretending to be

LOOKING INSIDE YOURSELF

being completely honest with yourself for the first time in your goddamn life

there's no sense lying at this point
because you couldn't fool yourself even if you tried.. It made you open all of the secret hidden recessed cubby holes and nooks and crannies and cabinets deep inside of your inner psyche

It was like holding a hand mirror And seeing yourself for who and what you truly are for the first time in your life

And what you are NOT
you'd accept all that you cannot do
You embrace everything you can never be
and leave with a shimmering effervescent new perspective on self-confidence for the things you can do

every human being should take LSD at least one time

because if everybody tripped
we couldn't get away with lying to each other anymore

You can't bullshit a bullshiter
people would communicate and connect much more honestly and peacefully and happily

and anybody who flips out on LSD
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A BAD TRIP

THE BAD TRIP WAS ALREADY INSIDE OF THEM

they've been carrying that 'bad trip' around with them for years, repressed in their inner psyche

The LSD didn't make them flip out
they used it as an excuse

no such thing as a bad trip

My advice would be
LSD -

LSD over MDA

because CONNECTING WITH YOURSELF is more important than connecting with others

I've got to get ready and go feed those fucking stray cats here in a minute

before I go feed the cats I stopped and assessed the entire topic of HOW DOES A FORMER DRUG ENTHUSIAST ADDRESS THE QUESTION OF WHAT'S THE COOLEST DRUGS?
without sounding like I'm endorsing drugs
which I indeed AM ...
Just because I quit drugs doesn't mean you should
I think you should all take LSD
But I think the most important thing I could convey today would be:
again pay attention

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A BAD TRIP
That's important you understand
because a lot of people have a built-in fear about "what if I have a bad trip?"

we've all heard about the ubiquitous "bad trip"
there's no such thing...
pay attention
THE BAD TRIP WAS ALREADY INSIDE OF THEM

every single tim I've seen it happen face to face many many times
It wasn't the acid that was bad
THOSE PEOPLE ALREADY HAD UNRESOLVED EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE
The type of baggage that destroys you
But they never let go of it
And they kept it repressed
they tried bottling it up
It wasn't the acid that gave them the bad trip

IT WAS THEIR UNPREPAREDNESS TO SEE THEMSELVES FOR WHAT THEY TRULY ARE

And once they saw themselves in the mirror for the first time

THEY ALLOWED THE BAD TRIP TO COME OUT OF THEM

understand?

there's nothing scary about LSD at all

absolutely nothing

You need to be scared of YOURSELF

>>941274942
I looked inside myself and all I found were...Andy's logs! My turdlust is unquenchable!

>>941275197

yep that's probably the most responsible and honest answer to a psychedelic novice:

If there's going to be a bad trip,
they are the ones who are going to make it happen

Not the LSD

The bad trip is already inside of them, so you've got to fasten your safety belt and grit your teeth if you want to be a real psychonaut

they can't allow it to be an excuse to lose control

>>941275197

perfect example real fast and I'm out of here

I've got a buddy named Cole
I've known him for decades
He and I had been friends for 10 years already when one night we all took LSD at this chick's house she was throwing a party

And there was a lot of people there. A lot of hot chicks

lots of hot chicks

And it wasn't just me and Cole... there was a few more of our friends that came with us and we All dropped acid before we hit the party...

and about 30 or 45 minutes later we started to feel the LSD kick in when suddenly there's a huge commotion in the next room

screaming. girls screaming and guys yelling and tables being knocked over

It was my friend Cole

He punched two chicks in the face really hard

and started screaming at them

and some guys try to tackle him but Cole is a big mother fucker and he beat them up

And then he literally ran out the door and ran across a parking lot to the Lindbergh plaza Atlanta zone to police precinct

Right there in a shopping center they had a police precinct... Cole ran over to the police precinct and literally PHYSICALLY ATTACKED TWO POLICE OFFICERS

and a bunch of us from the party watched him do it we tried to chase after him

He beat up two Atlanta police officers, one of them being a woman

That's the night I discovered Cole was actually a repressed homosexual

his anger and paranoia about women bubbled to the surface and he used the LSD as an excuse to lose control

100% true story. there's no such thing as a bad trip. The bad trip is already inside of us

zone TWO* precinct used to be in the Lindbergh plaza parking lot right across the street from the party

Cole was finally subdued by those two police officers after they pepper sprayed him and beat him with Billy clubs and a flashlight

And yes he went to jail.. He sure as fuck did

But he was just a teenager so he got a slap on the wrist

I actually texted Cole just a couple days ago and wished him happy birthday. He finally came out of the closet. sure as hell He had really strict parents and he had a bunch of repressed bobbled up shit about being gay and he just needed to accept himself for who he was

But when he took the introspect of journey of LSD

He wasn't prepared to open the cabinets yet

damn it It's too hot for a jumpsuit now that it's warmed up today. I should have gone to feed them this morning

I hate feeding stray cats without my jumpsuit

God damn it

>>941272297
One last time. I wasn't talking about you at all

I was talking about them