← Home ← Back to /b/

Thread 941964270

25 posts 28 images /b/
Anonymous No.941964270 [Report] >>941964429 >>941965862
What the fuck did you just fucking say about Andy's creamy log of shit, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Log Slidding, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret log slides down people's throats, and I have over 300 confirmed clogged throats. I am trained in log slidding and I’m the top slidder in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will slid you the fuck down with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the log, maggot. The log that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can slid logs down your throat and clogging it in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just from eating corn. Not only am I extensively trained in log slidding, but I have access to the entire fiber supply of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to slide my ass-ripping giant creamy steamy dreamy logs of shit down your miserable throat off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all down your throat and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
Anonymous No.941964429 [Report]
>>941964270 (OP)
Anonymous No.941964462 [Report]
Anonymous No.941964498 [Report]
If you look closely, you can see I'm wearing three buckle LEOPARD SKIN creeper Beatle Boots
Anonymous No.941964501 [Report]
Got a good reason
For sucking Andy’s logs out
Got a good reason
For sucking his shit logs out now
He was a log slidder
One way shit, yeah
It took me so long to grow up
And I grew up
He had a big steamer
He clogged me all the way there
He's a big creamer
He logged me half the way more, now
He was a log slidder
One way shit, yeah
It took me so long to grow up
And I grew up
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Tried to dream her
She only played one log stand
Tried to slidd her
She only played one log stand, now
He was a log slidder
Sunday shitter
It took me so long to grow up
And I grew up
Log slidder, log slidder, yeah
Log slidder, log slidder, yeah
Log slidder, log slidder, yeah
Anonymous No.941964579 [Report]
would you throw rotten tomatoes at me?
Anonymous No.941964683 [Report]
the original lyrics were:
would you throw rotten tomatoes at me?
(pronounced to-mah-toes')

It was changed to:
"would you stand up and walk out on me?"
Anonymous No.941964742 [Report]
https://youtu.be/ecw44sBDlAQ?si=hneZtcjYVzOMQJqQ
Anonymous No.941964792 [Report]
piece of shit Jerry Schilling was fucking Priscilla behind Elvis' back, betraying Elvis the entire fucking time in more ways than one.
Anonymous No.941964884 [Report]
and dnt get me wrong
Elvis definitely DESERVED it...

Elvis had become a MONSTER

Elvis had become dangerously self destructive... on a scale you'd never believe... Elvis had become a fucking ASSHOLE...

he did some TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE, UNFORGIVABLE THINGS

he had become A FUCKING MONSTER

So he deserved it
Anonymous No.941965014 [Report]
FOR EXAMPLE:
there was a woman who was such an Elvis fan, she paid out of her own pocket for her and her daughter to travel across the country by car to see every Elvis concert when he was on tour.

she spent thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars taking her daughter and herself to see all the Elvis concerts

And she was well known by the Elvis staff

ONE NIGHT THE MONSTER ASKED THE WOMAN COULD HE TAKE HER DAUGHTER TO HIS HOTEL ROOM

and the woman said YES PLEASE!!

so Elvis proceeded to overdose the teenage girl on Belladonna.. she went into a coma... she lost oxygen, and became a vegetable, trapped in a persistent vegetative state in a rehabilitation hospital for the rest of her life

while her mother sat next to her vegetative daughter, THANKING ELVIS FOR DOING IT TO HER DAUGHTER!!

THE MOTHER WAS SOOOO PROUD!!

and the bodyguard said Elvis never mentioned it again, and never even said I'm sorry

I told you:
HE HAD BECOME A MONSTER
Anonymous No.941965085 [Report]
or the time at Graceland, when one of the 150 women in the house politely asked if somebody could please move their cars so she could leave the driveway and go home...

and Elvis was playing pool on the billiard table (The same billiard table where his mother's casket laid for a few days, and Elvis kept trying to climb into the casket with her)

and Elvis got irritated that the woman had the audacity to ask people to move their cars, SO HE THREW THE POOL CUE AT HER LIKE A JAVELIN

AND IT HIT ONE OF HER BREASTS
AND IT PERMANENTLY DAMAGED HER BREAST FOREVER

caused nerve damage
and made her tit drop and droop horribly

He destroyed one of her tits with a pool cue

Just because she needed to go home

HE HAD BECOME A FUCKING MONSTER
Anonymous No.941965147 [Report] >>941965186
oh I forgot....

Elvis once again Never even said "I'm sorry"

He never accepted any accountability for the incident at all

But he was continually risking people's safety and slowly destroying them step by step

as he continued slowly destroying himself step by step

It's actually one of the most tragic stories ever

it's heartbreaking
Anonymous No.941965186 [Report] >>941965290
>>941965147

the hair............... nice
Anonymous No.941965290 [Report] >>941966147
>>941965186
Anonymous No.941965436 [Report]
best book on the topic, by far:
ALANA NASH
Elvis Aaron Presley: Revelations from the Memphis Mafia

absolutely THE definitive book, what makes it different is they have three bodyguards telling all the behind the scenes stories (of course nobody knew more than the bodyguards)

BUT: as decades roll past, our memories get a little bit foggy here and there

So the three bodyguards are continually CORRECTING EACH OTHER, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say REMINDING EACH OTHER OF LITTLE DETAILS

simple shit like, "No he was wearing the red shirt when he punched that guy in the face"

correcting each other, if the other person got a detail wrong somehow, And that's why that book is so fucking amazing

It's like sitting there and listening to three old friends remind each other of the crazy stories from their past

BUT THEIR STORY IS THE CRAZIEST FUCKING STORY EVER TOLD

LMMFAO

THEY WERE STRAPPED TO THE ROCKET RIDE

And they were lucky they made it out alive (after Elvis committed suicide, the bodyguards joked at his funeral "Elvis is going to try to kill all of us")

and a few minutes later, a giant branch broke off a tree in the front yard, and fell directly in front of the casket while the pallbearers were picking it up

a very dangerous heavy gigantic branch

they took it as a sign Elvis was listening

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THAT BOOK
once you read the real story
The true story
IT'S FUCKING MIND-BOGGLING

once you read the actual true behind the scenes story, you'll never see Elvis the same way again

like I said, I have to be completely honest and admit ELVIS WAS UNCOOL IN A LOT OF WAYS

He was far from perfect, but...

HE WAS A LIGHTNING BOLT!!!

You should see if there's an audiobook You could listen to in the background because the story is TOTALLY FUCKING INSANE

COMPLETELY FUCKING INSANE
Anonymous No.941965489 [Report]
I'm going to be honest with you:

I've read that book a few times
and in the middle, IVE BROKEN DOWN CRYING

The most tragic tale ever told
literally the greatest story ever told

The world's most famous human
was also the loneliest man on earth

It's heartbreaking in many areas

And they openly discuss some of the uncool shit Elvis did

I told you he had become a monster
You should listen to the audiobook

you'll understand it better than ever before and it's actually quite a tale
Anonymous No.941965570 [Report]
I mean just at its face value, the unlikelihood of the story.. It's SOOOO unlikely, that it's kind of supernatural

The broke white nigger awkward laughing stock at school, the boy all the girls made fun of when he walked down the hallway... WITHIN 6 MONTHS EVERY WOMAN ON EARTH WANTED TO FUCK HIM

AND EVERY MAN ON EARTH WANTED TO BE HIM

The most unlikely crazy fucking story
(But it's Alana Nash's Memphis Mafia book that fills in all the missing jigsaw puzzle pieces you've never heard about)

once you have that jigsaw puzzle laid out in front of you

It's up to you to decide...
was he a Messiah?
was he a demon?

was he even human?
Anonymous No.941965649 [Report]
I've got a buddy here in Atlanta named Shawn, who is a quantum physicist and he's one of the programmer dudes I've mentioned who got offered a deal by the FBI

Shawn told me, "when I was a kid, the first time saw Elvis, I assumed he was an alien or something. I knew one thing: he wasn't exactly human"

lol

hahahahaha exactly duhhhh exactly, Shawn
Anonymous No.941965687 [Report]
Tomorrow is daylight savings bullshit again

fuck that screws up my morning schedule. I automatically wake up every day at 4 AM, with no alarm clock

FUCK!! That means I'll be automatically waking up at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow

GOD DAMMIT
Anonymous No.941965862 [Report]
>>941964270 (OP)
by the way, later this week, I have to tell the heart surgeon my final decision on the heart valve procedure.

I'm 6 of one, half a dozen of the other

honestly? I'm ready to stop existing
completely ready
I've already made peace with it

in fact, I feel very much like I'm on a layover in an airport, No way of knowing Wendy inclement weather outside will finally clear up, and I can finally go along on my way back 'home'.

understand?... to me, this is just like sitting around and waiting for an announcement "You can finally go home again"

If so I'm eager to get this over with, honestly

so perhaps not getting the surgery would be better, because if I have a DNR (do not resuscitate) directive, that might expedite the process...

but then again, I could die on the operating table, meaning the surgery might expedite the process even quicker.

either way, if I decide to have the surgery, it would probably be scheduled in a week or 10 days, so it won't be a long, drawn out thing

for all I know, I might no longer exist in 10 days
Anonymous No.941965923 [Report]
https://youtu.be/TfPlGJF8mqA?si=Pr2mfrCSYuUz2K3n

see?.... btw I met Lamar Fike through ZZ
Anonymous No.941966088 [Report]
again:

the reason they'd say "ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building" was because if they didn't say it, THE CROWDS REFUSED TO LEAVE!!!!

THE AUDIENCES WOULD NOT LEAVE...

lol they literally refused to go, because they were convinced Elvis would eventually jump back out

they had to tell the audience:
HES GONE!! LEAVE!!
Anonymous No.941966117 [Report]
a lot of ppl thought it was just a cool catchphrase...

nope

THE FIRE MARSHALLS INSISTED THEY TELL THE CROWDS TO GO HOME
Anonymous No.941966147 [Report]
>>941965290
I really really like that pompadour

a lot