I have therapy once a week and my therapist asked me about my early life. Since I talked to her about my mother and chaotic childhood I'm developing a deep hatred for her. The trouble is I live with her and I'm unemployed and have autism. I sometimes feel like hurting my mother.

>>22974698 (OP)
there's plenty of drastic options you can do besides suicide/homicide, anon, just keep that in mind
you can change your life any time

you could also tell your therapist you feel this way
don't tell her you want to hurt your mother though

This is the exact pattern I see with everyone who goes to therapy
first they get put on a mountain of meds
then they show some superficial improvements while growing more and more spiteful of their parents (especially mothers for men and fathers for women)
then they develop a dependency on their therapist and cant stop going as it drains their wallets away

every damn time

>>22974739
>This is the exact pattern I see with everyone who goes to therapy
>first they get put on a mountain of meds
therapists don't put you on meds, psychiatrists put you on meds
there is a difference
>then they show some superficial improvements while growing more and more spiteful of their parents (especially mothers for men and fathers for women)
>then they develop a dependency on their therapist and cant stop going as it drains their wallets away
>every damn time
you may be right though

>>22974698 (OP)
My diagnosis: kys

>>22974739
i've been going to therapy since i was a kid. and it's been paid for by the gubermint! :^)

She can never ever just say something nice to me. She can't even say "oh stop worrying, you'll be alright tomorrow". She says everything's my fault and just says the exact same phrase to me all her life whenever i feel low - "Just get on with it". She's a very cold woman. I confronted her about why she's like this a few years ago and she said "people were in my day, you are just weak and pathetic". I mean we're mothers all refrigerator mothers in the 1960's and 70's.
>>22974739
Therapy is very cheap here if you earn under a certain amount or if you are unemployed. It's only £10 a session for me. I think it's charity run, but you have a point. Also I'm not on meds.

>>22974747
>therapists don't put you on meds, psychiatrists put you on meds
I know, it's correlation not causation. But there are always powerful meds involved in such cases

>>22974760
it sounds like you have good reason to hate your mother, but if it's getting to hte point where you want to hurt her, you need to change your life
the solution is to have a boundary between you and your mother, and to have a life you're satisfied with separate from her
the more attention and hatred you give her, the more you're just getting consumed by this bullshit

>>22974772
I have an older brother who has bpd and I'm kind of distant with him. I sometimes feel like phoning him just to tell him what she's like. I think the main reason why he's mentally ill is because if her poor parenting skills

>>22974785
>I think the main reason why he's mentally ill is because if her poor parenting skills
you're probably right
BPD parents have a tendency to clone themselves through their kids, it happened to older people in my family & alot of them became faggot meth addict retards
if you don't manage to get some sort of life separate from her, it'll probably happen to you as well
it might be good to talk to your brother if it would help you cope/calm down, if you can relate to him, but it doesn't change your situation

i don't think you need to introspect or get anymore therapy though
i think you should get away from your mother

>>22974750
>paid for by the gubermint! :^)
you mean my tax dollars? you sound like you're proud of this

>>22974760
If you want my advice, the best move is to forgive her.
But if you really can't, consider a different perspective: That she's just a person- a person with flaws, who tries her best despite her own personal difficulties. Did you eat well? Did she make sure you went to school? Did she keep you safe? Cases of parents who truly don't care are exceptionally rare. perhaps she was trying to teach you self-sufficiency and she just was going about it the wrong way.
Parents, before they're parents, are people just like you and me. Just take some time to think about things from that perspective and see if it helps any.

>>22974819
>If you want my advice, the best move is to forgive her.
>But if you really can't, consider a different perspective: That she's just a person- a person with flaws, who tries her best despite her own personal difficulties. Did you eat well? Did she make sure you went to school? Did she keep you safe? Cases of parents who truly don't care are exceptionally rare. perhaps she was trying to teach you self-sufficiency and she just was going about it the wrong way.
>Parents, before they're parents, are people just like you and me. Just take some time to think about things from that perspective and see if it helps any.
nigger, this is all well and good, but only once you're independent from your parents
forgiving doesn't mean you have to keep putting up with their shit or having no boundaries or walk on eggshells every second of your life

>>22974814
>i don't think you need to introspect
Hard disagree.
Getting to the root of the problem is a necessary precondition for resolving the problem

>>22974760
My dad was beat by his dad for everything he did wrong, and beat sometimes even when he didn't do anything wrong "just in case he got away with something he doesn't know about". And he forced him to do more chores than any other kid. When he worked hard with part time jobs, bought an old shitbox sports car and fixed it up, his dad forced him to let him borrow it. Then he cheated on his mom and abandoned the whole family.
My dad grew up sane and didn't let that ruin his mind.
She is right that you need to get over it. You shouldn't let your parents ruin your mentality.

>>22974833
>Hard disagree.
>Getting to the root of the problem is a necessary precondition for resolving the problem
you don't treat PTSD through introspection while you're in the middle of a warzone, dummy
you do it like a few months after you're home & can afford to do so

you understand i agree with everything you're saying, but OP needs to get away from his mother FIRST

>>22974698 (OP)
>I have therapy once a week and my therapist asked me about my (((early life))).

>>22974838
>My dad grew up sane and didn't let that ruin his mind.
that's because he was working enough to afford a fucking sportscar at a young age
OP says he's unemployed and has autism, he probably feels like a helpless servant

>>22974838
>She is right that you need to get over it. You shouldn't let your parents ruin your mentality.
the way to avoid letting his parents ruin his mentality is to become independent from them
he can get over it once he's no longer in the fucking middle of it, you understand?

your dad was able to achieve relative independence, i guess partly because he took responsibility & got his shit together, and partly because he had the advantage of the literal best economy in history and a high-trust society
OP needs to do that, become in dependent, then he can be like your dad & not let it bother him

>>22974851
He was not blessed with a good job or good car. The best car he got had holes fully rusted through the bottom of the car. He lived in the Rustbelt.

>>22974876
well it seems like he was dedicated to becoming independent and getting something better
OP doesn't need to "get over it and get a better mentality"
he needs to get himself away from his parents & the mentality will follow

i don't know man
i don't think you're saying anything that could help OP, that's all
just shitting on him if anything

>>22974804
Thanks anon. It's just hard being unemployed at the moment so I'm kind of stuck. I might ring my brother sometime and just ask him what he thinks of her.
>>22974814
I'll continue the therapy because it's nice just to have somebody to talk to.
>>22974819
To be honest I suspect my mother is on the spectrum like me, but she was also brought up with a narcissistic mother. She told me her mother often called her fat as a child and put her down regularly. My mother can be nice with me. I was brought up in a nice middle class house. Growing up my mother would occasionally buy me dvds/games growing up. I think she shows her love in being thoughtful and generous sometimes, and we would watch movies together, but she's just very emotionally unavailable and can be quite harsh even if she doesn't mean to be callous. I think she believes that if a parent is verbally abusive it toughens the child up.

>>22974888
you need to figure out what you want your life to be like & focus on that instead of your mother

>>22974888
>It's just hard being unemployed at the moment so I'm kind of stuck.
it is hard right now, but you gotta find a way
roommates maybe

it's good if you can make peace, but that's different from forcing yourself to relate/sympathize because you feel like she's an inextricable part of you no matter what

>>22974894
Hmm isn't that kind of a waste though when I could be saving for a mortgage? I'm not exactly young either

>>22974899
anon, you said you often feel like hurting your mother
you can't stay where you are right now
anything could happen at any time which makes you want to hurt your mother while you're living together, doesn't that make you nervous?

>>22974905
I sometimes feel like it. I mean I've never disrespected her in anyway. I've never sworn at her or anything. I just feel like she needs to be shocked somehow so she truly understands me. I'm thinking of temporarily going on ssris. I've just been having intrusive thoughts all week and they're seriously overtaking my mind. I don't like antidepressants but they do work and I've not been on them for around 18 months

>>22974920
>I mean I've never disrespected her in anyway. I've never sworn at her or anything. I just feel like she needs to be shocked somehow so she truly understands me.
yep, there we fucking go
sounds exactly like my mom at age 50 talking about her mom, who brought acrackhead into the home years ago, etc
you're never gonna have your own life if you're obsessed with your mom understanding how you feel, but also thinking she's horrible and wanting to hurt her, etc

>>22974920
>I'm thinking of temporarily going on ssris. I've just been having intrusive thoughts all week and they're seriously overtaking my mind. I don't like antidepressants but they do work and I've not been on them for around 18 months
you're gonna die the second death if you do that, and you're gonna suffer for decades before you do
you gotta get a job and get out of here man

>>22974888
>Growing up my mother would occasionally buy me dvds/games growing up. I think she shows her love in being thoughtful and generous sometimes, and we would watch movies together, but she's just very emotionally unavailable and can be quite harsh even if she doesn't mean to be callous. I think she believes that if a parent is verbally abusive it toughens the child up.
With this in mind, do you still think you hate her?
You don't have to love everything she does. But if you decide in your heart that you hate her then the relationship will never improve
"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope"

(Ignore the babbling anon)

>>22974750
They probably report your whole life to the government

Every time you think about hurting your mom punch yourself in the ballsack, full power. Full power ballsack punch. That's all there is to it.

>>22974922
you're a fucking idiot
>With this in mind, do you still think you hate her?
of course he doesn't, but he still wants to hurt her sometimes, "intrusive thoughts", etc

none of it is rational, you can't grapple with any of this shit while you're still living in the same home as someone who is possibly abusive 24/7 with no support network

>>22974925
that's real funny

>>22974923
>Anon sits in his house posting on a Tibetan mongolian throat singing forum about how he goes to therapy
>He has no friends
>He has no job
>He is kinda retarded
Yeah I'm sure the government is dying to find out what he will do next

>>22974922
I don't hate her. I just can't be around her or turn to her for any support or approval.
I'm going to go now and read my book and head to bed. Thank you for everyone's input :)

>>22974928
That's because it's true. You ever been punched in the ballsack, full power before? I'm talking full red power meter hit the x button right at the perfect time critical hit ballsack striking?

the shit can't be resolved while they're under the same roof

>>22974995
good luck

sleep well

>>22974927
You think you know what OP needs
You obviously don't
You're trying to convince him that you know what he needs
You obviously can't
You are severely misguided and probably projecting
have a nice day

>>22974995
Is that apple juice or is that cherry juice there. Did you know that they call gout the disease of kings?

>>22974995
Take it easy, anon.
I wish you the best

>>22975009
>You are severely misguided and probably projecting
maybe

i know he needs to have security and not be basically a pet before he can think rationally about anything

the things you say would apply, even under the same roof, if it were like a marriage or something between equals

you write very rhetorically effectively though, and you're "obviously" more well-adjusted than me
you literally are so obviously much more knowledgeable about what he needs, that you don't HAVE to try to convince him you know what he needs
:^)

i have cool wholesome soothing images too

i can't help anyone, fuck you all
fucking dominicans with unmuffled trucks keep driving by

obvious is obvious except when it's not obvious because of authority but it transcends authority

fuck you

curbstomp me

>>22974920
you're probably not going to be able to 'shock her' into being the caring, loving mother you deserved to have growing up, I'm afraid
I would nix that idea completely
she's likely dealing with damage of her own, and it's possibly unlikely that she even has the ability, or desire, or strength to fix it, or even begin to confront the problem
there are many people I've met who simply don't have it within them as a person to provide the sensitivity and warmth that they ought to
I do appreciate that your sympathy for her might be wearing thin right now, I just thought it was worth saying, because there's always two sides

but I'm not trying to excuse her behaviour—'neglect' is a strong word, which conjures a lot of images, but I would call what you're describing 'emotional neglect', and I feel strongly for you—for what you went through, and for what you're going through now

if you wanted to avoid SSRIs (for obvious reasons), you might ask about things like mirtazapine—not frontline, but doable if you have a depression diagnosis, and has a mild sedative effect (same mechanism as antihistamines IIRC, so nothing too strong)
anecdotally, it put me into a much more 'zen' state, without changing who I was as a person, or dulling me down—if it has the same effect on you, you'll be fully cognisant of an increased ability to tolerate the insanity of others: water off a duck's back
that sounds—at least to me—like it could be a really useful tool in your repertoire right now
just watch out for the munchies it can give you (there are anecdotes of people eating sugar directly out of the bag)

from what you've described: this is not your fault, how you feel is understandable, and I respect the hell out of you for wanting to do something about it before it gets out of hand

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JE6rUwfckI

>>22974698 (OP)
Your mother is not a perfect person, just understand this.

>>22975024
Thank you for acknowledging my intellectual, philosophical and epistemological superiority. Your loosh and festoons will be left unmolested for today.

>>22974698 (OP)
>therapist is an emotional female like your mother
Your first mistake is this. Find a guy that is interested in and has worked with a lot of autistic people and who understands an environmental social worker perspective.

>>22974747
The therapist is only a few sessions away from recommending more drugs for you they all operate this way. They are a little cult and you can start to see their behavior over and over again. Therapists are just retarded humans trying to follow along and avoid liability of having thoughts of their own. Just look at who studies therapy in college. They don’t send their brightest to psychology.
What you need are some good friends to help you decompress from dealing with your shit mother

>>22974819
>you mean my tax dollars?
Yes.
>you sound like you're proud of this
I think it's funny.

>>22974923
They actually have a hard time keeping track of me for various reasons. This was not the case 10+ years ago, also for various reasons.

>>22974698 (OP)
Therapy is just a scam, it only makes you dumber and is worse than just eating your finger off.

> I live with her
If the therapist is your mom just kill her, 2 birds one stone.