Thread 21406011

It's always the same boring dishes. Ham, turkey, potatoes, baked ziti, bleah.

How can I spruce things up, make them more exciting? How far can you go before you offend some slackjawed Applebee's-going drone?

you sound like a real piece of shit at family gatherings. the rest of us are just trying to have a good time, drink some drinks, and catch up. you’re the loser asking when the event is over 5 mins after you get there

>>21406011 (OP)
How about you try to fit in instead of being an out of place weirdo and then running to 4chan and making a thread you fucking weirdo faggot.

>>21406011 (OP)
You should promote race mixing so other cultures can bring their food

>>21406011 (OP)
if you don't want to be at the family gathering, just don't go. it sounds like you're miserable and probably make everyone else there miserable too. just tell them you're busy.

>>21406065
>How about you try to fit in
Okay, 1950s Republican

Just bring Tupperware, wear a baggy hoodie or jacket, take food when people are bullshitting and just leave right after, say you dont feel well etc...

>>21406065
>running to 4chan and making a thread you fucking weirdo faggot
who do you imagine uses this site, exactly?

>>21406072
>Okay, 1950s Republican
Thank God for Google amirite?

>>21406072
republicans were the liberal party in the 1950s and the democrats were conservative. learn history faggot

>>21406011 (OP)
I'm sorry your family doesn't know how to cook. Perhaps you can show them?

>>21406011 (OP)
>using baking dishes as serving vessels
does white america really?
>b-but they cooked the food in that!
in that picture, none of the food was cooked in any of the dishes they're in
>ham in a bowl
what the actual fuck

>>21406083
Uhh... Chat... I'm having an anxiety attack... is this real?

>>21406087
They look fine to me. This isn't a fancy diner.

>>21406115
why bother re-dishing things at all?
WHY IS THE HAM IN A BOWL
i ain't neva seen bowl ham before

>>21406011 (OP)
You don't have to make anything, since you're the family member they don't want around.

>>21406121
who cares? they probably didn't put that much thought into it and just grabbed whatever dish they had. this isn't a restaurant, nobody is critiquing the dishware. it's just there to provide a function. you chose the least offensive things in this image to get upset about.

>>21406074
>>Running
Lol, lmao even

>>21406136
BOWL. HAM.

>>21406011 (OP)
a bunch of bitter dudes whose wives aint putting out, in this thread.

>>21406142
who gives a shit

>>21406158
HAM
A
M

BOWL
O
W
L

>>21406164
are you autistic?

>>21406011 (OP)
>the chatter is silenced, eyes nervously shift toward the door as OP bursts into the family gathering
>whispers of "oh god..." are heard as OP's voice fills the hall with "HELLOOOOOOOO I'M HEEEEEEEEEEYUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRR SILLY FAMALAM"
>OP scrunched his face at the spread of roast meats, potatoes, and pasta
>"OH NO NO NO THIS SIMPLY WON'T DO" he whines
>OP rolls out a rainbow blanket across the table, knocking over everyones plates
>It is full of exotic sushis, bean and rice dishes, indian curry, and 20 kinds of noodle soup
>"AND FOR DESSERT, DRIED SQUID, POCKY, AND PICKLED PIGS FEET!" OP proudly blurts, his beard and belly jigging out of his 2010s cartoon graphic t-shirt as he firmly plants his fists at his waiste and grins

>>21406171
lwob mah
are you?

>>21406174
I genuinely respect this

>>21406187
I'll take that as a yes.

Op is absolutely pathetic

>>21406011 (OP)
I'd like to know where that gravy came from if ham is the main dish.

>>21406239
probably packet gravy

>>21406011 (OP)
I can just about guarantee you that your family hates you too.

>>21406011 (OP)
The fuck is that corn slop

>>21406011 (OP)
idk cook something
faggot

>>21406011 (OP)
>How can I spruce things up, make them more exciting? How far can you go before you offend some slackjawed Applebee's-going drone?
Make
>Roasted tomato soup
>Potato dumplings & braised red cabbage
>Creamy mushroom Fettuccine
Boom. Done.

>>21406250
God why even bother at that point? Just make garlic mashed potatoes instead.

>>21406011 (OP)
>How can I spice things up, make them more exciting?

Bro just put a pork loin in a crock pot with an onion and some lime and chilies with a can of chicken broth and a beer. Let it cook all day and shred it before you serve. Pack of corn tortillas and cotija cheese... Boom. You're the talk of the town for $20.

>>21407060
>t. shhhhheeeeeeeeiiiitt

>>21406059
>>21406065
>>21406069
I see the boomer slop cult is here early

>>21408502
>pork loin
>shred
retard, loin is super lean. you want a shoulder or butt for pulled pork.

>>21406011 (OP)
Peak American cuisine. You know how they shit on everyone else's cuisine? This is why. I'm humbled and a little ashamed. How can the rest of the world get this good?

>>21406011 (OP)
Just stop caring and order a pizza.

>>21406072
>being pro-social is for 1950s republicans
ok?

>>21406011 (OP)
Just make a pot of chili with some cornbread and stop being such an insufferable faggot, goddamn dude.

>>21406066
Unironically a good idea

>>21406011 (OP)
OP is absolutely right, until the boomers are gone you're getting nothing but the same boring basic food.

>>21408846
I'm with this anon

>>21406109
Yes. They are also still addicted to cheap labor, but now that slavery is outlawed they have to find a new source, which is now illegal migrants.

>>21406083
yeah and you used to shit yourself as a baby, I guess things change for the better with time huh

>>21409387
joke's on you faggot, i still shit myself

>>21406011 (OP)
Sorry your family can't cook OP. Maybe you should shame them at the next gathering via your own cooking ability.

>>21409364
Why don't we just enslave our felons in prisons?
I mean, that is perfectly legal, and it would help us remain competitive in the global marketplace.
We could always arrest more criminals and force them to work for us. Anyone who is innocent would have nothing to fear.

>>21406011 (OP)
Go on the internet and bitch about it instead of being constructive. They honestly probably don't like you being there, you could just stop going

>>21408812
I don't like boomer slop either - which is why I simply wouldn't go. You're not going to get these people to change their ways, and going out of your way to dunk on them is just going to make them resentful. The best thing to do here is to just respectfully distance yourself from the situation.

>>21406059
This
Im trying to get the hot cousin drunk and fat cousin anon just keeps complaining about the food

>>21409659
>just enslave prisoners
>it's perfectly legal
>slavery
>legal
>what is the 13th Amendment

sweet christ you're retarded

>>21409788
Except prisons do actually do that in the US.

>>21409805
Very few states allow forced labor for no pay. The majority pay very low wages.
What make it not slavery is they can't punish you the way a slave would be punished for not working, ie beat, starve, torture, or kill you. All the punishments for refusing mandatory labor, paid or not, is disciplinary, in that privileges you normally aren't automatically allowed, if previously earned would be revoked, or prevented from attaining. They cannot do anything that interferes with your case, either.
What makes it slavery is you have no agency at all. Involuntary prison labor does not qualify

>>21406011 (OP)
charcuterie board

>>21406087
>using baking dishes as serving vessels
>a problem
get real faggit
>ham in a bowl
and?

>>21406087
fuckin johnny rockafaller rothschild over here too good for the ham bowl

>>21408502
We're not cooking food for us, my enwerd. We are cooking it for a bunch of tastelet boomers. The second they get a piece of fat they will complain about how the whole dish was too fatty and disgusting to everyone at the party. The dish I described is something that can please everybody. It's not necessarily the best but it's the least offensive, yet ethnic enough to be exciting. Cut up a few limes and dice some cilantro and all of a sudden, you're a chef.

Focaccia is a good dish to make that most people like.

You could also try a Mexican casserole dish, I bet that would be popular.

Also, how about homemade thin mints?

You should cook whatever you would like to find at one of these things as your dish.
If it goes down well, you can add it to the rotation. If it doesn't, try something else.
You're dish isn't the only dish there, so it isn't a big deal if not many people want it.

>>21406011 (OP)
>How far can you go before you offend some slackjawed Applebee's-going drone?

That's how you see your family??

>>21411203
It's common to see online, and sadly they validate each other so they don't see how dysfunctional that is

>>21411203
don't worry they probably hate him too

>>21406011 (OP)
I hear you, OP. I hate family gatherings and my family in general.

>>21406011 (OP)
Would your family like possibly a turducken?

>>21411683
indeed. i am not thinking about the food at all in these situations.

>>21406011 (OP)
Swedish meatballs

>>21407007
Gotta lube that food with something to make it go down easier.

>>21411443
>acting like anyone here is capable of normal interpersonal relationships

I eat better at family gatherings than at most restaurants

>>21411214
>>21411203
It is possible to essentially care for treat your family members well while also having a grave lack of respect for their culinary predilections. Same way you can have a coworker who is a fantastic person but a total, total fuckin moron at their job.

Test

>>21406011 (OP)
Popcorn goes hard.
>plain
>kettle
>...
Gives a reason to watch a movie and occupy the children give adults time to catch up. Machine gun popcorn popping in the kitchen is kino.
Barbequed vegetables are good, kinda works with fruits, peppers and pineapple come to mind. Fun flipping activity for older kids to feel like they contributed to the meal.
Pork shoulder very versatile, I like the latino way of frying it till it is crunchy. Carnitas? Yes.
Jello is fun snack. Can add canned fruit tho I don't want to use cool whip, people like it.
Mom always makes creamed corn and chili beans. Family talked shit about her making it all the time so she stopped making it. Kinda silly but why put in the effort for retards.
Bowl of nuts is good.

>>21406011 (OP)
Why are you making a Thanksgiving thread, incel?
Gravy is good. Don't forget the sage.

>>21406115
'Fancy diner' is an oxymoron. A diner is a casual restaurant by definition.

>>21414573
>goes hard

KYS, zoomer.

>>21412835
touché

>>21406174
peak

>>21414236
Who talked about culinary though? Anons itt show massive contempt towards their relatives

>>21406158
>>21406171
ham bowl

>>21406011 (OP)
Can someone tell me what the fuck that cornslop is in the upper left?

>>21415267
Cream Corn Casserole, very South/Mid-American dish. Basically if your in an area that has more than 1 country radio station and you see at least 1 person in cowboy boots or a cowboy hat, you're in Creamed Corn Country.

>>21406011 (OP)
Make some quirky food that no one eats. That'll spice things up.
Bring home made kung pow chicken and curry to Thanksgiving

>>21406011 (OP)
This is very much a White American problem. You can't really do anything about it. Just eat beforehand, and maybe eat dessert at the end or something. If you really care about being with your family, don't be antisocial about it.

>>21406011 (OP)
Get a better family.
No wait, your family should get a better you.
Faggot.

>>21414590
>triggered by an expression

Calm down granpa, maybe take your pills and a nap yeah?

>>21415571
Rural New England is also like this

>>21414590
Chill, unc. The rizzless and huzzless shall remain loveless. Is that why you hate us, seeing youthfulness when all your dreams are of loneliness?

>>21416261
nta, but as a Millenial myself this was actually a pretty witty posts for a Zoomer.

>>21416409
it was probably posted by a millennial, I imitate zoomer speak all the time it's fun

>>21416409
>for a Zoomer.
That's cheeks, bruh.

>mash potato ladle
fatties

It ain't thanksgiving unless you are forced to choke down the driest turkey you have ever had in your life

>>21409349
>OP is absolutely right, until the boomers are gone you're getting nothing but the same boring basic food.

Yes, I can't wait for us zoomers to take over and be in charge of the family meals...

>>21416245
Rural New England is basically the South.

>>21417579
pretty much anywhere in the US away from cities is considered "country" even if it's not the south. Plenty of things different in the south but it makes sense for them all to listen to country music. Most modern country singers are from montana or australia now btw, fun fact.

>>21406011 (OP)
You could blow your head off in front of your family

>>21406174
Kek

>>21406011 (OP)
Bring the best dish every year so you can give back to the people who raised you, even if they don't deserve it. We only have a limited amount of time on planet earth and time spent in a state of resentment and ingratitude is a sure fire way to waste it.

Host the gathering, ask people to bring alcohol and nibbles, take care of the mains.

>>21419126
If you don't have resentment and a need to project your superiority, what is the motivation for making sure you "bring the best dish" every year?

>>21406011 (OP)
What'd you bring?
Surely you didn't just show up to eat their food, take a picture, and complain about it later, right?

>>21406174
This is how you go from family member I put up with to best friend with me.

>>21406011 (OP)
Learn how to cook anon.

Tons of options that won't offend whites - especially if you know how to smoke or bake. You just need to avoid those foreign curry spices n shit. And even then you could literally use Japanese curry blocks (mild of course) and no one would be the wiser - it looks like brown gravy after all.

I mean there is NO cheese there! You can easily spice up half that shit with cheese. And they clearly don't mind bacon, it makes everything better. Grill some corn, fire roasted corn is fantastic. Make some cornbread. Smoke some meat, cover it it bbq sauce.

>>21410016
You could actually do pulled pork from a butt or shoulder, you just have to render all that fat out and ensure no skin/fat gets left in the final product. A little more work, but not necessary if dealing with southern boomers. Northern/midwest boomers yeah, those twats fear salt and pepper.

>>21410060
>Focaccia
ANY properly baked fresh bread is gonna mog the crap out of whatever boomers have at a gathering - because it's literally going to be wonder bread or Hawaiian rolls. And even better is it will blow minds because they are used to stale goyslop from the grocery full of preservatives.

And it's NOT hard. We have machines that make it stupid easy to bake stuff now. All you have to do work-wise is toss dough into the molds you want to get - buns go into rings, subs go into silicon loaf molds, baguettes have trays, sandwich bread goes into loaf pans, muffin trays for muffins, etc.

>>21409788
It is legal under the 13th, it explicitly carves out an exception whereby a person can/could be sentenced to slavery as punishment for a crime.

>>21411203
>That's how you see your family??
Not OP, but old farts do in fact have a lot of culinary racism baked in from the olden days, on top of a fondness for depression foodstuffs. Scared of MSG, raw fish, ethnic spices, etc. Some of that was legit back then, others like the MSG shit was pure racism. Plus god help you if you have a Karen in the family who can't tolerate salt or pepper. I had one on my mom's side.

I do get the fondness for poorfag/depression-era food though. If you are a hungry fuck, any food is good food, regardless of how bland it is. If you had to subsist on hotdogs and beans, then beenie weenies is nostalgia in a can for you. It's safe and "known" - it's sustained you in the hard times, so it's gonna be good for the good times.

>>21415135
Are all your relatives perfect? Congratulations on whatever genetic lottery you won, I have some shitters in my family tree. Not all bad mind you, some are fine, just some members that are royally fucked up.

>>21420219
I don't get this need to trash family members you don't like, just see as putting up with them as penance for whatever fucked up shit you did in your own life no matter how big or small.

>>21409788
>what is the 13th Amendment
Have you ever read it?

>Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.
>except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted

As a kid family gatherings were fun, but as an adult they are basically pointless. Most traditions were made in a time of food insecurity where this couple times a year you could eat very well.

I remember being a young adult thinking I would rather be eating mcdonalds right now. Cause the day before you didn't eat much cause your going to grandmas. Then the next day you aren't eating breakfast or lunch, cause you going to grandmas. Afterwards you are eating leftovers. The experience as an adult was just bad from a waiting to eat perspective.

>>21422627
>Most traditions were made in a time of food insecurity where this couple times a year you could eat very well.
>completely ignores the social aspect and the innovations of the phone and internet and their impacts on social occassions
lol

>>21417579
Mainer here. This is true in some ways, false in others. Ayuh.

Family food is trash and I'm glad to see this truth being spread.

>>21425386
>t. Corporate slop enjoyer

>>21406011 (OP)
They keep eating my food then they complain and shit on me I'm poisoning those motherfuckers fuuuuuuuuuuuck

>>21406011 (OP)
I don't think the problem here is the food, it's the presentation. You can easily just google dishes to find twists on the idea and better ways to present them and such.

>some woman’s month-expired meat cut into a paste

Lord forgive me for the curse I shall place on this food and household

>>21406083
democrats flipped to the liberal party when FDR got elected, long before the 50s. open a book sometime retard.

>>21406011 (OP)
Plain steamed carrots? Talk about ambitious.

>>21425386
what, no fucking ziti?!

It's funny that boomer jokes about hating their wife is frowned upon when zoomers utterly despise their relatives and not even in a humorous way

>>21406066
if were talking alone about the food, this is a good idea

>>21419128
This is the only way to do it.
You gotta provide an example as a host, leave them with a good impression. That or you bring something you've cooked yourself.

how can you hate delicious hearty food. you at least have to love macaroni and cheese. and a cooler full of beer and soda on ice. you love it you know you do sport.

>>21420208
>>21422041
see
>>21409830

>>21406011 (OP)
Sex and cooking with your hot cousin

>>21406066
This. Bring your Latina/Black/Mystery meat fucktoy to the family gathering.

>>21406066
>>21428373
He wants to improve the food, not destroy it even more.

>>21428458
Everyone here is a porn addict, so it makes sense that their dopamine receptors are so blown out that you need to spice the food to the point you can't taste anything except salt or sugar.
Funnily enough increased spice usage correlates to lower IQs in societies, which is why many Chinese, Japanese, and European foods are seen as "bland".

>>21428461
Those bong food threads really got to you lmfaooo

>>21428462
>Doesn't think its weird that all the places with food that has high dopamine values are shitholes
>Nepal has the lowest IQ in the world and some of the most spiciest cuisine in the region.
All you're advocating for is masturbaiting with your mouth.

>>21428467
youre just making shit up
sorry youre upset everyone laughs at your shit food

>>21428468
That doesn't really mean much when you're the kind of person that sees McDonalds as peak dining...

>>21409349
When that day comes it'll pretty much be the end of family gatherings altogether. You aren't starting families of your own after all, and zoomers don't even go to parties so you won't even have those gay "eclectic" millennial office potlucks anymore

>>21409349
When the Boomers are gone, so Is basically any semblance of old America.

>>21428468
This has the same energy as a whore who has been blown out by dildos saying she'll only date men who are 9 inches long, not realizing your just telling the world you're blown out.