The stupid fucking poached egg.

>>21515709 (OP)
You did make it. So I think you appreciate it.

As always, skkll issue.

>>21515713
Yes, but I would have appreciated it more if it didn't come out like an inverted ballsack.

Enough about poached egg
Why don't you make a deep fried egg?

>>21515720
That's probably the most unhealthy way to prepare an egg though.

>>21515726
>he doesn't caramelize his eggs in cream

>>21515709 (OP)
How do you fuck up a poaches egg you just drop it in some lightly boiling water and stare at it for like 3 minutes and scoop it out onto some buttered toast.

>>21515808
There's some sort of meme about dropping it into a vortex of boiling water but all it does is fuck up the egg.

>>21515811
I stopped doing that because this kept happening, but now it started happening even when I don't spin the water.

Tried to move the pan to the side of the heat so the bubbles are lighter and there's a calm side. Still only have like a 40% success rate.

>>21515826
well actually I have more like 10% success rate if you include overcooking it, but that can't be improved

>>21515811
>>21515826
Stirring the water does actually work, but you gotta crack the egg directly over the water when it's slowed to a crawl.

>>21515709 (OP)
Trying again with ck advice. Light boil and wait for spin to almost stop

>>21517526
Still kinda ugly but better I guess

>>21517529
Well done, how are you having it? Sandwich? Yogurt garlic paprika sauce?

>Pro Tips
Fresh eggs help. You can use fine mesh strainer to strain out excess the egg membrane. Not doing so will lower your water temp and make your pot cloudy. Once strained, gently drop egg into ramekins. Repeat 3 times.

A gentle vortex will help the egg white wrap around the yolk. If not, use wooden spoon to coax it into shape.

Cook 3 mins, remove with your fancy metal spider strainer, and gently place on tea towel lined plate (paper towel will work but will leave indentation). If cooking in bulk, lower into ice bath container, and to warm up drop in barely simmering stock pot for 30s.

Adding vinegar to your stock pot will help but will make the egg white tougher and leave flavor.

>>21515709 (OP)
You need to use fresher eggs.

>>21515709 (OP)
You aren’t boiling it in dirty water are you?

>>21515709 (OP)
>poached egg
:l
>onsen tamago
:O

>>21517532
Drunken noodle!

>>21517582
Thanks for the tips. Can you do the vortex with multiple eggs? Wouldn't they bump?

Also wtf is egg membrane? I thought eggs are white and yolk and that's it?

>>21515709 (OP)
It’s just an egg, no reason to seeth and dialate

>>21517621
Carbonara is the best drunk noodle
>Fatty
>Salty
>Easy to make
>Quick
>You won't get a bunch of stuff dirty
>Can eat it out of the pan and clean the pan with some bread

>>21515709 (OP)
Forget about poaching, take the water frying pill.

>>21515709 (OP)
looks like boiled jizz

>>21517640
Nihilistic gaylord, eggs are important.

>>21517649
Gonna try that tomorrow. Have bacon.

>>21517582
Too many words
Poached eggs easy
Vinegar in lightly boiling water
Spin water with slotted spoon
Drop egg(s) in
Lightly boil for ~3 minutes

>>21517680
Eggs are important as a concept.
OPs egg is not important at all.

>>21517636
>vortex with multiple eggs
Yeah but you drop them in one at a time. If you have good eggs it'll just be doing one after another. It depends on the size of your pot on how you can fit.

>egg membrane
There's a thin part of the egg white that can be strained off through a fine mesh strainer. It's kind of an advanced tip but that's what the pros do. You can also use a tea strainer if you have one to skim the surface of the pot to catch floaties.

>>21517764
Crack all the eggs into a bowl so you can quickly drop them in one at a time. Really helps with making sure they have the same cooking time

behold my baked egg

>>21517690
That looks good. What is that sauce? Hollandaise?

>>21517781
Horrifying

>>21517529
>>21517621
This does look much better, grats dude

>>21517798
Thanks, and you betcha!
Luv me tates
Luv me 'ollandaise
Luv me bacon
Shrimple as
To use the parlance of our times

>>21517781
gg

>>21517781

>>21517781

>>21517839
fucking weird nerd faggot fuck off

>>21517781
I raise chickens, I kill and eat them. I eaten more eggs than any person on this board.

How the fuck did you turn it green? I'm not joking
I know over boiling an egg leaves a green ring but how did this happen?
I've never seen this before.

>>21515709 (OP)
I love eggs. I have them in some form every single day.
I can't stand poached eggs.

i love a poached egg

>>21518428
>What is a shadow
You ate so much eggs you became bird brained.

>>21517529
This is how mine usually come out. I think this about as “beautiful” as they get.

>>21517653
the bottom is over cooked.

just drop the eggs in boiled water off the heat and cover until done. wall-ah.

>>21517636
>multiple eggs

I’m lazy and usually crack two eggs into a bowl, then pour them in once I have the vortex going. They come out fine.

>>21517912
LOL you're the fuckin nerd kek cry pussy

>>21518464
A shadow of what? What is casting the green?

>>21518464
Is the glass pan casting it?
I'll keep smashing eggs. I swear to God.

>>21518509
looks grubbin. drop an egg on that bitch.

>>21518491

>>21518517
I usually time it so the egg gets poached in perfectly while the noodles are cooking, but I didn't have eggs at the moment

>>21518526
i'm a egg farmer. i always have eggs.

>>21518526
Where are you!??!?

>>21517781
You've outdone yourself this time, sir.

>>21518701
>>21518533
I actually have like 2 dozen eggs in my fridge they've just all gone bad because I'm busy remodeling the house and tending the garden

>>21518505
>>21517778
thanks this was a good tip, tried 2 today and they came out ok, one was pretty food shape

bonus noodle gif for the egg help, thanks guys

>>21518464
>>21518428
hes right. the lighting in my kitchen makes all the shades look green for some reason. check out my pizza crust here.
anyway, >>21517781 i made the eggs like this for egg salad so i wouldn't have to PEEL and they came out perfectly

>>21519455
Why are you cutting open your egg with a block of wood?

>>21519517
hmm, maybe don't take food pics in that kitchen. pizza looks snot filled.

Baked eggs for that purpose makes so much sense though. Did you have to use a lot of (or any) grease? also how long and what temp? I likely will never need this technique, but if I ever do I definitely want to use it - especially if I have guests just to throw them for a loop

What do you guys do with the eggshells?

A month ago some of my tomatoes had blossom end rot, so I was looked online and it suggested making Eggshell Tea.
It actually worked

>>21519534
uhh i think it was this recipe that i followed. not for the egg salad but for cooking the egg
https://mariasmixingbowl.com/no-peel-egg-salad/
damn ur making me insecure about my pizza now

>>21519452
Something is still a little off
Either need slightly more heat or slightly more vinegar
Post a video of them boiling

>>21519575
huh, neat.

and pizza is good, that one doesn't look green yet

>>21519578
I'm max egg'd today, will try that tomorrow.
>>21519529
Because rectangles are powerful even if lacking in elegance.

>>21517781
10/10

>>21515808
Clearly they stared at the eggs in an inappropriate manner.

coddled eggs are easier to cook and look better

>>21519420
They may not be bad.
Put them in water. If they float don't use them.
If they sink eat em.

It's called egg float. I've had eggs last unrefrigerated for a month.
I've had some in the fridge last 6-8.

On average 2 weeks without washing on the counter and 3 months in the fridge unwashed.
Always put washed eggs on the fridge and if you wash em deduct 1 month.


Egg float is king. Float is bad. Sink is eat.
I give out these cute little cards with my products.

>>21519896
Yup i tested them a while ago. They didn't even sink a little

>>21519899
Eat them anyway.

While I'm here
I have eggs.
Endless endless eggs. I need decent recipes or something simple to do that isn't just scrambled eggs or using them in meatloaf or for fried chicken.

I got so many fucking eggs..... I love pizza and chili dogs and stringy chicken and bbq and all the shit that isn't eggs
What can I make with eggs?

>>21519517
I'm not knocking your eggs. I just didn't know why they were green.
So it's just lighting or something in your kitchen. You got like a green screen over your lights rofl

Thanks for humoring me. I was like "bro, how did he do that..."

>>21515709 (OP)
thats not poached, its devastated.

I don't get the appeal. It's literally inferior to soft or hard boiled, scrambled, sunny side up/down, literally every variant of egg there is. And it's more hassle and good chance for total failure.

There's literally zero advantages. So why?

>>21515709 (OP)
Looks like my jizz when it hits the water in the shower.

>>21515709 (OP)
eww

>>21517529
Yeah, you have to trim it. The perfect looking poached eggs you get at restaurants are trimmed.

>>21515811
Did it this way everytime and never had an issue.

>>21520103
For me its because I eat noodles very often after work. I can use the boiling water to be used to boil the noodles to poach an egg really quick which let's me make the meal with only one pan and only adds like 60 seconds to the total cooling time.
Used to just fry the egg in separate pan, but this is slightly healthier and much quicker.

>>21519578
noodle video came out too big for 4chin
Used >>21517764 advice and got rid of goo with strainer. actually happy with them now

>>21521832
That's a good one

>>21520361
Drink more water.

>>21515709 (OP)
authentic british cooking