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Thread 21560366

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Anonymous No.21560366 >>21560376 >>21560386 >>21560491 >>21560575 >>21560673 >>21560726 >>21560729 >>21560921 >>21561041 >>21561333 >>21561838 >>21563101 >>21563281
What foods and drinks will make me violently shit myself?
Anonymous No.21560376
>>21560366 (OP)
Buttermilk and saurkraut,make sure to add something fatty like grilled sausages
Anonymous No.21560384 >>21560389 >>21560424 >>21560426 >>21560549 >>21561283
In high school I needed to pass a drug test last minute for a job interview. I looked online and found a suggestion was to drink a jar of pickle juice a few hours before I needed to drop. I ended up so badly glued to the toilet I couldn't even make it to the interview and didnt get another chance.
Anonymous No.21560386 >>21560504 >>21561041
>>21560366 (OP)
1 pound of sugar-free gummy bears
1 quart of vegetable oil
Antibiotics
Moldy food
Food contaminated with E.coli or Salmonella

Add capsaicin-rich foods if you wanna go the extra mile
Anonymous No.21560389 >>21560424 >>21560549
>>21560384
this happened to me years ago. Took the same advice, oops pooped, ended up duck walking out of the grocery store after leaving a full cart in the aisle.
Anonymous No.21560399
I ate a bunch of raw oats for breakfast and shit my pants at a Cub Scout billy cart race.
Anonymous No.21560418
Ipecac syrup enema. For even more fun take a few teaspoons orally before your session with the kid.
Anonymous No.21560424 >>21560785 >>21560838
>>21560384
>>21560389
kek, yeah that was something we'd tell druggies to do because it's funny
pickle juice is for cramps, vitamin B pills for drug tests
Anonymous No.21560426
>>21560384
>high school
You silly kid. Just because you take the test doesn't mean you fail. You have to be using drugs to fail. You would have been fine just taking it. Also, saying that you were breaking the law is against 4chan rules so...
Anonymous No.21560491
>>21560366 (OP)
eat one flake of epsom salt dissolved in water
Anonymous No.21560504 >>21560539 >>21560621 >>21560843
>>21560386
Sugar free gummies are the way. They're a fucking laxative in all but name and they're so easy to eat.
Anonymous No.21560539 >>21560574 >>21560600 >>21560732 >>21560843 >>21561041
>>21560504
Thank you I haven't shit in almost two weeks I hope this works
Anonymous No.21560549 >>21560567 >>21565236
>>21560384
>>21560389
that's just salt water. same thing will happen if you happen if you ingest a lot of ocean.
t. ingested a lot of ocean when i was like 8 at the beach to piss my mom off then ended up crying on the toilet for 4 hours and dangerously dehydrating myself
Anonymous No.21560567
>>21560549
OP got his answer. Seawater.
Anonymous No.21560574 >>21560621 >>21560843
>>21560539
Watch the LA Beast eat sugar free gummy bears for inspiration

It's a true internet classic
Anonymous No.21560575 >>21560576 >>21560606
>>21560366 (OP)
Marshmallows, slightly frozen. When inserted into the rectum will cause uncontrollable shits. This is due to the main ingredient being glycerin. You could also go to the pharmacist and get the same thing as a pill.
Anonymous No.21560576 >>21560587
>>21560575
I'd also like to mention this isn't a fetish thing haha
Anonymous No.21560587 >>21560593
>>21560576
you're fetish isn't ass napalm? that's crazy
Anonymous No.21560593 >>21560614
>>21560587
OH MY FUCKING GOD I USED THE WRONG YOUR OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE guys I promise that's not like me
Anonymous No.21560600
>>21560539
go see a gastroenterologist right now and do a colonoscopy to check for colon cancer
Anonymous No.21560606
>>21560575
ya but what do I eat first?
Anonymous No.21560614 >>21560617
>>21560593
this is literally shitposting no need to proopread.
Anonymous No.21560617
>>21560614
still i'm embarassed
Anonymous No.21560621 >>21560843
>>21560504
>>21560574
This.
Sugar free Harbio has probably killed a few people.
Anonymous No.21560673
>>21560366 (OP)
raw chicken
a gallon of tallow
these worked for me
Anonymous No.21560699 >>21560808 >>21561427
As a followup to OP's question, what should I eat in order to give myself the most vile, heinous farts imaginable for an extended period of time? I want to punish my coworkers and make them stay away from me because they're really annoying.
Anonymous No.21560726
>>21560366 (OP)
Anonymous No.21560729
>>21560366 (OP)
These are the final word in violently shitting yourself
They make sugar free haribo look like a joke
Anonymous No.21560732 >>21560752
>>21560539
DO NOT TAKE LAXATIVES. you have an impacted colon and need to go to hospital if this is true.
If you are using opioids you may just need some methylnaltrexone (will not cause withdrawals, does not cross blood brain barrier) or colonic irrigation.
Anonymous No.21560752 >>21560755 >>21560791 >>21561041
>>21560732
No it's all good it's been this way my entire life it works itself eventually. It's just kind of annoying.
Anonymous No.21560755 >>21560810 >>21560958
>>21560752
my little brother is like this and literally tore his asshole once
he had to go to the emergency room
best of luck to you
Anonymous No.21560785 >>21561049 >>21561539 >>21563116
>>21560424
OMG that's so heckin funny you are such a cool troll xD
Anonymous No.21560791
>>21560752
Its probably ur diet and not drinking enough liquids. Although some people seem to just be so tense that they struggle to stay regular.
Anonymous No.21560808
>>21560699
Exclusive diet of curry, bean and cheese burritos, and beer/protein shakes
Anonymous No.21560810
>>21560755
Fucktons of people go to the ER over piddly shit. If he didn't have to get stitches under general anesthesia then it was nothing
Anonymous No.21560838 >>21560954
>>21560424
Niacin does nothing for drug tests. It doesn't flush any drug metabolites from your body, and it doesn't interfere with the test methodology at all. Pretty much there's nothing that you can ingest to fuck with even the basic urine drug screens. The only things that would cause false negatives are things that are toxic, or not excreted in a form that would work. You'd have to add them after peeing in the cup. That's why they have the safeguards for the collection. Not saying it's impossible to do, depending on how strict the collection is. Really your best bet is to wake up, pee out your most concentrated urine. Then drink a shit ton of water to dilute your next void. But even that usually gets caught by the SG and creatinine check. That at least buys you a couple days to retest though.
Anonymous No.21560840
Ask your pharmacist for colonoscopy prep
Anonymous No.21560843
>>21560504
>>21560539
>>21560574
>>21560621
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMjgaa5j_LE
Bibbit !!W6ph5Mm5Pz8 No.21560921
>>21560366 (OP)
Honey bun and a dr pepper does me everytime
Anonymous No.21560954 >>21560976
>>21560838
Isn't the point of the B vitamins to color your urine so you don't get flagged for having completely clear urine which is indicative of trying to flush your system with excessive water consumption?
Anonymous No.21560958
>>21560755
>my little brother is like this and literally tore his asshole once
>he had to go to the emergency room
did they believe your story?
Anonymous No.21560970
500 fiber one bars. In one sitting.
Anonymous No.21560976 >>21561064 >>21563087
>>21560954
tl;dr the typical drug test most people get checks for the concentration of things that should normally be in the urine. Color/Clarity is commented on, but isn't a determining factor, the biochemical tests are.

In broad strokes, there's 3 kinds of urine drug tests that you'll do. You go to the ER, and they do a screen to make sure you aren't on any drugs that might interact with other medications. I'm a lab guy, not a MD, so I dunno the actual reasoning behind it, probably some degree on if and what pain meds they might prescribe. And that doesn't get any quality checks to try and figure out if it's a tampered with sample. Then there's the urine chain of custody draws, which is typically what you do for pre-employment or for cause, and it's the exact same testing methodology as the ER screen, but with all the CoC stuff, and they also run an SG and creatinine to check for potential false negatives due to dilution. Typically those samples are rejected and a recollect request is submitted in the report. The ordering location can request getting those pushed through for CG/MS if they wanna pay a bunch more money though. And that testing is the science magic that breaks everything down to the type and number of molecules in it, and there's really no cheating that. You might be able to adulterate it to break down the drug metabolite, but then the foreign substance would be detected as well.
Anonymous No.21561041
>>21560366 (OP)
I wouldn't consider it a driiiink per se, but Pepto-bismol or bismuth milk tastes so fucking tasty to me. It's like metallic strawberry cream. But it's a laxant meant to help with stomach cramps and constipation.
>>21560386
>1 pound of sugar-free gummy bears
Eating a lot of fiber all at once or a lot of prunes will also make you violently shit your colon out 'cause your gut microbiota will just process it too quickly.
>>21560539
>>21560752
You might have a very slow metabolism or some kind of digestive issues, brother. Do you eat enough veggies or fiber? Drink enough water? Do you feel pain anywhere in the abdomen, or heartburn, or have weird symptoms when you poop?
I think it's not normal to have a bowel movement every two weeks. Unless you eat literally air and sunlight...
Anonymous No.21561049
>>21560785
t. seething drug addict
Anonymous No.21561064 >>21561573 >>21562994
>>21560976
>Color/Clarity is commented on, but isn't a determining factor
I've unfortunately been through forced drug testing and the color of your urine is absolutely a determining factor in whether the drug testers will accept the sample or accuse you of trying to flush with water and fail you even if your sample has no drugs in it. Having a sample rejected based on the suspicion of tampering is worse than outright failing the test.
Anonymous No.21561179
Coffee, All Bran, and berries. Picrel looks like pellets, but tastes like wheat bread and it "works."
Anonymous No.21561283
>>21560384
I watched this weird movie once with the Batman guy where he stuck a turkey baster up his urethra and injected someone else's clean piss and semen (I think) up inside so he could eject that first into the testing cup and pass the drug test. As I recall, it worked.
Anonymous No.21561333
>>21560366 (OP)
I once made grilled salmon, smoked cannellini beans, homemade kimchi, and had maybe 3 Old Style tallboys with it. The shit that was taken later was fucking unbelievable.
Anonymous No.21561381
RIP OPs Bussy
Anonymous No.21561427
>>21560699
4 week old potatoes baked in lard
Anonymous No.21561539
>>21560785
Jokes on you chud, I was only pretending to be retarded. Check and mate!
Anonymous No.21561573 >>21562007
>>21561064
That's retarded as your urine should be clear if you're hydrated. I got lucky and apparently my body flushes weed out pretty quickly
Anonymous No.21561838
>>21560366 (OP)
alcohol plus excessive sodium
Anonymous No.21561847
Plain milk because you're a blackskin
Anonymous No.21562007
>>21561573
>working bullshit job that requires random testing for DOT.
>Mandatory random government testing. its a pain in the ass to test X% of the workforce every quarter.
>company decides to do a bulk of them in a day.
>I overhear this from a coworker who'd just been tested
> OHSHIT I edibled this morning and have enough THC in my system to require a months worth of natural flush
>better start drinking water just in case.
>45 minutes later I get the call up
>about 1/2 gallon in me.
>detor on tthe way to the clinic. down another few liters
>blast cup with piss. ponder future employment.
>sample looks watery as fuck
> they take it
>never hear about it again.
Somehow I passed with dilution. I must have hit the sweet spot of watery enough to beat the test, but pissy enough to not flag a reject. This was a Department of Transportation random test, so it was acceptable. Had I been on probation I really doubt they would have taken it. Diluting isnt a fail because people drink water, they'll just ask you to wait and try again with something yellower.
Anonymous No.21562016
No clue about you, but a glass of flavored soy milk leaves through my ass within 15 minutes from drinking it.
Anonymous No.21562994 >>21563074
>>21561064
You just got boned by something that isn't standard practice. The legal side is a whole different bag of worms, but if you had wanted to you probably could have sued about that outcome in court, but who's realistically going to drop 10-20k on a lawyer for that?
Anonymous No.21563074 >>21563087
>>21562994
Most random tests are done in 2 parts which is why they split it in front of you. One is an initial screen, if you pass that congrats. the second looks a lot closer with more advanced lab equipment. This is more expensive for labs, so they only bother if the first one tests positive. It might be different for cops and courts.
Anonymous No.21563087
>>21563074
Yeah, that's what I described here (typo on GC/MS tho) >>21560976
Anonymous No.21563101
>>21560366 (OP)
Eat a footlong black cock with your arse
Anonymous No.21563116
>>21560785
Yeah that's the joke. Stupid fake advice is funny to normal people, bait to retards, and enraging for people stuck in between who aren't in on it.
Anonymous No.21563255
Maltitol. Specifically sugar free jelly belly jelly beans. That was rather unpleasant.
Anonymous No.21563281
>>21560366 (OP)
A good 12 pack of beer and a double espresso in the morning should do it. Works for me.
Cook onion, garlic, Italian sausage then add chicken stock and orzo pasta. Add spinach later. Good stuff.
Anonymous No.21565236
>>21560549
Yeah, osmotic laxatives are mostly salt because they pull water out of your intestines and into your stool which makes it flow better. The prescription laxative I got for my colonoscopy had three different kind of salts if I remember right.